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Welcome Iamthebull! You're in the right place! There's a number of things to consider in getting into the lifestyle as a single man. The advice given above is all good. I might repeat some of it, but only to emphasize. It's important to understand that as a single man you are part of a population in which there is very high availability, and nowhere near enough demand. I would guess that the majority of single men in the lifestyle likely never have an encounter. There's ways to make those odds better for you. Understand your role; you are not a single man looking for a relationship. Some are ok with a polyamorous arrangement, but most are not. While it is ok to be affectionate, beginning to feel love/attachment is likely a non-starter unless the couple makes it clear that is ok. It's not that this is a cold and callous encounter. It's understanding the couple are in love with each other, and don't need another love based relationship. Couples can pick up a guy if they want by going to a nightclub. It isn't too hard to find a guy willing to do something like this. The problem is such guys have no idea about their role, and some will try to steal away the wife (as if they could). Couples come to swinger sites for single males because the single males understand their role. Be a true gentleman. As noted above by others, it's very important to be respectful...and not just to the wife of a couple. The husband will be expecting respect as well. After all, you are having sex with his wife. If you're wonderful to her, but not to him, the evening will not last very long at all. In creating a profile on SLS or whatever other platform, understand this is by far your best chance to make a good impression and make a connection with a couple. While you might be able to make connections with couples by reaching out to them directly through an email on such a platform, it's more likely they will contact you. Make your profile perfect. Don't use dick/body pics. You can say you can make them available on request. Show you have some class, some education. Don't have a two line profile. Be modest, but advertise yourself. It might be useful to explain why you are in the lifestyle as a single male, why you're not in a relationship. There's plenty of good reasons. Be honest. Whether you reach out to couples of they reach out to you, thoroughly read their profiles before sending/responding. Have photos on your profile. If you're not comfortable with face pics, have them in a private album you make available on request. Many couples won't engage with you if you don't have photos. Pay for your membership on the site; most couples won't even look at non-paid profiles. As noted above, couples aren't in this for a relationship, so they need to see that a single man understands their role and understands the lifestyle. A big marker for that is whether they have paid for their membership. Couples WILL have their "is he married?" radar on full blast. If couples sense the slightest reason to believe you are married and playing without permission, they will cut you off and never respond again. This is not a game to play. If you are NOT single, please...do us all a favor...go cheat on your wife somewhere other than the lifestyle. We are not in this for cheating. Everybody can cheat. A lot fewer are swingers, and want no part of any drama, either direct or indirect, involved in playing with a "single" male who isn't. If you are invited to meet up with a couple, dress as you would going to a first date. Put your best foot forward. Get a hair cut. Shave upstairs and downstairs; most women don't want to bury their faces into a forest trying to give you head. Make sure your teeth are up to snuff (some women pay very close attention to that). Be courteous. Give the husband a good, relatively firm handshake, and look him in the eye. Give him as much attention as you give her. Don't oggle her; she is not a bag of female parts. She is a human, not a thing. She might be inviting you to be inside of her body. Engage her brain, not her body. If you have a drink as part of the meet up, have just one...and only one...drink. Don't push. If they want to invite you to bed, they will invite you. It's not your place to do so. From the other side; you have to evaluate if a couple is right for you. Are they ready for this? Is the husband comfortable or is he nervous? Are they dressed poorly, bad hygiene, etc.? Are they drinking up a storm? Are they pigs at the table? If they're pigs at the table, you can imagine what it might be like in the bedroom. Find out what their rules are, and let them know what rules you have (if any). Be absolutely respectful of their rules at all times. If you make it as far as the bedroom, always assume condoms. Don't ask not to use them. If they don't want you to use a condom, then you are welcome not to. But, consider the risk of STDs. My wife and I don't allow a guy to not use condoms unless they are a long term regular. Most swinger couples will be the same; STDs are real. I would be very cautious or even end the evening if a couple offered to play without condoms. You should consider getting yourself tested for STDs and have a recent report available. I've never seen a couple or single male ask for it, but having it available and letting the couple know you do shows your maturity and respect in having had it done and available for them to see. You also might be surprised; people sometimes have STDs and have no idea they do. If you have sex with her, don't cum quick unless you're very confident you can cum multiple times. But, first time jitters might make it difficult for you to be fully hard, much less cum. It's a long road to get to the point of having sex with her. If she's enjoying you, she won't want it to be over in 7 minutes. My wife and I (well, she) played with a guy once for six hours, with a couple of breaks in between. He didn't cum until the very end. That was a wonderful session for her. She came away slightly sore, but very satisfied. If you cum in a few minutes, you won't be invited back to play again. Think of what's in it for her, not in it for you. Don't ask for anal sex. Despite what porn tells you, most women don't like anal sex at all. If you like that, wait for her to ask for it. Give her oral sex; it's really about her, not you. Ask her what positions she likes, and do everything you can for her enjoyment...not yours. Ok I've written a small book. If you have questions, let us know. Welcome!

It will vary wildly from couple to couple. Some will want an anonymous stunt cock for a one-and-done experience at a club. Some will want a boyfriend for her or them up to and including a poly or throuple relationship. And, everything in between... Don't try to act like what you think a couple will want. Act yourself and your couple will find you. Be an interesting person and pay attention to the husband as well as the wife. If the husband isn't comfortable with you it's not going to happen.

We have last evening’s SNL on our DVR. We will watch this episode with greater than regular interest. 😉😊😂

I have a similar swing philosophy with Lips & Tongues. We did swing mostly with single men even if my SO is not bi. I chose our partner for 3somes coming from adult swing sites and my priority was chemistry (not just dick or bod pics); and that we have some deeper connections more than our common desire for play. It is no different from finding a date with a single guy, for me. Once I decided, I tell SO the profile if he is ok with him. He should be on board too because it is a group activity. We play together but after that, if he is respectful of boundaries, I can play with him alone if I wish to. The downside is there is always that possibility that the guy or myself can develop some attachments that is more than purely play. I describe it as a "downside" because for the general swing community this is not encouraged, however, since my SO and I are poly too so I go with the flow, and let the single person decide how far he is willing to go considering my circumstances. This is how I met my BF, and consequently formed a Vee parallel poly relationship.

My wife likes a nice smile , a good sense of humor and the ability to carry on a real conversation, a quick mind. From what I have seen striking good looks is not even a factor. From my perspective it is very important that he treat her well, with respect. I want top see that they appreciate the gift they are receiving. I want them to treat me with respect also. In our marriage she seeks my approval, although she really does not have to. I gave her a perpetual green light from the beginning, but a single guy has to have me like him for her to consider anything, as there is the potential that I will end up spending some of the time reading, and she does not want to wonder how I am doing.

I understand, I think, what you are saying, but first, please remember that what you consider to be "crap" and wanting to "live a normal life" is different for different folks. You may enjoy eating liver and I think it is repulsive and "not normal." But somehow, lots of places sell liver and onions. Those of us that enjoy multiple partners and swinging are living our "normal life." That choice of words...demeaning my choice of lifestyle...immediately conjures up a defensive mode. I really don't mean to be rude in tone - sincerely - and I know I don't know all the conversations that may have taken place between the two of you, but if you have approached him with the type attitude you came across with in this post, implying or stating that his ideas and/or fantasies are "abnormal," that might be one of the major problems in trying to get him to see things the way you would like for him to see them...your way. Your values. Your standards. You feel that touching, time spent with others, etc., is taking something away from you. You are certainly entitled to think and feel that way, but many of us don't. Do you feel that way when he goes to a ballgame with other guys? Plays golf with other guys? Maybe dances with the female half of the couple you've gone to dinner with as you dance with the male half? But you see, that is the way some of us think of swinging. It is physical pleasure only...feeling good. It doesn't involve the same emotional bonds and commitments of the relationship with ones spouse or SO. There may be wives and SO's that have stood up and said hell no. Most likely, they don't post here. Now that being said, one of the primary gains from swinging, or even considering the idea of swinging, is a great sense of trust and communication that can come from the discussions leading up to (and following in some cases) the suggestion of swinging. There are some people on this board that would be quick to tell you there wife is against it, but still, their ability to communicate and trust each other was enhanced by the discussions. You seem to be having significant problems, maybe feeling that the idea is being forced on you, and I can certainly appreciate that feeling. I would think that the first step for the two of you would be to recognize some possible communication deficits and work on that. If you learn to appreciate and respect each others opinions, you will have gained immensely whether you ever swing or not. And that is what swinging is really about.