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It's hard to know what's happened. General advice; ask. Ok, that can be hard. But, communication can help. I wouldn't put them on the spot, or accuse, but you could suggest a different day to get together. If you keep getting 'no's, then you can eventually connect the dots. I wouldn't read too far into this just yet.

We get together with the couple that we have been 'dating' for a LONG time about once a month or so. We always plan on having something happen, but there are plenty of times when we just have a vanilla evening. There's nothing wrong with that since we like them as people and not just as sex toys, and still enjoy the evenings. Sometimes the 'vibe' just isn't there...and that's okay. Other times we have not expected much and things get crazy. Bottom line is we enjoy the time we spend together, no matter what we are doing.

Like, and like, a thousand times like. There are some in the lifestyle that don't understand the rules, and think that being in the lifestyle means everyone wants people to always be touching them. Those people won't be in the lifestyle very long, and they should be reported to the management of a swinger club.

I resist the phrase, "sex with strangers." I prefer sex with new friends.

Sometimes women just don’t feel like having sex! I wouldn’t read anything into it unless they tell you there is more to it.

We’ve had what we thought were fun experiences with other couples, then radio silence. I do find that when a male cannot perform or underperforms, he is reluctant to try again with the same woman. It doesn’t bother us, but it bothers them. More than once, we’ve been baffled. It’s not you, it’s them.

They're long time friends of yours. It's completely reasonable to expect that some times they just want to do friends things, and not have every evening be geared towards sex. I wouldn't read anything into it at all! There's an old saying in swinging; don't go with any expectations other than having a good time. If you've been friends with this couple for 10 plus years, you obviously have fun with them outside of the bed. Take advantage of that. Just roll with it. It's cool.

I played as a solo guy for a number of years, I had decent success, playing at on premises clubs and house parties. Using my memories ,fingers and toes I came up with 12 home runs and 8 strike outs. I had a girlfriend that I swung with and didn't include those encounters, those were a shoe in! My success rate was because I dressed nicely, showered, had nice hair, trimmed beard, not drunk, etc. I wasn't afraid to approach a couple, starting the conversation with the Mr. typically, about mundane things such as jobs, vacations, dogs, etc. Have a sense of humor. If you can get the couple laughing, you're 3/4 there. I hung out with a local Vegas couple at one of the clubs there, just talking about this and that, watching some of the action going on for about two hours. I was thinking about leaving, thinking that it wasn't going anywhere and it was getting late. It couldn't have hurt to ask, so I asked the gentleman if they would like to play and he said that it was up to her. She was non committal so I said that I would give her a massage, there being a massage table in one of the rooms. I like to think of myself as an unlicensed massage therapist, so I gave it my best for 20-30 minutes. It was after she flipped onto her back that I got to work on her nether region and she asked if I wanted to fuck. I said "More that anything in the whole world." Afterward she said, "You're pretty good with that thing." She was the hottest girl in the place that night. The point being is that if you approach a couple looking for sex you will probably strike out. If you are just looking to make friends and have a good time you will have much better success.

We've been empty nesters for quite a while. As a result, we have some empty bedrooms. So, we did two things: First, we turned our master into a Zen oasis for no purpose other than complete relaxation and rest. No television, bright lights, so on; added light blocking shutters and drapes on the windows; added special sound insulation so no unwanted noise disturbs our sleep; added a special sound system for superb binaural beats, nature sounds, and other white noise. The centerpiece is a king bed that independently articulates, elevates upper and lower body, and has independent massage features. Also, it provides independent cooling or heating, depending on what each of us needs. Basically, it's guaranteed to drop you into a temporary sleep coma. Lol Next, we converted one of the other bedrooms into our sex room. Walking through our home, the bedroom appears ordinary and unremarkable. That's because we cleverly disguised its actual purpose and hid all of the naughty items. We like our sex to be varied, so we're set up for everything from slow, romantic episodes to more... adventurous play. The room has a large walk-in closet with a solid locking door (not a flimsy hollow core door you usually see in homes.) We reserve the walk-in closet for the kinkier sides of ourselves. It's also where we store the Sybian, sex furniture, and bulkier sex items. The bed and mattress is purposely mounted a little lower, so the height is just right for sex. The sheets are silk. We have a nicely sized television and sound system. The bedroom is connected to nicely sized bathroom with a two-person walk in shower and soaking tub. If someone asks us about the locked closet door (it happens from time-to-time), I tell them I keep some of my firearms inside. Nobody is the wiser. Our housekeeper doesn't even know what's behind that door. We have other bedrooms for guests to stay in, so it's not a problem to host company. I must say, having a bedroom dedicated to sleep, and another bedroom dedicated to sex and erotic play, is a luxury we both enjoy even more than we thought we would. I know it's not in the cards for everybody, but it you have the space and funds to make it work, you could do a lot worse for yourselves.

Ummm kids are not allowed in Mommies room, it's a rule!!! They know it and they follow it, on pain of death from the very uncomfortable conversations we will have!

Personally, I would look elsewhere. Not worth the potential problems. I'd be curious to know if this man's wife would be interested...

Husband and I together for 13 years. Our relationship has been a slow steady progression towards swinging. We've been in the lifestyle now for about 5 years. We've had about 5 or 6 different couples/partners over the last few years, most of them leading towards repeat meet ups just because we clicked so well. Unlike this last one. We met this couple online and found mutual attraction. We messaged back and fourth and one day the male half messaged us and asked if we could be a 'birthday surprise' for his girlfriend. We were elated! How exciting would it be to be someone's birthday surprise!? We gladly took him up on the offer. We met them at a pub, had drinks, apps and good conversation. At the end of it the male half asked if we wanted to go back to their place for cake. We said hell yes! We got there, got comfy, played Truth or dare, which ultimately lead to the bedroom. It was the most natural progression we'd experienced. We all seemingly had a good time. The 4 of us clicked, it was so hot! The male half did have did have a bit of 'stage fright'. Which was totally ok with us, it's happened with us before. It was still so hot. End of the night, we all hugged and said goodbye, I felt amazing. Fast forward a day. We text them asking how they've been. The male half says he's a bit chokes that he couldn't perform (it was seriously no problem for us). Fast forward another day, they send us some sexy snaps chats. Which we gladly reply with our own. Was recieved well. They also invited us to get ready at their house, for this fetish party we all got tickets to. So seemingly, everyone clicking great. We're now like a week after our initial meet and we snapchat them a sexy clip. His response was 'hot man.'. Not the same response as before. He also says 'hey, we kind of lost touch there, still want to meet up before the show or just meet there?'. Also, a huge storm hit our city and there's a possibility that the show could be postponed. I had asked the couple if it was postponed, if they'd want to still get together. He said they had made arrangements for after the show already and if it was canceled, they'd have other plans. Which was weird because we had already made the plans to go to their place, they invited us, it has seemed like we'd hangout for the night kind of thing. At this point it seems like they're just uninterested in us and I'm at a loss on what could have gone wrong. Or maybe I'm just thinking too far into things? Someone please help. It got weird out of nowhere

So, me and the wife are still fairly new to swinging. We've been going for about 2 years now and we have only ever done it with one other couple, who just so happen to be long time (10 plus years) friends of ours. Well, Saturday night they came for a sleepover. After hanging out and having a few drinks, the girls end up saying that they did not want to have sex because "it feels like every time we are together, we have to have sex". Me and him were both cool with it because we don't pressure our wives to do anything they don't want to do, but looking back, I'm just curious. Could this actually be the reason, or is something else (loss of attraction, loss of interest, etc) more likely the cause. I know for a fact that they were both planning on a fun night because the wife had me help her shave and his wife brought her toys. Something changed within the night.

Think it went the way someone else wanted. You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometime you'll find You get what you need

It seems there is either okay with it or not at all. While I do appreciate Aphroditee’s perspective of no emotional connection it’s okay it comes across as long as she’s not emotionally hurt. There are some single men in the lifestyle that are amazing and understand boundaries. Unfortunately plenty of people are not even honest with their own self first and dishonesty is a part of their lifestyle.

Yes. Value the relationship. Sense what level of activity everyone wants, be happy to have them as friends. Even LS relationships have an up and down dynamic. One thing the gentlemen might ask themselves--what would be a terrific time for the ladies? Send them on a girls' weekend, agree to go to some attraction or event that's their idea, given them a pair of gift certificates to a local spa, cook a meal for them (including shopping, prep, cooking, and cleanup) while they sip drinks and relax somewhere. Make it about them, not about sex. Yes, they'll notice.

It isn't ABnormal to do so. I think part of it depends on age. When I was 25, my then girlfriend made it a mission to see how many times she could get me to orgasm in one day (for the record, it was 7!). I think if you're young enough even masturbating several times a day is conceivable. The older you get, the less realistic that is.

Yes! One post and done. I wish people would follow up on their stories.

Deb has been answering all the messages we got after discussing with me. I think some were horrible matches with people I never would have sex with. I think first impressions in these situations are important. I thought some were interesting and possibly nice to meet. Sex with strangers sounds exciting, most of you say that is what swinging is. Stay away from friends, stay away from an ex, both have big downsides. Our first swinging was with friends and after not going forward, hesitating and finally joining in was good, not perfect. Thinking back if it was strangers we never would go forward. Memories change, mine says it was great, Debbie must agree if we joined a swingers group. Debbie wrote back to her college friend. She made it clear she has no romantic feelings, she has a curiosity of seeing him as an old friend. Our conversation went to having sex with our old friends was much easier for her because we know them. She thinks sex with him would be easier because she knows him. I asked if it was my old girlfriend would she think the same way. I made her sleep on that thought. She couldn’t answer. We are still talking. I think I’m on board, she has to decide.

Really hot scenario! I have the fantasy of both guys rubbing their cocks together inside the girl's pussy in a DVP, (only if it was comfortable to the girl) and both guys cumming and flowing out of her... Yummy!

Experienced this last weekend. Met a bi m/f cpl for motel play. We all agreed to bareback sex, since all three produced written records of our latest test results beforehand. She was very nice, and an expert @ what she was doing. He was toned, and pretty hot, with a PHAT cock, very thick. He expressed that he wanted me to fuck him while she watched. So we all got naked & he and I started sucking each other. He then rolled over to the doggie position. I lubed his ass really good. This was only his 2nd time bottoming. She came over to the bed as I slid my stiff cock into him. She maneuvered herself underneath him, 69, with her nose rubbing my balls with each stroke. It was an erotic moment. He started grinding his ass into me as I was balls deep. She stated she wanted me to cum inside him, and he concurred. As I neared the point of no return, she started licking my balls, and that's all it took. I sprayed my load deep in his ass, while he was moaning & grinding against me. When I exited his hole she sucked his cock. He unloaded, and she said it was the biggest load she'd ever had from him. It was an experience not soon to be forgotten. They expressed the desire to meet again, so he could fuck me. I agreed wholeheartedly

Your husband had a talk and it didn’t work. Report him to management.

All LS gatherings, parties, club events etc that we have hosted or participate in this is behavior that will get you removed and banned. All these venues also will have the person/couple that invited/recommended the new person/couple leaving with them. They are held responsible for their actions. no matter the event, activity including open and private room participation is it acceptable to do any activity at all without consent from that person/couple. It is not ever acceptable behavior. There definitely a line….do not test it or cross it.

Nope, that is also completely unacceptable behavior. A Woman need to respect a man's boundaries, just like a man needs to respect a woman's boundaries. When i am flirting with a man I've never met before I might casually touch his hand or arm but any woman or man that thinks they can touch another person anyplace under clothing without permission is wrong.

Is there any double standard for this? I had an incident where a woman, without asking, put her hand down my pants. I stopped her midway but thought it was rather aggressive.

Just trying to imagine how to explain a stripper pole to the kids...

It's not the size of the vessel nor the motion of the ocean, but whether the captain can stay in port long enough for the passengers to get off! That said, most girls don't want to be fucked until they're sore and raw and their jaws hurt and Charlie horses in their palms. That the guy used numbing cream before a date is unseemly in that the guy expected you to want to go on forever. The board is full of stories where the new guy wouldn't cum and the night went on far too long. Question: How long did it go on until you two cried Uncle?

If it were my decision, I'd go for it. I am the type that would rather try something and regret it, than never try and always wonder, "what if?"

"Dad, can I borrow your corded drill and a 3/16ths inch auger bit? No, thanks, I can handle this myself."

Lol... I find the question to be somewhat humorous. What do couples look for in a single man? Um, the answer, of course, is a varied as the couples involved. The notion that there is some universal description of what "all couples" are looking for in a single man is rather unrealistic. At best, we could offer some guideposts that mostly surround your behavior, dress, personal hygiene, etc. Not coincidentally, this is the same advice we'd offer any man looking to meet up with a single (vanilla or otherwise) or open couple: Expect rejection, lots and lots of it (if this thought bothers you, quit while you're ahead) Be a gentleman at all times in your words, deeds, manners, and demeanor Be punctual Be genuine Show interest in her/the couple and don't talk about yourself too much Be sparkling clean, closely shaved, with minty fresh breath, and use cologne sparingly Dress smartly for the occasion, slightly above what might be expected Nobody likes a boozer or drug user (if you do partake in libations, do so in extreme moderation) Have no expectation of sex (it probably won't happen, especially on the first meet up) Always remember the biggest sexual organ is the brain; make her laugh and help her relax, and you're halfway there Give chemistry time to develop and don't be in a hurry The couple always has veto power and they don't owe you an explanation Get tested for the full spectrum of STDs/STIs and be prepared to produce the results when requested Should you be lucky enough to be invited to have sex, always assume a condom is required and bring your own You may have some performance issues (yes, even the Bull God) so bring along a couple of doses of sildenafil (Viagra) Pick up after yourself Don't overstay your welcome A follow-up phone call 48-72 hours later is fine, but don't act like a desperate hound or creep (texting is not acceptable) Never kiss and tell (there is no Expiration Date on your obligation to remain discreet.) Best of luck to you.

I agree that this sounds like a big risk. Personally I do not love condoms but if it is a new lover and we haven't built up that trust yet, he is wearing one. I've taken guys I know really well bareback, cause we have trust and like I said I am not a Condom fan. But I trust these guys, I know their wives and other partners. I'm also very selective about who comes in me vs on me. I could never let a bunch of strangers treat me like a cum dump, that sounds like a good way to get cooties or worse. And if there was a guy that was gonna unknowingly give you cooties it would be a guy that is ok barebacking a chick who just let 5 guys fill her with cum. Nope sounds gross.

I wouldn't hang out with them any longer. This guy's actions may get you and your husband branded by association, and repel good couples. This guy should be reported to management at the clubs and he should get kicked out and banned.

My husband has spoken with him in the past but I think the best approach is to tell him what you guys have said. That should shake him up and make him realize that it's not all fun and games, it's actually sexual assault!

Probably the best way to handle this is to have your husband talk to him explaining that your wife and other women have made comments about his roving hands and to remind him that one should ALWAYS ASK PERMISSION before doing anything. Just because he is a swinger, it isn't an excuse to excuse rude behavior. If this doesn't take care of the matter, then report him to the club owner and ask him to be removed.

We don’t play with cheaters, because we think it is a narcissistic trait and we both have a strong dislike for narcissistic people! Definitely do not find narcissistic people attractive in any way. We also believe in karma and have no interest in being in situations that brings bad karma to all involved. Knowingly being part of someone betraying the one they are supposed to love and be loyal to is bad karma. We may not know their spouse, but that doesn’t mean we are okay with causing another person emotional pain regardless of who they are. She also doesn’t feel sexy or attractive if an attached guy hits her up, because they are more then likely hitting up anyone and everyone they can trying to find someone to help accomplish their self centered goals. Shitty people will use anyone to get what they want.

Yeah, this is where we are. Fidelity is key to the lifestyle for us. Violating someone's marriage is not what we want.

Not into the cheating husband scene. Morally wrong and unfair to the cheated upon spouse. Invites drama, how bout the wife showing up at your tryst, screaming or shooting. A zillion single guys willing to perform the same tasks. If a person is in a loveless and/or non-sexual marriage, they have to consider their alternatives, such as divorce. You can’t have it both ways by cheating. It will be uncovered and you will be faced with the same decision in an uglier scenario.

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY! I would watch my man sucking dick all day long! Freaking love it! I wish more guys were more fluid too.

What I like to see: I can't say that I like huge saggy breasts, but it does turn me on to watch Clair's or Lora's breasts sway back and forth when they are fucking doggy. (Mine are too small to sway.) Forget a guy's dick (vaginal orgasm is easy for me regardless of dick), I love to see and play with a (huge saggy) scrotum with well-defined testicles, not the scrotums that look like half a tennis ball. A man's testicles are the source of all his manhood and the sperm I like to have living inside me. Beautiful scrotums/testicles don't get the recognition they deserve. On a woman I appreciate nice, appropriate sized inner labia that slightly protrudes beyond her outer labia, and a well-defined clit.

I am now retired.My wife passed away in 2007. I do not know if this approppiate in this day and age but I met my wife in europe in a ganbang in a sex club.At that time she was being banged by about 15 guys. No condoms full on ejaculation in her vagina. I just by chance after her show asked her if she would like a drink.We became friends.I gave her my phone number not expecting her to call me. She did 12 months later. I brought her to Ausralia. No strings attached. We married and had 3 children. She one night when we were out what I asked what she would like! She said a full on gangbang! I arranged it through a girfriend I new who was a prostitute. She arranged 20 guys privatley at her house.I have never seen my wife so happy. I am not a jelous person but the smile on her face going home and the mess she made in cab was unbelievable. On special occasions I would arrange further gangbangs for her! I miss her so much! I would love to connect any females who think the same .Cheers

*UPDATE* We met up with a couple and we did it! We fucked like crazy and it was fun and sexy and everyone had a great time. For a first time, I couldn't have asked for a better time. The other couple was great. I can't wait for our next one. So sexy seeing everyone having a great time. Very sexy watching my wife perform, just wow!

I don't have to show off my GF because she shows herself off plenty. Amateur night at strip clubs, sex in public, and countless guys who have taken videos and pictures of her while fucking her. Most people would be horrified of videos like those being circulated around but it turns her on.