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For my wife and I, we talked extensively about all sorts of questions, thoughts and feelings. We frequently went back over things we'd previously discussed. This went on for months before we finally dipped our toes in the pool. We eventually got to a point where we felt we'd talked it all out, and nothing remained but to give it a go. Ask every question you can imagine, whether it be to us here or your husband. Talk it out, think it out, feel it out. This is new territory. In our society, we're not raised to understand non-monogamy as a successful relati1144444444444444444444444444444444444444444.....(that was my cat getting in the way!)...monogamy as a successful relationship model. It can take time to wrap your head around the emotions and thoughts. It can take time to feel like this is all 'normal'. But, it can feel very much like that. I don't think there's a time when you can be oversensitive. Listen to yourself. You're speaking volumes in your internal voice. Trust yourself well enough to go that deep inside of you to find out these things about yourself. That journey alone is worth it. If you think your husband is doing something inappropriate, speak your mind.

Sorry if I’m posting too much. Saturday night and snowy and we are home. Me watching football, Debbie watching a movie. Aren’t we romantic. There were thoughts our friends would visit us for the long weekend, we normally travel to our hometown to visit and we were excited to host. Weather and Covid last week made plans change. When Debbie and I agreed last month to see how things go the topic of rules came up. It’s friends, what rules can we think of, our sex is pretty tame, very rare rear sex, we didn’t think that would happen, it didn’t. Kissing, we both laughed, were we really going to say no kissing. We came up with a safe word, NO. We agreed if No was said we would both stop. I knew watching was not going to be as easy as I wanted to believe. I knew what was going to happen, oral sex and penetration. In looking back there were no surprises and it went just like the porn we watched, not really, I’m not porn material. I asked Debbie if anything upset her, I posted before she was taken aback being touched by a woman, it was never forced, all good. Debbie asked me how I felt watching. She knew I was watching after I finished before they did, okay I won’t mention that again, damn he has stamina. I told her, remember when it was daylight and we were all talking and you were touching him and then you slipped down, something I always enjoy, I got to watch you give a blow job. I watched you from a different view enjoying and saw him leaning back watching you. I heard you enjoying doing it and I thought that this was more real sex, not just you letting him stroke in and out of you. Do others feel like me that watching your wife going down and not stopping, taking every drop even more sexual than penetration to completion. I never thought that a blow job would be more difficult to accept. I have no regrets that she did it, I did the same not far from her, I’m sort of happy she didn’t stop, I’m just surprised how I reacted inwardly to that. This game is a blow out , thinking to join Debbie in bed for my own blow out. If you are out in the snow or ice be careful.

I'm out. Let the families get their own party. Why does the mayor feel the need to destroy ours?

That's probably the best question of all. The answer is, I don't know. Which is probably why I am so confused at the moment. It sounds like it could be a lot of fun, but it also sounds pretty scary and intimidating to me. I am not sure what I want....obviously the correct answer is not to jump into anything right now, and that is where I am at. The more answers (and questions) I read here, the more it clarifies to me that I am definitely not prepared for something like this. Obviously I need to do a lot more research and soul searching. This is not anything I ever considered as an option, and while I intellectually understand the possible benefits of the lifestyle, I don't emotionally know how to handle it.

My wife told me half the men she meets never have oral sex at home.

Right now NYT is 18 a year.

He kind of blindsided me with it. I do feel a bit like he had ulterior motives that he never clarified prior to being married, and we have discussed that. However, I don't believe that he is entirely wrong in his desires. For a little background, I tend to "work hard, play hard" and it is not uncommon that some old injuries act up a couple times a year. I am not always able/willing to have sex, and there may even be times when recovery is a month or more. Nor do I want to be someone who withholds sex to use a weapon, but I also don't want to sleep with him when I'm annoyed! There is a part of me that feels some level of relief that his desire is not all on me, and that he really can't complain that I don't put out, when he is welcome to seek pleasure elsewhere! I also wouldn't say I have a lower sex drive, but I have much better control over it. I was celibate by choice for 10 years (not religious, just figuring life out, and wanted no complications), and am very capable of going without. It's not that I don't enjoy it, because I do, but it's a much lower priority for me than for him. The open marriage idea made sense. The uninvited emotions that show up with it? Not so much. lol The swinging thing? I don't know if I want to be involved in that close to home (again with complications), but I am also definitely wondering if I wouldn't enjoy getting out to a resort every once in a while and letting loose. The idea that he could maybe have some fun, and even if I didn't want to partake there's always a beach and food I don't have to cook, is admittedly tantalizing. I do feel like I need a better understanding of what the lines are, and the social norms....which this board has been very helpful with! I am curious about the internal relation with the married couple and exactly what interactions are considered inappropriate. Like where do you draw the line? How uncomfortable is TOO uncomfortable? I am aware that new things feel awkward and weird....so I am trying to figure out when I am being overly sensitive, or if there are times he is approaching things inappropriately and needs to be more understanding about it. Lots to unpack here I think.

Thank you for the welcome - I am elated to find so many nice people who are willing to try and explain and help me navigate this emotional morass! I have been fairly open with him, and he has said flat out that anytime I choose I can stop everything. I am a bit concerned that if I do this, he will resent me, but I also know that if that happens....there are far bigger problems. I think he knows that too, but that's another thing we should probably discuss, hmm? He knows I am nervous about it, and I think he is trying not to pressure....possibly failing a bit because he is so excited about the idea, but he has backed off a lot lately after I asked him a bunch of scenario questions. I think he realizes more and more that this is not something that always feels "safe" for women. He has always known and respected the idea that woman makes the choice, but maybe for the first time he is confronted with the reality of why. I struggle with the problem of "I don't know what I don't know", and therefore have NO idea how I will emotionally respond to some of this until it actually happens. So I am trying to decide on the safest path to test this out, since with no experience, I don't want to rule it out altogether. I'd like to give everything a chance, but I also don't want to get hurt/shamed/etc in the process.....so I am seeking information. I greatly appreciate everyone who is willing to provide help with their knowledge!!

Every person male or female comes away from their first time with questions, doubts, and possibly guilt. It’s a normal reaction to something completely new and out of your normal safe zone. It couldn’t be that bad if you are sad your friends didn’t come to visit. Your wife did what she was in her comfort zone and most likely an act she always does with you.

I posted a similar thought about my wife, the difference was she didn’t give the blow job because she felt it wasn’t right. The think is she starts most mornings giving me a blow job and she claimed when she was younger she gave blow jobs to all her dates, gave me one on our first date. Another thing similar is our first swing was with friends too, my biggest fear was kissing, the fear went away as did her not giving blow jobs. We joke about it now, who doesn’t have oral during sex? My biggest concern with swinging was it was my wife’s idea, she colluded with our friends to get me swap with them. I thought she had played with them before I agreed You can’t control your thoughts. Watching her have fun is the thing, and now she is having fun with everything.

This board is here for you to get advice, ask questions, share experiences, and once you have experience share your advice. Be careful of posters telling you are wrong in your thoughts, your thoughts belong to you and only you can figure if you made a wrong choice. There will be those who say don’t play with friends, don’t play without your spouse, always use protection and many other rules they live by, if you live by others rules you wouldn’t be on here. I have no idea where you are with snow or ice, our Sunday night has my husband watching football with me kind of watching too. I am not the best one to say what it’s like to watch your wife give oral sex, I can only share observations from people we have met. All of our meetings are based around oral sex between two women, me and women who are curious to have a bisexual meeting. I always suggest before meeting that they discuss where our meetings could lead. Some women only want husbands to watch. I emphasize pleasure not intimacy. Not unlike you the others are swinging virgins, scared, nervous and not sure what will happen. My perception is most women equate screwing as the most intimate thing. Most men are thrilled at any sexual contact. None of the people we meet expect my husband to be anything more than a spectator along with the other husband. In almost every meeting the other husband gets involved, in over half my husband gets involved in oral sex either getting or giving on the first or second meeting. We have never had a husband stop his wife stop her from going further, we have had wives stop their husbands from having full sex and from giving oral. Like you every couple is different with different levels of comfort. You are being smart asking and talking about your thoughts with her. I wish we had friends that would have introduced us to our found happiness. None of our long time friends would have been a candidate to play with. We were also afraid to play close to home, we were very secretive. You sound as you are having fun with people you enjoy. Try not to overthink your fun.

I love watching my GF suck dick and she LOVES to suck dick. She has sucked many guys to completion and the visual is always hot. I enjoy a slow sensual BJ myself but I also enjoy the visual of watching her get facefucked. There is something hot about watching guys pump her throat like they do her pussy and the excitement and amazement on their faces. And of course I love the finish of watching them dump their loads on her face!!!

Judging one own personal integrity is one of the most difficult , personal, and important facets of the LS. Often it is overlooked in the conversations here, unfortunately. Good for you in struggling with it.

It seems that the OP does not care to make the distinction between ethical an not ethical nonmonogamy. We fall into the swinger = ethical camp.

Do I really need to explain,? Each couple always inevitably agree on rules for everything, from which way the toilet paper goes on, to what they a see as faithful to their commitment to each other.

Simply put cheating is NOT playing by the rules. Swinging makes extra marital sex PART of the rules.

Lots of talk about them toning down fantasty Fest. The new mayor wants to make it family friendly. They are talking about outlawing body paint.