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ROCKlandCpl, thank you for sharing your story and experiences. One thing I'd like to mention is the fact that, culturally, we seem to have accepted the predictable changes that happen with women as they age, and modern medicine has appropriately responded to their needs. Unfortunately, "male menopause", as it has been labeled, is a real thing, too, but gets far less attention. Yes, erectile disfunction (ED) medicines (e.g., sildenafil, tadalafil, vardenafil, etc.) are quite prevalent today. However, they are either not effective, or of limited effect, for many men whose problems are more related to declining levels of testosterone rather than diminished blood flow. And sexual side-effects of low testosterone are only the tip of the iceberg. Low testosterone negatively effects everything from bone density and muscle mass to cognitive function (i.e., memory, spatial abilities, mathematical reasoning, so on) to diminished heart health, sexual function and satisfaction, and diminished mood. Testosterone in males naturally declines with age. The problem is medical science really doesn't have a firm understanding of how much of a decline in testosterone is considered normal versus abnormal? One reliable study says that anywhere from 20-40% of "older men" (those aged 65 and older) have abnormally low testosterone levels, a condition described as hypogonadism. Note there are approximately 13 million "older men" in the US, so hypogonadism is something that effects anywhere from 2.6 to 5.2 million men. It's a serious health concern. And with an aging population, the concern is only going to grow. But, medical science is conflicted on this subject. Why? Unfortunately, testosterone therapy is not risk-free. While there are many benefits to testosterone therapy, there are many potential negative side-effects, some quite severe and include increased risk for prostate cancer, blood clots, and can worsen conditions like sleep apnea. These potential side-effects are severe enough the Endocrine Society generally recommends against prescribing testosterone to men aged 65 and older with low testosterone concentrations. One of there reasons for this recommendation is because common testing methodology for low testosterone is notoriously unreliable and often results in otherwise healthy men being prescribed testosterone, while others with genuine hypogonadism go untreated. If possible symptoms of male menopause are a concern, the best recommendation is to work with a Board Certified medical doctor who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of health concerns for aging men. If you do not have access to that level of care, start a conversation with your regular family doctor.

I'd have to disagree. I found that the most intriguing part of the review because I've always wondered exactly how those worked. I was even going to suggest to the OP that they start a specific thread on that topic just so we would learn more. Personally, we aren't a couple that likes surprises, at all. If we don't have at least some idea of what is going to happen, then we aren't going to even consider doing it. We would be missing out I guess, but now having read about at least one person's experience, that would probably be enough to get us to try it.

Dip a toe in by going to a meet and greet (SLS membership handy here to find them in your area). Meet some other swingers face to face in no pressure atmosphere. Do this as many times as it takes to decide yep, we want to wade a little further into the pool, or no, this isn't for us. (worth noting that not all groups are the same, so might want to try several events). If they like where they are at, then put up on online profile and see how that goes (or go to on-premise club if that is an option). Neither of those things commits you to having sex with someone else, so don't rush things. But, if things keep feeling right, then be patient and wait for that right couple, however long that takes, before you take the plunge. Oh, and don't swing with friends Make friends out of swinger partners, yes. Make swinger partners out of friends, no.

Friends of ours (who know we are swingers) have told us they would like to swing. We do not want to swing with them (for many reasons). We directed them to this board for some information and advice and suggested trying a local swing club. What advice would you give them?

can anyone swinger friendly therapist in jersey is that even a thing

Agreed!

Wish we could like this a million times. Anyone who uses the words “dominant”, “bull”, “alpha”, or “cuckold” is automatically dismissed and blocked, if possible. It just absolutely screams inferiority and insecurity. On what planet do these guys think that’s a big selling point??

I agree with the others is suspecting a lot of the flaking is a husband running too far ahead of the wife. Not to say we haven't encountered a situation where the man backs off at the last minute, usually it is the man jumping the gun. Of course, that is assuming you're dealing with a real couple to begin with.

Husbands (dreaming) hoping to talk her into it. Or, she (if she exists) has zero idea, and you call his bluff - fantasy over...

To not do it. For most relationships, monogamy is a far better fit. Some things are meant to be left as fantasies. What little they know of swinging is what they see on porn videos, which are hardly representative of reality. If they insist on pursuing outside sexual partners, they first need to have a sober discussion (or five) about the pros, and cons, of swinging. And how they are going to handle the tangled web of emotions that are sure to envelope them when things do not turn out as they had imagined. Also, they should schedule a time to visit with their family doctor to discuss the health risks associated with higher-risk sexual activities and what things they can do to minimize the dangers. Lastly, they probably want to enlist the support of some trusted lifestyle mentors, people who can help them avoid the inevitable landmines most of us experienced early in our swinging days. Also, they should note what they read on here should not be taken as gospel. They should treat most posts as they would verbal graffiti.

Join SLS, start with meet and greets.

Exactly. We've come across guys who puff up their chest and claim to be something special. Then when the time comes they are basically impotent. Most of these keyboard/chat "doms" are not what they claim in reality.

We have been reading recently a lot about how awful it is when a married man decides to play alone, his wife not being aware of his extramarital activities, etc. And strangely, the main reason you seem to dislike this behaviour is not so much for moral reasons (duh…) but because “nobody wants to have to deal with cheating dramas, etc.” Well, as couple who loves MMF, we disagree. Here’s why. 1. There are less chances that a married man brings “feelings” into his sexual adventures than a single man. He knows and acknowledges that he is here for sex, not to find a soulmate. That is less dangerous - and boring - than the single man who falls in love. (Even if, of course, it can still happen…) 2. Erotically speaking, it’s very VERY exciting to know that this man chooses me against his legal wife. And that makes my husband even more proud of me 3. Being married, the guy will never stay too long. He will know his exact place and will leave precisely when the moment has come. So… married cheating single men… write to us

I do agree with realcplub2; getting feedback from women here on this forum will offer some confirmation bias. The only women on this forum will very likely be women who enjoy swinging and have had good experiences from it. That said, there are some things you might not be aware of that bear considering. Quite a few women do very much enjoy swinging and get lots of satisfaction from it. Women are a strong element of swinging. If women were more reluctant than men after getting into swinging, then there wouldn't be swinging. From my perspective, women tend to have a bite more difficult of a time separating sex from emotions. My wife certainly agrees with this. It's possible that on average women get into swinging more slowly than men. But, women wouldn't be in it if it wasn't worth it. It most definitely IS worth it...IF the couple is ready, IF the couple is very close, IF the couple has strong communication skills, IF the couple have no issues in their relationship. Your wife might not be completely onboard with swinging yet. It sounds like she's quite interested, but is uncertain about all of it. That's perfectly understandable. There's a rule of thumb swingers have quite often said; move at the pace of the slower of the couple in getting into swinging. You've been fantasizing about it for years, and are likely more ready for it than she is. Allow her to grow into the idea. Move at HER pace, not yours. If you really want this fantasy to come true, you need to support her in her thoughts and decisions about this, and certainly by no means should you try to move her along faster than she's ready. It is a wonderful, wonderful thing to watch your wife having sex with another man. But, it's all meaningless if she isn't enjoying it too. I've seen my wife have sex with other men many times. It's intensely erotic...because she is enjoying it! Your wife isn't ready for that, even if she gets very turned on by the idea. realcplub2 is right; you need to talk about this well away from the bedroom, without being overwhelmed by sexual thoughts. If you do go down this path, understand that the first time doing something isn't likely to be a great measure of how much she will enjoy it. My wife and I talked about this possibility before we got into it. We agreed we'd do it a few times at least, even if it was just a so-so experience. We'd just try different people. It's a good thing we did this; the third time was the charm for my wife. Before that, the sex was kind of humdrum, and not really worth it. Ok, not a bad evening, but not really worth it. The third guy? He curled my wife's toes...quite literally...and she couldn't get enough sex with him. Shortly after we were on the way home from that, she said "Ok, NOW I'm a swinger!" That time was definitely worth it. It can be for your wife too, but you need to proceed at her pace. Talk lots about it, in the bedroom AND well away from it as realcplub2 said. Don't allow your own fantasy dictate this, otherwise she can end up feeling like she's only doing it to fulfill your fantasy. That will end badly. It needs to be her that wants it, her that enjoys it, her that has a fantasy fulfilled.

ok, lets break this down honestly, YOU, the husband wrote this, and want affirmation that you are doing it right, RIGHT? You arent, and are asking for problems. Setting this up WITHOUT her input, choices, ECT, is the worst thing you can do.. If you want this to work, make the choice WITH her, Discuss EVERYTHING before that choice is even considered.. Women, sometimes because of upbringing, parental teaching, church/religious beliefs not only have a hard time ENJOYING sex, but often confuse extra curricular sex with feelings, instead of an enjoyable physical activity. You say "Because the wife is nervous of how the husband will react after." Well, that would depend on how HE paints the picture to her.. Suggestion is, discuss this with each other honestly, FAR FAR FAR away from the bedroom.. in a situation with no interruptions distractions.. and be honest with each other, and accept the answers.. if more time to consider is asked for, give it.. if its not now.. accept it.. If its maybe, then both of you do the search, and one final RULE, regardless of what HE wants thinks .. if you meet another guy and SHE isnt into it, its NO.. Find someone else