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Wouldn’t play with them. But, unless We were close with the wife we would not inform her either - it’s not our place.

Welcome wolfpride! You will find this forum a very welcoming place. We will answer any questions you might have, and help you along on your journey. That also includes telling you straight up if a mistake is being made, as best we can tell. We want you to do well. With that said, we can't know your full situation. But, in the vast majority of cases involving a former boyfriend/husband is often a recipe for disaster. It's possible the ex-husband may think this is a way to get back with your wife. He also may not respect boundaries you establish. It's also possible that regardless of his assurances and his own good intentions, he might very well fall in love with her all over again and want very much to pull her back to him. There's also significant history between them obviously, and there's reasons they broke it off. Those reasons could rear their ugly heads again, and at the worst moment. There are many more potentially bad outcomes here. But, again, we can't know your situation anywhere near enough to fully understand. It's your judgment call. Just be aware this usually doesn't turn out well. It is a common refrain that couples wanting to get into the lifestyle would rather dip their toes in the pool (or take their first plunge) with people they know. A common saying around here is "Make friends of swingers, not swingers of friends". So, if you choose not to go with the ex-husband, I'd recommend not going with a friend either. Also consider; how do you break things off with the ex-husband if it's not working out? That stands the potential to get messy. Same goes for a friend. Let me make a plug for single males in the lifestyle as an alternative... One of the great pleasures of the lifestyle is getting to have sex with new people. Having sex with an ex-husband won't be anywhere near as erotic or, I think, fulfilling. Your wife will know what to expect, how he will be. A new guy brings with him the newness that can make it so exciting. Everything will be a first time with him. Singles guys in the lifestyle on a swingers site know the deal. Non-swinging males don't. Swinger males know they are a temporary addition to the bedroom. They won't disrespect you, the husband, and think you're an idiot for letting your incredible wife have sex with other men. There are stories we hear occasionally of people trying to pick up vanilla guys and running into trouble. Don't get me wrong; that can work to be sure. But, single guys who self-select into the lifestyle know their place. Single guys in the lifestyle, unlike friends or past boyfriends/husbands, don't risk your personal choices being known to the rest of your family/social circle. Approaching an ex-husband or friend with this idea can turn whatever relationship you have with that person absolutely sour. Are you ready to risk that? A single guy in the lifestyle doesn't bring such potentially bad consequences. Single guys in the lifestyle can bring new techniques and ways to please your wife that her ex-husband never did. There's nothing new the ex-husband can bring to the table. A new single guy could make your wife's toes curl...literally. I've seen his happen with my wife. If things aren't good with a single guy in the lifestyle, you just move onto the next. You thank them for their time and evening, and you move on. No mess. We often say here that the supply of single guys in the lifestyle far outstrips demand. This is true. But, some significant filtering is required. If you set up a profile on a swingers site (like, swinglifestyle.com for example) and indicate you are looking for single males, you will get a lot of contacts. There's a way to pre-filter them. Put something in your profile, fairly buried in it, that asks would-be contacts to let you know they read your profile fully. For example, "If you've read this far, tell us in your email to us if you like dogs or not". Something innocuous. If in their reply to you, they don't say anything about dogs, you know they didn't read your profile. Next. There's other ways too; if their profile pics are all dick pics, probably not the right guy. If their profile is two or three short sentences long, probably not the right guy. If their profile gives any indication they might be cheating (only available certain times, days, etc), probably not the right guy. Etc. Do that, and you stand a good chance of filtering out the bad ones, leaving a pretty good set of potentially great guys. My wife and I have engaged in many MFMs in the 14 years (!) we've now been in the lifestyle. They are truly a pleasure and delight. We've run into some flakes and duds, but there was never really a bad experience, once we got to the bedroom. Some experiences were better than others (that's true in vanilla dating too), but nothing was ever really bad. You can take the time to get to know a single guy. You don't have to go from "Let's meet" to "Let's screw" in 30 minutes. Go out for casual drinks or dinner. Let them know beforehand that you don't play on the first meet-and-greet. If the single male in question isn't comfortable with that, that's fine; they just saved you time by de-selecting themselves. It might seem a bit frightening/daunting to go with a single guy that you don't know. But, I can assure you it is a great experience, if you take some/all of the advice above.

We would agree with this!

We would not get involved with the cheating couple, but we would have no interest in “snitching,” either. We recently found out that in a swinging couple we know, the husband has a girlfriend and the wife knows about it. We find that odd, but others in our circle of swinging friends do not. Different strokes for different folks.

I am ranting. I have tried a different site, Feeld. Chatted with a “single male”. He wanted to be sure I understood the “lifestyle.” Yes. After a fair bit of chatting we decided to meet halfway, a little over a 30 minute drive for me. Brief introductions were exchanged and we started talking lifestyle experiences. I asked if he found it challenging as a single male. Then he said he needed to “clarify” so there wouldn’t be any “expectations.” Yes he is married but his wife is blind and they didn’t talk much about his outside activities but she is aware. I needed to clarify if this meant she would be upset by what he was doing. Yes. That’s cheating in my book and I left. My mistake was not confirming his status. I don't have a problem if the other partner is fine with it and have enjoyed meeting the other half in the past. His actions are not ENM at all. He sent some message how everything isn’t black and white. I doubt the wife is so blind she can’t see what an asshole he is. The excuse itself is offensive. I flagged his profile as fake because it is. Some people are okay with cheaters but I am not, won’t knowingly hurt someone else.

We live in a very small town so we want to keep discreet around here. We are about 3-4 hrs from Dallas Ft Worth or any big cities for parties or meet/greets. The Ex lives 3 hrs away and we have stayed civil with him in the 10yrs of being divorced from my wife because of the kids. We just thought it would be an easy ice breaker but reading the replies sound like we need to put more time and thought into it.

Swinging isn't cheating...this example is. We would hate to be put in this position, but would tell the husband that it has to stop or you would inform his wife. Eventually the wife is going to figure it out and we wouldn't want any part of the wrath that is destined to follow.

To answer if the sperm donor/participants are legally bound: not sure if all do this but I know a few who did this had those chosen sign legal documents waving all parental rights to include contact prior to 18th birthday of the child. Other than health no contact and no required financial obligations by the participant. The health exception was contact if health history or donor inquiries. I was told it was standard stuff and completely legal. for those we know personally a young m/f couple no papers and three children over 6 - 8 years same group, different participants, several participants over a week each time no test as to who the sire could be. two lesbian couples using male friends in a swinger group. Again several participants over short period of time no paternal tests done. 2 -3 children each. one f/f couple (lesbian/bi) had several chosen males from their group at one time, twice over a weeks time period. for those we know all is well. Except for a very few no one know who else participated each time.

If your curious, then the next step is to give it a try. Just be sure to agree what you will and won't do and that if things don't click for either of you it's alwayus ok to make your excuses and go home. Some like us take to it like a duck to water and other don't. Good luck.

I’d love to give it a go with the real deal, with all the sex I have had it has never happened, never worked out that way. I can seeing it happen but I’d probably have to find specific men for it after all the others. For example, when we have group sex everyone is totally spent by the time I would be able to handle it. I can handle and oh so love DP vaginal & anal – Oh my goodness talk about the most amazing orgasms! I agree with others posts here, the reason for the DP vaginal would be because I am all stretched out worked out but somehow still super turned on and wanting more. Based on experience everyone else would be done for, so two new very long but thin penises would have to be introduced. I’m game for fresh meat. My husband has needed a PPA that was larger to fulfill me, and he has added a toy in along with his penis but for two live real deals the logistics would have to be right to make it work well and e worth for it for all parties. It certainly would be fun trying.

Good on you Jane1902. I think you did the right thing. There are some people who are ok playing with cheaters. My wife and I will not. This situation...the whole misrepresentation part, and you're supposed to let him have sex with you? Hell no. Next!

GREAT topic!! Yes, I love my wife, Kaye, to have 2 or more of her BFs cum in her mouth & cunt & then I get to kiss her & suck all of the cum out of her swollen pussy, which I consider a n honor!! My wife is now 70 years old & is still quite sexy. Her medium sized breasts do not sag much & her dime sized nipples are as sexy as ever. Her blonde cunt is as furry as ever. I only find hairy ones at all sexy. Kaye doesn't shave it either. Love to watch a guy slide out of her followed by a river of cum for me to clean up followed by her giving me an open mouth filled with cum. WOW , what an experience! Keep ou with such topics. Tom S.