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I enjoy reading books, mysteries, historical fiction, or books with recommendations. I joined an online book club that a friend told me about. The club from what I can see is predominantly women though I do see posts from a handful of men. The club is very broad based with members across the country and even worldwide. There was a post from someone who suggested a smaller group where we could Zoom once a week and discuss a book. A book would be suggested and agreed upon by the all women group, all living in a tri-county NY area. The membership were all strangers to me, the only connection being the larger book group. We ended up with 20 women at first, a few dropped out, a few added as friends of other members. Just before the holidays someone mentioned getting together in person as a group, it would be nice to have a better idea of people we never met. We put off the meeting to after New Years, finally meeting last week when a few of us had a day off from work. Ten women met at a quiet room at a country club where one woman is a member. It was very nice and more of a get to know meeting, not a book discussion. It seemed most women knew at least one other, I knew nobody. I introduced myself and started talking to someone deeply tanned, the conversation went towards her a recent vacation. I told her we wanted to go somewhere warm but have been holding off travel. I think I was asking too much about a trip from a stranger because she became vague about the name of the hotel. Her and her friend were laughing when I asked about the resort. When our group was leaving and making plans to meet again my new friend and her friend approached me and said she went to a lifestyle resort, asking me if I know what that is. I asked Hedo? I said I never went but heard of it. I said it would be interesting, not saying much more. Her friend said if I wanted to know more about it we could meet for lunch without the other women and tell me all about it. I know I turned colors. She apologized but I said I would like to meet them. Yesterday I got a call with an invitation to meet one night this week. I don’t know how open I should be with them, I don’t know much about them. I knew even less about the first couple we met from a hook up site. I still haven’t shared that we have met others, I only said I was interested in hearing about Hedo.

Given that you don't know anybody in this group, it seems like a low risk. I think their "playdar" went off, and they suspected you're a swinger.

ROCKlandCPL, this may turn out to be a most fortuitous connection. In my opinion you are being wise taking a slow approach to opening up about your own lifestyle status. You’ve met these women in a valued vanilla context; once you’ve disclosed this aspect of your life, you can’t undisclose it.

It's fine. What could possibly go wrong?

I can only speak from our experiences looking for "stunt cocks", mostly at hotel bars. She is usually looking for someone who is well-groomed and in-shape, but not necessarily excessively fit. She doesn't like salesy types or people who try to play themselves up. (One of the people she's most repulsed by in the world in vanilla life, used to brag up being the decision-maker in firing people. In his mind, he was flashing status and power at people, which probably works with a lot of women. She can't stand that kind of thing.) Humble and respectful, decent sense of humor, something to talk about that shows they have interests and a life, not overly emotive or raunchy. Usually, I will walk away and mingle while she waits for someone to approach her and chat her up. She'll introduce me once it's gotten warm enough that there's no ambiguity that she's flirting. When she introduces me to someone she's interested in, I'm usually watching for signals that they're uncomfortable, lying, or potentially clingy or otherwise weird. She is perhaps less sensitive to that kind of thing than I am, and also, I'm a guy. I know what it's like to be a guy. I think I can tell reasonably well if another guy understands that he's there for sport fucking and understands it's all in fun versus maybe being a jerk trying to finesse their way through something. The last aspect is touch. Mrs. E is very physical and hands-on, she will already be touching and feeling and likes a sense that somebody is responsive and reciprocating appropriately. Hands on arms, hands on knees. We do this far from home and she will move to some more aggressive touching. One thing we've discovered through trial-and-error is that she may as well size-up their erection with a roaming hand before we go anywhere, because if he isn't erect at the bar, he's probably nervous and may struggle once we get to the room. If there's dancing, doubly so. I guess the short version is someone who is confident enough to approach and send clear signals, in-shape and groomed enough that she can infer she'll be happy with his dick in her mouth, fun enough to be entertaining and flirtatious, but mature and restrained enough not to get weird.

It will vary wildly from couple to couple. Some will want an anonymous stunt cock for a one-and-done experience at a club. Some will want a boyfriend for her or them up to and including a poly or throuple relationship. And, everything in between... Don't try to act like what you think a couple will want. Act yourself and your couple will find you. Be an interesting person and pay attention to the husband as well as the wife. If the husband isn't comfortable with you it's not going to happen.

We are a younger couple and my GF has a "who cares" attitude about pictures and videos. I have the opposite attitude but I let her do whatever she likes regarding pictures and videos with other guys and she's very liberal about it. She always says that in 10 years from now everyone's sex pictures and videos will be out there and no one will care, so she's very relaxed about other guys taking pictures and videos. Any pictures and videos with me in them are stored very securely as I like to keep that stuff private.

Rather than destroy, would be nice to specify a release date, say 50 years after date of death. Future sociologists and cultural anthropologists would benefit from understanding the difference between public behaviors and what people actually did. The role of sex in history and in human behavior is so badly reported and so deeply distorted, we ought to set the record straight.

The use of condoms is a very serious topic that some people disregard at the moment it should be the biggest thought. How many high school girls have found themselves in a major problem because horniness overtook smart sex. You would think people get smarter with age, it doesn’t. We are guilty as not always going the smart route. When we meet people I have a goody bag with me, condoms, female condom(I’ve never used one), lubes in different flavors, dental dams, as well as several toys, and wipes. What is used from the bag varies, as I said the female condom has never been used. With curious women being the focus of our first meetings toys are used often. Almost every woman we met have used toys at home, some of my toys are much different from the typical vibe. I’m always looking for new and maybe kinkier toys to try out. I think there are some, a few women who have ever seen a dental dam, none have ever used one in sex. I think unscientifically half have used lubes and those who haven’t enjoy my selection of flavors. I can’t remember a woman who asked me to use protection when having oral done to her. There was one who asked if we could use the dam when she built up nerve which made us laugh because I had no idea how it worked. Sex with men the numbers change, oral sex maybe a quarter of the men will wear a condom, and the majority will if we have sex. The number of women insisting on condoms are higher. The numbers go down if we see couples over and over. I will agree it is logical to always use condoms, it’s just we don’t stick to logic.

My opinion is if it helps marginally, why not use it? It can’t hurt. Sort of like wearing a mask for covid. Probably helps, not a terrible burden to wear one, has to beat nothing. I will add that condoms are of dubious help to prevent HPV and HSV. Some swingers are pious that they use condoms for safe sex, but extramarital sex is not safe sex.

Swinging is done with your partner or your partners full knowledge and approval. It's done in the light with honesty, love and respect. Cheating is done in secret, without your partner or their knowledge. It's done in the dark with lies and deception. Can swingers cheat: of course, but once they start cheating, they stop being swingers and start being cheaters.

No, didn't strike me as cuckold. Just a happy swinging couple who sometimes play separately.

Confession from *last* weekend: We have been playing around with apps more and decided to have a meetup. It was supposed to be a drink only but worked out. We didn't realize it at the time, but the bumped "how many" thread got me thinking. Mrs. E managed to get over the hump to having intercourse with more men since she met me than when we started. (Her first husband was #3, I was #7. This made #15.)

Nothing unusual for us, but it could be classified as cuckold: our daughter and I ran a few errands and did chores at home while mom was at another couple's house engaged in a threesome.