Leaderboard

First off: Where the heck do you live and are there any other houses for sale? A neighborhood of swingers? Count us IN. Second: I didn't hear you say that you had a 'one person per night' rule. In fact, I didn't hear that she was breaking ANY rule. The two of you were at a swingers party...she went off with someone, returned and found you gone, and had the opportunity to go off with someone else, and did. I don't see what you were upset about. Add in that you did find her and joined in to give her probably one of the sexually hottest nights of her life and you kind of spoiled part by being upset with her. You need to come to an understanding so this issue won't ever repeat itself, but (IOHO) you should probably let her know that you were being a bit jealous and you're sorry for raining on her parade. Women are ALWAYS going to be more in demand in the L/S. Women also love being desired. They also want to live out some of their fantasies without judgement. Keep in mind that YOU were with a woman that you thought "was a beauty and (you) felt so lucky to have her". So it's not like you didn't have a good time as well. You also got to be part of a threesome with her that I'm sure she enjoyed even more by having you participate. Try to just be happy for your partner and enjoy these special moments that you two are having together. If you can't do that, then you probably shouldn't be doing this.

It isn't at all uncommon for new couples in the lifestyle to have minor and sometimes even major disagreements over just what the rules for the night were, and what happened. An old rule of thumb; if you're setting rules, don't change them during the evening. Here though it sounds like there were expectations that weren't met, and perhaps better communication would help things. It doesn't sound like your wife did anything that broke the rules. It sounds like you were taken aback by what she did, and that exceeded what you expected the evening was going to be. From my chair; this is bump in the road, not a dramatic incident. I don't mean to invalidate your feelings in the slightest. If this feels like more to you, tell us. We can try to work it out with you. It's wonderful your wife had such a great evening! My wife loves MFM threesomes for what appears to be the same reasons your wife enjoyed having you and Gary at the same time so much.

You answered your own question, there's nothing to be upset about. Your wife didn't engage in any activity that you two had agreed not to, just one more guy than you expected. Your wife is desirable to other men and has a strong interest in sex, which is a good thing. You two also played together in a reclaiming way. All sounds good.

Thank you all for letting me discuss my problem. Sex talk with my friends were more jokes and less real situations. I know many women have the same questions just not discussing. Thinking about our friends having sex was not a major thought before. I might have thought to myself how did she have sex with him not what acts they did. Only recently in my new sexual awakening did I confide to a close friend my new found sexual curiosity. We have both now taken new sexual exploration steps. This has led to open discussions about our personal sexcapades. I had no idea that she has been using lubrication most of her life. It has been part of her sex life even as a teen. Had no idea.

We will not knowingly play with cheaters. We don’t want the aggrieved spouse showing up at our tryst with their lawyer, photographer and /or shotgun. More basically, as stated by others, we don’t want to encourage unethical behavior. Another category of swingers that has issues: MF fuck buddies. They pose as a couple, but in fact they are two singles that do not have a romantic relationship with each other. They may have a sexual relationship with each other or may not. We have met and played with couples like this. We find that often they don’t care about their partner, they are more likely to blow off a date and their pairing rarely lasts to a second playtime. No objection to them doing it, just doesn’t work out.

I did not understand the theory of house parties at first. I was stuck on the theory that we had to find another couple and swap with that couple. At an early house party, I had sex with one woman, my wife had sex with her husband.After that encounter, I was eating coffee cake in the living room, checked on my wife who was simultaneously having sex with four or five guys. A friend next to me said, leave her alone, she’s having fun. After processing this (I was more impressed than mad), after awhile I realized house parties gave us the chance to explore our own options. At a later party, I had a threesome with two women that was extensive and pleasant. You have to accept that you are free agents and attractive women are hotly pursued. If you can’t, stick to a different format. It took me a long time to figure this out.

We have very little experience playing with singles. However, we have zero tolerance for liars or cheaters. If they are not honest about this, how can there be trust that they will respect our boundaries, our privacy, be honest about STDs, or anything for that matter. Any single guys, our BS detector is set on high. Any weird photo crops, I vs. we slips, etc. raise red flags. Anyone pulling the boo-hoo-hoo sexless marriage BS can jack off or get a divorce for all I care. Mainly due to scheduling around our family and work life, we are only free a few Saturday nights per month, and we put that in our profile. That’s a great deterrent for cheaters because, we feel, that it’s going to be tough to sneak away from wife and family and stay out late.

StartingOver60; Something I was thinking of in reading your first post and subsequent posts: It is often the case that women have a much easier time of finding play partners than it is for men. I've never been to a swinger party (but have been to swinger clubs), so I can't say this with any certainty. But, your wife being the object of attention of multiple men at a swinger party doesn't strike me as surprising at all. GoldCoCouple mentioned about this too. I concur with what others have said about rules. It's very common for people new to the lifestyle to have lots of rules. It's perfectly understandable; it's new territory, and we want to feel like we have some semblance of control, and not feel like things are going to 0 to 60 in 3 seconds. It can be intimidating getting into the lifestyle. So many unknowns, and so many questions. Over time, almost all (if not all!) couples find the rules tend to vanish. For my wife and I, we've been doing this for 14 years. We had lots and lots of rules at the beginning. I inadvertently broke a rule early on, but it wasn't a problem (thankfully). Like cplnuswing noted, we did find the rules inhibiting. It became a bit difficult to ... just have fun. Now we have just one rule (other than safe sex); we call it the golden parachute rule. If either one of us wants things to stop, we both stop, get dressed, and politely take our leave without discussing it at the moment. Once we're back to the car and on our way, THEN we'll discuss it. It's never been used, but it's nice knowing it's there. My wife and I are free to do whatever we want with a play partner, wherever we want, and whenever we want. Not really a rule, but common consideration; we do tell each other in advance if something is going to happen. In practice, this has been only my wife as she's the only one that's been on a solo date. None of that means you have to set aside your rules. The point is for both of you to be comfortable where you are in the lifestyle at this point. That likely means rules at this stage, and that's perfectly fine. I'm just pointing out that you shouldn't be surprised that the rules tend to fall away as you get more comfortable in the lifestyle.

Feeld has interests that include various forms of swinging/ENM. In my profile and in conversations I confirmed my dealbreakers to include cheating. I make a point of asking. Some people are okay with it, I’m not. I understand sometimes it doesn’t seem so simple but for me to feel good about what I’m doing it’s important.

Thanks for all the replies. I did not give her a hard time about it I explained that I was surprised at seeing that side of her. However, we are still good and she remembers the evening and how hot it was. She did thank me for joining in and going along with it.

Sex-cessories may not be needed. But they absolutely can add to the fun. Hanging a sex swing in our basement has led to some of the best sex we've ever had. Add in restraints and a blindfold, even better.

Rules are important in swinging, very important, but so is flexibility and a bit of a go with the flow attitude. I think new swingers often have too many rules...I know we were in that group too. It's almost as if you are setting yourself up to fail by having too many rules. Not to mention severely reducing the fun when before you do anything, you've got to sit there and mentally run through a long rule list. You just can't completely choreograph a sexual encounter ahead of time and not get thrown a curve ball every now and then. Maybe the best answer here is broad rules, like - "won't go off with a partner without letting the other know even if it takes hunting them down." A rule like that can help with a lot of misunderstandings resulting from being surprised. A lot of time I think the surprise element is really what is at the heart of anger or unhappiness about a rule being broken more so than what the actual action was. Just something to consider...

I'm down for that contest too!

Our rules started out on the plentiful side and have diminished to very few. One thing that has helped navigate the waters is a clear understanding that neither of us will ever intentionally do anything to hurt the other. Once that was understood things like the OP's issue resolve quickly.

AndrewandAnn, If not totally refraining, (which may be right) . Certainly proceeding slowly. Probably slower than they think others have. As long as it is THEIR slow, it could be the right pace for them. Being curious how others have played it out is OK. Letting that knowledge determine how you yourself should play it out is quite another.

Do not let either be the goal. Let each be a possibility. With each couple it will sort itself out. Trying to stage manage it can be frustrating and possibly dramatic. We prefer relational pairings. Sometimes it is just sex , sometimes it ends vanilla. Often enough it is near what is, for us, a good balance.

Try a list of stock questions to start. Make sure you have your own honest answers to the questions to reciprocate. After the weather, did you have a good drive over nonsense. What puts bread on your table?(Guys especially like talking about the type of work they do and can do it without getting too specific.) How did you get into this, LS? What do you do for fun other than this? That sort of thing will get the ball rolling then just let the conversation flow wherever it will. DO NOT overthink it. It is OK even good to hold hands for support. Most of us like couples that are affectionate with each other.

The whole bi label is laughable at times. It means such different things to different people. The funniest is the fear that a bi man might "go after" a straight man when couples couple. For me the simplest basic differentiation is sexual, heterosexual, and homosexual. Sexual means sexual, no gender calcification. Many are heterosexual, meaning only sexual with the opposite sex, and fewer are homosexual, only sexual with the same sex. Those who are fully sexual don't have gender bumping in the way so exclusively.

I have to differ because of the bisexual husbands I know, all say their wives are straight. And, my wife has proven to me she is. I really think that a lot of couples list the wives as bi or bi-curious for the same reason the bi husbands list themselves as straight. It's go increase the field. Wouldn't it be nice if ads were more honest?

I'm a bi male with a bi wife. Here's a little insight for the straights out there: not all of you are irresistible. No really. It may be a blow to your ego but it's true. I'm very picky about the men I sleep with and most of you don't fit the bill. And anyway, if a guy labels himself as straight only, then I'm hardly likely to grab his cock during playtime. That's just common sense. As for the pairing of straight gal/bi guy, I gotta say that's rarity. Switching your label to bi curious is good advice (as others have mentioned on here)

I agree wish more men were serious about their mind set, I often see guys eying other men's cocks like they would enjoy them but are too hung up on gay title. Why is it ok for girls to be bi but not men? In my opinion you are missing half the fun. ever since I started getting to fuck my girl friend's ass I had wondered what it would be like so I got a guy to do mine and have loved it ever since.

I spent the most part of my life not at all attracted to men or the least bit excited about sex with one. I couldn't help but wonder what all the gay men saw in it. I gradually purged the idea that it was repulsive to play with a man's cock and visualized actually doing it. Then my ex and I had a spontaneous MFM in our hot tub and she said it would excite her to watch me suck him off so I did I have loved it ever since. But it was a process getting here. I did have to make myself learn to accept it then love it. I still prefer the company of women but I am very happy to suck her husband off! When I was young I played with the boy across the street. We'd get naked and fondled each other. Neither of us had ever ejaculated. It seemed perfectly sexy to strip down with him. Then the taboo got pounded in. Did anyone else need to learn to enjoy same-sex sex? :facelick:

I understand that when a couple puts on an ad that the husband is bi or bicurious that it does eliminate a lot of couples they might enjoy a hetero swap with. But I think a lot of us bi men who are honest on ads have been contacted by couples, and men, with ads that say straight. Don't you wish that there was some kind of polygraph in writing ads? I put bi on any ad and would really, really prefer the other husband be bi also. But if my wife had the hots for a homophobic husband and his wife was even just acceptable, sure, I'd take one for the team and be totally straight with them.

My wife and I recently separated - nothing to do with swinging - but when we had threesomes with another man I was always interested in his cock and found it frustrating I wasn't allowed to interact with it. I have now put a profile up on Adultmatchmaker identifying myself as Bi, and the number of people - men and couples - whose profile says they are all straight but have contacted me is astounding. I'm in the process of talking to two couples and a single man who all identify as straight but want to suck cock. Haven't done it yet, but it will happen in the next week or so.

I've been bi since the first time I played doctor with another boy. I have always been infatuated with girls, then women, but the taboo of a penis turned me on, even when I was terrified of the thought of it. When I met my wife I was starting to understand that at least a part of me was bi and that the few experiences as a teen weren't just random. As we continued on our sexual exploration into group sex, little by little I dared to try new things, and discovered that there is a degree of m/m play I enjoy. I am getting a little bolder all the while and have a great group of LS friends who are all pretty open minded, and so far I think I know this about myself: I am turned on by cock more so than by men. I know when a man is generally attractive but I don't feel attracted to men on the street, but get them naked and in a group sex environment and I crave tasting my wife on their todger! Also I've always loved porn, from too young an age as I should have found it, and in recent years the content I like has become more varied. Bi porn has become a staple in our masturbation, and as we look for future MFM partners we have put more of an emphasis on finding bi guys to join us, just so the option is there to explore further. So, to answer the question... finally, yeah, I am still learning to enjoy being bi!

I got started when in a swinging situation. My wife of 32 years would never give me oral. After her death, I found a girl who loved it. I went to a swingers party and while watching a couple girls going at it, I felt a mouth on me I saw it was a guy, not sure what to think I went down on him and found it wonderful. To this day I could care less which sex my dick is sucked by. I found that I like anal as well, a girl with a strap-on is fun but when a guy comes in my ass I go ballistic.

With me it resulted from my best friend and his then wife essentially seducing my wife and me on evening. We were both totally thrilled with the experience. Since the wife, who is still a dear friend, wasn't really interested in sex with me, it eventually evolved to my wife meeting my friend for sex, which really excited me, and then to threesomes with my wife. We took a lot of videos of those threesomes and my friend started coming over and masturbating while watching the videos while my wife was at work. My wife knew about it and approved of it. In fact it excited her. One day while my friend and I were lying in bed masturbating and watching a video or one of our threesomes, like we had done many times before, I reached in a drawer and took out my wife's vibrator and started using it on him. Since I could tell he was really enjoyed it, I took a chance and started playing with his penis. I eventually got up the courage to start sucking him. When he was about to cum, he warned me, which was rather cute of him, but I decided I really wanted to have the whole experience of him cumming in my mouth. I was really happy and relieved that he really enjoyed the experience too. From that time onward, whenever we get together with him for a threesome or I get together with him alone, male-male oral sex is part of the action, and I find that I am really turned on by being able to making him cum. He's not interested in having me cum in his mouth but does like to make me cum with a hand job after getting me hard by sucking me. That's not really a problem since I have never found it easy to cum from oral sex alone, even with my wife.

I think I understand what you're asking. I've sort of evolved that way too. At first it was simply my wanting to try it and push another envelope. And, like you, I was surprised at how good another cock was. But each time I indulged in same-sex activities it always seemed something was missing. I recently became very good friends with a man who is completely bi. He showed me what had been missing with men that I had with women. It's the foreplay and all the flirting, making out, and fun that I've always enjoyed with women but lacked with men.

What Jessicat and VegasLee say is right on. When you are looking for males, it makes almost no difference if you list as bi, as you've found. The two major differences it does make is eliminating those who have a serious bisexuality aversion, and it inspires all "straight" males who respond to you think about male bisexuality and may result in a willingness to explore their own in a safe and discrete manner. That's why I would recommend listing yourself as at least bi-curious. It may actually improve the quality of the responses you get. If you're primarily looking for couples, there are those who are male bi averse. Personally I'd rather not play with even in a foursome with those whose sexuality is limited by bi aversions. Plenty of straight couples have no such aversions as long as they are assured you recognize that they're straight.

...Because there still is a social stigma or double standard in the swinger community regarding bi males. My wife and I are brand new to this lifestyle (we've had a profile for only 2 months) and are still looking for our first mmf or mfm. I am bi-curious and would like to experiment a little but I also do not want to limit my wife’s selection of available men and have no problem keeping my hands to myself if the other guy is straight so I list as straight on our profile. If I listed bi-curious, it would reduce the number of men willing to contact us. What we have done is created a second free profile that has me listed as a bi-curious. Funny thing happens; we get contacted on both profiles by a lot of the same men. 9 out of 10 men who contact the bi profile have their profiles listed as straight. After chatting with these men, it is obvious they have some bi tendencies but do not list it that way in their profiles. Before any of you condemn us for not being totally truthful, the men that contact the bi profile are ALWAYS told of the straight profile and that we have the second profile to filter for bi men since so few of them will list that way. And it works well too! Granted we are not telling the straight men because we are still open to straight mfm sex. It’s sad that the Swinger community is still stuck on some of its old ways but it appears those old ways are slowly dying.

There are those, like my wife, who have pain during insertion of anything, even a finger after menopause. We still do oral and cum in other ways, but intercourse is not an option.