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Given that you don't know anybody in this group, it seems like a low risk. I think their "playdar" went off, and they suspected you're a swinger.

*UPDATE* We met up with a couple and we did it! We fucked like crazy and it was fun and sexy and everyone had a great time. For a first time, I couldn't have asked for a better time. The other couple was great. I can't wait for our next one. So sexy seeing everyone having a great time. Very sexy watching my wife perform, just wow!

I enjoy reading books, mysteries, historical fiction, or books with recommendations. I joined an online book club that a friend told me about. The club from what I can see is predominantly women though I do see posts from a handful of men. The club is very broad based with members across the country and even worldwide. There was a post from someone who suggested a smaller group where we could Zoom once a week and discuss a book. A book would be suggested and agreed upon by the all women group, all living in a tri-county NY area. The membership were all strangers to me, the only connection being the larger book group. We ended up with 20 women at first, a few dropped out, a few added as friends of other members. Just before the holidays someone mentioned getting together in person as a group, it would be nice to have a better idea of people we never met. We put off the meeting to after New Years, finally meeting last week when a few of us had a day off from work. Ten women met at a quiet room at a country club where one woman is a member. It was very nice and more of a get to know meeting, not a book discussion. It seemed most women knew at least one other, I knew nobody. I introduced myself and started talking to someone deeply tanned, the conversation went towards her a recent vacation. I told her we wanted to go somewhere warm but have been holding off travel. I think I was asking too much about a trip from a stranger because she became vague about the name of the hotel. Her and her friend were laughing when I asked about the resort. When our group was leaving and making plans to meet again my new friend and her friend approached me and said she went to a lifestyle resort, asking me if I know what that is. I asked Hedo? I said I never went but heard of it. I said it would be interesting, not saying much more. Her friend said if I wanted to know more about it we could meet for lunch without the other women and tell me all about it. I know I turned colors. She apologized but I said I would like to meet them. Yesterday I got a call with an invitation to meet one night this week. I don’t know how open I should be with them, I don’t know much about them. I knew even less about the first couple we met from a hook up site. I still haven’t shared that we have met others, I only said I was interested in hearing about Hedo.

For us it's very simple - good manners, proper hygiene, and mutual attraction. In online only environments, for us at least, we've found that good manners eliminates almost all from consideration. There are of course exceptions but they seem to be harder to find than the elusive unicorn.

I never thought to find a single man but if I did it might be different from a man I would want to date if I were a single woman looking for a long term relationship. Any man I would meet, even if it was for a one nighter would need still need a personality. I realize personality is not going to be the first thing I will notice, personality takes at least five minutes to figure out. I’m not a fan of facial hair, that’s goes to superficial first impression. How he’s dressed, even if those clothes will come off, first impression. Clean smelling, not fruity or overwhelming cologne. Taller than me, trim, not overly muscular. I think I would want someone who appears younger than me, not necessarily way younger, could be older, just not look it. I don’t like men who dye their hair, unlike all women who use color. Most of what I would look for in a man is the same I would look for in a woman. I don’t have much experience in searching out sex partners, we were contacted by many men when we stated we weren’t searching for single men. We certainly didn’t need to see penis pictures as we didn’t need to see women’s spread pictures. With our limited swinging I think I could deal with any future play partner with a little more open mind and more confidence in getting what I would want, not what a partner wants to do.

You will get different answers from different people, because just like people that don’t swing everyone has a variety of wants and needs! One thing swingers don’t look for in a single guy is someone who is just in it, because they think it is an easy way to get some! Women in the lifestyle are no easier to get with then women that are not. In fact many of them are even more picky, because they already have an amazing man that already ticks all the boxes for them. We have found over the years that many men seem to think just, because women in the lifestyle are more open minded they will jump into bed with any guy that is available. We have been as much as told so by some idiots. If a guy doesn’t have the respect and skill to pick up women in an ordinary situation he isn’t going to have anymore luck with swingers. Knowing how to talk to both the female and male, keeping yourself in good shape and presenting yourself well are all going to be important factors in whether you have success or not. You will be up against huge odds as a single male in this lifestyle and will need to stand out from the pack.

Join the site Swing Life Style (SLS). They list events, clubs, meet and greets, hot dates, etc.

LOL, this is really great hearing of your journey in his pursuit. Very pleased to hear that your first "encounter" went well. Congratulations to you both; you enthusiasm is infectious (in a good way) lol.

ROCKlandCPL, this may turn out to be a most fortuitous connection. In my opinion you are being wise taking a slow approach to opening up about your own lifestyle status. You’ve met these women in a valued vanilla context; once you’ve disclosed this aspect of your life, you can’t undisclose it.

Take her to an adult theater. They are loaded with extremely horny straight men, so in need that they are willing to suspend aversion and accept a quickie blowjob from the gay cruisers. But when a woman walks in, they go completely nuts ... and it's very intensely exciting. I was addicted the very first time I did it, and your wife will be too. Just tell her to check her inhibitions at the door and enjoy the ride. It only lasts about 20 minutes cause those guys are instantaneous cummers (usually right on first penetration ... or even before it goes in), but there are 30 of them, so it's 20 minutes of the best part of sex non-stop.

You're going to "rethink" the lifestyle because of that? If that's all it takes for you to have second thoughts, then maybe it's never been for you in the first place. If only 66% of men in the porn industry have herpes, then they're doing pretty well ... since nearly 100% of the human population carry the HSV virus. And no, she can't get AIDS from rubbing, nor from a brief insertion. Herpes is transferred by skin contact, so yes, she can get herpes. But not from the pre-cum. As for bareback ... that's the best sex ever. Condoms remove the texture and subtleties of the penis, and I find it to be like fucking a cardboard dick with a condom. Bottom line, if you're worried about germs, swinging is not for you. I've been taking it front and back door bareback for 40 years and I never caught anything (I did get Herpes when I was 15, but I got one single outbreak and it never came back).

I really don’t understand why some couples think a male orgasm (or quest thereof) is creepy unless it comes from an “ordained” male. There are many ways a woman can get thrilled from sex. One is purely physical. For one-dimensional couples the muscular black stud who can fuck for an hour without cumming is perfect. But for some of us, the physical pleasure pales in comparison to the psychological/emotional fireworks. The sleaze of desperation is exciting. I don’t find it creepy at all. The insanely horny wormy guy with a thousand insecurities who jerks off on your leg thinking you’re unaware of it targets a rape fantasy that can be a huge kick for some women. And places like the back room of a swingers club or a dark corner of an adult theater provide safe, secure environments for a woman to indulge her rape fantasy. The feeling of falling is fun and exciting … if done on a rollercoaster. But no one would find it fun to jump off a building. The same principle holds for rape fantasies. A “creep” (to use your vernacular) who steals an orgasm by sneaking a quick poke up the back of your skirt while you’re busy in a swingers clutch, or who jerks off of your butt cheek while you’re distracted with something else, is REAL rape … and it is thrilling for a woman with a rape fetish because it’s real … and safe when done in the right environment. If you’re a woman who gets off on this type of thing, there are numerous venues for your outlet. A swingers club on singles night is one, albeit one of the most tame. However, if you need Don Juan in order to not feel creeped out, go on couples only night … or look on Craigslist for one. Don’t go to a place that’s designed for “cumslut fetishes” or “rape fetishes”, and then complain that the guys were too horny for you. But I’m glad I’m me because such “creeps” are a dime a dozen … and they really get me off. In fact, with all this talk of such things, I think I’ll go to the Sunday night gangbang tonight.

When I first started in the anonymous gangbang scene, everyone was bareback. Those were the days before HIV. When HIV hit, we all went to condoms … and something huge was lost. Women are evolved to feel a special little (actually not so little) thrill when a penis ejaculates inside her. The vagina has special texture sensors in the lining specifically designed to detect the subtle changes in hardness, bloating, and texture of the head and shaft of the penis in the few seconds before ejaculation (the so-called “point of no return” when the man feels that he is GOING to cum). Condoms remove those sensations. But the thought of a fatal disease overwhelmed our need to feel that. The result was dulled sensations, men losing erections while fucking, and ejaculations that take longer to get there and are weaker for the men. The real culprit wasn’t HIV, but the condom companies. They would give free condoms to “save sex” advocate groups in exchange for hyping the threat. It was soon discovered that the odds of contracting HIV from one episode of unprotected sex is one in 300, and that’s for the female taking an entire ejaculation in the vagina. For the male it’s more like 1 in 500. When you combine these probabilities with the probability of someone at the gangbang being infected (0.5%), the chances of getting HIV are 1 in 60,000. Finally, when the protease inhibitors were discovered, the risk dropped to near zero. Still, my husband and I were concerned. My sexual mainstay is adult theater sex, where I will take upwards of 25-30 vaginal ejaculations and I want them all bare, but not at the risk of dying. We mulled around the numbers. The probability of getting killed in a car accident on the way to the adult theater is 10 times higher. The probability of contracting hepatitis from making out with a stranger at a bar is 100 times higher. Still, we brought 24 condoms with us on each trip to the adult theater, and usually ran out of condoms before the crowd all were satisfied. Just to show you how “dead” the condoms make it, it normally takes about 40 minutes to finish off a crowd of 30 men at an adult theater. With the condoms it took over an hour to do 24 of them … and I couldn’t feel any of the ejaculations – a huge part of my thrill. Our caution ended abruptly in the early 90s at an adult theater called the Barbwire in Toronto. This theater had two rooms separated by a wall with a gloryhole behind the screens. A woman can fuck through the gloryhole while simultaneously blowing someone else in her room, or getting felt up by 20 hands. It was a great venue for hole fucking because you can bend way forward with your butt up against the wall, and the guys in your room will hold you still. That night the first cock to come through the hole was throbbing. That kind of erection so solid that it does a little bounce with each heartbeat. The head was bloated purple, and there was a stream of precum hanging off the tip. I did NOT want to put a condom on this. I looked at my husband and he just nodded. That cock exploded as soon as it went in me, and that huge thrill hit me for the first time in almost 10 years. When the guys in my room saw I took it bareback up the vagina, the room emptied. They were not running away … they were running to the other side of the wall. And that was it. Never slapped another condom on another cock again. Swingers are very vindictive. I have been called “evil”, “stupid”, “foolish”, “slimy”, and a whole bunch of other names I won’t repeat because of my love of bareback. But I’m 52, I’ve been doing bareback at gangbangs and adult theaters since age 17, and I’m still alive, still healthy … and I’m happy. That’s hardly “stupid”.

Sabrina – you’re right, women have a greater chance of certain infections because of the “injection” of bodily fluid from the male partner. Also, men have the advantage of sharing the sex tube with the pee tube. So peeing right after sex can help clean out a man, but not us. And douching is no good because it can actually push the semen past the cervix. Dodgechevy – You sound like a great couple. It’s great that you put thought into decisions like this instead of either jumping without thinking, or being inhibited without thinking. And it’s awesome that you discuss it as a couple beforehand. You asked for advice, and allow me to throw my two cents in. First, most likely the reason your wife seemed so aroused by the thought that you went bareback is because SHE wants to. She viewed you “breaking the ice”, and that excited her. Contrary to what men think – women hate condoms too. I cut my sexual teeth in the 70s, before HIV. At that time, condoms were thought of primarily as a form of birth control. Since all women involved in alternative recreational sex were on the pill, condoms were considered a joke from a bygone era. No one used them. No one even considered them. When HIV was discovered in the early 80s it was confined to the gay and IV drug communities, and again the heterosexual (swinger and gangbang) crowd wasn’t concerned. The condom companies then went on a huge media blitz hyping the problem beyond it reality, and even giving the impression that condoms are “cooler” than bareback. In the late 80s I got caught up in the scare and began using condoms. I hated them. They took a huge thrill out of the whole thing. I couldn’t feel the texture and shape of the penis inside me, nor could I feel the ejaculation squirts. Also I could “feel” the weakened intensity for the guys. The penis wasn’t feeling the full power of my vagina, and that translated into a less eager cock. It also took the guys longer to cum and, although many women consider that an advantage, at the adult theater/gangbang venue the serial cumshots is more valued than the actual fucking. I abandoned the condom one night at an adult theater in New York that had four rooms with gloryholes. A cock came through the gloryhole that was rock solid, the head was bloated and purple, and there was precum on it. I looked at my husband and he knew exactly what I was feeling. He just nodded, I put my backside against the gloryhole and I slid my vagina over it bareback. After a year of not feeling that “magic”, there it was … and it felt glorious. That was 20 years ago, and I’ve been bareback ever since. It is risky, but we all take risks in the name of recreation. Bareback sex is a lot less risky than mountain climbing, sky diving, or white water rafting – all recreational activities. And yet, no one would ever criticize a mountain climber for taking risk in the name of recreation. How risky it is? Well, let’s put it this way. At an adult theater I can get typically 15 men, and about half of them come back for seconds. That’s about 25 cumshots. A typical male orgasm ejaculates 6 mL of semen. 25 X 6 = 150 mL. That’s more than ½ cup of semen per visit. I do this about 3 times a month. That’s 450 mL per month = 5.4 L per year. I’ve been doing it for 34 years. Thus, I have absorbed 184 L (48 gallons) of stranger semen inside me in my life so far … and I never caught an STD of any kind. That should put the risk in perspective for you. To answer your specific questions, the way we “bring it up” is to not bring it up at all. At a swinger party or in a foursome, when things have been sufficiently heated up by preliminary foreplay-like activities, my husband will slide his bare penis up and down between the woman’s labia (after making sure she sees it’s bare). If she asks for a condom he gets one no questions asked. If she shows no trepidation after he dips the head in for a second, then he’ll push it all the way in … and the rest is history. I do a similar technique. I will take the guy’s penis bare and put the head on (not in) the opening. If he backs off and reaches for a condom, fine. If he pushes in … the rest is history. At an adult theater, gangbang, or through a gloryhole, I simply refuse to use a condom. At an adult theater I’m bent over my husband’s lap and don’t see the men at my backside. My husband is my “gatekeeper”. If a guy comes at me with a condom, my husband will reject him. But that’s rarely a problem since 99% of those guys go bare by default. Do you ask for medical proof? Absolutely not. First of all, people lie about things like that. Secondly, the medical tests are only good the day of the test. The next day he/she could have picked something up. I, like pretty much everyone who gets tested, only get tested at my annual physical. Third, if you only play with couples that get tested (most don’t) that will greatly limit your play pool. So the bottom line is to weigh the risk/benefit equation as it suits you. No one can tell you where that balance lies for you.