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Wish we could like this a million times. Anyone who uses the words “dominant”, “bull”, “alpha”, or “cuckold” is automatically dismissed and blocked, if possible. It just absolutely screams inferiority and insecurity. On what planet do these guys think that’s a big selling point??

Do single guys really think that writing on their profile that they are a dominant bull is going to get them lots of responses? It almost seems like maybe they watch to much porn thinking every woman out there that likes sex is looking for guys to dominate them and all the wives in couples must have some limp dick loser for a husband that has no idea how to please them. For us at least as soon as a guy writes anything about being a dom he is quickly taken off the list as a possible extra. It is a huge turn off for her. She knows how to please a man and does need to be told or pushed to do anything. There is nothing special or sexy about a man that can dominate a woman. It is actually pretty lame. She prefers givers over takers. We have on all of our profiles no interest at all in dom men, but yet they always message anyways thinking they will be the exception. When we tell them not interested at all in dom men they usually say something like I don’t have to play that way. Well that’s nice, but she is not into men that want to play that way. She can and does do better.

We feel you. Seedy strip clubs, bar takeovers, and other "speed dating" group events never appealed to us, either. Frankly, those kinds of social circumstances are completely antithetical to our attitudes about the lifestyle and what we want out of it. We can begin with the fact these events, by definition, require forfeiting of our right to privacy, an instant Do Not Pass Go for us. We always placed a higher value on quality over quantity. And that attitude has served us quite well over the years. True, it means we possibly--probably--missed out on some opportunities for fun. On the other hand, we've managed to avoid a lot of the problems and horror stories many swingers encounter when they just throw a bunch of mud at the wall and see what sticks. We prospected with a laser beam rather than road flares. To that end, it helped that we were very clear in what were looking for in other couples (and what we weren't.) If you don't know what you're really looking for, it's very easy to get pulled in many different directions, most of which lead you nowhere. And we were never desperate. Our sex life was exciting and rewarding enough that we never felt like we were "missing out" on anything. Yes, we looked forward to making the right lifestyle connections, but we were patient and secure in the knowledge that our time would eventually come. And it did. When it comes to any on-line lifestyle community, paid or unpaid, you have to understand that many, if not most, profiles are fakes. Rather than be disappointed by this fact, you have to simply accept it. It is reality. And "certifications" mean next to nothing. In fact, we generally saw them as negatives, not positives. To be successful with the on-line approach, you have to see it as purely a numbers game. Your job is to eliminate as many false flags and fake profiles, as quickly as possible, as you can. Rather than trying to find the needle in the haystack, makes yourselves into a magnet and let the needle come to you. What we found is that, by being incredibly clear in what we were looking for and announcing it right on our profile, we discovered there were other people looking for the same. They were just as turned off by the "speed dating" and seedy lifestyle underbelly as were we. But, there were no shortcuts. Eventually, we canceled our fully paid lifetime SLS profile. By our calculus, the number of fakes and time wasters had multiplied to the point that it was no longer worth the effort. And, by then, we had cultivated a wonderful little closed circle of lifestyle friends who gave us everything we needed, and vice versa. We've never been into notching our bedposts, always looking for the next conquests. Good sex begins largely as an intellectual exercise, anyway, so finding people we genuinely liked and were attracted to provided us with many hours of enjoyable playtime and care-free sexual experimentation. Hope our story was helpful to you. And good luck.

You are correct. They are super sweet people but neither of us are interested in having sex with either of them. Just not our type. We love them as friends, but that does not translate to interest in having sex with them.

Oral sex is fun and hot. Most of the women we meet are looking for their first time having oral sex with another woman.

There isn't much better than a good blowjob. I met a woman a long time ago who loved giving blowjobs. Her soon to be ex-husband could never cum via oral so she didn't do it much. She asked if she could give me one and give me pointers on how to improve (what a great line!). Always willing to assist a woman in need, I obliged and let her give me a blowjob. Oh....my....goodness.... She was absolutely incredible. Never had one like it before and never had one like it since. No idea why her husband couldn't finish. She was all about pleasing. Any time I wanted one she was ready to go. And she wanted to give me them more than I wanted (5-6 times a week). We never had sex, she never wanted anything in return. We eventually moved too far away from each other and it stopped. I enjoy receiving oral. I feel selfish if I get a blowjob and the provider gets nothing. I'll give oral any time my SO wants it. I enjoy it immensely. Anyway, everyone has their preferences.

How many men enjoy going down on a woman? Giving pleasure to a partner is a wonderful feeling whether you are a man or women. I bet most women on here had their first sexual adventure pleasing a boyfriend either manually or orally. Maybe it’s a feeling of being in control that I enjoy most. I know there are men who can’t cum from oral or so they say, I think they just never got a real blowjob. We have met men that are married to women who just won’t do it or do it horribly.

I think alot of husbands are gung ho, ask their wives, get shot down, end of story.

It’s a commentary on the vanilla world that such conversations are not commonplace. There are simple and effective treatments. Many women also report in menopause that they develop itching and burning around the vulva and in the natal cleft (aka butt crack). This too can be a consequence of hormone changes but may require some different topical therapies including antifungal and antiinflammatory (corticosteroid) treatments.

Greetings and thanks for bringing up such an important topic. What follows is general commentary and not medical advice, so see your healthcare professional for personal care. With that disclaimer, I speak as a physician who has seen the problem inside and outside the LS. 1. The advice on plenty of lubricant is correct. I recommend—and we use—only natural product lubricant (see for example the Sliquid organic products) that are unflavored etc. We also recommend and use “lube launcher” to make sure that the entire vaginal vault is well coated. Yes, it makes that much difference. 2. Hormonal changes are inevitable. Provided that you have no contraindications, you have access to local or systemic treatments. Some women look at the risk benefit ratio of systemic hormone replacement therapy and choose it, at least for a while. Others go directly to local (topical) therapy, either estrogen cream or the estrogen “ring”. The creams are introduced into the vagina with an “applicator”. While they work, they can be messy. The “ring” can be thought of as a soft silicone ring that releases a small amount of estrogen continuously for 90 days. Again, this is a matter of conversation with your healthcare provider. Our personal experience started with an HRT product called tibolone that had especially favorable properties (a “side effect” is that it tends to increase libido). After a decade or so, we thought it was time to go off HRT. We tried the estrogen cream, it was too messy and inhibited spontaneity. The ring has been perfect. Soreness is gone, vaginal tissues have recovered their lush texture, wetness, and sweet taste. Adjacent vulvar tissues are also less prone to cracking. Bottom line, see your healthcare professional. Do not be embarrassed. You are in the vast majority of women who want to continue enjoying sex but face normal aging changes. This issue constitutes a large fraction of post menopausal OB/GYN practices and is fairly easily addressed to everyone’s satisfaction.

Ugh. We had to block single men from seeing our profile on SLS -- precisely because we were getting just too many clueless message from them. We explicitly write in our profile: And are resigned to the fact that single guys simply don't read.

Right and what's far more in demand is just some sexy confidence. Not someone who has to say they are some alpha dom bull, which actually screams of insecurity. Indeed. Basic spelling and grammar issues are one of our blacklist items. Especially since most browsers are trying to help prevent that these days. In a text, forgivable. In a profile that you've had up for days/months/years? No so much.

Sure some people are into it, but for the ridiculous amount of dudes that advertise themselves this way I am thinking most of them are going to be shit out of luck. The ladies are the ones with the power in the swinging world. If more guys got that and catered to them then more guys would get some.

Family friendly nudist resorts are are having a hard time staying in business because of all the legal issues (lawsuits involving sex in the presence of minors) All the lawsuits going on with the Boy scouts has caused their insurance to sky rocket. In some places having sex in front of a minor is a felony. This is why the swinging has to be kept "behind closed doors" at the family friendly nudist resorts. I have been a nudist for the past 33 years of my life. My husband was the one interested in nudism at the beginning of our marriage and I gave it a try and I was hooked faster than either of us dreamed. Back then there wasn't a lot of females that would even give nudism a try so it was always me and all these gorgeous gorgeous guys. I felt like a kid in the candy store. I have always been open minded and I have had an amazing sex drive. My husband has always given me the green light with the condition that I not do anything behind his back and I share the details. He likes to live thru me vicariously. I only tell people on a need to know basis because that is just how I am. I am lucky that the nudist clubs that I am members of don't seem to be judgmental but I still am not going to tell everyone . I have a lot of friends and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (about who I want to play with and who I don't) I am new here by the way. Hubby thought I might like this forum.

Hot - they are pretty up tight about sexual activity where we go but things still happen. On weekends large groups form and will create a space where people can play.

We are swinger/nudist outliers as well. Fortunately the beach we frequent has a wonderful representation of all types. The trick is to read them well if you want to "go there." Last weekend I couldn't take my eyes off of an amazing looking man that was there with another couple. After some innocent talk I began to hint that we were both swingers. As he seemed comfortable with the conversation I "went there.". I told him he had a beautiful big penis and asked him if I could see it nice and hard out in the parking lot. We all left together and ended up in our room. Being naked around a hundred other people is a sexual experience for me and many other I expect. I'm not going to lie about it or hide behind it. I love watching guys look at me, I like seeing their naked bodies and I love the feeling of being naked outside. Not sure what that makes me...

I was taken to a nude resort by a photographer I worked for. (He said I needed to work on getting a full body tan). I should add that I'm an orphan, so I had no family to object. We arrived there late on a Friday, I remember, and were invited to stay with the owners in their small cabin. With our clothes locked in the car, we all sat around in the common space cross-legged, and drank wine. I wasn't used to drinking and it hit me. The owner made the statement, "You two have to be initiated, so we get to watch." The photographer openly took me and I didn't resist. During the night, the owner took me too. I was introduced that weekend.

It is all in an individual preference. As most have said attitude can be one of the biggest attractions. Take my wife, she is a BBW and has some internal confidence issues, but in general at parties we go to she is the center of attention, mainly because of her personality. Personally as a 43yo male, personality speaks volumes.

I totally agree that sexy starts in the mind, not anywhere else. The degree to which our culture tells women they can't be this with being that and vice versa on all sorts of subjects just pisses me off. And, to be honest, it sorta aggravates me when women fall for what is basically a marketing ploy instead of believing what is right in front of them in the form of a guy who says he thinks they are sexy and means every bit of it. Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel about yourself, and don't judge yourself on what you think others think of you when in fact that's probably not accurate to start with, it's just what someone is trying to convince you to be so.

There is no one size fits all answer to this question. Like MrSaxon, I also find confidence the most appealing factor. Mrs. Stop is curvy and I love her that way, but a slender woman can grab my attention just as well. I know some guys do have more narrow view of appealing than others do, but you'll find guys will be all over the spectrum. Make sure your exercise goals put YOUR desires front and center. You'll feel good about yourself because you're becoming what you want to be, and that oh so sexy confidence will come oozing through.

Curves, skinny, shapely or thick - the main thing that I personally find attractive is confidence and happiness. If a person does not feel comfortable in their own skin, it'll be very obvious in where and how they present their body. If you work hard, and take pride in your own body, then your partner(s) will notice and appreciate it. My wife is a little bit thicker, but she works her ass off and has lost close to 30 pounds over the past 4 months. While I don't love her any more or any less, her own concern about the potential health risks and general appearance has made a very large difference in how I approach her. I have always maintained a fairly healthy lifestyle and take pride in being "in shape," and having a partner who does the same can only do one thing: be awesome. That being said; remember that we in the lifestyle are more akin to a smorgasbord than a sandwich shop - were all about different flavors and textures rather than one type forever. Much like how women might prefer different types of gentlemen depending on many circumstances, guys prefer different gals depending on what they want. I go through phases where at times I'm all about boobs, or legs, or certain positions that are facilitated by a certain shaped partner. Then two weeks later my preferences change again, which is one of the reasons we joined the lifestyle. Hopefully we're never bored! At the end of the day, be comfortable with yourself and take pride in the accomplishments you have had: a woman who has had 12 kids and a good shape is in my mind more impressive than a 20 year old with a washboard stomach - you can tell who really wants it and who was just lucky!

Nice article and good advice! Nothing like a good fantasy without pressure to heighten the pleasurre !

Ok.. Now if you have been following parts 1& 1a, and then part 2, you know that, it our firm belief that sharing fantasies and talking about them is the greatest ally you have in moving things from fantasy to reality. This brings us to a issue that most every person on the planet runs into at some point, if they are involved in the lifestyle or not.. Personal issues or Hang Ups.. Now I am going to be a bit controversial here, and use the idea put forth in the first blog, that, for the most part, its us guys that put the idea to our lovely partners, spouse or girlfriend that gets the topic of swinging to the for front. I can tell you, regardless of the beauty, or the size, a woman will still have some sort of personal pet peeve or issue regarding their looks .. And considering that fact that this involves getting naked with other people, often somewhat strangers, this can be compounded. Now then, lets be honest about a few facts, usually when we are dating the compliments on looks come fast and furious from our lips, to their ears.. Since we are being honest, while I am sure the words I LOVE YOU are SAID a number of times, when was the last time you told her she looked good, hell when was the last time you told her she looked sexy? When was the last time you caught her in her bra and panties, and told her hot she looked, or better yet, showed her ! Confidence in ones self is the best way to combat these issues and the people that we love get armed for this combat by US. If they KNOW they look great, then its not an issue. Its by hearing it constantly, and being honest with them, that builds the confidence. I have heard from so many people just getting started how, they are worried about looks.. And to be frank and honest, wanna know a real secret? Take a trip to ANY store or mall on a Saturday. Observe the people walking the mall, down thru the aisles. Does anyone stand out? Maybe, but they are everyday people.. These people look the same as the people that your local club has for clientele.. Just like the people SHOPPING, the people SWINGING look like EVERYONE ELSE. A old joke used to be around that I wouldn’t be a member of a club that had people like me as a member.. But that’s the honest truth, Its not just the beautiful people but EVERYONE.. Gentlemen come in all shapes and sizes as well as cock sizes.. And women are the same.. All shapes and sizes.. Boobs in sizes from the 26a cups to the 60EEE cups.. From the twiggy types, to the Big Beautiful Women ( Swinger Termz: BBW) and trust me, there are just as many Men lusting after ALL these types as there are Women. Whats a bigger issue, is the fact that almost every person we know that is in the lifestyle, is worried about one thing more important than looks.. Discretion Way back in the 80’s another old phrase was used a lot, and it holds true for this lifestyle.. What you see here, what you hear here, what you DO here, let it stay here But that’s a topic for another chapter.. Ok, time for another example.. Rich and his wife, Lauren, are just getting into the lifestyle, and after much discussion, they decide to go to a meet and greet held at a local watering hole Friday night. From Monday thru til Friday, Lauren was freaking out over what she would look like, what she would wear, and more importantly, what she didn’t tell Rich, would anyone ELSE find her attractive.. She chooses three outfit’s a day, and by the end of the week still has no clue as to what to wear.. Friday morning she makes up an excuse and ducks out of work early, and goes to the local mall, and buys a new outfit.. Friday evening comes and they head out, because the meet and greet is held at a regular bar, they arrive and walk in.. and the first problem arises, SURPRISE, it’s a bar full of people, all dressed like people out on a Friday nite.. Rich orders a few drinks and Lauren is having severe nerves, questioning everything from her dress, to where are these people.. Then almost by chance she overhears a conversation between two women in the restroom, discussing the events of last weekend, and what brought Lauren out of her trance was.. And Jimmy shaves the hair off his.. .. She pushed her nerves aside and asked, Umm, are you here for the meet and greet.. And almost as fast as she said it, she regretted it, fearing they might not be.. They both broke into a big smile and introduced themselves.. They led Lauren out to the end of the place where a group of people, like everyone else in the place was hanging out and having a great time.. The two women set off introducing her, as she was trying to get Rich’s attention.. By the end of the night, they had made a dozen new friends, been offered a dozen email addresses, and twice that in telephone numbers.. The ride home was more discussing the conversations and the new people they had met than anything else.. Now, while Lauren was nervous about a Vanilla meet and greet, its really no different than any other activity.. Just the degree, or pace at which things happen. On premises clubs, or house parties are a dimension to themselves, but again, its everyday people. The reason I say a dimension unto themselves is because its completely normal to see people in all manner of dress, and undress there.. Hell, the first house party we went to, we were greeted by the hostess, in a pair of black panties and a white dress shirt, hanging wife open. Now that having been said, remember each place has their own rules, and you can expect various stages of undress. Some may not allow it in public, and others could care less. Most of these places have all sorts of people show up, from those that jump in right away, to people who come week after week, and never get naked. Others who go, and never play with anyone else, but love it when people watch them.. Again, these people are the same as everyone else.. From the lovely, to the normal.. From the firm and fit to the round and curvy... to the soft and fluffy.. But the biggest thing that anyone needs to understand when getting involved, is that, if at any time, from the first meeting right up to the final seconds before actual intercourse, its perfectly fine to say STOP.. Or NO.. No means NO , and Never needs to be explained.. Its also, perfectly fine, if someone doesnt float your boat to say no thank you.. With the number of people involved, its YOUR choice, who and when you play.. So, lets sum up.. The only issue anyone SHOULD have is about what they are comfortable WITH, not what they look like. People are people.. It doesn’t matter if they are super models, or every day folks.. People in this lifestyle come in all shapes and sizes.. And remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not the mirror that you judge YOURSELF in.

Talk it out.. What exactly does that mean, Well if you have read part 1and 1a, about fantasies, you know that just having such a vivid imagination isn’t the only thing you need. At some point you need to express these desires to your SO(significant other) In this Blog entry, I will try to give some ideas and suggestions on how to approach this most daunting of tasks.. ACTUALLY TALKING TO YOUR MATE ! Now this should be easy for any couple considering the lifestyle, because, in reality, unless you already have great communication skills, you really shouldn’t be consider this lifestyle. But, lets suppose for a minute of two that, your shy about how to talk to the person, who lovingly, shares your bed, about your desires.. If this lifestyle has the draw on you, enough for you to have found your way here, and moreover to this blog, then being shy about what you want shouldn’t impede your progress. Suppose we use the example in the fantasy part 1a, Remember Terri? Terri had been bouncing around the internet, for sometime and like everyone learning the internet, She found her way to a site, that she accidentally clicked on. It contained real life stories and experiences of people, Men and Women.. Before she knew it she was getting turned on at the idea of being the center of attention of 7 horny guys. It had been a secret fantasy she held for years, and reading the story, brought it all back, in a hurry. The Problem was her husband Mike, was brought up in a religious home, and while sex was great, never lacking in anyway, the story got thoughts bouncing thru her mind, and body. .. <SNIP> Lets stop right there.. And examine the scenario, Terri a healthy woman, married, stumbled her way onto a site that she never would have been on, on purpose.. The fantasy she had kept secret for years, re awoke.. Lets continue.. Later that night, She practically attacked him, and when he pressed her to what brought this on, she told him a story she had read online.. Before long he had drug all the details of the story out of her, and could see how it excited her.. And gave him the courage to admit to her that, the thought of seeing his lovely wife, surrounded by hard cocks, 2, 3, or 10, all seeking her intimate places turned him on immensely .. That night he and she shared the story was one of the best sex sessions, and orgasms for both of them in a long time.. <SNIP> Ok.. Here is what we call the Y'see Timmy moment, sort of like directly from the old TV shows.. Terri, who got turned on, and then after being pressed by her husband, who saw this was out of character for her, And while grateful for the changes needed to know why.. When she was finally HONEST with him about everything, the story, and finally how it had been a fantasy of hers.. He opened up and started confessing his desires to her.. And was rewarded with some of the best sex they had shared.. And more importantly, it started a whole new chapter in their lives, as they shared more about what they liked in and out of the bedroom. And given the fact that now Mike had a better understanding of his wife, started surfing sites that they had never been to.. A few lifestyle sites.. So, Is a revelation like this what you can expect, maybe, but in all honestly, proably not.. That story is the best you can hope for.. A WOMAN interested, and the man needing to be talked into it.. Now then, I can offer suggestions, and if followed might make it easier.. Again this is supposing that you have read part 1 and 1a.. Which covers fantasies and what to do with them, which is all about talking, and sharing yours , and theirs .. But at some point, AFTER that sharing has gone on, comes a time to talk without a bed.. The first step is to choose your weapon.. Meaning, after having been given all that ammo, you need to pick a fantasy to chase.. Preferably one you and your mate share.. Again looking back to part 1, You know we talked about the whole, 1 guy 2 women, while sure, maybe your wife harbors a bi fantasy, there is one part of this reality that you need to understand, unless you already KNOW a woman that is willing, finding one can be difficult. More likely, there has been one fantasy or maybe two that you both find erotic and a turn on. Focus on one, what is required to make that happen? Suppose we go the other direction, and the idea of sharing your wife with another man, while you both pleasure her, is acceptable. If you choose that direction, it requires less hunting as it does for a single woman, but, can have a few pitfalls. Remember the lifestyle is not about emotions, its about having fun. Recreational sex, like this, is all about being in the moment. If you are the husband/boyfriend , you need to be able to deal with the emotional part, of seeing your wife/girlfriend being pleasured, having sex, and hopefully great sex, with another guy, without getting jealous about it. The emotion always rears its ugly head, but, if you can remember the key parts, that is just sex for the sake of sex, or for the sake of fun.. And that, really, at the end of the night, she is still coming home with you.. Lets get back to the current theme we will discuss the emotional components in another chapter.. Now then, Best suggestion, take the other person out on a date, like you did when you were actually dating, go to a romantic dinner, do something afterwards.. And bring it up casually.. Ideally, you want to offer the idea of their fantasy.. And you need to ask how they would feel about really doing it.. Now, expect to get refused .. The thing is, after the fantasy sharing, and the now enticement that, they can actually HAVE this.. You have been planting a powerful seed.. So, like I said, expect to be reused flat out.. But, expect a few questions.. Be ready to answer them.. How? .. Simple we find someone, that is into this too ( Do Not Offer ANYONE, that you both already KNOW, this can lead to too many issues)… Where? We can figure that out.. If pressed, say we can get a hotel room, in the next town/city over.. And the big one, Why? Because, I love you, and seeing you happy, would make me happy, and we can share this together.. Now for the important KEYS.. If they are asking, and then stop, you stop, do not press.. Allow them to digest.. If they say No.. let it drop and go back to working the fantasies.. Chances are, it wont be too difficult later that evening.. And finally.. Remain calm and cool about it.. If things become tense, just say forget it, and lets enjoy our night.. Because you have put it out there, the idea is going to get thrashed thru HER mind.. And hopefully, it wont be too long before its brought back up.. Now the next chapter deals with a big thing as well.. Personal Issues, or Self esteem.. So, lets sum up.. Talking about your desires can be a bitch, but until you actually do it, you really wont know where the other person is coming from.. For all you, know, they are ready willing and ABLE.. Just that you havent expressed yourself.