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We have been on a swinger site looking to meet a like couple close but not too close to us. We have decided that Deb would go through profiles then share with me interesting people before reaching out with a message. Last night she called out to me very excited that she found an old boyfriend from before she knew me, and his wife lives about an hour from us. I have two questions: Do people ever see people they know on swinger sites and how do you deal with it? An old boyfriend? Tell me I shouldn’t care. So far I said hold off contacting. As far as appearance and profile I would normally give a 👍🏼

I apologize if I emphasized Boyfriend. Debbie and the man on the swing site dated in college for what I understand was a semester. I think many of us had relationships that were sexual when in school. Her major memories were a few ski weekends and a trip to Maine. At the end of the school year in May they both went home and the contacts were few. In the age of social media and constant cell phone call, I lost sight that those only became every day things in the last 20 years. He has sent another message acknowledging our reluctance to write back stating it would be nice just to meet at a truly safe place, Starbucks. If we did go further, I keep telling Debbie that she looks just like she did in school. I joke he already saw you naked, she joked back, sure he ran away.

Wow what a thought provoking post. My guess that most of the points brought up will more applicable to older and more experienced in the LS, but not exclusively to those. It also might bring out experience and thoughts from those who are only in particular LS relationships but not into the swing lifestyle as most would know it. More alternative choices; poly, open relationship, cuckolding, hot wife, a never ending list of alternative relationship/non monogamy practices. I will discuss with the Queen and some of our LS friends and partners and post a more in-depth response later.

Pygophilia

Eyz wide shut is a lifestyle nightclub and couples playground in Tampa. Enjoy!

There isn't a common practice! :) It's just what anyone likes to do. In MFMs, I really enjoy having sex with my wife right after another man has cum inside her. But, we always use condoms with new or relatively new play partners. There's only been a few who my wife played with without condoms. The chance of her getting pregnant is virtually zero, due to tubal ligation and another procedure. Anyway, for some guys they don't like the feel of another man's cum in their wives. For me, I find it incredibly erotic. I don't have any attraction to men, but feeling how sloppy she is is just an incredible feeling.

I still have sex with a couple of my ex's.. every night I return to my husband. You gotta trust your wife.

Speaking for women everywhere! That shit is fucking yummy. Please give us more of it.

The object of the game is to be sexually satisfied by whatever excites the members of the group and nothing more but the lack of acceptance is terribly hypocritical. My best friend is gay and he's constantly hammered by "straight" married guys to have sex. That is no surprise but for a swingers group to be so close minded is disappointing.

Personally I quite enjoy seeing two men together. I find gay porn hot! Personal preference. I think it is important for us not to judge others. If you like it partake, if not don't. There is no need to malign each other about it.

I am going to agree 95% and the other 5% might be my imagination. Almost all of the huge cock posts are by men, they seem to have an infatuation with big cocks and maybe just acting out their fantasy by say that their wife wants one. Visually and foreplay may make a difference. I do notice a larger than average man, how many are that large in the population? With under 6” being average and 9” off the charts, how many bulls are out there? On a nude beach I am attracted visually to fit men regardless of what is hanging. Do I take double takes? Yes, I think the same way men notice an attractive boob. Big boobs don’t make for better sex.

"What conversations/events made you start exploring the lifestyle?" After reading the replies to the original posts, I had to go back and see what the original question was again. For me/us, it wasn't what made us explore the lifestyle of nonmonogamy as a married couple, but how it made us into an extended family. I had broken off my engagement and moved out of the apartment with Red but continued the emotion and physical relationship with him, while having met, fell in love, and started having sex with David. I told Red everything as it unfolded with David, he was happy to still have me. I told David about having an ex, but not the continuing relationship - he figured that out on his own and casually confronted me saying that it was all right, not just the past but the present and into the future. It's not that unusual for a person to have two sex partners or even emotional partners going during the transition in relationships, but to be told that it was ok by both men, made me feel loved, appreciated and powerful all at once. I knew that this was the direction that I wanted my life to go. BTW, I am still with these two men, having married David and Red living with us and adding Clair and Lora to the family, and having children among us.

Thank you for sharing your experiences leading up to this! It's a great read! On not being able to understand why the idea of your wife having sex with someone else turns you on; I've had the same 'problem'. My wife and I first got into swinging 13 years ago. I too get very excited about my wife having sex with other men. I did at the beginning and I still do to this day. I can't explain it either. I actively tried for a few years to try to untangle my own psychology behind that, and couldn't. I just couldn't figure it out. I eventually concluded that I never would figure it out. I just gave up trying to do so. I love my wife having sex with other men. I love watching her do so, I love her going off on solo dates and coming back and telling me about it. I love her calling me from a hotel room telling me she's about to jump in bed with another man. I love having threesomes with her and getting to have sex with her right after another man has cum inside of her. I don't suggest you give up trying to puzzle this out, but sharing my experience that I did give up after a lot of effort. I embrace that I love it. All of our upbringing (and I was raised Christian as well) teaches us this is wrong. It's against morals, against expectations of a stable, happy marriage. It's got to be cheating, right? It's got to be adultery, right? I don't view it as adultery. This was a hard bridge for me to cross. Part of it is that the way the Bible lays out adultery, it's far more of a sin for a woman than it is for a man. Women in this case are possessions that are being spoiled; that's what adultery means literally. I don't like the inequality of this. So, you could say, "Ok, so it's a sin equally for both". That's a potentially valid response. For me, the next step in that was looking at sin and the impacts of it. So, what...precisely...is the negative from having sex with people other than your spouse if your spouse knows and consents? Where is the victim? There isn't one. Nobody is being harmed. If your relationship is strong, deeply communicative, and stable, there's a very high chance your relationship will be enhanced by swinging, and not hurt. So, the two of you aren't victimized by your own actions. If you are careful to play with couples in a similar situation or singles who are truly single, then likewise there is no harm being committed. If there is no harm, then where is the sin? I could talk for a while about this. Feel free to hit me up in private messages here if you like. The short of it, in the long run, is that swinging hasn't ever harmed us nor to our knowledge any of those with whom we have played. It also has had a wonderful, positive impact on our relationship and our lives. Ok so what started it for us? Before I met my wife I had dabbled in swinging/polyamory. An old girlfriend of mine, my best friend at the time, and I had one rather fun evening where my best friend and I ended up masturbating over my naked girlfriend. No touching ever happened between my best friend and my girlfriend, but I relished the idea of that happening. It was never repeated, though I wish it had been. Years later, I dated and slept with a married woman who was in an open marriage and who had the permission of her husband. I knew her husband as well, and were always friendly. That didn't last all that long, but again it was a window into a different way of living. Fast forward to dating my wife, and in the telling of our past relationships I shared those events with her. She stated very unequivocally that this was of no interest to her, and felt that the married woman had cheated on her husband, even though I had explained that no cheating had happened as he was in the know and approved. She felt very right/wrong about this, with no middle ground. That was ok with me; I wasn't interested in having an open relationship with my wife. I was just sharing my past. Fast forward to us being married six years; at this point I would have bet a million bucks that she would never, ever consider an open marriage even for a second. Now, she loves massage. I mean really loves massage. She describes massage as "almost as good as sex". I've joked before that she needs Hans and Franz as full time masseurs for her. Out of the blue, she says something along the lines of that having two men to massage her at once would be quite enjoyable. This was the catalyst that started the ball rolling. I couldn't believe she'd said that. We spent the better part of a year talking about bring other men into our lives, other women, etc. We must have had a zillion conversations, and answered and re-answered many questions. It wasn't just bedroom talk. It was heart to heart talks about our marriage, our relationship, our emotions, our sex life, etc. The opening of communication was wonderful, and we've maintained that. We finally decided to dip our toes, and had soft swap with another couple. We both very much enjoyed it, and enjoyed each other being with other people. Jealousy was never a factor. I think part of that is that we were in our 30s when we first started dabbling. We were mature enough, close enough, and open enough that jealousy never came up. We're intentionally close. The idea that another person could somehow interfere with that was incomprehensible. We enjoy each other having fun in all things, and support each other in our endeavors. Ok, having sex with others is a rather non-traditional thing for a spouse to do but if it makes us happy and enhances our relationship? Why not? Don't worry about reinventing the wheel. You're not. This is new for you. This board was immensely helpful to my wife and I when we got started in this. It would have taken a lot longer for us to get into swinging without it. In fact, we might never have done so, not being able to answer our questions without it. Ask away! We're a helpful bunch.

My husband often refers to himself as being orally bi, he has no interest in fucking a man or being fucked by a man, but in the heat of the moment he is okay with sucking dick with me or letting a man suck his dick with me. For me its hot, Its an instant puddle in my panties. I could seriously watch him suck dick all day. And I like when I get a bisexual guy. I am bi and my husband enjoying sex is fun for me too.

While not part of "mainstream" swinging (definitely an oxymoron @njbm) it is probably more common than most people think and we once met a couple whose wife literally came just at the sight of her husband sucking cock.

Main stream swinging is an oxymoron. Swinging is not main stream. Within swinging there are diverse interests. Bisexuality by both genders, BDSM, hot wifing, vixen/stag, dom/sub. Many of these sub interests are currently of no interest to me, but if I am open minded enough to participate in the lifestyle, I owe it to participants in these subgroups to be tolerant and supportive of their interests and not denigrate them.

Here is my experience with bareback Gangbangs. I frequently have them and really enjoy them. My husband and I travel all over the country and try every swing club we can. This experience made me realize how much I enjoy feeling different men inside me. I now enjoy as many men as I can. I am allergic to latex condoms and don’t like the feel of the others so I always go bareback. As far as STDs, I have been swinging for twelve years and have had many partners and have never had an STD.