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I wish my penis was smaller.

I love them. I love the feeling when a guy is cumming in me

I think a lot of these replies are attempting to answer a question you didn't ask and/or trying to persuade you to keep pushing the cart down this path. Here are some different points to consider: Having sex with someone outside of marriage has ruined far more relationships than it has enhanced. That is simple fact. In most relationships, the fantasy of having sex with someone other than your spouse should stay exactly that--a fantasy. Despite the impression you may find on this sight, it is a rare couple that is secure enough with themselves, their spouses, and their relationship, to allow repeated sexual contact with people outside of their marriage and still keep their marriage intact. And, just like in the vanilla community, the incidence of divorce among swinging couples is quite high. Should you and your wife decide to continue along this pathway, I suggest in the strongest terms you agree on your boundaries and stick to them. Respectfully, you two made a massive error in judgement: There is a world of difference between having sex in the same room as another couple (a harmless form of both exhibitionism and voyeurism) versus having sex with the other couple. As a couple, you were simply not ready for it. And you may never be. And that's perfectly okay. You're no less of a couple for it. As far as helping your wife get through it? You said she was "really hurting" and "grieving"... those are interesting word choices. In normal language, we usually reserve "grieving" to describe deeply intense emotional loss. I'd be quite concerned for her emotional wellbeing if I was in your shoes. The best thing you can do is communicate, communicate, communicate. Tell her you love her. Show her you love her (acts of service.) Make love to her. If she can't shake these intense feelings within the next week or so, pick up the phone and schedule some time with a therapist. If she's not able to reset on her own, she will need some professional assistance. Ann and I wish you and your wife the best. Let us know how she's doing in a week or so.

There is lots of info available online about Hedonism 2, or Hedo as many call it. You can also find answers to many questions on the Facebook group, Our Favorite Jamaican Vacation Place. You can find the groups that are going during various weeks by going to hedonism.com and selecting groups and entertainment, then group events. Then, go to the individual group websites and find a week that you want to go and a group that you like. Some are more nudists, some more swingers, some younger, some older, etc. You may save some money going with a group, you will have automatic friends and often get bling from them, hats, t-shirts, mugs, etc. We love Hedo. Trip # 22 coming up. They say, once you go, you know. It is hard to describe all the reasons we love it there, but the best part is the people you meet, from all over and all walks of life. You can do what you what there, sit on the clothing optional beach in your swimming suit reading a book, or get naked, head to the nude beach or pool, and party like a rock star. The staff there is wonderful, the food is good, the entertainment is excellent, you can relax, scuba, kayak, dance, go to a playroom, get a massage on the beach, check out Hedo Weedo, do your own thing. If you have the right attitude, you will have the best vacation of your life, and make friends with a bunch of awesome people. Good luck!

Hi, this is Petra. I am some one's wife and wouldn't mind if someone watched me masturbate, but I rare do and no one has ever watched me. I only pleasure myself when no one in our family or our boyfriend is nearby, like when I'm traveling. Otherwise, I much prefer engaging in sex with another person.

You could go to a hotel party with low expectations and have a fun, party time. Most hotel parties we went to were glorified pajama parties. The women strutted around in negligees, the men over drank and conked out and nothing happened. You may be surprised and meet another couple where the husband wants to play and the other wife wants to watch.

Just because someone is better at ONE THING, nothing else matters...I don't think so. Any time we find something that someone else is better at, we ask the other to teach us how they did it so we can get better and do it again.

machiavel55, I understand how you are missing the analogy of sex and cooking. Sex is not cooking. What the original author was trying to suggest, I believe, is that sex is not romance. So, let’s take a different approach. Picture a woman, in her early forties, somewhat recently divorced. She has physical needs. So one evening she heads for a bar, picks up a guy, they have mind-blowing sex. The next day she has a wonderful memory, but she probably knows the guy is not going to wind up being her next husband. If she’s realistic, she won’t be too disappointed when he doesn’t call her for another date. Their brief relationship was simply all about sex. *Some* people who are married have similar feelings. Sex is a lot of fun, and different people are able to perform in different ways. Now, the cooking analogy becomes more apt - would you rather have a great Italian meal or a really good steak? It depends on your mood, doesn’t it? Just because you had a wonderful meal of Osso Bucco, it doesn’t mean you’ll never want a T-Bone, does it? Sex isn’t romance. Sex is *just* sex.

Sex is just sex, no matter how mind blowing, earth shattering it may be. I'm with the one I'm with because of the total package. It's like going to a great restaurant and deciding that I'm leaving my SO for the cook just because they are better at cooking...

Remember it's just fun and sex. Not love. Relax and enjoy, you'll be fine.

"I said the sex that time was just great. I never thought of it as better. I just thought of it as great" Now, that's the way to feel about he LifeStyle! Congratulations on opening up to each other. You'll be fantastic in this hobby.

I think for this to work, honesty really is the best policy! I've been in a similar situation, and lucky for me, I was able to answer the question honestly! "Baby, sex with you is on a whole nother level!" I really hate lying, so if we ended up being with someone that I did enjoy more than her, that would be a problem! But I really don't ever see that happening because we both understand that emotionally we love each other more than anything, so that puts a passion into our sex life that can't be matched by random swinging! As far as sex goes, we both think it would be ridiculous to only have sex with 1 person for the rest of our lives. I mean, as great as the sex is, that would still suck! I love a good Rib Eye, but if you told me that's all I could eat for the rest of my life, it would get old really quick! So keep your entree hot at all times, but pairing them with lots of yummy sides!

"Better" is a relative term. As said above, I'm not the best at anything (there will always be someone better, no matter who you are), but having sex is and never will be 'making love'. Without the love, everything else is 'just sex', and we love each other. I don't mind if someone is better at some aspect of sex as long as she teaches me what it was he/she did to her that she enjoyed. We're never too old to learn and (maybe) teach someone else a thing or two.

I have learned that I am not the best at anything. I was not the best basketball player, not the best baseball player, not the best golfer, not the best dancer, and I am not the best looking man in the world. I learned many years ago I was not the most hung guy, that one was a tough one for me. We are all given traits and we have to play the cards we are dealt with. To me my wife is beautiful but I never pictured her as a model for Sports Illustrated. I have always been driven to small breasted women though I enjoy a great pair. Some think a big butt is heaven, I don't. We are all a package and your husband married you for who you are and I am sure you married him for all his attributes not just one. I know I have been jealous about the friend who can make a shot from anywhere on the court or my other friend who has a 5 handicap on the golf course. I am still happy when I break 90. I always figured my wife was happy with my average sized penis and the sex we have. I was surely apprehensive the first time she was with someone else in front of me and more so when I saw his size. Pleasure just like pain is a fleeting moment. We know we had a painful toothache and then the pain goes away. Your wife had a great sex moment, now it is a memory just like the great concert you may have gone to. She enjoyed Bruno Mars but she isn't comparing your singing to his. I once told my wife that a woman we were playing with gave me the best blowjob I ever had. Boy did I want to take that back. Instead we discussed what our partner did that make me think it was great. It goes back to communication and the enjoyment of seeing our partner pleased. Don't lie, tell him that the sex was great. Then tell him why you picked him to be the one you want to have sex with every day and why you love him. As others have said, sex is an act, love is so much more.

I just wonder if other men get jealous if their wife is enjoying too much. I don't think that we've ever encountered "too much" fun. Good sex is simply that, good sex! If Mrs Doc is having fun, being treated with respect and affection and having orgasms, how could I be jealous. This is recreation and fun for us. On the flip side, she notices when I connect with a partner and really enjoy the woman, she'll even offer, "ohhh, he LIKES that" when she sees something is really working for me. The first time we played with a particular couple, the woman and I got busy and finished before the Mrs and the husband did. I don't know why (other than I really like this woman) but I stayed hard and we started round two immediately. Mrs Doc noticed and stopped boinking to ask "that never happens, tell me what you're doing"? Maybe it was because of this….there was NO jealousy!

Never better always different!

I just went back and read your post when you first posted about him making love to you. We all enjoy being loved and I get what you say that he made love to you. He made you feel good not just physically but emotionally. When swinging most of us look for a physical release. I don't think we want emotional attachments. More we like to feel we aren't being used. Most men are looking for the physical act even if the act is to please you. There is nothing wrong with feeling that you weren't used. You had an enjoyable experience. If you go to a restaurant and enjoy a meal you may want to go back. If you go back once or twice a year it remains special. If you went every week you would still enjoy but it no longer would be special. I am reading that you and your husband still love each other. Your sex every day is still good but not extra special. You may have to make it more romantic yourself. Make a night or weekend special. You haven't said if you and your husband talk about your nights with the other couple. You should be open in what you enjoyed and your feelings. It is okay to enjoy as long as others have said, it doesn't effect your real relationship.

To be honest, I do think this shows that you may have an issue to work through, in order for you to be comfortable enjoying the lifestyle. It seems to me to be inherently unfair to discourage your husband from enjoying the activity that you are both engaging in. He is married to you, after all, and when you two are done with a hot play session, he comes home with you! I agree with others who recommend a little analysis of your feelings on this. Without knowing more about what he has said, it's not entirely clear which direction your concerns may be taking- whether this is a case of 1) concern that he finds this other woman more attractive or sexy than he finds you, or 2) a concern that he is developing romantic feelings for this woman. If it's more the former, then perhaps the root lies in a measure of insecurity about your attractiveness? This is, by the way, completely understandable! My wife (and I, to be honest) entered the lifestyle with some skepticism about whether other couples would find us attractive. The Mrs. has been pleasantly surprised to find that others find her hot, and now she's finally starting to believe what I've been telling her! If your concern is more the latter (that he may be developing romantic feelings), then I think it is more a matter of trust between you and your husband. A basic premise of swinging is that you both are able to separate the "friends with benefits" relationship among swingers, from the kind of relationship that involves romantic feelings. If you and your husband have discussed this question, and he has assured you that has reaction is nothing more than "swinger lust", then it remains to examine whether you trust that assurance enough to be comfortable. And by the way, the fact that he is willing to step away from swinging altogether sounds like a great sign- that he finds you to be the most important thing in this issue! On the occasions when you two have played with another couple, have you been in the same room, or in different rooms? If you've ever played in the same room with your husband, what are your feelings when you see and hear him giving and receiving pleasure with another woman? Does the green monster of jealousy rear its head in this scenario? I hope you two can come to an accommodation on issues like this. It doesn't seem quite right to ask your husband to suppress his excitement, just as it wouldn't seem right for you to feel like you had to suppress your excitement if you found a possible play partner who you found hot! Whether you continue in the lifestyle, take a step back, or turn away completely, I hope you two are happy with whatever you decide.

This past weekend my wife crawled on top of a guy we'd met for dinner that night. I lay beside them in bed watching her ride him really hard. Due to a recent injury, I couldn't get up on my hands and knees, bend her over onto him and enjoy a DP. But I could watch her eyes as she brought him to life. He bellowed "I'm going to cum!" and then it was all moans and groans. As soon as he was done spurting she put her hand to her pussy to hold in his cum and moved over me, lowering her pussy onto my face. There is something so purely and powerfully sexual having the results of dual orgasms, new man and wife, filling your mouth. Sexual, erotic, spiritual, intimate, tasty, better than any drug I've tried. In that way, despite my injury, I was as much a part of the fucking as the fuckers. Maybe even more.

Making love requires the emotion of LOVE. Granted we can love each other in different ways, but the only person I LOVE in that way is my husband. He is the only person I make love with regardless of what activities I might involve myself in with someone else. That said, sometimes it can be easy to blur those lines and forget where we are. When we feel that happening we need to make a conscience effort to step back and look at the situation. I would, however, have to question why she can't do the cuddling part with you after the threesome, rather than feel like she NEEDS it from him. That does throw up a little bit of a red flag to me.

...which completely changes the nature of physical intimacy. It's not an act; it's a feeling. My wife and I don't ask each other to hold back on doing a particular physical act when we are having sex with others. That would be an intentional hamstringing of the experience. The point of having sex with others is fun; why would you put it in a cage and make it less fun? I can make love to my wife giving her a neck rub. I can make love to my wife washing her body in the shower. I can make love to my wife giving her a passionate kiss in the morning before leaving for work. I can make love to my wife by playfully rubbing her toosh when she bends over to get something out of the refrigerator. I can make love to my wife having a quickie sex session with her, or a long session. It's the feeling that underpins these things, and brings a physical intimacy that a swing partner does not have. That doesn't make swinging empty; it's still very fun. But, the intent is different. With swinging, it's the exploration of a new person. It's the enjoyment of a new experience. It's the pleasure in experiencing sex with someone whom you've never had sex with before. It's new, enthralling, fun! It's not making love, but that doesn't make it bad.

I love my husband. I don't love my friends I have sex with. I do cuddle, kiss, fuck etc, everyone essentially in the same manner. There was a man I was very fond of and considered a boyfriend, and currently a girl I am very fond of and consider a girlfriend. I still don't love them the way I love my husband. I have a commitment, a family and a life with my husband.

Welcome to the forum, Grillo! I'm not a male but I wanted to put forth my point of view.... Before we started to swing, I had this fear of Mr. Sun being more pleasured with other women and that having sex with me would be awful for him once we started to swing. So it's in the same line of what your fear is. I think a lot of swinger couples had to go through something similar. The bottom line is that many couples are having non-monogamous sex for the variety and we will come across others who are better at doing a specific skill than your partner or yourself. Is it a blow to the ego? It could be but what we have to remember is that our connection with our spouse extends farther than just having a certain bedroom skill or sized body appendage. Sex with our spouse is on a different level than what any other swing partner can give because of those layers that your relationship provides.

I love eating the cream pie out of Mrs MJ: both my own, and his -- especially after we have played with another couple and he has cum inside her. Seconds is great because his cum makes her so wet and slippery inside.... The hottest cream pie we've done, so far, was after a MMMMF, where the other three guys came in her. Not only did they each leave a cream pie in her, but they had me lick and suck their cocks clean after they had fucked her. I loved the sweet taste of her pussy juices and their cum on their cocks. Being fourth in line to put my cock in her was really hot, with my cock sliding in and out of her cum-filled pussy. After we got home, we fucked again, I came in her, and then cleaned her up; it was a real taste treat! And she really enjoyed having four different cocks cum in her so much that she wants to try even more.....

we are in the 'love it' camp also and have been lucky enough to try in in multiple settings with different partners. The first time was on accident, it was the first time the GF went to visit her one of her fuck buddies. I was so excited and anxious to hear all about it, i paced and paced waiting for her to get back..when she finally got home i pretty much pounced on her at the front door, i slid my hand into her panties and everything was soooo wet. I didn't think much of it as of course she just got fucked so i assumed she was still just wet. I carried her into our bedroom, i couldn't wait to feel her freshly fucked pussy and hear all about it. as i slid it in i could feel that it was so loose, warm and wet..it was so sexy and i had no idea how my life was about to change. as we were making love i asked her "where did he cum babe?" she said "in me" i, slightly disappointed, remarked something to the effect of "oh he came in the condom" that's when the hottest 6 words i have ever heard were spoken..."no, we didnt use a condom" That's when my head completely exploded, when the realiztion sunk in...she wasnt just wet from being turned on, that was his cum!!!! I pulled out and dove in between her legs out of sheer instinct..i spread her apart and got my tongue as deep inside of her as i could, licking every last bit of his tatse from her warm, wet, swollen pussy.. It opened lots of new doors for us and greatly increased our appetite for sex in general. Since then we have taken it a few steps further and now we share other guys cum by means of passionately making out. It is both of our biggest fantasies now...god i love that woman!!!!

We had a playcouple for several years so we all got pretty comfortable with each other. The men never interacted directly but must have swallowed a lot of each other's cum. Both wives liked to ride her husband's face with a freshly-filled pussy. We never complained. If there was too much leaking out, I'd just push it aside with my tongue, into my beard. When Mrs. Alura was ready, she'd slide down my body so I could enter her while she sucked and licked Mr. Playmate's cum out of my beard, kissing me often with a coated tongue. Both guys could deliver another load to his wife.. 'course we were young then... It was pretty hot. I'd hate to have missed it. Alura

I have encountered people who have certain techniques or assets better than my hubby's, and I tell him that. He's encountered women with the same, and he's told me. But overall, I wouldn't say I've ever encountered a better lover than he. There is something about that emotional connection, it's just more satisfying with him.

We both revel in watching the pleasure our partner is having, what a wonderful gift to be able to bestow to the person you love!!! Neither of us can quite comprehend anyone not wanting their partner to have the ultimate in sensual/sexual experience and pleasure!!! The "lifestyle" has only strengthened the bond we have, adding to the respect, trust and security in our relationship. Jealousy and insecurity are wasted emotions that have no place in a healthy relationship, let alone the lifestyle. Separating sex from love and good communication go a long way towards banishing those fears!

So me and my husband have had conversations about possibly swinging over the last year. I tend to ask many questions that I get a little confused and sometimes a little hurt over the answers. To help you understand us better. We have been married for 9 years and together 10. All of those years monogamous. The crazy thing for me is that I absolutely have no concerns of my husband falling in love with anybody else or leaving me for another because of this. I have of course wondered how it may be for him coming back to me if he happens to find a lady that is "tighter" than I am. Will she feel better, etc. And yes I do understand that men have similar concerns when it comes to other men who may be bigger than them. And everybody says of course that what makes the sex better with your SO is the fact that you love them and the emotion involved. I wanna know that feelings aside I rock his world like no other. When this came up in our conversations he has pretty much told me that all the women he has been with felt pretty much the same to him. He had been with one girl he could call tight he supposed and in the end and didn't get to finish with her because it was painful for him. He says that one don't really feel any different than the other to him and that he thinks it's because he don't have a big penis. And his penis isn't small it's average. I've done my research on that. LOL What I get off him is that basically that when it comes down to it, sexually I will feel no different than anybody else that the intimacy will really be the only difference. I am not knocking intimacy. It does make things special. Am I weird for wanting to feel like nobody can rock his world like I can? That when he comes back to me I want him to say to himself. Damn what was that girl's name? LOL Get me?

Are there times when my wife's playmates do something better than me, or as Julie put it, "different in a good way"? Absolutely, and I hope there always is. I want her to have a great time every time we get to play. Sometimes it is just the "new partner experience" that makes it good, sometimes it is technique, sometimes it is physical. There are times the same is true of my playmates. And, after the fact, we talk about those things that made the experience good as well. That has been a good thing because we have both become better at pleasing the other. Things we have experienced with someone else, we share and try in our bedroom. That has been one of the unexpected benefits to swinging for us, we continue to learn to please each other more all the time. AS far as physical traits go I think you have already covered that. Different physical traits can make a difference in the amount of pleasure. Women that are too tight may not be as pleasing to one man as to another. I am average in length but fairly thick, as a result there are things that my wife does not enjoy as much with me as with someone not as thick, it is just not as "comfortable" or easy for her. There are also things she enjoys more with me. . I don't get upset about that, because it's an opportunity for her to enjoy things that may be difficult with me. I love it. I think this requires a certain amount of security in a relationship. I know if someone else "rocks her world" that means nothing more than she had a great time. She is still coming home with me and we will still be together because our relationship is so much more. No matter how good you are at something there is always going to be someone better at certain aspects. (I'll use a football analogy because I like them ) Take Jerry Rice, the greatest WR in NFL history. There were and are WR's that run better routes, have more speed, have better hands etc. But none put them all together as well as Jerry Rice. I'm her Jerry Rice and she is mine But in the end, with all the newness, techniques and physical traits aside, no one makes me feel like she does and the same is true for her. There is so much more to love (and even sex with your partner) than just sex, if that makes sense. So enjoy the sex for what it is and remember that even if someone rocks his world, he is yours and loves you.

I think we all want to feel like we are the best sex our partner has had... the funny thing is if you think about it you want to feel that way with everyone you have sex with whether it's your partner or not. You want your hubby to feel you are the best, but if/ when you are having sex with someone else chances are you will want them to feel like you really rocked their world too. You just gotta remember there's a big difference between sex and love. Just because someone rocks your world sexually doesn't mean you love them... it might make you lust them tho

This is hot. I think lots of guys do this when they can. With safe sex, etc I'm sure its a concern but when you can- damn right! I hated a football player in college. I cheated on him with another player. I never seen a cock so big, call me hungry! lol anyhow, I came home one night after fucking my secret lover. My BF would not leave me a lone. The moment I walked into the apt he followed me. Something in me snapped.... I decided to let him have it. I threw him on the floor, straddled his face and let him lick my freshly fucked pussy. It excited me so much I did it again and again. I laughed when he said "You must really be excited. You taste different." lol Josephine

Yeah, I get you. And I'm lucky in that my hubby says that I do rock his world better than anyone else. And truth be told, the same is true for me with him. We've been together almost 18 years now, and pretty much grew up together, sexually speaking. So we know each other's hot buttons. BUT there are little things here and there that we've each found that a playmate does "better" or just "different in a good way" than what we do for each other. And it's all good. Really, it just comes down to different flavors of ice cream. And I like the Sweet flavor best, hands down. So try not to focus on his comments, because him loving you and enjoying the emotional connection is what matters most. =)

Better lover or better sexual experience? Two different things in my mind. I only have one lover and no one is better than her. Lover, in my mind, includes heart, mind and soul as well as the body. Being a lover is her domain alone. Sexual experiences? Yes, we have both had someone that did something better than we had done for each other. Usually it is something specific, like a technique or position. Yes, we do talk about it. The first time she said something, I think it just sort of came out because of enthusiasm, she had been a bit apprehensive of how I would react. She was surprised I was not upset, but curious as to what/how he did it. The first time it happened for me I said something and she was a bit hurt, and she was surprised by that, as was I. But now it is not an issue. We both understand there will be times that someone is exceptional at something. We just treat it as a learning experience. It is not a big deal really, we change over time. Something I might have tried 10 years ago, that she did not enjoy then, she really likes now. We continue to evolve and our likes and dislikes change as we grow. I think it has been a great learning experience as we explore new things and both improve at giving the other pleasure. I would estimate that about 80% of the time that our previous "best sexual experience" has been improved on, it was by each other, not someone else. So while this weekend someone may rock our world better than previously done, we both expect that it won't be that way for long. That has been one of the best unforeseen benefits of swinging, we continually raise the bar sexually for each other.

+1 It's not even close. She and I are magic together.

Nothing like keeping a great post like this going. I've read a few comments from people who have hinted around what "pops" into my head after reading the title of this post. I think WesternSwing and JustAskJulie come the closest but I really felt the need to voice my own opinion about this topic. Granted I'm new and my experiences are few but I would be extremely naive to believe that Mrs. Diggs and I will not run into this, maybe even frequently. After 12 years of being together and having lots of great sex, there is nothing that quite compares to great "NEW" sex IMO and even bad new sex is still quite fun. Intimacy is what comes from 12 years of being together and something that a fun swing night can never compete against. A couple that truly loves each other will share a level of understanding and love that goes beyond the physical yet infuses every physical act together. I'm sure there are going to be guys/girls out there that will give us experiences we will never forget. Swinging is just like a relationship in the fact that it requires communication and disclosure, lol, trust, honesty and respect for it to continue to be an enhancement to your relationship. When you lose all that then to me it's only a matter of time before you lose the reasons you got into the lifestyle to begin with and it becomes just about the sex and not an experience to deepen your relationship with the one person you have truly given your life too. Call me delusional, misguided or silly but this is a learning experience and therefore you should expect that you will learn something from it. Share it, enjoy it but always remember that once you start hiding things and blurring the lines, you have to ask yourself if you are still in it for "both" of you or just yourself? Most posts I see on the swinger boards like SLS all state things like this is about enhancing a couples relationship. Keeping things from your SO seems like a growing wedge that will eventually poison the relationship to me. Sometimes growing in a relationship isn't as comfortable as we would like but in the end, I'd choose growth over stagnation. Too deep? Have Fun !!!

This is an interesting thread. I haven't yet found a playtime or any single activity more intense than my wife and I can give to each other. I'm sure it will happen one of these days, but until then, I'm enjoying the search (and the wife). "Just different" is plenty good enough.

I thank Heatherb for getting all the way to page 4 of the original thread to find my post. That's stick-to-it-ive-ness, and I appreciate that it prompted her to add to the discussion. As I get older, I look back fondly on many wonderful experiences witih many wonderful women. At the same time, it makes me increasingly fond of the time I spend making love to my wife. She gave up swinging nearly 10 years ago. I did not. I still have some form of sex, including intercourse, with at least three different women at various times during the year (one last Friday, another tomorrow, and a third probably sometime in December, about 2 months from now). I love the feel of these women and the thrill of their touch. I love to bite one's nipples, to lick another's pussy, to penetrate the third, etc. Surely part of this thrill is the fact that they are all younger, between 9 and 35 years younger. Am I trying to recapturing my youth? Who knows? However, at this stage in our lives I have to say that my wife is the best of them all, even though her sex drive is waning, her lubrication needs lots of Vagifem-type help, and she seldom plays with my privates to give me an erection. That notwithstanding, she is the love of my (long) life. Taken as a whole, there is not another woman who can hold a candle to her. The moral of the story is that "once upon a time..." there were others who might have had one (sexual) ability or another that seemed superior to my wife's. Now that we are "living happily ever after...", my priorities change amd my love deepens. Among all the folks who read this board, I doubt that I am the only one who has gone through this change. And furthermore, I bet that the younger folks will feel this way as they get closer to retirement from swinging IF they really have a long, wonderful, and strong marriage.

This is VERY good! Good self advice for a first time couple That makes complete sense. Trying to separate sex and love is something that women, on average, find harder than men. For my wife, this was a concern of hers as well. The way I viewed it, and expressed as much to her, is that so long as we're in the same room together, it's an extension of our own love making. We play with real live humans as living sex toys. If emotions begin to become deeply involved with the other person, then there's a problem and our rule is we drop that couple cold turkey (though politely to them). We've also talked about the what if scenario of if we are with a particular couple for a few years. You can't help but develop some emotions for them. But, there's a difference between romantic love and friendly love. Sex is one _small_ part of traditional marriage. As my mother said, it's not the bricks of the marriage, but the cement that helps hold it together. Having more cement (no double entendre intended!) from others isn't going to detract from that I can make love to my wife just holding her hand. I can make love to my wife by scattering flower petals in her car while it's parked at her job. I can make love to my wife by sending her a sexy text message. I can make love to my wife by doing the laundry, dishes, cleaning and putting the kids to bed while she is sick (did that last night). I can make love to my wife by going out in pouring rain to the car to retrieve her umbrella so she doesn't have to get wet on the way from the house to the car. I can make love to my wife by filling her car up with gas when she's out with the other car, so she doesn't have to deal with filling it. I can make love to my wife by using her favorite sex toy on her in just the right way (just about makes my arms fall off, but she loves it!). I can do all of these things and not involve my penis in the process at all. (images of trying to involve my penis while pumping gas aside ) I can have sex with my own hand. Sex is a physical act. It can and often does involve deep emotions, but sex is not an emotion itself. It's a physical act. A fantasy of mine is me partially sitting, with my wife's back to me laying against me, while she is getting it from another man and her having a mind blowing orgasm at the same time he does. I would love to see that, and I would feel very deeply, intimately connected to her (not that I don't already!). From his posts, it certainly does NOT sound like he's doing this begrudgingly just because you want it. Some men, myself included, are very wired towards pleasing their partner in whatever way they can. In my case, that includes other men having sex with my wife while I am with her. It sounds to me like your husband is very similar. Rejoice! You have a husband who is extremely devoted to your pleasure! That's a GOOD thing! Even if the two of you never swing, you're absolutely in the right place. The kinds of questions you're asking can really only be answered here. And trust me, if we think you're not ready for swinging we will tell you. I can't tell you how many times I've seen posts from the regulars here telling a couple that they are not ready, or need to really consider xyz before embarking on this, etc. I've never seen any pressure from anyone here encouraging people to do something they are not ready for.

Luvjazz, I don't know that swinging isn't for you.....there is a saying that you will hear ALOT in the lifestyle. You can make friends out of swingers but you can't make swingers out of friends. I'm telling you. I don't know you, and can't tell you what you should or should not do. Number one, like I said before: I would advise no more sex with the friend. You have got to come to terms with the fact that swinging is about lust and recreational sex. Nothing scares other couples off more than the fear that someone will get attached. Jay and I are here to have sex with you, party, have a blast...but we're going home with each other. If you cannot separate sex from love you are not going to be able to be a happy swinger. Some people can't! I have a good friend who cannot imagine how Jay and I do what we do (she is vanilla of course). To her sex is so intertwined with romantic love that she could never separate the two. So you should really introspect and look within yourself. Shelly

Yes welcome to jealousy 101. The problem isn't your friend, the problem is you. For him it meant exactly what it should have been. Casual fun sex with a long time friend. For you its become a new love. You are the one with the issue not him, and you are the one that needs to get over it, not him. I'll be the first to say that I've had some jealousy issues with swing partners when I've seen them playing with someone else. Jealousy is a natural reaction to sex much like love, in fact the two are pretty well intertwined. This is something you will NEED to learn to separate and get over. Don't be a slave to your chemistry here. I know its easy to say 'get over it' when I don't have the feelings, but thats just what you are going to have to do.

Chicup got this one right Don't play with friends or fellow employees from work. Can have bad results. Get out there and play more. It will separate the sex from love/lust. Easier said than done?

Pretty much completely disagree. The brain ties sex and love together for some pretty obvious evolutionary reasons. In my opinion one of the best side effects of swinging is that I've been able to separate love form sex. Rather than the three of them fucking it out of their system, it would be far better for them to fuck it out of their system together or with a new couple where the op can get her mind to separate the sex from love. luvjazz - Lets face it, having sex with a long time friend is really asking for trouble because you have all the elements of 'love' right there. Long time person who you genuinely like, and then finally that big emotional release of finally having sex with him, something you had no doubt been thinking of for a long time. Let it go, let him go, and find your own way in this together as a couple. I'm also almost certain that someone will post about the 'poly' life style and suggest you explore it. For reasons I won't get into because it will create a pointless argument I'm not in the mood for, I think thats a very bad idea in the long run.

Good times.....yet again.... DITTO lol.....I'm starting to think you and I might get along well Heat and passion is not equivallant to love....I am not 'making love' to the guy.......just seeing fireworks and rainbows while f**king him (and I will cover my bases this time by saying that....yes, I see them with my spouse as well, lol) I am new to this board....I am stating to think that tempers might easily get flared here, eh? Many very well spoken people, I have noticed. However, it's so easy to have something taken in a manner in which it was not intended.

Sorry to be a thread hog but I just had to post again. Sex is one thing, love is another, and sex with someone you love is something else. The intimacy that I have with my wife makes our sex transcend any fucking that we might do with someone else. (I’ll continue to stew on this to make sure I am being truthful with myself) But maybe that’s your point. We can’t compare fucking, lovemaking, and companionship. We can’t even truly compare sex with someone you love (even when it is fucking) to sex with someone you don’t love (even if it's slow and tender). Someone might be a “better” fuck, but the overall experience is still “better” with my wife since I also happen to love her. All that being said, aside from the fact that I love her, she is an awesome lay too. Rest assured, that is not insecurity or conditioning that tells me that. facelick Mr. (My word choice wasn’t for crudeness but to more easily illustrate a point)

Because sex is fun... And sex in a group of people is fun... Sex with two women is great - giving Mrs Spoo the joy of having sex with two men is great. I get to experience women of different body types, techniques, theatrics - Mrs Spoo gets the same things. But - still - "no one ever comes close to my SO." Call me weird, but I don't swing for "better". In fact, I don't expect that I will ever experience that. And that's okay. At the end of every swing experience, I get the "best" - and that good enough for me Let me ask you - do you swing because you feel your wife isn't the best? Are you out looking for "better"? Never said that I haven't had my world rocked... Good lord have I ever! There was this one time... Well - actually a few times... Details aren't really necessary... But - just a few hours ago - I got my world rocked by Mrs Spoo - and that is a regular occurance. I am not saying that for brownie points - I am saying it because it is simply the truth. She is, by far, the best I have had. But - like I said - in my mind we are comparing two completely different things. Spoomonkey

I can't imagine anything being better then Mr. Indy, so my answer is, I am unsure. I haven't had it yet. I would talk it over with him, sure. But in all actuality, he would be the one that notices it probably before I did. He is so in tune with my pleasure and responses that he immediately knows something is different, or if I like it.... even from across the room.

I'm not sure of what my answer to the question would be. BUT, I will say that I've often found sex can be the best when it's new. TOO often I've found that with guys I've been with for a while, things tend to get... not old... I don't know what the word is, but it's like things get taken for granted, there's not as much foreplay (most of the time), not as much effort. Whereas with someone new that effort is still there, you put your best foot forward so to speak and do everything, often making for one hell of a sexual experience. And while it may not be better than the BEST time with the one you love it may (at that point) seem so much better than what you are used to. Honestly, I think this is one of the many reasons I enjoy swinging and hanging out with swingers. While my bf and I have not (yet) swung we have had a few opportunities to enjoy time around other swingers. This has greatly opened his eyes to the whole idea, mainly allowing him to realize that swingers are normal people who just like to have fun, that it's a state of mind nothing more. That said, it had been a very long time since I had seen him (or I) as turned on as we were following the Meet Up in Memphis. I think I just completely derailed your train Bob, sorry. LOL.

Hmmm... There is love and if I ever had to make love it would be with my wife only. This is the second marriage for us both. She hooked up with her high school boyfriend and married at 16. I am a guitar player and worked the clubs for many years. We both divorced in our late 20's and found each other(thank God). She has had very few partners and I had been around the block many more times than her. Here's the wind up: She loves me and I love her. Has there been a "best time"? It's all subjective. Great head-yep. Great body-yep. Total connection, fantasy and spank bubbles-yep. And she is the center of it all. I've been in love, engaged and married b4 but none has come close. Ick, this is starting to sound like a love letter-I'm bailing b4 she hears...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! The day we were preparing to go to our 1st couple's home, intending to do full swap, we agreed we would stay in the same room to provide each other a reassuring touch, if necessary. As luck would have it, I also had a terrible cold that day. My nose was running like a faucet, so I took a DOUBLE DOSE of antihistamines so I wouldn't drip on the other woman during sex! I didn't think that would be too cool. More bad luck. It was spring, and the heavy oak pollen was making the other woman's allergies go wild, so she felt like a zombie. You can see we're getting off to a good start here, can't you? lol Anyway, after dinner we all got naked and jumped into their hot tub. Mrs. Pairbond and our host got cozy in one corner of the tub, but Hostess Lady was about knocked out by the combination of allergies, medications, and hot tub, so she was just sitting there with her eyes closed doing nothing! Bad sign! We decided to go upstairs, so Hostess Lady and I go up and head into the master bedroom, and just as we are going in, Mrs. Pairbond says "We'll be in HERE," and she and Host Guy disappeared into the next bedroom and closed the door. She said later that in her excitement she just FORGOT that we had agreed to stay in the same room, and when Host Guy said "let's go in here" she just followed along. At that point, I turned around and there was Hostess Lady lying face down on the bed, fully wrapped in her terry cloth robe, not moving! This was NOT looking good! I was so new I didn't have a clue what to do under the circumstances, so after a while I started massaging her lower calf and ankle, which was about all that was poking out of her terry cloth robe. No response! After a while, it was time to do SOMETHING, so I started to slide my hand higher up the inside of her leg, and WHAM, she slammed her legs tight shut! So now Mrs. Pairbond is in the next room fucking Host Guy, and Hostess Lady is making it pretty clear she isn't interested in doing anything with ME! Not knowing what to do, I just lay back and did nothing, waiting for this whole horrible ordeal to be over with so we could go home. Finally, Hostess Lady stirred herself and tried to get me up with oral, but by then it was WAY too late. I had already stressed out to the max and nothing was going to happen, and it turns out if you want to have an erection under the BEST of circumstances, DON'T TAKE ANTIHISTAMINES, which are vasoconstrictors, which means you cut off blood flow to extremities, such as YOUR DICK!!!! Anyway, for the first time in my whole life, NOTHING MOVED, no matter how hard Hostess Lady tried to get me up. Not a twitch! I was MORTIFIED! And just as the panic inside me was rising to maximum proportions, I heard Mrs. Pairbond getting off in the next room! Wow! Didn't I have a great first time? pairbond