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It's an interesting situation. Both of you have sexual pasts, both of you have been open about the lifestyle, both of you have been flexible in what you are willing to consider and try, and he has been honest about his current preference for non-monogamy. Either of you can unilaterally end the current relationship and force both of you to search for the next person. The question is, is that what either of you want? Relationships--especially matrimonial relationships--are about partnerships and accommodations. They are always journeys, and there will be adaptations along the way. Your current situation sounds as if it is fully honest and transparent. The questions that seem to be worth asking--is there genuine affection? do you trust each other? can you communicate without feeling hurt? do you respect him and does he respect you? Fidelity matters. But fidelity is not the same as monogamy. Does he treat you and others well? Would you be financially secure? Are there substance abuse issues? Being open about enjoying some variety in sex is a lot better than not admitting it and cheating. It's not that "the lifestyle is more important to him than you are". Rather, he has disclosed who he is, you have accepted him for who he is, and now you are wondering what that would mean in the context of a marital relationship. It's a valid question, and one that is worth talking through. But enjoying the LS occasionally is not the same as a "sex addiction to be expunged or cured." Which is the bigger risk to you at this point? Putting your toe into the LS and finding you don't like? Or putting your toe into the LS and finding that it's kind of fun? Jealousy is the expression of the fear of abandonment. You mention this fear in your note. Wouldn't you rather assess your (imagined) risk of him running off with some other swinger wife before you get married? If you had no interest in the LS, we would not be saying these things. But you have spoken of your past and of your current fantasies. It seems better to see what the LS is like for both of you before you get married than have the question postponed until afterwards.

Big pet peeve of ours is people online that are only looking for another woman hitting her up when we state clearly that we are a couple that only play together! The answer to this is always going to be fuckoff. No need to be respectful of people that are not respectful of us. We get that many men are creeps and don’t bother reading any part of a profile before sending a message, but we would expect better from couples. If a couple that states that they are only looking for a woman sends a message, friends request or flirt they have instantly ruined any chance of interest on our part even when they inevitably change their profile to include couples once they realize women are not going to be lined up to join them. Bridge has been burnt beyond repair. There is nothing that special about any couples out there that the wives from other couples are going to ditch their partner to be with them. Figure this shit out if you want to get anywhere in this lifestyle. A side note on this is in our experience the single unicorn women out there are more likely to want to join a couple where the man also shares his wife with other couples, because the chances of drama or less likely in an equal relationship. This is what we have been told by the women that have contacted and played with us in the past anyways.

This was us, looking for a woman only, not knowing how to go about finding a woman. We thought join a site put an ad up and horny women would be more than willing. Reality was quickly learned, Unicorns are extremely rare. What wasn’t rare was men looking to get laid. Single men, married men, men posting as women looking for pictures and overall weirdos. We changed our want and our post to couple looking for a couple that only wants women play. That matched our real want, a couple like us. What we got were the same single men, meetings set up where only the man showed, and again weirdos. Our thoughts changed after much talk, couple with a bi woman. We realized most men want to participate. It was difficult to change our wants, and even then we got the same men posing as couples, and men writing as a woman. We started over with a new profile on a swinging site. New ID, new description, new site. Same fakes. Fast forward, we have heard the same problems from others. It’s frustrating, yet fun now. It’s like getting a call about my car warranty, or my Amazon account, except all of those are fakes.

We have been on SLS for about seven years. We like to play as a couple with couples. We see the usual suspects come up in our searches. Few are couples who actually play, fewer still are in our age group (over 60). It’s a limited group of actual lifestylers. Most of our recent (pre-pandemic) play has been on cruises.

Whether looking for a woman or a pair the results were the same. We didn’t have restrictions on our posting because we were testing the waters. Thinking back we weren’t looking for single men, single women or bi/bi couples. I know we had to be physically attractive to us. We wanted ages close to ours. We got single men, men saying they had partners and as others stated Fakes. We didn’t know what to expect and how others acted on first meetings. I couldn’t just meet for sex with strangers. So many just wanted immediate sex, no pre-meets. That was a red flag for us. We wanted to meet and get to know first. We contacted a couple, she wrote back with a sweet non sexual response. We made a date, no pressure meeting. It worked. They asked what we were looking for which made us think more. She asked if I was comfy with certain things, I wasn’t sure. We weren’t looking for a unicorn, didn’t find a unicorn, but with work found a fabulous first.

Let’s face it, most women have vibrators. I be read about 80% of women use a vibrator alone or with their sexmate. I may have told jokes about my vibrator yet never had a real discussion with my friends about using vibrators. Is it strange that a topic I never talk about with long time friends became a conversation with a new friend who we just met since we are swinging. The new friend lives nearby invited me to meet for lunch. At lunch sex toys were brought up. My whole life my toy has been penis shaped toys and recently upgraded to an intense body messages. She told me about one of her remote control toy that is U shaped. She showed me on her phone the app she has. She invited me to her house to show me. All I can say is WOW. Part is inserted, part is external and she was able to change what I was feeling from her phone. She drove me crazy and it was great crazy. I need to look for more toys like the bunch she has. Any recommendations?

"He did admit that if I back out or realize the lifestyle is not for me after we try, then it would be a deal breaker for him," That does not sound like a sound basis for either swinging or a marriage. As for your concerns we were together for almost 40 years when the subject first came up. We had questions and concerns also. It took us a few years to sort it out. We would say that your concerns are normal both specifically and generally. Being under the gun or being on any sort of timeline is not fair to you or balanced with the gravity of the questions. Once we were satisfied with our answers to the questions, we proceeded with a very good and profitable addition to our relationship.

When I met my man, I knew within two hours of meeting him that I would love him. Two hours later he told me he would never me monogamous, and that he had been in the lifestyle for 20+ years. Explained what that meant, etc. etc. I had a ton of questions and decided to give it a shot. I had a repressed sexual history and marriage so this was all new to me. We love each other, but know that we can crave/need and feed our desires sexually and sometimes emotionally in the lifestyle. We are stronger for it and the honesty is amazing.

imho, you don't share love, precisely. you share complicity, sexual tastes, etc. but if he prefers the lifestyle to a relationship with you, then he is simply addict, he lost control, and love is nowhere to be found there. if one cannot sacrifice his past behavior for someone he pretends to love, then that four-letter word is simply a lie.

We don’t arrange to meet people we don’t find physically attractive from their photos. It’s a whole different situation if we find ourselves talking with them at a club or party. Then other things can become more attractive to us than just their physical appearance.

Over NYE we met a nice couple who were about 2 hours from where we live. We hooked up, had a great time and promised to see each other again when able. A few weekends ago, they came down to visit for some hot play time, with a twist. They asked if we would be interested in bareback and cream pie play. After a discussion about risk, (They both on Valtrex) we were in separate rooms playing. Both ladies filled to the rim, and then after they left, Mrs. F received her 3rd for the evening. We love it, and can't wait for more BB and CP play.

There's a reason that they are called unicorns. I can only guess that some people looking for them start looking where there most likely aren't any to be found out of desperation. Easy enough to block those people who don't or can't read...

Hitachi is a must have...

I the Mrs. is much more selective "online" but at parties/clubs/house parties, I'm known that a sense of humor and charm will have me wet and ready. Just a weird thing with me, and I've played wiht men that I wouldn't have picked out on a swing site. But they made me laugh, they were really smart or charming.

If you don’t want to participate in the lifestyle, don’t. I think your boyfriend seems unable to give it up. You could have one episode to see if it is for you. It is possible that you will enjoy it more than him. I can tell you that the reality of it is different than what people imagine. If you become experienced at it and play with experienced practitioners, it can be quite fun. But it is fraught with potholes. Jealousy, nutty partners, sexually inept partners, STDs, etc. Decide what works for you.

This is understandable. I have found, however, that single women are often eager to hook up with married men, especially with the wife's agreement. The wife watching is not as easy, and participating even less so. But the bisexual unicorns are out there.

Very interesting, @Fitlakecouple ! Thanks to all of you for such detailed answers. Here's a little pic to thank you all :)

Michael bought a Cock Ring before we ever started swinging for our own play. It was a band that he put on to make him last longer and make it harder and bigger. I remember that it did all those things as promised. We then graduated to a vibrating ring that had a part that vibrated me where I was able to sit on top with Mike in me and the vibrating where it was great. We had used vibrators before but this left us hands free. Michael says his orgasms are stronger and longer and as bonus he stays hard after orgasm. The vibrating is fun, just not as strong as some of the vibrators mentioned. Some men love it, some are afraid of it. I believe men will go longer if that had been a problem. Michael has also said the vibration is good and it vibrates his balls too.

Wu has had an Acuvibe Softouch Rechargeable Wand forever. Loves it, quiet, 2 speeds. Her's is full sized, hope it lasts forever, sadly may not be available anymore. When we travel we use an Eroscillator, small, light and good power but has to be plugged in, nice long cord. It comes with both a US 110v plug and a Euro 240v plug, and a variety of heads.

My wife was a longtime devotee of the two-speed Hitachi vibrator, but a few years ago one of my female partners gifted her a Body Wand that features a rotary thumb-switch that dials up continuously variable vibration cycles. Kathy finds that feature takes her trip to orgasm to a new level of enjoyment. Some years later Kathy remains very grateful for Tina’s thoughtful generosity. 😉 The Body Wand runs cool and never falters. And it’s so powerful that if Kathy applies it to her vulva while I’m fucking her it buzzes not just my penis inside her, but also my balls! 😊 The Body Wand is so valued that we bought a spare — just in case! Kathy’s is a plug-in model. Body Wand also makes a rechargeable battery model, but we have no experience with that variant. https://thebodywand.com/products/bodywand-plug-in-wand-massager-blue

I think what we have learned over the years that we have been in the lifestyle is to not be so quick to judge. Some our favorite playmates are people we did not think were our type. We were not initially attracted (or one of us was not) but after spending time getting to know them they became attractive. Attraction is more than simply good looks and this took me a while to figure out. People who are kind, warm and friendly are very attractive and usually a lot of fun to play with!

Attraction…sure. But for us the attraction is personality, attitude, humor, sense of adventure etc etc. we have been very fortunate the people we have met over the years. Blessed. many we have been great friends to this day. Decades of friendship. some of the best gifts in life come in plain wrapping.

No we do not meet people we are not attracted to! For us attraction is an important part of wanting to have sex with other people. If we are not attracted to them then we do not see the point in having sex with them. We already are having sex with someone we are attracted to whenever we want with each other so no reason to do it with people we are not. Physical attraction is just the start though! If they have a bad attitude or personality we are not going to find them attractive either. The lifestyle is not a full time thing for us and we choose to be picky about who we do and do not play with. Quality experiences over quantity. We are not interested in playing with people that don’t feel the same way either. No one should be taking one for the team.

My wife is definitely not into it but I have often wondered what it would be like to slide a dick in my mouth and have them cum down my throat as their wife masturbates and then with her telling me to bend over so her husband can get pleased by fucking my ass. If they were trusted I would so have him bareback me so I can feel him explode. Though I would feel like I was owned by her and her husband if that ever happened.

I started my husband with my fingers and he soon graduated to a strap on and he loved it. He says if I had real cock I would fuck 5 times a day! I agree. Next we had a threesome with a guy and I sucked them and rubbed their cocks together and he sucked the other guy with me and we swallowed his load! The next time with him he fucked my hubby and I sucked him as our stud came in his ass he had an orgasm. Now he can’t get enough cock and it so turns me on!

While being straight but always trying to fulfill each other's fantasy my wife reminded me what she did for me. While talking she seemed extremely excited about the idea of me and another guy. So I indulged her finally. I must say I was extremely nervous but here we go. After a great blow job and seeing the arousal in my wife's face I began sucking him off and moved to giving up my anal virginity while eating my wife. She got off so many times, as did I. It was rather exciting to service her while being serviced. I will say it was an experience to remember. Look forward to our next session.

Yes It Is! I so agree with you! That IS what makes it fascinating. I do not have the body parts, I do not have the cum, I can only simulate it all. My husband gets the reasons it turns me on to no end such as: getting to be right there helping, seeing and participating up close, guiding, spreading, and what not; that goes for the anal penetration as well as oral; he understand how hot it is for me to receive cum and to do it with him would be extra icing on the cake (too funny); & to be able to look into his eyes as he take a penis orally and/or anally even kissing him deeply as he gasps from the anal entry – O M Gosh how amazing! My husband even knows of many reasons for himself, especially receiving anally. After all we have done and do, he knows the potential in receiving a live penis full of fresh cum up his derriere. He will never give even though he wouldn’t want to be selfish, it is not enough to trade out. Beside he still is trying to get past “it will be a guy.” Without a doubt I believe how could easily handle cum from other men but still perhaps not the actual penis.

OMGosh I would have sooo stayed in the room and gotten myself off multiple times! I can't imagine walking out on that, darn girl you must have wanted to get "freaky" or something to leave THAT. As for your husband not getting there any time soon, I feel you. It has taken years to get my husband comfortable with my fantasies of having him suck a guy, let a guy cum in his mouth, and do him anally as well as cum in him. Now when I talk about it, he gets hard, leaks like mad, and I can do him royally up his anal hole as well as feed him all the cum I can get out of him in a day. I have been writing this lovely bi man who we may eventually hook up with and see how it goes. I had him so turned on earlier today that I believe if I had three guys in waiting my hubby would still be going at it as I type this.

I love when the wife will give me oral and then help me slowly slide my dick with all her juices on it into her husbands ass...bareback style (safe/trusting couple of course) and then pounding him, slapping that ass and then busting the biggest nut into his ass while she watches and pleases herself.

It's so good to see bi guys out there. My husband and I have been doing a lot of mfm lately and bi guys who are willing to go beyond oral is rather difficult to find. With a bi guy who is willing to try everything with both of us, it creates so many more interesting sexual positions and combinations. And although we don't do it with every bi guy, our favorite is to have husband getting some good sloppy seconds sex with me after the other guy is done.

My wife loves to see guys sucking cock, and loves it when I am getting sucked or I am sucking!

I love fucking a guy and then seeing the intense sex between him/his wife that follows. Dominating him, having his wife see him as a cock sucking, bottom bitch...mmmm yummy

I dated a woman who wanted to watch me have sex with another man. I couldn't go that far but I let her use vibrators and dildos in my ass. She masturbated herself to orgasms pretending she was a man fucking my ass.

This is the female half and I say it would be so hot to watch my man do that. I just do not see that happening anytime soon. I will be there for him when he does. We were just on a trip and while at one party there was a large group of gay/bi men playing and that was hot as hell. I could have stayed and watched all night... but I needed some attention for myself.

My wife was with me the first time a man sucked my cock, the first time I sucked a cock, the first time I swallowed a load of cum, and the first time I got fucked in the ass. She loves to watch me with a bi male. By the time we're ready to cum, so is she! I loved to watch her play with her pussy and cum while I swallow a load! It's a family tradition!

Big turn-on having the wife watch me blow her husband. My favorite is when I'm sucking a "bi virgin" for the first time. Normally they're nervous & the minute my tongue is working that shaft &balls, they begin to relax. One guy kept saying "fuck I can't believe I'm getting blown by a dude...it feels so fucking good"...which made me work even harder & he busted semi quick. Another guy's wife got so horny while he was getting blown, she made me sit on it & ride him

My ex-wife use to really get off watching me suck another guys dick but would have ran out of the room had he and I gone any farther. I've often wanted to fuck another guy while his wife or mine watched but not so sure I'd allow anyone to fuck me. My current wife, while still holding out from the swinging scene, has said she'd get off watching me blow another guy but it has yet to happen.

We are both bi and it's a huge turn-on for me to see him suck a dick or get taken from behind. He was bi before I met him and I think it's great that he can be himself.

I was there to see hubby's first bi experience last year and it was such a HUGE turn-on. So when he is ready to fuck ass or be fucked, I would love to see that. Though it's more his fantasy rather than mine, from the time I witnessed his bi experience, I am not adverse to seeing him take it a step further if he chooses to do so. :-)

When Mr. Mimi and I met, I wasn't at all interested in male bi play. However, a post on this sight regarding male play got me so turned on that we have now added that, with the blessing of the Mr., to our repertoire. I have seen him get his cock sucked while I was riding our play partner and I almost rode that poor man in to the ground, I was so turned on. Next, I can't wait to see the Mr. suck cock. So excited that, because of this board, we are able to explore this fantasy together.

Yummy. I love watching gay porn, makes me SO wet. My husband has sucked and been sucked. He isn't bi at all - just open minded about what feels good. Lately he's been talking a lot about wanting to get fucked in the ass by a real cock (and not just me with a strap-on LOL). I hope we can make this fantasy of his come true!! MY fantasy is for him to fuck me while he's getting fucked in the ass. Talk about orgasm!!!! Lol

It turns me on to see two guys fucking on video, but I've never seen it in real life. I've also never inserted Pet into that fantasy because I know it's something he would never do. Now, if he ever fulfilled my fantasy of seeing him suck a dick... then my new fantasy might be to see him fucking another guy.

Brian and I are both bi. I love to watch him with another man either as he is being fucked or when he is fucking the guy himself. It is a huge turn-on for me I must admit.