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I'm going to second this, very loudly. There are a number of yellow flags here, basically that the two of you don't fully understand what you want out of this or why and are worried about emotional harm. You're both inexperienced with casual sex - and there's nothing wrong with that, but - you will have a lot of feelings that you have not processed. Start slowly. You can *always* go back and try more if you have a good time. Flirt aggressively. Dance. Get felt up. Show some skin. You'll both have a freer and wilder time than you've had in recent memory and you'll have it together. See where your rough edges are and talk things through before you go further.

"Vanilla" is jargon and references what someone perceives to be normative behavior. Personal normal and social norms are not quite identical and yet often confused: think for a moment on one's reaction to seeing an open collar when the rest of the men are wearing neckties. Similarly, the couple wearing bathing suits on a nude beach are normal but (context-sensitive) non-normative. Curiously, it is non-normative behavior that make people, stories, and life interesting.

Part of the excitement is having a new partner undress me and me undressing that new partner. Most people we meet are not sure what to do so I guide the action taking away the anxiousness that is always there. A woman who has never been touched by another woman is a nervous woman who needs to be treated gently and unfortunately many times the husband is acting over eagerly to get to the act. I never get over the thrill of being undressed by a new partner and not so much as being offered by my husband to another man. I love my husband dearly but I am me and he shouldn’t be offering me as if I was something he owns.

When we've played as a group with other couples I've sometimes been more involved in helping her undress, but more often we're involving a single male. There's definitely something very sexy about her warming up a new partner and getting to unhook her bra and let her spill out in somebody's lap.

Sarcasm?

Glad it was nice, hopefully you've got a new friend... BUT. You do know that there are like 1000 people waiting to hear how this progresses.

Thank you. It went well. I was overthinking the whole thing. Neither of us brought up the topic, I don’t know if she was waiting for me to say something. I don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed that nothing happened or was even talked about. We did have the book club in common and it made it less awkward to start a conversation. When you meet a person for a second time you see that person differently both physically and intellectually and it was a positive. Living in the same general area we know many of the same places. She still has teen children and I figure she is younger than I am. She asked me what gym I go to and if I have a trainer. Maybe it was her way of complementing me being in shape. I could tell she was in shape and lived healthy. I wanted to bring up her vacation and what she did, next time maybe.

A graphic being worth a thousand words... I'm see a large number of problems with the approach you are going with here. I think you're swinging for the wrong reasons. I'm also concerned about the emotional impact this will have on both of you. The most I would do, as others have said, is just go to a club to observe and have sex with each other. It may help to inform your discussions. I think the two of you need to have a lot of discussion about this, and I don't think you're there yet. If you're very afraid of being left behind, then the proposed scenario of your wife going off by herself WILL result in you being upset. As others have mentioned, she WILL have people interested in her, and you will be left alone...possibly for hours...with nothing to do. What might even be more painful...your wife not talking about it once she does come back. Could that happen? What about rejection from her, once you want to have sex with her when she gets back and she says she's too worn out from the evening? How will you feel then? Swinging isn't exclusionary. Swinging is together. It doesn't mean you're always together, but it does mean that you're a complete team. I don't see that here. I don't mean to be harsh. I have often said this board is a fantastic resource for people, and we will tell it how it is. I'm telling you how it looks to me.

My 2 cents I think going to a club just to flirt, feel sexy and meet some people would be a great idea. No sex. You're not ready for that. If you wife needs to feel sexy, attractive and wanted she can do all of that without actually having sex. She can dress to impress, dance, etc. I don't think this is much different from going to a bar, local or not, having a few drinks and flirting with whomever catches her eye. At the end of the evening, the two of you should have sex in the car, on a park bench, anywhere. Do something different. Not the same old that couples can get trapped in. As the weather improves, go to a beach. Have her wear a very small bikini etc. Be out, sexy and powerful. I don't think having sex with another person will satisfy her needs to feel sexy. It will in the end, feel shallow and may lead to a lot of drama. I am not against swinging for you as a couple, but it feels like you need to come to it more whole. In control. With power. Not begging for attention.

One of the cardinal rules of swinging is to *never* go faster than the speed of the slower partner. It’s clear that your wife is far more eager to swap than you are … she needs to dial it back until you’re both ready because if what you’re describing now actually happens, it’s gonna be a train wreck. We agree with njbm … go to the club, soak in the atmosphere, meet a few people, have sex with only each other, and talk about the evening after you’re home and have had some time to process your thoughts.

Observation is a good idea. If not ,then same room, whether or not each of you has a partner. One of our first experiences was an MFM. That worked out well. We also limited ourselves to soft swap initially. Slow and steady. is a good formula for us and , I think , most others.

Here is something to think about. How about going to a club the first time just to observe and have sex with each other? While in the setting, one or both of you may feel very comfortable or uncomfortable. If you are both comfortable, you can try swapping or , if not, you can try another trip to the club. Some couples, I’d say the majority, play in close proximity to each other. I think that playing apart or in separate rooms is more for people with a little experience. If your wife seems open to sex and she is not close by you in a club, she could be a gang bang candidate if single guys are permitted. This could be a little overwhelming for a novice. Have some ground rules that you both agree to. Use condoms. If you are under 45, be vaccinated for HPV. It is a multi-shot series.

Single professional female (travel for work) looking for a male swing partner (over 45). I am looking to explore the lifestyle.

Yes Steve love to Kiss me after and we know its ok with our friend too lol he loves to Kiss me with a full mouth and I enjoy it too

What about a sticker with"we live our dreams how about you?" or "we do what you dream about" Steve