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We have been invited many times to join our friends who are very open to talk about swinging. For years we have laughed the invitations away as something we would never do, I could never picture watching my wife with our friend, I could picture me with our female friend not thinking it could or would happen. Times change, Debbie and I started thinking and then our friends talked us into reading posts on Swingersboard. I posted my thoughts knowing they were reading, using our names changed didn’t hide my posts. They read that we were thinking of joining them Thanksgiving weekend, it didn’t happen. We left the idea open for this week when we returned for Christmas visits to family and friends. If we were going to have any idea of going forward we had to plan a time when our teenage children would not be around for a good amount of time. Our daughter is still friends with her old friends that she new before we moved. They planned a day to go see the holiday lights on Sunday giving us hours to maybe do IT. Kids gone, it was us drinking in the den, just the Christmas tree lights and the TV on. Debbie says guess we have a few hours. I asked are you sure. Even in the low light I could see her red face. To our friends who are reading this, it is my memory, could be mistaken or different way you remember. My gorgeous friend cuddled up to me and rubbed my leg which took away a fear I had, I started to grow, she noticed. I looked over as I saw Debbie’s bra being unhooked under her top. I checked to make sure she was still in agreement, she nodded yes. Sorry, I will continue later.

There are no easy answers. There are a few potentially useful perspectives. 1. Bodies are issued one to a customer. They last a lifetime, no more and no less. 2. Bodies change with time. In youth, we see growth and development. Soon thereafter begin unopposed degenerative changes owing to gravity and use and abuse. We can only control the last two. 3. Use is important. There is a "use it or lose it" aspect to almost every aspect of physiology and anatomy. 4. Abuse is also important. Sun, overwork, toxins distort balance. 5. Humans have three ways of dealing with perceived imperfection: adornment (jewelry, fashion); concealment (makeup, some textiles); and surgery. Sometimes surgery is helpful to address some defect in development, trauma, cancer etc. The use of surgery (here we include botox, fillers, cool sculpting in addition to operative procedures) solely for aesthetics reflects mostly the confidence of the client and not those seeing the client. How others see you sexually is based partly on appearance. But only partly and typically this is only a small part. What you do with your body, and more importantly what you do with your mind, tend to be far stronger drivers of sexuality and sexual appeal than a "perfect body", or face, or nose, or...whatever.

I know women who are 5'6 130 and have a half dozen negative things to say about their body. I know women who are shorter and heavier than that but have no complaints. Sadly, everything is based on the person and not the numbers. And I'm not sure how much a person can change their mindset give it is mainly based on their wiring. I have no idea what you look like. I understand what your SO thinks. He doesn't see the extra weight, he sees his sexy lady. The extra pounds aren't an issue for him (unless you're unhealthy...that would be more of an issue that the appearance). Guys have these self conscious thoughts, though not as much as women do. I have a buddy who is easily 40 pounds overweightbut I've never heard him say anything about it. He works out, eats pretty well but his build matches his father. He knows he'll never be on a magazine cover. He is wired to be a happy-go-lucky, positive guy. I have another buddy who recently lost 35 pounds. He decided to start eating well and looks incredible (6'0 180). He still complains about not being ripped. I've known him for 35 years and he has never been ripped, even when he was super skinny in high school. He just doesn't get super ripped regardless of how much he works out or changes his diet. His wiring makes him quite negative. I've written a few times that 'sexy' is more attitude than looks. The woman with the bad attitude can be the most stunning woman in the world and completely unattractive. You want to 'shoot a man's horse'...start babbling about the extra few pounds you have. I probably fall a little towards the negative side of the spectrum. I don't complain verbally but I think negative. I work hard to look good, to stay in shape...but believe I have an average build. I know many guys who never workout and look like those in the magazines. Genetics. You have to accept that (1) your body is your body - give it the best fuel, workout, etc but there is only so much you can go with the genetics you have, and (2) you only go around once - live life to the fullest with what you have.

Vaguely related anecdote: I work with a submissive, who likes having a male gatekeeper for this kind of thing. A big part of what she's been into is athletic training, and one night while she was out for the last night of a competitive training program, she texted me at the after-party and asked permission to go play with someone who had been very flirtatious for several events and she was into. She gave a coherent explanation of why she was attracted and why she felt safe, as the group knew this person well and his social media checked out. She went to his house, sent me the address where she'd be, and confirmed that she parked on the street where she could get her car out. After about fifteen minutes, I got curious about the scene, so ran the address through Google. The person's name came up on the house, with a wife attached. At first, I was not able to clarify what was going on there and assumed they were divorced since all of his social media was very clear that he was a father, but made no reference at all to a wife. I dropped her a message asking if everything was alright - figuring she'd have her suspicions - and she responded that it was and that there was some light kissing. I still had doubts, and continued to look a little deeper, confirmed that he was definitely married and that this was definitely the marital home - present tense - and sent her a message letting her know and that if she wasn't comfortable with that, she should leave. She did, immediately, and texted me from the end of the block. She felt bad for missing obvious signs that there was something fucky going on in the adrenaline rush after the event and feels that she learned a lesson about trying to play impulsively, but was glad she left when she did - literally seconds before oral sex on the family sofa. In retrospect, it was definitely the case he was concerned that the neighbors would see her car, but was afraid to say so clearly. He also acted "busted" when she checked her messages, looked surprised, and suddenly said she needed to leave, as if he assumed the message might be a warning from a club member. It may also be the case he was keeping his voice suspiciously low because the kids were sleeping in the house. Picking up vanilla men, someone concealing a wife or girlfriend is an assumed risk. If the guy had an arrangement with his wife or not, that is what it is, but she deserved to be told she was in a marital home - where he'd apparently tucked away all the wife/kids stuff while she was out of town - and where anything could have gone wrong. The disrespect implicit in pretending to be single and dragging someone into your family drama (people in the athletic club gossiping, nosy neighbor giving the wife the license plate, wife coming home early with a pistol, a kid coming down the stairs, getting deposed for divorce court, etc.) was unacceptable. It was so brazen - and in front of witnesses - that it didn't cross either of our minds that it might be that type of situation, but is demonstrative of a huge and dangerous character problem. Point is, having a second pair of eyes on that kind of thing is a good idea. We added a couple of new rules to make sure she doesn't walk herself into that again.

I'm perfectly fine with my GF having fun with whoever she wants. She doesn't need to tell me beforehand if she doesn't want to or doesn't have the chance to. We are very open about that.

Dude, brutha or any other fuckin word you use. You have so much to say but you can’t fuckin put a sentence together. Are you a fuckin doctor? Are you Excepting Patients? Duh. Get a fuckin life!

I'm guessing it still usually is - scaring off the customers is bad for everyone - but that it's not at all unheard of for tourists to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. This type of unintentional gang killing of tourists has happened over the years in the Caribbean, as well. With that said, I'm actually a bit surprised on the earlier post about it being presumptively dangerous outside the United States and to choose an option with U.S. jurisdiction. The USVI's crime situation is horrific, even by Caribbean standards. St. John has long been one of the more stable islands for tourists, but still. By comparison, the BVI is quite safe overall. Of course, that could all change at any time, and perceptions of crime are relative to the observer. We all like to think of our own home as safe, and we've usually made a significant investment in it. Tourists are often visiting places in the Caribbean and Latin America that they would never live precisely because they are cheap. If we traveled the same way within the United States, many of us would be harmed here, too. Everybody wants a good deal when it's time for palm trees, but nobody who visits Chicago tries to save a buck by booking a hotel in Englewood. There's a human cost implied in a lot of those package deals, unfortunately.

Let us know how it goes I wanted to touch on a few things you've said; Our society raises us to believe that monogamy is the only right and proper way to be with someone. All of our upbringing regarding relationships teaches us that having sex with someone else outside of your relationship is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. You can't be more wrong than to do that. Cheating is horrible! Except, swinging isn't cheating. Jealousy is real. I used to be a very jealous person when I was in my 20s. I used to get jealous about my girlfriends at the time seeing a male gynecologist. There's an aspect of possessiveness in that. Thing is, jealousy is 99.9% bad. There's a small bit of it that is useful to remind us how much we love someone, but otherwise it's a very dark, damaging emotion. As above, we're taught that someone else wanting your spouse must be bad. We're supposed to be jealous about that. Ok, why? Where does that come from? Is it training and upbringing, or is it really how you feel deep down? I have never felt jealous knowing or seeing my wife having sex with someone else. I love her completely, in every possible way I can imagine, and she with me. We are intensely committed to each other. That love, that sense of togetherness is the basis for why I don't feel jealous when another man is inside of her, I know we'll remain devoted to each other, no matter how good the sex is with the other guy. So, to the question of is there a reason to not feel it's wrong? Absolutely. As my wife and I got into swinging, it rather amazed me just how much I enjoyed watching her enjoy another man. As mentioned, I wasn't jealous. I was actively turned on by it, and remain so to this day many years later. I delight in hearing her relish another man inside of her, I enjoy watching her move with him, and I love how happy it makes her to have another man, how incredibly turned on she becomes. For quite some time I attempted to explain to myself why it was I should take delight in this when all of my upbringing said this is wrong. I stopped trying to explain it, and just accept it. For me, my wife having sex with other men is a fantastic experience, and I am ever so glad that we went down this road. Because of many reasons some of which are; it doesn't just break society's standards...it flips the table completely over. People can't wrap their brains around it, and immediately decry it. People presume swingers are disease ridden filth mongers, without a care in the world about their personal health. People presume swingers are the gutter of society, the absolute dregs. It's so bad that people are far more accepting of cheating than they are of swinging. Cheating contains an edge of knowing it's wrong, and knowing that it's just an aberration, not something regularly accepted so society's rules are still in play. I have a friend who knows my wife and I are swingers. This friend has been in a long term affair with a married man whose wife does not know. This friend is against what I am doing with my wife, but accepts herself having the illicit affair. Go figure. As to the dregs of society; nothing could be further from the truth. Go into a grocery store of an evening; the mix of people you see are the same mix of people you see in swinging. There isn't a "type". My wife and I once played with a couple where the husband was the provost of a major university, one of the 20 largest universities in the country. But, the judgements persist. This is one of the reasons why it's almost always a bad idea to propose swinging to friends who (so far as you know) are not swingers themselves. They will judge, and judge harshly. In your case, your friends are already swingers of course. Not necessarily. Swinging isn't for everyone, and not swinging doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It doesn't work for some people, and it shouldn't ever be forced along. It's a team thing; you do it together, and the one coming along to the idea the slowest is the pace at which things should proceed...if they proceed at all. But consider this oft used metaphor in swinging; if all you ever had was vanilla ice cream, you'd die happy having that as your only flavor. Ice cream would be good, a treat, something you relished. You would also miss out on the many exquisite flavors of ice cream in the world, none of which by partaking would ever reduce your appetite for vanilla. Some couples don't like the idea of their spouses being right there, watching. Some couples play separately for this reason. But, the large majority of couples play together. If you get into swinging, It's likely you will find you enjoy watching your spouse having sex. Also, you may find your attention rather drawn away by the person you're playing with My wife has had a couple of long term boyfriends over the years. As such, she has had many solo dates where she goes to them for a date followed up with a nice long sex session with them. She loves having me in the room with her when she's playing, but also enjoys playing solo as it provides an opportunity to focus solely on her lover. It's a different experience. I love hearing all about it when she comes home while I make love to her. It's a wonderful experience, but not something I think most couples should so when first getting into swinging. When my wife and I first got into swinging, this was a concern of ours as well; what sort of impact would this have on our marriage? Was there potential for harm? Worse, potential for irreparable harm? We did our own investigations, part of which was here on this board. What we found was that about 70% of marriages are improved by getting into swinging, about 28% no effect, and 2% harmed. This was partly based on something we read back then (around 2008). We also felt that if our communication was strong, and we did things as a team, that there wouldn't be any harm, and if there were we could always back away from it and brings things back to center for us. It was a bit of a calculated risk, but we felt that the potential pluses far outweighed the potential negatives. We made the right decision for us. Our marriage was very strong before we got into swinging, and it only got stronger as we got into it. I would venture to guess that the first time for most men results in performance issues to one degree or another. I know that was the case for my first time. The woman I was with was wonderful in so many ways. I really enjoyed her. But, the experience was very overwhelming, being with a new woman for the first time in ten years and also transfixed by my wife's experiences right there next to me on the bed. Mr. Happy was not entirely cooperative that night. We played with the same couple a month or so later, and there were no problems. It's normal. Don't get worked up about it. *You* could freak midway too My wife and I had a lot of rules at first. All of them are gone now, except for one which is apropos to this. It's the golden parachute clause; if either of us feels something is wrong and they must end the evening, we need only say so. The other of us will agree complete, we'll politely exit the scenario and then discuss it in the car on the way home. We've never had to use that, but it's a comfort knowing it's there. The only time I started to feel a slight bit like that was in an MFM where the other guy put his hand on my wife's neck while he was having sex with her. He wasn't choking her really, but it worried me. I was razor sharp focused on my wife's experience and she seemed to be very much enjoying it all, so I didn't put a stop to it. My wife later said it was unusual for her, but it didn't alarm her. You might consider a similar clause; it empowers both of you, and leaves both of you feeling like a situation won't get out of control. This is critically important. Everything I'm reading from you indicates you are communicating very well, which is crucial for successful swinging. -- I hope everything is going well for you, regardless of your decision to play or not!

Tits like to flash I like to show her off have for 40 years

Getting ready to meet our friends again and Debbie did a clean shave then asked me to shave my scrotum. While I had my razor very carefully cleaning she suggested I clean up between my butthole and balls. Never knew it bother her.

The problem arises when you are more of a meat and potatoes kind of person, and you find out your swinging partner is a vegan!!

I don't fantasize about getting pregnant, it's just the thought of a living part of a man (or two or three) swimming around deep inside of me. (I do indeed, however, rub my hand on my abdomen when thinking about it.) And since I have intercourse regularly, this is my normal situation. Like now - I am certainly hosting the living sperm of David and Red from earlier today, and most likely still those of Frank from Thursday. The idea that Clair and Lora are too gives me a sense of satisfaction as well. It is the consequence of my Catholic school upbringing, where sex ed ("Family Health") was taught from the biological level. So when I thought of sex with a guy my mind focused on his sperm. That's also why I admire a guy's testicles over his penis. It is also why I insist (mostly, anyway) that he ejaculate in my vagina. I will suck dick, but he has to put it in my pussy to come, and he can put his penis in my bum, but only after his first ejaculation into my pussy. This thinking has made me scrupulous about birth control.

My wife has an exhibitionist streak, but we limit it to where we are, do not publish on the internet. We are senior swingers, but my wife is in the top 1% of people her age for body fitness. Once she strutted naked through a living room full of dressed people at a house party and another woman her age said to my wife “I want to kill you.”

But thats not entirely true, i am still trying to process everything. That. Tell her that. The key to successful swinging, to success in relationships in general IMO, is open, honest communication. Be honest. Tell her what you just told us. Don't be confrontational, or aggressive or angry because it doesn't sound like you are. Just be honest about what you think and what you feel.

"Confront" Claire is probably the wrong word. I think you and Claire need to discuss this issue privately before this dilemma become a major problem. In your words, the sex was fantastic and there were no jealousies, just good clean fun. The four of you were all together at a timeshare and for the first time your were in separate rooms. Comfort levels were relaxed for all four of you. It's easy to see how this situation could happen. It could easily have been you getting a blow job while Claire and Tony were sleeping. You and Claire should be able to discuss this privately and possibly set some new ground rules that would fit into everyone's comfort levels. The four of you have obviously been having a good time exploring new things together or you all wouldn't have been staying at the timeshare together. You need to explain your feelings to Claire - privately and calmly.