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You are hardly the only one. To begin, look for a single bi male or a couple who lists their male as bi / bi-curious. But, many "straight" males are interested in m/m play and their wives are enthusiastic supporters/participants. If you list yourself as bi-curious, they will find you. Another thought is to have your wife bring it up in a playful, nonthreatening way. Men get to watch us play - why don't we get to see them play together??? If both women make it clear that they are good with it - it might open the door for m/m touching, etc.

The idea that non-monogamy would result in a 90% divorce rate is inconsistent with the existence of this forum and its content. We do hear from time to time of situations that go south, but it's uncommon. I think it highly unlikely that the vast, vast majority of non-monogamous couples here that divorce would all go silent. Further, the study that you noted about relationship satisfaction is inconsistent with the 90% figure. The U.S. divorce rate has dropped substantially over the last 20 years (as has the marriage rate).

Anyone consider themselves straight but find themselves really wanting to suck a dick while swinging lol? I have no desire to kiss, fuck, or get fucked by a man and do not find men attractive, but for some reason, I kinda wanna suck a dick. Am I the only one? How would I bring this up?

My wife and I have a lot of fantasies about this subject, and we've tried many things so far. Recently I was on a business trip and on the day I was supposed to arrive, my wife called and told me that she had a surprise for me when I arrived. I got very excited and decided to take a potency-boosting drug 15 minutes before entering the house. When I arrived and walked into the house, I was very surprised as my wife was having sex with two men, and I immediately joined them. The evening went great:)

I have read notes my wife keeps on our shared computer with her knowledge. Some notes are very brief, others can be very graphic bordering on pornography. At first I didn’t know who, what or where she was meeting, we both were open that we did meet others, keeping secretive the details. Then we had an honest talk and expanded to playing together as well as alone. I don’t keep a diary that I could share , I did give her my password to emails. I also made a picture file that she has the password to. Reading and sharing is extremely sexy even if I question the why she meets some of the men she does. She has questioned my choices, that’s when I answer for both of us. Sex.

After reading the topic I had to ask the wife. Her answer was one I have a hard time deciphering, “I married you” Seriously I don’t always know why she chooses the men she does. She meets men on an affairs page with profiles and pictures. If a man posts pictures of his equipment it is hard to unsee, it has to register positively and negatively. She said if a profile is bragging it goes to a more important aspect and shows he is full of himself. She says she dismisses those profiles without further thought. She has a big dick at home, it vibrates and recharges. I happen to know it is 10 inches and she claims it’s the biggest dick she ever played with. Being funny she told me she looks for big tongues and prefers that. Now I’m standing in front of a mirror checking out me tongue. Does anyone know how to measure a tongue and if you measure on the top back to the uvula or under the tongue?

You shouldn't have changed your rules in the middle of a sexual situation...but that horse has left the barn. I only point this out for others who may read it in the future. Some people are just not wired for swinging. They WANT to let their partner have the experience but they aren't really ready for it to really happen. That's why you set limits and rules and need to stick to them. The enemy of jealousy is trust. Changing the rules can be taken as a violation of that trust and that she has now given you 'permission' to have sex with any woman you want. Also, to most people sex = love and they have a very hard time separating the two...but sex is just sex. You asked for advice: let her know that while you enjoyed the experience, her feelings are more important than having sex with someone else and it will never happen again. Tell her you love her even more for her willingness to try this...that it was the most special gift that could be given to you. Let her know that you will never suggest doing it again unless she brings it back up. Then spend the rest of your life letting her know how much she means to you. If, at some point, she does come back to this again, then take baby steps and stick to the rules that you set, but she needs to KNOW that everything is in her total control. She may not ever want to return here, but if she does, she's the boss. She needs to know that she is and always will be your number 1 and can trust you completely. Swinging is a bonus, not anything that you need or necessarily want to have. You need and want her, and anything else is a bonus. Good luck and let us know how things go for you two.

Unfortunately even in the lifestyle a lot of men are lousy fucks. That's something that has come up with us as well. Jealousy of the physical aspect of the experience itself. We've had some who either did not go down or were just terrible at it despite instruction. As well as just some that were just passive and wanted her on top exclusively or some lazy sideways sex. Or were simply overwhelmed and could not get/stay hard. While those things can be OK and managed longer term. Not exactly what you want out of a one time hookup.

I think a lot of these replies are attempting to answer a question you didn't ask and/or trying to persuade you to keep pushing the cart down this path. Here are some different points to consider: Having sex with someone outside of marriage has ruined far more relationships than it has enhanced. That is simple fact. In most relationships, the fantasy of having sex with someone other than your spouse should stay exactly that--a fantasy. Despite the impression you may find on this sight, it is a rare couple that is secure enough with themselves, their spouses, and their relationship, to allow repeated sexual contact with people outside of their marriage and still keep their marriage intact. And, just like in the vanilla community, the incidence of divorce among swinging couples is quite high. Should you and your wife decide to continue along this pathway, I suggest in the strongest terms you agree on your boundaries and stick to them. Respectfully, you two made a massive error in judgement: There is a world of difference between having sex in the same room as another couple (a harmless form of both exhibitionism and voyeurism) versus having sex with the other couple. As a couple, you were simply not ready for it. And you may never be. And that's perfectly okay. You're no less of a couple for it. As far as helping your wife get through it? You said she was "really hurting" and "grieving"... those are interesting word choices. In normal language, we usually reserve "grieving" to describe deeply intense emotional loss. I'd be quite concerned for her emotional wellbeing if I was in your shoes. The best thing you can do is communicate, communicate, communicate. Tell her you love her. Show her you love her (acts of service.) Make love to her. If she can't shake these intense feelings within the next week or so, pick up the phone and schedule some time with a therapist. If she's not able to reset on her own, she will need some professional assistance. Ann and I wish you and your wife the best. Let us know how she's doing in a week or so.

Michael could never experience things the same way because he is doing different things. He can’t know the feeling I get with a man the same way I will never know the feeling of putting a penis in a woman. Michael is very good at noticing my reactions when he watches. He knows when I get excited or disappointed. I don’t remember sounds I make giving a bj or that I at times reach between my legs when a man comes. It’s two views of the same act.

It is interesting how two people experiencing the same thing will come away with different memories of the event! I've remembered my wife doing things while swinging and she has no recollection of it, and vice versa. "I did that? Really?"

Username87, I'm sorry this experience turned out the way it did. There's no easy way through this. With time, patience, and love the edges of this will be smoothed out.

Our experience is limited but something we know if that your mentality evolve with time. Years ago we didn't have any idea that we would love to do some of the things we had done, and of course jealousy would have been our first reaction. But little by little you will be comfortable with more fantasies. It's sad that your wife probably will remember the event like a bad experience. Something that help us in situations of the past that made us feel uncomfortable is to walk through the memory and ask yourself and your partner what you would have done if you current self would be there again. uses all your imagination and don't be afraid to totally change some of the events in your mind for something that makes you feel better. Hopes this helps

Our advice is be honest and talk. Nobody is wrong, look at both sides before opening your mouth. How will they take your comment?

It would be nice to think that everyone who tries swinging enjoys the experience and incorporates it into their life. But experience shows that doesn’t happen, even when they have "done all the right things" in preparation for their first time. As you note Username 87, the two of you failed to keep a pre-play agreement to not do full swap. There are folks here on the board who have done similar things without causing a post-play problem, but there seems to be a consensus that mid-play renegotiations of agreed upon rules often causes post-play issues. Or even mid-play issues…) I’ve seen this happen to friends of mine, and it happened to me with a couple who were friends. In one case a couple I knew brought a lady friend in. There’d been no agreement the women would play with each other. But they did. By my friends’ account both ladies had a great time. But the next day their unicorn friend freaked out a bit. My own example was actually my first MFM. A couple of months previously the wife in the couple told me they had been talking about inviting a guy to join them in bed for a threesome. At a weekend sporting event we were all attending their hotel had over-booked, but I had a room reserved with two beds. I offered them the second bed. Only when we got to the room there was just one king bed. We got into bed with nightclothes. Then the wife said "This isn’t how we sleep at home" and pulled her nightie up over her head. After that there was way more sex than sleeping. Everyone had a great time. At the end of the event I went with them to their house and while the husband had to go to work the wife snd I continued to have sex. But the aftermath, when everyone’s ardor had cooled, almost wrecked their marriage. We all stayed good friends, but they never played as a couple again, with me or anyone else. (For a number of years the wife and I occasionally played.)

I think she will get over it as time passes. She is one of the great majority of people for whom swinging is a bridge too far. Using the other posters’ advice, you may be on the road to role playing gold. Just be careful, your wife is sensitive to certain hot buttons.

@enhancer I think the main point is mainly just jealousy of me having sex with another woman. I don’t think it helped that the other woman came a few times and was very complimentary which I appreciated. My wife did not so somewhat of a different experience. I think the me not being jealous part is a minor part of the issue. She told me she really thought it wouldn’t be an issue and struggles that she can’t get me having sex with another women out of her head. Lips & tongues had a great idea in sharing that I was in fact jealous which makes it even hotter. Maybe that will change her mindset. I just want to comfort here as I know she’s hurting.

Is she upset, because you are not jealous or is it, because she is jealous and you or not?

I think it would be fun to meet up with them not so much with the goal of playing together but sharing lifestyle experiences. Even if it doesn’t lead to play I’d bet the two of you go home and have a wild time together.

The cat's out of the bag, so to speak, now. There are potential complications in your wife having sex with an old boyfriend. Will it uncork and reinvigorate past emotions? How would you respond to that? Are you averse to emotions developing between play partners for either of you? How would you feel if your wife's ex started expressing those emotions towards her? Would it be different than hearing emotions being expressed by a non-ex boyfriend play partner? Is it worth it for her to play with him? Was the sex incredible with him and they broke up for other reasons? Was the breakup amicable, or was it nasty? If it was nasty, could that complicate things? I'm scratching the surface at potential variables here that need to be considered...variables that aren't in play if you get together with swingers who are new to you. One variable that is already in the past; they know you and you know them (through your wife, of course). What you choose to do with that situation is up to you and your wife. But, as ROCKlandCpl said, make sure you're both in agreement. For our parts; my wife and I both have long ago exes with whom we are still in touch and close. We both have 'passes', if you will, to play with them if the opportunity arises. We discussed it at length before deciding on that. In her case, it's unlikely to happen; her ex is married, and since swingers constitute only a small % of the population, it's unlikely they are swingers. In my case, my ex is single, is aware that we have an open marriage and that my wife has given specific permission to play with her; she even heard it from my wife directly. That was years ago. She declined then, and I don't think it's likely she'll change her mind. We remain close. We decided to go this route since both of us had amicable breakups with these two people, and because we remain close to them. It wouldn't be much of a shift to have sex with them again, and we're comfortable with the idea of deeper emotions developing if they did. Your mileage may vary. Consider wisely. Don't act rashly.