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Swinging is done with your partner or your partners full knowledge and approval. It's done in the light with honesty, love and respect. Cheating is done in secret, without your partner or their knowledge. It's done in the dark with lies and deception. Can swingers cheat: of course, but once they start cheating, they stop being swingers and start being cheaters.

Cheating happens in any aspect of life at a wide variety of levels. Day to day life, education, work/careers, relationships you name it…..it happens. An interesting conversation recently at a gathering (side note: those involved varied greatly in ages, background and experience in the lifestyle) concerning cheating. It started with a couple active in the lifestyle for just under two years and a meet up they thought they had planned well with an interested couple. Typical result the male showed up and the wife fell ill but said he could go. After dinner and drinks they all decided to play as a threesome. The evening ended well. After a few weeks past they figured out during conversations with the other couple that the wife, although a swinger did not know her husband had met up with them. This started a rather big debate of cheating as a swinger and just where are the lines drawn when it comes to defining cheating. I have to say that although all had issues with cheating it was surprising the variations of what each couple and within that individual thoughts of what they considered cheating and possible response to being cheated on. Also of the dozen or so adults all but a couple had experienced being cheated on while in a relationship at some point in their lives. A few lost relationships as a result. Of the many and varied definitions offered and the wide variety of circumstances I can boil it down to a couple of points. If you are in the lifestyle at any level can you cheat? Can you be cheated on? Absolutely, yes. How do you define cheating or being cheated on? Well that is a loaded question with far to many variables. But I think after listening and participating in this lively conversation I have come up with it: Any activity, conversation, act or meeting that you are not willing to discuss prior to, during or after. That you take steps mild or dramatic to conceal or hide. If it where known would it cause negative results, hurt feelings….great loss…..well that is cheating. Seems a bit simplistic but most every individual, no matter as a couple, had variations that even differed than their SO what they considered cheating and what was workable or a deal killer. what are your thoughts?

“ To me, that’s cheating … during and after too late.

I Googled bisexual as being attracted to both sexes or not having an affinity to one sex over the other. I never thought of myself as a bisexual as never having been attracted to another woman. I don’t remember what flicked my curiosity of what it would be like to touch another vagina. I asked Rocky if vaginas are all different or closely similar, knowing full well vaginas are as different as a nose or a penis. Long story brought us to swinging and me seeing a vagina up close, touching and eventually having oral sex. Swinging and bisexuality was extremely more difficult versus my first sexual experiences. What both had in common was it was me that wanted it. Bill let Debbie talk it out, don’t push. I needed to work it out in my mind that the only thing holding me from trying something new was what others would think, people don’t do that. Why should I care, it’s my thoughts my body. I wanted affirmation from only one person, the person I could hurt if I had sex with someone. The first time is the most difficult part, no pain is involved. My curiosity has opened my thinking and our pleasures. It has also brought us closer to a long time friend who took her curiosity forward because of me. Even though my first was not my friend and I wasn’t hers, we now enjoy our great friendship even more. We already have so much in common, now we enjoying in new ways.

When we joined I couldn’t imagine posting in this section as we had no adventures. Our first and second adventures are now behind us and we are constantly talking about it. Two in our family came home with Covid after our adventure vacation at our friends house. Both Debbie and our daughter are recovering, still am not sure if our daughter had an adventure with our friend’s son, he came down with the virus too. Debbie and I are reliving our first times with our friends and she told me something I may have missed. During our visit we switched with our friends by the light of a Christmas tree. I was able to see enough of what was going on finishing before my friend and Debbie we were able to snuggle as they kept going. When they finished and were just leaning back my partner went over to give her husband a big kiss, then gave Debbie a big hug and kiss and a playful grab of her breast. I heard some low talk and giggles figuring it was just friends happy to be together. What I missed was Debbie had a finger wipe some of the fluid coming out of her and was asked in that little whisper if she would like to have herself cleaned by her tongue. Hence the laugh I heard. Debbie told me it was a short No that led to the giggle. There weren’t any other attempts or requests like that the rest of the week. Now that we are home we are talking, Debbie wants to know if it is normal for the women to play, so I researched on the forum. Some women do, some don’t. It is much less common for men, I have no desire for that. I googled bisexuality and it says attraction to both sexes, Debbie said she isn’t attracted to her friend as a lover. The question is having sex means you are attracted or is having sex just that, having sex. People have oral sex as fun, one person enjoys doing and the satisfaction is making the other person satisfied. The other person enjoys what is being done to them. I said did you enjoy giving a blow job to him, did you enjoy having him eat you, what would be the difference if she went down on you. She said she didn’t know if she could reciprocate, she never did that. It’s just talk right now and it’s fun to talk.

We've kind of wondered how we'd address this if it ever really came up. Mrs. E enjoys women's bodies, possibly enjoys breasts as much as I do. Yet she just likes some playful kissing and touching, sex acts are a bit much for her. No idea how you really categorize that. "Bi-Curious, But Not That Curious"

For the longest time Ms. Gold would say that she was 'bi-friendly' meaning that she didn't mind touching, kissing, etc. the other woman, but has always said that she isn't bi since she isn't interested in having a romantic relationship with a woman other than playing. Out of simplicity, we list her as bi on our profile because she doesn't mind (in fact, she enjoys) playing with the other woman but if the other woman isn't interested in playing, she (we) are fine with that as well. Playing isn't a requirement.

First, just treat it as a vacation. Go into it with no expectations other than having fun and you will always come out ahead. it's probably a good idea to put up a profile and try to connect with others that will be there. That way, you will already know some people before you get there...it doesn't mean that you have to do anything with them, but knowing someone helps make it less intimidating (or terrifying). You won't be leading anyone on. In fact, most swingers always will ask permission before anything happens and understand if you say no to anything. Also, even if you are interested in playing with someone, usually the next question is asking what your limits and boundaries are. Just be truthful and stick with what the two of you have decided in advance and you shouldn't have any problems. I know exactly how you feel...I don't drink for the same reason (and I don't like feeling out of control). My comfort zone used to be very narrow (this has helped expand it greatly). That's why I said to just go and plan on having a fun vacation. Don't put pressure on yourself to try and force something to happen that just might not be there. NJBM's suggestion of visiting a swingers club or meet and greet is a good one...kind of like feeling the water temp before you jump in. The more you realize that most swingers are very friendly, usually extremely polite, and rarely bite (unless you ask), the more comfortable you will feel. You won't have any fun if you are always afraid of what might happen (and afraid of what might not happen) and that might just make you miss an opportunity. Plan on having a fun, one of a kind vacation with the woman you love and everything else is a bonus. Let us know how things go and report back!

You are doing everything a newbie should do by talking before and after as well as giving much thought together before agreeing to going forward. The problem with any sexual adventure as you called it, is there is no going back, you will always have that history and memory. Talking out things afterwards corrects any mistakes you feel were made. Our contacts usually begin where your wife feels your first went. All of the women know there will be touching and more between the women, no surprises as I always prepare the woman before I go forward and wait for a signal that says she is ready. I love that the wife kissed her husband and your wife after, it shows she approved and everything is good. When I see couples give this after kiss I smile knowing there are no bad feelings. Girl play seems to becoming a normal part of swinging but I can’t be the one to say how common. Our swinging was started with girl play being the focus. We only meet people who think they want to explore that pleasure. It is not always a successful thought, too many times the man is urging the girl play, not the woman looking to explore her on sexuality. Tell your wife to consider what it will be, don’t push. It already sounds she is curious if she is talking about it and not shutting down the thought. It sounds you are far enough away from your friends that you can’t just hop in the car for a quick play date. It’s giving you time to think and talk and you stated the talk is fun. Just a thought, they are friends, you know them as people not only as sexual partners, speak to them about your thoughts and your fears. If your wife can speak freely with her friend it might give her more to think about. Let your adventure continue.

Hope you are showering before a few days. When you type and don’t check “wasn’t copious” was what I meant to say. Just a squirt was good too. We are having fun, going home will be back to boring.

You are funny not like the real serious dudes on here also your friends are hilarious with pancake syrup making a pussy a tasty treat. We fuck with lights on because of the man who gets his kicks from watching us. If you fuck with the lights out you can’t see how juicy a pussy is. With all the fretting you had for years looks like Debbie is enjoying your friend she might not want to go home or you may have to buy an EV for the trips you’ll be making.

It's not at all uncommon that couples feel reluctant to fully let go the first time or even the first few times. That's perfectly normal. I'm happy for you that it all went as well as it did! Sounds like a good time was had by all. Keep talking to each other!

Sounds perfect to me. First times are never 200% perfect, always a hiccup or two that you can look back to and laugh. It’s hysterical that your daughter not only called but had to video chat. With all the most perfect part is you went to bed with the most important partner and exchanged what each thought. We hope you will continue to post the beautiful things you have shared.

"Thinking this will be the last time leaving home as a monogamous couple." If you are worried maybe this will help with the mindset. We believe that people conflate two concepts and then use one word incorrectly. The two concepts are Marriage and Sexual exclusivity. The word that is used with a meaning different to what it means is Monogamy. Mono Gameo in Greek means quite literally, I am to married to one. When the two of you are finished with this weekends adventure, remember that you are still married to each other and not to any others. You will no longer be sexually exclusive. The big difference there is there is never any doubt who has your back, for either of you. Who is the person who you consult about decisions? Who is the person who is "Your Person." Who is the one you trust above all others? That is marriage. Sex can and does support marriage don't get me wrong. It is NOT marriage though. Some people differentiate Making Love and having sex as the defining thing as far as sex goes. That is as useful a distinction as any.

Don’t overthink what might happen, just make sure you are both thinking alike. There is only one first time, there is no putting the toothpaste back in the tube. Make a promise to Debbie that you will never hold her actions against her, then ask her for the same commitment. Enjoy your trip and have a Merry Christmas.

Here we go again, hitting the road later today. Thinking this will be the last time leaving home as a monogamous couple. We bought two a few Covid testing kits for the trip. Debbie is acting like this will be it, not much different from the last few times we visited so I don’t know how excited I should be.

Uuu that weird and wrong! I like it!