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Trainwreck. Swing with swingers. We are very open minded, but with maturity, I no longer think that bachelor or bachelorette parties should feature extramarital sex. It is sort of antithetical to the concept of marriage. Go out to dinner, a sporting event, gamble, drink, have fun. If the couple wants to become swingers later, that’s fine. It’s not for everyone. I have a vague recollection of the last bachelor party that I attended. There was a stripper there. She may have been up for sexual activities. But most of us were newly married and we pinned ourselves to the wall far from the stripper. Very uncomfortable.

I think the best man's confusion says it all. There would definitely be people at the party who are weirded out and deeply confused, rather than thrilled. Some things just need to be discreet.

I agree with you. We've never really had any emotional issues with single men but we've definitely had those issues with couples who weren't experienced in swinging. I think this scenario isn't going to work. The thought then was can we do it after the party in a more discreet/ safe setting with fewer people. Right now I think I am just going to try to let this thing die altogether.

We strongly believe that you shouldn't ever swing with friends because if (or when) something goes wrong, EVERYONE knows...other friends, family, co-workers, everyone. We even feel stronger about swinging with people who aren't swingers...they aren't prepared for the emotions and everything else that happens. Finally, once other significant others find out what happened, they will have a face to be angry with and probably want revenge. This can destroy more than one relationship here. So you say your GF has a rep of being a slut...there is a HUGE difference between being thought of or called a slut and having stone cold proof. Nobody likes to spread gossip more than a bunch of upset women, especially if there is no doubting that it is true. This might be fun to think about and maybe even fantasize about, if it is a fantasy she would like to make happen, go to a swingers club and make it happen somewhere that is safe and controlled with people who understand what is happening and won't want to 'hook up' or try to make her do it again in the future. Please don't let her go here, there is NOTHING GOOD that will come out of it.

It's often been said here that it is not a good idea to try to make a swinger out of a friend. It's sage advice. You stand a good chance of ruining that friendship, and also of other people in your social circle knowing, and maybe even your family or job. Think carefully about this. People are extremely judgmental of swinging. As we've seen from many posts on this forum, people will accept the idea of cheating LOOOONG before they will accept the idea of a spouse playing with permission. It's illogical, but it's how society generally reacts. For my part, if I went over to the house of a couple with whom I were friends, and the wife changed into pajamas that were a bit revealing, I absolutely wouldn't know what to think. I damn sure wouldn't make any suggestive talk, flirt, or anything that could be construed as an advance. Ok, you'd be doing this to see how your wife felt, and the guy wouldn't know in your scenario. How much of a victim are you making the friend? Is that really a way to treat a friend? Your friend finding your wife attractive doesn't automatically translate as "willing". In fact, it might cause the opposite effect. I would definitely talk this over with your friend before doing anything, and I would reconsider doing this with a friend. There's other ways you can be more risque with your wife. If you want to see how she feels about being a bit more revealing, there's all sorts of attire she could wear while the two of you are on a date. You could experiment with her wearing something risque, and sitting at a bar alone while you were at a table somewhere else. That's just one idea of many I'm sure you could come up with.

I'm with Fitlakecouple on this. This has disaster written all over it in spade and then some. It's often said on this board that it's a bad idea to try to bring friends to the idea of swinging. It's ok to make friends of swingers, but not swingers of friends. It stands a VERY high chance of ruining friendships. Here, in this case, you've got a 'chance' to ruin friendships with a whole circle of friends. Your GF will forever have a reputation among your circle of friends, and it won't be a nice one. There will be judgment and contempt, even from those who have sex with her. They will laugh about what a wild night it was, and what an absolute slut your GF is. She will never be just another person at any other gathering that includes any subset of those friends in the future. She will be an object, and not much more. I'm quite sure the wife-to-be will be extremely upset about the whole thing when she founds out (and she will). There will also be a lot of people who do not attend this party who will know about this night, and may well include people whom you 'd rather they didn't know. I'm sorry, but even though your GF is 100% onboard with this, this is the sort of thing that nightmares are made of.

My wife and I are exploring the LS now that we are retired. We've had a lot of great conversations and a lot of great sex surrounding finally bringing this to the forefront of our relationship. We were trying to decide how to best dip our toes in the water and thought about going to a club while on vacation. While listening to some podcast's, Naughty in New Orleans was mentioned, we did some research and decided this might be the best way so we signed up. We vacillate between being excited and terrified. It feels like we're diving into the deep end of the pool because at this point we'd just be comfortable watching. Is this acceptable? We'd love to talk to people and experience the atmosphere but don't want to lead people on or give anyone false expectations. Mrs. Fun is very outgoing and social so she is really looking forward to this, I on the other hand am more reserved and this will push me out of my comfort zone (not a bad thing). Mrs. Fun is a social drinker and likes the "buzz", and I don't drink, not because I have a problem, I just never found anything I liked. Will I feel completely out of place? Last question, should we post a profile on one of the sites and attempt to meet a couple for a meet and greet prior to NIN so we have a little experience prior to going? I had one other post on this forum and got great responses, again we're excited and terrified, which I suppose are the opposite ends of the same emotion.

My only carte blanche permission is Salma Hayek, so if that situation ever arises... Anyway, it's funny what you said about verifying. One of the rules I laid out for the submissive was that if she wants to do that, even if she believes she knows the person's situation from prior talks (as she did in the incident at the guy's house), to drop me the full name to do a satisfactory check online before agreeing to leave with anyone. (She knew his name and that guy's social media would not have revealed the existence of a wife, he's making an effort to lie and this could have easily happened to any vanilla single woman, but again, a second pair of eyes can't hurt.) Fast forward a few months, she wants to try hotel bars again. Someone sits with her very quickly. She really enjoys the conversation. There's some extremely mild innuendo and flirting. An hour later, she's ready to do her thing, but they've kept it light and never got to last names. "By the way, my last name is XXX. What's yours?" She passes me his answer to check. "Vandelay." After confirming that - as expected - he didn't exist, she was already messaging that he was acting weird now and she assumed he was lying. I had to explain it was a famous Seinfeld joke about fake names.

Taking what he says as truth and taking things slowly and deliberately are not mutually exclusive. How many times in other areas of life do we hear what is said, but misinterpret what it means? How many times have we said something that , while the truth, inadequately expresses what we mean? Taking things slowly expresses respect for yourself, your marriage , and your husband. It may be difficult but self discipline is a healthy habit. This has served us well.

EastInWest, that's a fantastic post! I wish I could like it a thousand times. It really goes to show some of the problems that can happen. My wife plays with single men sometimes. But, we try very hard to ensure they truly are single. We will not play with people who are playing without permission. If they say they are married, but playing with permission, we insist on talking with the spouse to verify it. This has happened a small handful of times, and each time they balked. I.e., playing without permission...part of the 30-40% that are creeps that I mentioned in another post today. My wife and I do not have carte blanche permission to play, with two exceptions (*). We have an open marriage, and very much enjoy it that way. But, play partners are to be vetted, and we do not play without the other one knowing. Like you EastInWest, if we're playing solo our other half knows where we are, when we're getting there, how long we might be, and check in just before we arrive and just after we leave. We (almost...there was one time which worked out, but she contacted me before hand) never play solo with someone we've not met and vetted before. (*) - my wife has permission to play with a man we've known for 20 years. He's quite happily married, and has never given us any reason to believe he's in anything other than a strictly monogamous marriage. My wife would absolutely love to play with him. It will never happen. But, I've told her she doesn't need my permission if, by some massive stroke of luck, she finds herself in such a situation where he's willing and his wife agrees, and for some inexplicable reason she can't contact me in the moment. That's the only carte blanche permission she has. For my part, my carte blanche permission is with a woman I dated long before I met my wife. She and I remain very close (and my wife knows and approves, and even told her as much). This woman is single and knows I'm available and willing to play if she so desires. She's heard it directly from my wife. It hasn't happened, and won't happen, but if by some stroke of luck a situation evolves as above with my wife's carte blanche, I too have carte blanche in that situation There are risks in the lifestyle. My wife and I are not willing to risk each other just to have sex with other people. It's not worth it. There are many rewards in the lifestyle. There are dangers too, and if you're not careful it can be quite dangerous.

Hey NTCYLF. Heck of an acronym 🤣😂 I respectfully somewhat disagree with cplnuswing. It's true there are single males on swinger sites that are creeps, and just in it to get laid. They're there for the wrong reasons. But, my wife and I have found a number of single males who were keepers; non-creeps who were respectful and kind to her. She kept two of them as long term boyfriends spanning years. At a rough estimate, I'd say it was 30-40% men who were in it for the wrong reasons and/or didn't understand their role. The proportion of men on 'vanilla' dating sites that are creeps is MUCH, MUCH higher. One way you can help filter out such creeps; on whatever swinger site you post a profile, bury something in the text of your profile, midway in a paragraph, that says something like "If you've read this far, let us know at the top of the email you send us." If they don't let you know, you know they didn't read your profile and aren't investing any time in learning about you and whether you might be a good match. They just filtered themselves out. Don't respond, delete, block, and move on. On being some distance from major cities; ok this can be a challenge. But, going to a city some distance away isn't a panacea to solving problems with running into someone you know. There's lots of stories on this forum about people doing just that; they come from Outbackville, drive two hours to Megaville thinking it'll be all anonymous, and they run into Jim and Jane from Outbackville. A version of this sort of happened with my wife and I. We don't live in Outbackville, but a small city. We connected with a couple on SLS from an hour and a half away, and spent some time with them including going to a swingers club about 2 hours away from us. Turned out, they were very good friends with a co-worker of mine, whose office was just one floor away from mine. That led to some uncomfortable conversations with my co-worker about how we met the couple. <gulp> Moral of the story; you never know. Mostly though, if you're out on a date to enjoy some swinging and you run into someone you know...what's to lose? They have revealed themselves to be swingers as well. What are they going to do? Go home to Outbackville and tell Bob Smith "Hey Bob, you'll never guess what happened! I was at a swing club and I ran into Sally and Mike!" NOBODY would start such a conversation. It's gossip that would never be told. If you run into Jim and Jane from Outbackville while you are out, but are not at a swingers club or on a swinger meet up with another couple or single, how would Jim and Jane know you're on a date to swing? They wouldn't. There's another aspect to this too. You would likely be surprised at just how many swingers are in your area. My wife was astonished. She thought, in our town of ~60k, there would be maybe 10-20 swingers at most. It's actually hundreds. Take any group of 50 couples, and it's likely that at least 1-2 if not 3-4 couples are swingers. It's a lot more common than people think. If your rural area within 25 miles of you has a thousand couples, as many as 60-80 of those couples could be swingers. Setup a free profile on the various swinger sites mentioned by others above. Do searches. See which swinger site returns the most results for your area. That will tell you which swinger site is likely the most popular in your area. That's the one you sign up for with a paid profile. As mentioned, an unpaid profile won't attract as much attention. Also; if you try to connect with single males, don't connect with single males who don't have a paid profile. That's another creep filtering mechanism. As to others respecting your rules; I think you will find that any couples or singles (who are legit) will be very respectful of your rules. As swingers, we know rules are important for people, and need to be respected..else play isn't going to happen or it's going to be a train wreck and who wants that? Let us know how it goes!

You can't My wife and I have been on this forum for well over a decade now. The regulars here are a great bunch of people, and are very happy to help out new people in the lifestyle. It's possible my wife and I would not have gotten into swinging if it weren't for this forum. That's not to say it convinced us into it, but rather that without the help of the people here a lot of our questions would likely have gone unanswered. I know for our parts we try very hard to return the favor. Mmmm...I think he's every bit as eager as you are, just not in the way you want/expected. It sounds to me like he's very eager for you to have as much sex with other people as you want. As I mentioned before, I think he enjoys compersion. I suspect he's looking forward to the next time you have sex with someone else, whether he's there or not. I don't think the hurtful aspect of this is what he meant at all. I would take him at his word. If I never had sex with another woman other than my wife again, and my wife had sex with a hundred more men along our journey, I would die a happy man. I very much enjoy her having sex with other men. I think your husband is likely the same. He knows how much you want this, how much you want to have sex with other men and women. It sounds to me like he relishes the idea, and wants to support you in doing so. Him having sex with other people isn't as important to him. Don't evaluate his fervor in this based on your own aspirations. My wife and I interacted with a couple some years back where the wife didn't play...at all. She actively worked to find playmates for her husband. She very much enjoyed being in the same room and watching him have sex with other women. She and I communicated for a while, though we never met. We joked a few times about the conversations we would have watching our spouses have sex with each other. Some spouses just aren't as interested in playing, but very much want to see their spouses play. It's ok. There's no one flavor that applies to all swingers. That's why we refer to ourselves as anything other than 'vanilla' Your husband sounds like he knows what he wants, just as much as you know what you want. Your wants are different. It's enough for him to watch or hear about you having sex with other people, and less interesting for him to have sex with others. That's ok. It doesn't mean he's not as equally into this as you are, he's just coming at it from a different set of wants. The way you avoid that is continual communication, and absolute 100% honesty about your innermost emotions and thoughts. It's not the act of sex with someone else that is likely to cause pain. It's your relationship not being in the right place for it. I doubt, from what little we know from your posts, that your relationship isn't in the right place for it. Share everything with your husband, and ensure he's sharing everything with you. Take him at his word. Understand; if he says something, especially if it's a deep, heartfelt thought/emotion, and you don't think what he says to be what he says it means, it's a form of distrust. That can actively undermine his ability to share his innermost thoughts with you. "Wow. I shared something very deep for me, and she's struggling to believe me!" Flip that around; if he were to struggle to believe something very deep for you, do you think you'd be more or less likely to share something equally deep again? I dare say it's more likely you'd hold back in the future. Try to let go; don't over analyze. Try hard to take in what he says at face value. Sure, ask questions to clarify, but take it on faith he's being 100% open and honest with you. The more you do that, the deeper the lines of communication become, the most trust you will have in each other that you can share everything without concern. You know what's a little scary? You're human. There's a fair chance you'll make some mistakes in this. That's ok. Don't expect perfect. Don't expect to get everything right. Do commit to being absolutely devoted to your husband and to your relationship with him. That, in the end, will make everything right.

Well this is a learning curve. I've now learned another couple of words. :) My biggest fault... sigh... That is the plan. I'm not ready to go alone yet despite it having already happened with that couple, Oh I will be... little Ms Research here will probably annoy the hell out of you.

Hey So we are progressing. We are looking for our first experience to be something specific. My wife would prefer a couple vs a single guy or girl which is ok with me as we both believe he would behave better with his partner there. What my wife wants is to go out, have some fun, flash her pussy (she likes that), and then go back. Starting with the female, she wants to kiss and make out, slowly undressing to finally getting some pussy action (she's wanted it for a while). Then the guy can get involved by dick teasing her pussy and slowly entering her. Then fuck her while she eats her pussy. I won't get involved until after they have finished. I guess our major thing now is finding the couple, someone we both like and are willing to follow some basic rules. We don't live near any major cities which makes it more difficult. We are very excited though, the thought of seeing my wife getting fucked by another guy is hot, even more so if she is eating pussy at the same time. For her, she is excited to feel another dick fuck her and taste pussy while I watch

Why am I thinking about Jurassic Park? "Keep absolutely still. The hotwife's vision is based on movement."

Well as far as my friends finding out and my GF's reputation of being a slut among our circle of friends that ship has already sailed. I had this conversation with my GF a long time ago when she was originally letting my friends take pictures and videos of her. I told her those were going to get passed around and they immediately did. She doesn't regret it and still does it and she says it turns her on. She is not a very discreet person and that is by choice. Does she have a slutty reputation among my friends? Yes. Does it turn her on? Yes. Does it bother me? Not really. It is something that can get discussed at lengths from time to time in social settings which can be annoying but is sometimes also hot when they share some of the stories about her. If the wife to be found out that wouldn't be good. I know her and that would immediately be the end of the wedding. However my GF's thought process is that just because she would be sexually available it doesn't mean the groom has to have sex with her. But I know my buddy and I have a gut feeling he is going to. Like I said this might work as part of some after party following the bachelor party with a small group of guys who are in the know but it's too risky in this setting.

What a great way to ruin the wedding and a friendship at the same time. Let us know how it turns out!

Vaguely related anecdote: I work with a submissive, who likes having a male gatekeeper for this kind of thing. A big part of what she's been into is athletic training, and one night while she was out for the last night of a competitive training program, she texted me at the after-party and asked permission to go play with someone who had been very flirtatious for several events and she was into. She gave a coherent explanation of why she was attracted and why she felt safe, as the group knew this person well and his social media checked out. She went to his house, sent me the address where she'd be, and confirmed that she parked on the street where she could get her car out. After about fifteen minutes, I got curious about the scene, so ran the address through Google. The person's name came up on the house, with a wife attached. At first, I was not able to clarify what was going on there and assumed they were divorced since all of his social media was very clear that he was a father, but made no reference at all to a wife. I dropped her a message asking if everything was alright - figuring she'd have her suspicions - and she responded that it was and that there was some light kissing. I still had doubts, and continued to look a little deeper, confirmed that he was definitely married and that this was definitely the marital home - present tense - and sent her a message letting her know and that if she wasn't comfortable with that, she should leave. She did, immediately, and texted me from the end of the block. She felt bad for missing obvious signs that there was something fucky going on in the adrenaline rush after the event and feels that she learned a lesson about trying to play impulsively, but was glad she left when she did - literally seconds before oral sex on the family sofa. In retrospect, it was definitely the case he was concerned that the neighbors would see her car, but was afraid to say so clearly. He also acted "busted" when she checked her messages, looked surprised, and suddenly said she needed to leave, as if he assumed the message might be a warning from a club member. It may also be the case he was keeping his voice suspiciously low because the kids were sleeping in the house. Picking up vanilla men, someone concealing a wife or girlfriend is an assumed risk. If the guy had an arrangement with his wife or not, that is what it is, but she deserved to be told she was in a marital home - where he'd apparently tucked away all the wife/kids stuff while she was out of town - and where anything could have gone wrong. The disrespect implicit in pretending to be single and dragging someone into your family drama (people in the athletic club gossiping, nosy neighbor giving the wife the license plate, wife coming home early with a pistol, a kid coming down the stairs, getting deposed for divorce court, etc.) was unacceptable. It was so brazen - and in front of witnesses - that it didn't cross either of our minds that it might be that type of situation, but is demonstrative of a huge and dangerous character problem. Point is, having a second pair of eyes on that kind of thing is a good idea. We added a couple of new rules to make sure she doesn't walk herself into that again.

Yes we are in 60s sooo the bod is not great but I love to watch Tits having sex esp doggie and her huge DDD tits swing back and forth and she is still beautiful and hot

"Not cuckold" is known as 'stag and vixen'. Remember, anyone you run into on a swingers site is there for the same reason you are. IF you run across someone you know, they don't want their 'secret' out any more than you do. It will give you a newfound respect for them and something to talk about if you cross paths in public (and even want to mention it). Finally, we love the idea of weekend getaways...going to the city and visiting a swingers club. It gives you something to look forward to and plan and a pretty good chance of finding exactly what you are looking for. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

Seeing the missus being naughty with other people is my favourite part of the lifestyle.

Welcome to the site! All great advice above. We can relate to a lot of what you said about distance from city, etc., so totally understand. I still wouldn't totally rule out the swingers club trip, even if it takes making it into a long weekend getaway. Beyond that, one of the big online personals sites like SLS, Swingtowns, or SDC is likely going to be part of the solution. You can set up accounts for free, so not a bad idea to try more than one just to see which one you like the best and have the most people on it from your area. Even if you don't want to go for the browsing personals looking for playmates route, those sites are great resources for finding parties and meet and greets. Also worth pointing out that you can set your location to wherever you want it to be on the sites. So if you aren't comfortable swinging anywhere closer than an hour's drive away, just set your location to wherever that is. Unless you tell them, nobody will ever know any different. Personally, we have an "at least two towns over" rule. We won't swing in our community, nor the neighboring one. Get to the third one though, which is a little over an hour away, and it's a medium-sized city. About all of our hookups have happened there. We set our location somewhere between here and there. That way we don't say exactly where we are, and we are close enough to the bigger community to pop up in people's searches for that area. Totally up to you of course, but I might think about reversing that order on getting started. I think you might find it easier with a couple at first. Single female extremely difficult at all times, single males a dime a dozen and the vast majority of them totally clueless on picking up on what their role should be in any given situation. You'll find no shortage of guys ready and willing, but one who sees himself as part of the team and not just in it for himself getting laid, that's going to be nearly as hard as finding a single female. Especially online, the odds of finding a good single male aren't that great because the good ones already have plenty of couples they are friends with, most aren't going to be needing to browse personals trying to find a new couple. Clubs and meet and greets, the odds are better. You still are going to have do plenty of filtering, but starting to make friends with some couples like say at a meet and greet may be a great networking opportunity to get introduced to some great single males. Good luck! It's exciting! I can almost guarantee it will turn out to be way more work and difficulty than you think it will, but once the patience pays off and the pieces fall into place right, it can be awesome

Agreed, "have fun while you can." That said (and I’ve posted previously here on the board about this) a few years ago, when I was in my mid-60s, I played with a couple who were in their mid-80s. It was a new experience for me, playing with people whose bodies were so old, but they were game and it was enjoyable. I later was told by a mutual lifestyle acquaintance that they had been swinging since before that was a term. And that on their night they had staged a post-nuptials orgy — around the year I was born! (As an aside, due to my involvement with the lifestyle I’ve had sex with five women on their wedding nights, only three of whom were my wives…😉😊)

I started my husband with my fingers and he soon graduated to a strap on and he loved it. He says if I had real cock I would fuck 5 times a day! I agree. Next we had a threesome with a guy and I sucked them and rubbed their cocks together and he sucked the other guy with me and we swallowed his load! The next time with him he fucked my hubby and I sucked him as our stud came in his ass he had an orgasm. Now he can’t get enough cock and it so turns me on!

Uuu that weird and wrong! I like it!

My gf loves to suck me while I'm being fucked reverse cowboy

My husband is usually the top but last week I got to finally watch him get taken. I watched while another guy was inside me. The guy was definitely bigger than average so it took a bit of time to get inside him. When my husband got fully erect I took him in my mouth. He came very quickly and so did I - absolutely amazing experience for us. Afterwards he said the guys penis hitbhis p-spot perfectly.

A few thoughts from a guy who enjoys anal sex occasionally. First off I wonder how many of these ladies relish anal penetration & rimming themselves? Perhaps there are some who appreciate 'taking it like a man', maybe sharing the top with their husband or SO. A few years ago I had a lady friend who enjoyed both topping men with her strap on, and receiving. We took turns being the top, which was especially exciting since she could orgasm fucking a man with her strap on. Anyway, are there ladies here who do more than just watch?

We have one couple that we play with regularly that will take it this far with the guys. My husband is the top and I absolutely love watching him fuck. The other guy is gorgeous, shaved and has a perfect small cock. He prefers to lay on his back so we can watch his cock leaking while my husband takes him. His wife and I play while we watch them and usually climax when we see the cum start to flow from him or if my husband pulls out and ejaculates on him. Super hot and super fun!

It’s his decision in the end. Pun intended?

My husband has talked about wanting to suck a dick, and my fantasy always goes farther with wanting to watch him get his ass fucked by another guy. He loves ass play though and I enjoy using a strap-on on him. I really just want to let him experience how good it feels to have a real dick in his ass. I love it and I think he would too. Of course it would be so hot to watch him with another guy. Huge turn on, but I can understand if that’s just my fantasy. It’s his decision in the end.

All I can say if you ever do get the privilege of meeting Joanna Jet you will find she is a super nice person. Absolutely gorgeous perfect 5'4" blonde (usually), just has a 7"+ cock too. And if you ever get as lucky as I was back then to have sex with her you will never ever forget it the rest of you life!!! Absolute best sex I have ever had - and we did everything possible. It was a life changing experience for me.