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Indeed. What's surprising is the reluctance to have such conversations in the vanilla world. "Sex Ed" is part of grade school; shouldn't it be part of continuing education over the lifespan? Anyone *not* interested in having better sexual health? At every age?

That's what we are here for! Glad (but not surprised) you got some great responses and info. Sad but true, I think it's probably even worse with guys. mrs cplnuswing is blessed to have one female friend that they share everything without shame or awkwardness, so that helps. Like others have said, you are not alone. Partial hysterectomy in the past and post-menopausal here. The hysterectomy seemed to have no effect whatsoever on the always very wet mrs. cplnuswing, but when menopause came along, definite effects. We tried the ring and it just didn't work well for her, probably because of the anatomical changes with the hysterectomy I suspect. Certainly not any anatomical problem or anything you feel during intercourse, but the ring just never felt "right". Did hormone replacement (tried both pills and inserts if I remember correctly) for several years then thought it was time for a break from that. We've tried a handful of different lubes, Astroglide, coconut oil Pink, KY, and some others I don't remember. They work, KY probably being our favorite, but they all seemed to give her UTIs. I mean like every time we have sex UTIs. Very frustrating and no fun! That was as recent as six month ago and it was definitely putting a damper on our sex life. The pee before and after sex, etc. etc. didn't help. So, we cut out the lube, take more time with foreplay, she has worked to reduce the stress in her life, and she takes some type of cranberry pills daily that were recommended by her physician. All of that seems to have made a big difference. She's not the always horny always wet she was at 20, 30, 40 but I'm not the always horny same endurance or drive I was at 20, 30, 40 either, so we still fit together pretty good

We used the lube launcher at home and it was way more comfortable and messy but so what. On a funny note I wrote someone privately and now I’ll share. Preparing for our first use of the launcher my wonderful sweet terrific hilarious husband launched the lube in my butt. Not wanting to waste I let him make use of something we hardly ever do.

Sex is so much a part of the human experience that it is surprising the extent to which it remains a taboo subject. It's worth pausing and reflecting on just *why* conversation about sex is relegated to whispers in ordinary life, and how it got to be that way.

Thank you all for letting me discuss my problem. Sex talk with my friends were more jokes and less real situations. I know many women have the same questions just not discussing. Thinking about our friends having sex was not a major thought before. I might have thought to myself how did she have sex with him not what acts they did. Only recently in my new sexual awakening did I confide to a close friend my new found sexual curiosity. We have both now taken new sexual exploration steps. This has led to open discussions about our personal sexcapades. I had no idea that she has been using lubrication most of her life. It has been part of her sex life even as a teen. Had no idea.

Schedule a visit with your OB/GYN. She/he is extremely familiar with your situation (something shared by millions of women!) and can offer you all manner of possible solutions or combined solutions, from something as simple as the use of various lubricants during sex to hormone replacement therapies. Concerning the subject of lubricants, there are many, many options available to you, depending upon your needs, desires, tastes (figuratively and literally), and so on. Lubricants come in three general varieties: oil-based, water-based, and silicone-based. Also, there are hybrids that contain some of each. Each form of lubricant has its own particular properties and advantages and disadvantages. You should note not all lubricants are created equal, and some have certain properties that can have a particular effects of which you should be aware. For example, some women prefer the use of all natural, oil-based lubricants. While these have certain advantages over other forms of artificial lubricants, one downside is they degrade petroleum-based latex (latex comes in two forms, actual rubber from rubber trees and the more common petroleum-based) products. This is important because most condoms, many dildos, and other sex products, are often made from petroleum-based latex or latex derivatives. Likewise, silicone-based lubricants can damage silicone-based sex toys which are becoming far more popular and plentiful. Ann and I literally have an entire drawer full of various lubricants we use depending up what kind of play we are engaging in, various toys we might be using, and so on. These range from surgical jellies (e.g., KY) to silicone lubricants to all- natural lubricants like olive oil, sunflower oil, and non-hydrogenated coconut oil. Experiment and have some fun!

Kathy and I are in our mid-‘70s and still have six regularly — intercourse four or five times a week. For at least the past decade we have used lubes for penetration. After trying a number of alternatives Kathy has settled on good old KY personal lube. After a bit if foreplay and as I prepare to enter her, Kathy squeezes out about an inch from the tube onto her finger and reaches into her vagina to spread it around. Then she squeezes a bit more onto her fingers and applies it to the head and shaft of my penis. She has a pleasingly tight vagina and my erect penis is on the wide side, but she almost never experiences even a twinge of discomfort as I enter. And on the very rare occasions that occurs I just stop pressing in momentarily. I haven’t had sex with anyone else since the onset of the pandemic, but before that I attended parties where I had intercourse with numerous women, most of them middle-aged or "young" elderly. By my observation a wise concession to having intercourse with older vaginas is to thrust a bit gently — hard pounding often causes discomfort for a woman — and not to carry on for too long. More than ten minutes of thrusting, even gently, is likely to cause an older woman discomfort. With Kathy, who prefers to orgasm with a vibrator, I ask her periodically if she’s ready for me to cum. When she says yes, I do so quickly.

We will soon join friends on another lifestyle cruise. Have you cruised? What do you like most about LS cruises? See the poll...

I don't know if anyone remembers me, but I am Numex, used to post here from time-to-time. Long story short, my autologin got screwed up, I tried to recover my password here but it was associated with an old email address I don't use any longer, so I created a new account. I have visited the site regularly but haven't posted. If anyone recalls our background, my wife (in her thirties, never married, but fairly active sexually) and I (in my fifties, married once before, few partners, but my ex and I monogamously fucked a lot) started with her connecting with ex-boyfriends, hotwifing for a while, now we play within a closed group of married couples. It's good to be back as a member and not a lurker.

This thread compelled me to get back on the Swingersboard as a member after having lost my logon and just visiting to read. Several observations: When we married, my wife expected that we would be monogamous. I had been so with my ex-wife for 25 years, and although Daniela loved the variety of fucking different men, she thought that was in the past with marriage. For me, however, it wasn't a big deal if she had a boyfriend or two so long as 1) it supplemented rather than replaced our sex life, 2) there was honesty all around, including with any of her lovers, and 3) I made it clear that I didn't have a need for other pussy. What made it work is that I did everything for her pleasure, letting her hotwife for a while, did some MFMs with them, and waited for her to almost beg me to fuck another woman. Eventually we ended up playing within a closed group of married couples. This thread also makes me appreciate the lack of drama from Daniela; things aren't always perfect (it's hardly ever about sex or a play partner), but we hash it out quickly and move on.

We had a great cruise; met several new couples that we really like.

I am ranting. I have tried a different site, Feeld. Chatted with a “single male”. He wanted to be sure I understood the “lifestyle.” Yes. After a fair bit of chatting we decided to meet halfway, a little over a 30 minute drive for me. Brief introductions were exchanged and we started talking lifestyle experiences. I asked if he found it challenging as a single male. Then he said he needed to “clarify” so there wouldn’t be any “expectations.” Yes he is married but his wife is blind and they didn’t talk much about his outside activities but she is aware. I needed to clarify if this meant she would be upset by what he was doing. Yes. That’s cheating in my book and I left. My mistake was not confirming his status. I don't have a problem if the other partner is fine with it and have enjoyed meeting the other half in the past. His actions are not ENM at all. He sent some message how everything isn’t black and white. I doubt the wife is so blind she can’t see what an asshole he is. The excuse itself is offensive. I flagged his profile as fake because it is. Some people are okay with cheaters but I am not, won’t knowingly hurt someone else.

Bumping this up since a swinger cruise has always sounded fun but we have never done it, so hoping to hear more from those who have. Note there is a poll attached too so you can vote even if you don't post a reply.

This is on my DIY list. We've got a basement room that was more of a shop at one time, is mostly storage now, but the plan is to make it where by pulling some accessories like sex swing out of their hiding places and getting some dim lighting going, instant playroom

No one who has ever seen my pussy has asked me, "How does that work?"

That's part of the challenge. 🙂 Our guys can still go two - three times when needed, it just takes longer for them to recover. And I enjoy sucking up a spent, sloppy dick. We women having a Lesbian side keeps a session going during the guys' down time as well.

So the fact that I have asked for it means nothing? I liked it when a man first suggested it and found it hot. I have done it with my husband and with two other men as well. We both like it. I like it in most of the MMF we have done.

So what you’re saying is because a woman never asked you for it, that means NO women ever ask for it?

We have looked at all the options. As a breast cancer survivor, hormone replacement therapies are not a good option. On the other hand, it does put sexual play, both with each other and with others in perspective. Her health is more important than play. And swinging is a great memory.

ROCKlandCpl, thank you for sharing your story and experiences. One thing I'd like to mention is the fact that, culturally, we seem to have accepted the predictable changes that happen with women as they age, and modern medicine has appropriately responded to their needs. Unfortunately, "male menopause", as it has been labeled, is a real thing, too, but gets far less attention. Yes, erectile disfunction (ED) medicines (e.g., sildenafil, tadalafil, vardenafil, etc.) are quite prevalent today. However, they are either not effective, or of limited effect, for many men whose problems are more related to declining levels of testosterone rather than diminished blood flow. And sexual side-effects of low testosterone are only the tip of the iceberg. Low testosterone negatively effects everything from bone density and muscle mass to cognitive function (i.e., memory, spatial abilities, mathematical reasoning, so on) to diminished heart health, sexual function and satisfaction, and diminished mood. Testosterone in males naturally declines with age. The problem is medical science really doesn't have a firm understanding of how much of a decline in testosterone is considered normal versus abnormal? One reliable study says that anywhere from 20-40% of "older men" (those aged 65 and older) have abnormally low testosterone levels, a condition described as hypogonadism. Note there are approximately 13 million "older men" in the US, so hypogonadism is something that effects anywhere from 2.6 to 5.2 million men. It's a serious health concern. And with an aging population, the concern is only going to grow. But, medical science is conflicted on this subject. Why? Unfortunately, testosterone therapy is not risk-free. While there are many benefits to testosterone therapy, there are many potential negative side-effects, some quite severe and include increased risk for prostate cancer, blood clots, and can worsen conditions like sleep apnea. These potential side-effects are severe enough the Endocrine Society generally recommends against prescribing testosterone to men aged 65 and older with low testosterone concentrations. One of there reasons for this recommendation is because common testing methodology for low testosterone is notoriously unreliable and often results in otherwise healthy men being prescribed testosterone, while others with genuine hypogonadism go untreated. If possible symptoms of male menopause are a concern, the best recommendation is to work with a Board Certified medical doctor who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of health concerns for aging men. If you do not have access to that level of care, start a conversation with your regular family doctor.

I’m good at keeping my appointments at the Dr. She’s awesome going over my changes. We discussed the pros and cons of HRT and decided to hold off unless I need it. We talked about my body and how things will possibly change over time. Until recently my symptoms have been minimal, even the flashes my friends talk about have not been a major thing. It’s funny that I heard sex will decrease with the changes except for us it opened us up to explore with one less thing to worry about. I know I have been on birth control so pregnancy was barely possible. I was watching Maury on a program and laughed about swingers going on and hearing “you are the father”. Sex has anything but diminished for me. Since swinging and joining the Swingersboard I am think more about sex not less. Dryness had not been an issue really. I think between my natural secretion and Rocky’s saliva I guess there wasn’t a problem. I first became aware of any problems by myself with a toy. My normal toy is not inserted so never noticed. When another toy started to hurt I just didn’t insert it, I don’t need to. Alone I started to think about the tube of KY was doctor gave me a few years ago, broke the seal and put it on the toy. I was thinking too much about the KY when I didn’t want to. I never thought of natural, water based, or what a lube should be. We have a flavored lube that we only played with for taste and fun not for the lubricant. Middle aged and I didn’t know about lubes. Put it on him or in me. How much do I use and do I put it all the way deep in me. I didn’t know a “lube launcher”. We are going to order one. Sliquid being organic is on the list. I heard about Astrolube but only for anal not that we do that much. Since posting I’m doing more searching on the internet. My emails are now being filled with too much info, damn cookies know everything. Maybe I should become full lesbian and not worry so much. Thank you for the advice and for being my personal WebMd.

Greetings and thanks for bringing up such an important topic. What follows is general commentary and not medical advice, so see your healthcare professional for personal care. With that disclaimer, I speak as a physician who has seen the problem inside and outside the LS. 1. The advice on plenty of lubricant is correct. I recommend—and we use—only natural product lubricant (see for example the Sliquid organic products) that are unflavored etc. We also recommend and use “lube launcher” to make sure that the entire vaginal vault is well coated. Yes, it makes that much difference. 2. Hormonal changes are inevitable. Provided that you have no contraindications, you have access to local or systemic treatments. Some women look at the risk benefit ratio of systemic hormone replacement therapy and choose it, at least for a while. Others go directly to local (topical) therapy, either estrogen cream or the estrogen “ring”. The creams are introduced into the vagina with an “applicator”. While they work, they can be messy. The “ring” can be thought of as a soft silicone ring that releases a small amount of estrogen continuously for 90 days. Again, this is a matter of conversation with your healthcare provider. Our personal experience started with an HRT product called tibolone that had especially favorable properties (a “side effect” is that it tends to increase libido). After a decade or so, we thought it was time to go off HRT. We tried the estrogen cream, it was too messy and inhibited spontaneity. The ring has been perfect. Soreness is gone, vaginal tissues have recovered their lush texture, wetness, and sweet taste. Adjacent vulvar tissues are also less prone to cracking. Bottom line, see your healthcare professional. Do not be embarrassed. You are in the vast majority of women who want to continue enjoying sex but face normal aging changes. This issue constitutes a large fraction of post menopausal OB/GYN practices and is fairly easily addressed to everyone’s satisfaction.

We have had the same issues. There are many good water base and silicone lubes there. Experimentation is necessary. They vary as to lasting power, taste, possibly allergic reaction. We have sampled some from friends as a starter. One other issue that you may get also. The vaginal tissues can start to thin a bit. This can cause minor tearing. There are some good prescription treatments for that. If you OB/Gyn is too focused on the baby making end of things that probably will not change. It might be time to shop around a bit.

We keep Astroglide liquid and Astroglide gel on our night stands. We do not need to use all the time (Queen has had menopause and is mostly through it except for occasional hot flashes) but do when we need to. If She wants a quick first plunge, all in all at once (something she really enjoys) I most always use the jell on me first. We are still very active at the club but she has backed way off on playing. Just has lost her interest. But we personally are still very active with each other. Normally a daily activity for us. Although the playful hour of fun playing with each other has all but stopped. Menopause. She used to be very active. Almost too regularly out of control. but in a good way. Now, rarely. But we are very sexual with each other. It all seems different woman to woman.

Good on you Jane1902. I think you did the right thing. There are some people who are ok playing with cheaters. My wife and I will not. This situation...the whole misrepresentation part, and you're supposed to let him have sex with you? Hell no. Next!