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Our experience is limited but something we know if that your mentality evolve with time. Years ago we didn't have any idea that we would love to do some of the things we had done, and of course jealousy would have been our first reaction. But little by little you will be comfortable with more fantasies. It's sad that your wife probably will remember the event like a bad experience. Something that help us in situations of the past that made us feel uncomfortable is to walk through the memory and ask yourself and your partner what you would have done if you current self would be there again. uses all your imagination and don't be afraid to totally change some of the events in your mind for something that makes you feel better. Hopes this helps

You shouldn't have changed your rules in the middle of a sexual situation...but that horse has left the barn. I only point this out for others who may read it in the future. Some people are just not wired for swinging. They WANT to let their partner have the experience but they aren't really ready for it to really happen. That's why you set limits and rules and need to stick to them. The enemy of jealousy is trust. Changing the rules can be taken as a violation of that trust and that she has now given you 'permission' to have sex with any woman you want. Also, to most people sex = love and they have a very hard time separating the two...but sex is just sex. You asked for advice: let her know that while you enjoyed the experience, her feelings are more important than having sex with someone else and it will never happen again. Tell her you love her even more for her willingness to try this...that it was the most special gift that could be given to you. Let her know that you will never suggest doing it again unless she brings it back up. Then spend the rest of your life letting her know how much she means to you. If, at some point, she does come back to this again, then take baby steps and stick to the rules that you set, but she needs to KNOW that everything is in her total control. She may not ever want to return here, but if she does, she's the boss. She needs to know that she is and always will be your number 1 and can trust you completely. Swinging is a bonus, not anything that you need or necessarily want to have. You need and want her, and anything else is a bonus. Good luck and let us know how things go for you two.

I think a lot of these replies are attempting to answer a question you didn't ask and/or trying to persuade you to keep pushing the cart down this path. Here are some different points to consider: Having sex with someone outside of marriage has ruined far more relationships than it has enhanced. That is simple fact. In most relationships, the fantasy of having sex with someone other than your spouse should stay exactly that--a fantasy. Despite the impression you may find on this sight, it is a rare couple that is secure enough with themselves, their spouses, and their relationship, to allow repeated sexual contact with people outside of their marriage and still keep their marriage intact. And, just like in the vanilla community, the incidence of divorce among swinging couples is quite high. Should you and your wife decide to continue along this pathway, I suggest in the strongest terms you agree on your boundaries and stick to them. Respectfully, you two made a massive error in judgement: There is a world of difference between having sex in the same room as another couple (a harmless form of both exhibitionism and voyeurism) versus having sex with the other couple. As a couple, you were simply not ready for it. And you may never be. And that's perfectly okay. You're no less of a couple for it. As far as helping your wife get through it? You said she was "really hurting" and "grieving"... those are interesting word choices. In normal language, we usually reserve "grieving" to describe deeply intense emotional loss. I'd be quite concerned for her emotional wellbeing if I was in your shoes. The best thing you can do is communicate, communicate, communicate. Tell her you love her. Show her you love her (acts of service.) Make love to her. If she can't shake these intense feelings within the next week or so, pick up the phone and schedule some time with a therapist. If she's not able to reset on her own, she will need some professional assistance. Ann and I wish you and your wife the best. Let us know how she's doing in a week or so.

Cute dicks are a thing not for size just looks. I talk to a penis as if it’s a person. I look at the head as a face, some faces have smiles. Men don’t like when I say cute at first then get into it, especially if the nose is running and I lick it away.

I agree with everything Gold Co Couple wrote above, with one caveat: Love is defined by the people feeling it. For many, most I would reckon, sex really does equal love. That is their reality. And not all swingers entirely separate sex from love. Ann and I very much feel our sexuality/sensuality shared between us is a physical expression of our love for each other. However, we also know that not all forms of our sexual expression revolve around love. For us, not all sex is the same. That is our reality.

Unfortunately even in the lifestyle a lot of men are lousy fucks. That's something that has come up with us as well. Jealousy of the physical aspect of the experience itself. We've had some who either did not go down or were just terrible at it despite instruction. As well as just some that were just passive and wanted her on top exclusively or some lazy sideways sex. Or were simply overwhelmed and could not get/stay hard. While those things can be OK and managed longer term. Not exactly what you want out of a one time hookup.

Michael could never experience things the same way because he is doing different things. He can’t know the feeling I get with a man the same way I will never know the feeling of putting a penis in a woman. Michael is very good at noticing my reactions when he watches. He knows when I get excited or disappointed. I don’t remember sounds I make giving a bj or that I at times reach between my legs when a man comes. It’s two views of the same act.

It is interesting how two people experiencing the same thing will come away with different memories of the event! I've remembered my wife doing things while swinging and she has no recollection of it, and vice versa. "I did that? Really?"

Username87, I'm sorry this experience turned out the way it did. There's no easy way through this. With time, patience, and love the edges of this will be smoothed out.

@enhancer I think the main point is mainly just jealousy of me having sex with another woman. I don’t think it helped that the other woman came a few times and was very complimentary which I appreciated. My wife did not so somewhat of a different experience. I think the me not being jealous part is a minor part of the issue. She told me she really thought it wouldn’t be an issue and struggles that she can’t get me having sex with another women out of her head. Lips & tongues had a great idea in sharing that I was in fact jealous which makes it even hotter. Maybe that will change her mindset. I just want to comfort here as I know she’s hurting.

I know I read this on here, part of the fun is seeing a partner that first time. I can’t say I was ever taken back by someone being cute sized

Wife and I started in the swinging lifestyle in early 70's and from the very start we decided that condoms were not required. Of course this was way before AIDS and she was on the pill but we both thought the condom would take away the pleasure. From the very first every guy she fucked came in her pussy. At first she would douche after fucking another guy but one night I got to her before she did the douche and though she protested once I got my tongue in her cunt she was so turned on by the FACT THAT I WAS LICKING HER LOVER'S CUM FROM HER PUSSY THAT SHE HAD AN INTENSE ORGASM. I grabbed her butt and pulled her pussy to my face and loved the feel and taste. Then I slipped my own cock into her slick cunt and it felt so great. She said "you are going to mix your cum with his, aren't you?" You can bet I did, that time and every other time when she fucked another guy - and there were many other guys over the years, but her pussy never wore out and all the fellows loved her hairy cunt.

We had decided early on that we should keep track for many reasons who we met. We started by keeping our own real names and any identifying facts very secretive. We set up a special email, never gave out phone numbers or addresses and either met at neutral meeting places. We had a fear of people knowing I was bi and we were having sex with strangers. After meeting anonymously, we knew more about others, we thought what happens if they need to contact us for any number of reasons or we needed to contact them. It became my job to keep track, keep a journal. It started with just names and contact info and if we had a picture to attach. We then extended the entries to and special notes which then led to more of a narrative of what happened each time we met. The real fun was my notes didn’t always sound like the way he saw it. We kept expanding details, what could we remember. We even went as far as journaling physical attributes. We do have a type we look to but even that has gotten wider. We didn’t want facial hair at first, now we have expanded. At one point we searched out redheads, don’t be fooled by pictures. Breast size is hard to hide. We kept adding to journal categories, orgasms, easy or hard to make a woman orgasm or no orgasm. Men’s orgasms too, to soon and then we adding notes of copious, men who had major amounts. We know who was shy, exhibitionist, who was dominated in a relationship. We even added notes on sounds made. We are now even grading meetings, not every meeting is worth repeating. Are we being over obsessive in our journaling, I think it has added another fun thing we do and going back over those we met is like going through family vacation pictures. Things we would like to do again and things we did period. Do others keep track or just remember the few they met?

Hi Everyone. We are Billy and Debbie thinking about having sex with old friends. We have friends from our old city before we moved who we know are swingers. They told us to sign up on here to ask and find answers to all the questions they haven’t answered. We always were amazed that they are so free to have sex with others when they told us about friends they have and vacations they took. They always asked us to join them and they joked that we were like old people thinking sex is bad. I always asked how do you let guys fuck your wife, he would answer why not. I couldn’t do that to her and I don’t want you fucking Deb. We have been invited, always laughing it away. By joining here you can tell we are thinking. It has to be normal to feel you can’t let your wife fuck someone. Right? Is there a reason not to feel that way? Even thinking about my friend and my wife has me thinking how wrong this could be. We are making the list why we shouldn’t try this. Debbie and I are talking about why shouldn’t or could do this. We aren’t religious or so high moral thinkers. Why do people make judgments about swingers? My friend has made an offer to be our first or he would invite friends to the house so we can watch and chose. Thanks for letting us join this group and read comments and other posts. I am sure everyone answering will tell us how great swinging is.

We have been invited many times to join our friends who are very open to talk about swinging. For years we have laughed the invitations away as something we would never do, I could never picture watching my wife with our friend, I could picture me with our female friend not thinking it could or would happen. Times change, Debbie and I started thinking and then our friends talked us into reading posts on Swingersboard. I posted my thoughts knowing they were reading, using our names changed didn’t hide my posts. They read that we were thinking of joining them Thanksgiving weekend, it didn’t happen. We left the idea open for this week when we returned for Christmas visits to family and friends. If we were going to have any idea of going forward we had to plan a time when our teenage children would not be around for a good amount of time. Our daughter is still friends with her old friends that she new before we moved. They planned a day to go see the holiday lights on Sunday giving us hours to maybe do IT. Kids gone, it was us drinking in the den, just the Christmas tree lights and the TV on. Debbie says guess we have a few hours. I asked are you sure. Even in the low light I could see her red face. To our friends who are reading this, it is my memory, could be mistaken or different way you remember. My gorgeous friend cuddled up to me and rubbed my leg which took away a fear I had, I started to grow, she noticed. I looked over as I saw Debbie’s bra being unhooked under her top. I checked to make sure she was still in agreement, she nodded yes. Sorry, I will continue later.

Gentlemen! Please stop asking us if we prefer guys with big dicks. If we have spent the night flirting with YOU, decided to go home with YOU, and are getting frisky with YOU, the dick size is not gonna change our mind about what we are gonna do or whether or not we are gonna fuck YOU! We already decided we were gonna do it when we got in the car. I like nice guys that are adventurous, respectful, flirty and fun! If you checked the boxes and seduced my mind I am gonna have sex with you and I am gonna enjoy it even if I gotta take care of my own orgasm. Sex for us is emotional. Nothing brings down the mood more than an uncomfortable conversation about whether your dick is big enough. I do not want to hurt your feelings so do not ask it. Cause if I had two nice guys that I was attracted to and one is packing and the other isn't, I'm choosing the package! But we never have that quandary. We meet a guy, we like him, we flirt with him, we seduce him, we fuck him. We made that decision without having any idea what you're packing. Your penis is fine, quit freaking out. I'll make you a deal, if you stop asking if your dick is big enough, I'll stop asking if this dress makes me look fat. Ok? Do we have a deal?

Our advice is be honest and talk. Nobody is wrong, look at both sides before opening your mouth. How will they take your comment?

For us new play equals new partners. We normally don’t form a relationship with those we meet. I know this sounds slutty, we enjoy meeting new people who are new to the lifestyle. Some that we meet lean on us instead of branching out. Not that we have a mission, it’s more we try to make the entry into the lifestyle less worrisome, no pressure. We have kept it touch with some of our playmates, not many. Anyone reading this that we met can write to us asking our journal entry on them. Just be sure for the honesty if you want it.

Same here to my wife,she first kinds of embarrass to admitted but after a while doing BJ while I used dildo to fuck her pussy & licking her pussy lips she eventually admitted she loves the idea of spit-roast to start with for MFM.

I think she will get over it as time passes. She is one of the great majority of people for whom swinging is a bridge too far. Using the other posters’ advice, you may be on the road to role playing gold. Just be careful, your wife is sensitive to certain hot buttons.

Have you considered sharing with old flames? I mean the positive ones. Might be a great start to new play.

Sounds like you have the framework for a number of good stories!

OMG, cute sized! That is adorable, I'm totally using that in the future! 🤣😂

Hmmm I wonder how others would rate us. We only started in swinging LS and can tell you everything about everyone we met. I can’t imagine losing track with too many meet-ups, Possibly you can share on here parts of your journal. Don’t you have homework after sex with others? . For us part of the fun is reliving what we just did, I think journaling or blogging would extend the fun.

Rocky gave more attention to the size of men, I noticed other differences. I told him he has the best looking penis. Does that make you feel better? In my life I never asked a man how big he is before deciding to have sex with him. I also never used a man’s size to determine if I would continue seeing him. For the benefit of his ego I did remind him that I married him.

It sounds like you took the act of frivolous sex, which is fun, and added homework to it. 🤣

So true! Nothing turns off the missus more then dudes obsessed with their own penis. Searching online for other guys is near impossible, because it is just a sea of useless cock pics.

More permanent. As it worked out, there's not been many of those situations but when we have been fortunate enough to be in them, pregnancy was physically impossible for both females. When we finish, we always end up taking a break before things may or may not fire up again, so not really any swapping partners for "sloppy seconds." Not really a turn-on or turn-off for us, and it never really happens that way, so just not something we really pay much attention to.

When we joined I couldn’t imagine posting in this section as we had no adventures. Our first and second adventures are now behind us and we are constantly talking about it. Two in our family came home with Covid after our adventure vacation at our friends house. Both Debbie and our daughter are recovering, still am not sure if our daughter had an adventure with our friend’s son, he came down with the virus too. Debbie and I are reliving our first times with our friends and she told me something I may have missed. During our visit we switched with our friends by the light of a Christmas tree. I was able to see enough of what was going on finishing before my friend and Debbie we were able to snuggle as they kept going. When they finished and were just leaning back my partner went over to give her husband a big kiss, then gave Debbie a big hug and kiss and a playful grab of her breast. I heard some low talk and giggles figuring it was just friends happy to be together. What I missed was Debbie had a finger wipe some of the fluid coming out of her and was asked in that little whisper if she would like to have herself cleaned by her tongue. Hence the laugh I heard. Debbie told me it was a short No that led to the giggle. There weren’t any other attempts or requests like that the rest of the week. Now that we are home we are talking, Debbie wants to know if it is normal for the women to play, so I researched on the forum. Some women do, some don’t. It is much less common for men, I have no desire for that. I googled bisexuality and it says attraction to both sexes, Debbie said she isn’t attracted to her friend as a lover. The question is having sex means you are attracted or is having sex just that, having sex. People have oral sex as fun, one person enjoys doing and the satisfaction is making the other person satisfied. The other person enjoys what is being done to them. I said did you enjoy giving a blow job to him, did you enjoy having him eat you, what would be the difference if she went down on you. She said she didn’t know if she could reciprocate, she never did that. It’s just talk right now and it’s fun to talk.

I'm a woman who loves getting and keeping sperm in my vagina, a living part of him to stay a few days. When hubby (or another guy) makes the effort to ejaculate his final few drops into me, I appreciate it.

Thank you for all the encouraging posts, am I supposed to keep posting how things are? They are pretty pretty pretty good. Back to our first time, the more I read, the more we talked, the more we laughed, the more perfect our first time was, FaceTime only added to the memory. Debbie not climaxing did not take away from her funness, she reminded me she just doesn’t every time we have sex, not letting go might have contributed even if she said it didn’t. I know she said at the time she was uptight, memories have a way of mellowing. Today was a new day, a day after a day we only tried to plan our first next time. A day where Debbie did climax with someone other than the man she is surly comfortable with and never reluctant to be with except when she is, and I know when not to even try. Our kids surprised us this morning while having breakfast. We were enjoying our host’s hospitality with a great hotel style breakfast. Debbie and I were in our best visiting breakfast outfits, Sweats. Our hosts were in similar outfits, maybe a little fancier The “kids” were dressed and ready to go somewhere, ice skating with other friends. Our friends got the details from their son that they would be gone and most likely would be home for dinner. Hours without our kids!!! I don’t know who was the most excited, Debbie was. Like I wasn’t. Once the car was gone, it didn’t take long before chapter 2. Sex in the morning in bright daylight, seeing nude bodies in full light is much different from the light of a Christmas Tree. Even I could me shy in full light. Yeah I read about the woman who didn’t like her imperfections, men have feelings too. Yeah I got over it fast. In daylight you also get to see your spouse with a friend in a different light doing things I only saw in shadows two days before. I will say it was interesting even if she could see me with our very willing friend. I suggested strip poker, was reminded I had no clothes to lose, we were already passed getting out of clothes. What happened next was fun, nervous fun, I a can be a jokester. Pancake syrup was a part of the fun. Guess it is better than turkey gravy if this happened after dinner. My friends are seasoned swingers, I could understand why both would be prized at any gathering. I always thought of myself as a “stud”, Debbie tells me that frequently. Not bragging but I think I can go for awhile, two minutes at least, just kidding. Between what we were doing, and watching what that other couple was doing, is that really Debbie doing that, laughing, joking and doing whatever, it had to be close to a few hours, it did seem long, when we got to real business. I would say we were going strong and so was that other couple. I think I was pretty good holding out and then I heard all those porn sounds, wondering where it was coming from, and then I knew it was the right time to be in sync. No not the boy band. At that point I was able to watch, in full light my dearest sweetheart was doing. This man was a machine and Debbie who claimed not have climaxed that first time, couldn’t say that again. I know, she can’t fake that with me, right, I know when she fakes, right, yes I can tell. They finally finished Debbie seemed exhausted. I sure was just watching all the positions they were in. So now I’m posting while everyone is watching football. We had plans for tonight to go to a restaurant that canceled our reservation. We are pretty sure it’s Covid related. Two couples we were supposed to be with tomorrow are both sick, waiting on test results, it won’t make a difference, they are sick. Me thinks we will be staying in tomorrow night watching Ryan Seacrest, joking about balls dropping. The second chapter is finished and this book is interesting. Am I supposed to continue play by play or blow by blow, I see some on here are posting daily. Right now I will say Good Night.

I can’t believe 3x. Twice with our friend and saved enough for private time with Debbie. That last one was copious but it was there.

To quickly finish my post without all elaborations. What made it not perfect was our daughter FaceTimed us from a Holiday light exhibit she went to. I was able to get a shirt on before answering. We all think I pulled off the idea we were just sitting around talking. It did lend to laughs as we restarted what we didn’t finish. I worried about Floppy Joe and said don’t fail me now. I did get a straight up Joe quickly. Another imperfect part was Debbie didn’t climax even with a very long session even with the interruption. To me I thought he had her all the way there. She told me privately that it was fun and she would do it again. Yeah she almost had the climax, I almost blame myself, she said she held back her enjoyment due to nerves. I could understand the nerves, I felt the same. I think my partner climaxed, maybe a few times. The after private time we talked. Debbie asked me what was the most difficult thing, honest watching her fall fellating him and she gave an agreeing scream, the oral sex was what she couldn’t watch too. Maybe next time will be more perfect.

Only three years? We learned or were told that our friends went to a swingers resort before we moved, at least six or seven years ago. We couldn’t believe our close friends were doing this, amazed any couple do it. It took time before we could listen to the stories, we would go home saying we could never do that. They would call us bible people and living life as old people. Privately the husband told me what they were doing, in detail. Debbie told me she got juicy details too. We moved hours away, our contact was mostly my phone, the wives mostly talked. We would come and visit or they would come to us, always the conversation would come up about vacations. They never overly pushed, only suggested to including us. The talking we are doing now started before the world shut down, started again after they told us about a trip they took with another neighbor we had. We didn’t believe the others joined them, don’t know why we thought that. I can say I am not pushing Debbie, she talks about too. It is a mutual equal talk. Driving to our friends last month we agreed we might, we didn’t. We are still talking, still wondering.

We are very similar to you HardTongue, we started swinging late 70’s when we were 35 and married 15 years (it was my wife’s first time with another guy as I had taken her cherry when she was 19), the wife had her tubes tied after our last child was born when we were 30. We joined a nudist club mid 70’s where we found out their was a lot of swinging going on, we talked about it and the wife was all for it in the heat of the moment when we were having sex but cool when it came to talking about it when trying to arrange anything in broad daylight, I kept putting opportunities in front of her and she finally took one up, we were at a 100% straight party (their were some nudist’s there but most of the people were not and did not know about the nudist club), I was called away to work, owing to the fact that I knew their was no chance of me returning to the party we arranged for her to get a lift home with Joe a guy that I knew she was keen on and had been flirting with during the night. Next morning when I returned from work she told me that she had been a naughty girl with Joe, I replied that a bit of a kiss and cuddle never hurt anyone and she came back with “it was more than a kiss and cuddle” I bared up then and there and took her to the bedroom and made love to her (including going down on her) while she told me what happened, “the dam had burst”. Later in the week Joe and his partner visited us and we swapped partners, that was the start of 25 + yeas of swinging and swapping for us, she took to the lifestyle like a duck to water, “and loved it”. Her session with Joe was bare back with him coming in her and all our other sessions have been as well, we got right into the swinging scene with other members of the nudist club and were going to parties where their could be as many as 25-30 couples attending, all bare back sex. When A I D’s came out we had a rethink and decided that M F M threesomes was the way for us to go as I loved seeing her go with other guys and going silky seconds as well as doing the cleaning up after she had been with other guys, the wife surprised me by stating that she would rather play with married guys (their were exceptions) as they had a wife to go home to so had to look after their selves health wise more that single guys as she wanted to carry on doing bare back sex with others. Our usual sessions start with our visitor going first and me going silky seconds, from their on in I get off on seeing them play with me joining in where ever I can, when the night has finished and our guest has left then I get to do the cleaning up MMMMM, I have actually blown my load with no physical stimulation while going down on my wife after she has been with another guy and I am doing the cleaning up, one particular guy we were having threesomes with was into cream pies as well and we just keep going all night long cleaning up after each other until we were exhausted and spent, what a night that was, and it happened a few times. We have been sexually active with others 25 + years, (we have had some breaks for family reasons) we have never used protection and have never caught an S T D, I would say we have been careful “and lucky”, no regrets this way and still very much in love after being married 45 + years. :kissface:Rick181au.