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I will try to answer for me, it depends. My thoughts on what Michael and I do changes on our moods. I think we are thinking alike when we both want what the other wants. I have never heard him use Gangbang as something we should do. I have been with multiple men and still don’t call it a gang bang. I have been with multiple men and don’t feel I am a hotwife, a term I only learned on here. I think I enjoy variety in partners. I enjoy being pleasured and I enjoy giving pleasure.

In reality this is all about the woman, her desire, mind set, her sense of control of the situation, feeling at ease to let herself go and more importantly is she the aggressor or is it all about her pleasure. Meaning if she is the aggressor than she is the most active…actively taking on each male(s) or is it about her with the male(s) only there to pleasure her, which is hugely different experience. There is a Distinct difference….and can alternate between both all depending on her desires at the moment. For example and to be a bit simplistic a gangbang (we have set up, hosted, participated) is quite simply put all about the woman (or women depending on number of males) taking on and using her desire and her skills as a sexual person to please, make ejactulate, men in the group as many times as possible. It is aggressive on her part. It is physically active and exerting. It requires planning and a mindset for the woman. It is about raw sex and her talents. It also in our experience it is very exhilarating, invigorating and gives her a sense of empowerment. The other is all about her, for her pleasure. Usually 2-4 males (often 2-3) that are only there to please her, to tantalized every part of her body at the same time (massage, touching, squeezing, etc). Not about the men getting off. Example, the males slowly undressing her, massaging her, simultaneously kissing, nibbling her neck, one on each breast, one kissing, one giving her oral each taking turns with penetration) then switching out each taking turns. Highly sensual, not just sex. She is totally passive, receiving….and the males comfortable with sharing the woman simultaneously with each other. She without much exertion on her part is to receive as much pleasure as possible. (I need to write a few stories about this) The latter of above was our most often requested event. 95% privately arranged and usually we would set up as an afternoon event. Both experiences should only be for her experience and participation. Never about just doing it to please a SO fantasy or experience. Our experiences over twenty years and hosting parties and events (as well as open discussions of others experiences) has brought us to this general opinion.

So, we were invited to another house party a few months before this second invite. The first time we had a wonderful experience in the same room and same bed with our neighbors who hosted. It was our first time. So, with the new invite we both were excited to go. When we got there, we were greeted by Will and Leah the hosts. We mingled a bit got to meet some of our neighbors. We meet Katie and Gary and were chatting until Will came over whispered to Ana, she looked at me I smiled, and they left the room. She was with Will at the first party. Gary, Katie, and I continued to chat for about 30 minutes or so and after a few drinks Katie notice I had my eye on her and that I was not sure being new to house parties how to approach her with Gary there. Gary got the vibe and wandered off leaving us to chat a bit when Katie suggested we go off to some privacy. Katie and I were together for a good while having an incredible time. She was a beauty and I felt so lucky to have her. She was attentive, accommodating, rough and willing. She was great. When we were ready, we dressed, went back to join the party and I expected to find Ana. So, this is where my issue begins. Ana was not to be found so I was thinking she was still with Will until I saw Will getting a drink. I asked where Ana was, and he said she went off with Gary. I was somewhat upset that she would go off with a second guy in the same night without discussing. This is only the second time we were at a party like this. I went to look for her and I peaked in a room and there she was riding Gary at full thrust on top. I really did not expect that she would have two guys in one night at this point in our experimenting in this lifestyle. It somewhat upset me but did not ruin the night. They caught me peaking and Gary asked I wanted to join them. I felt a bit taken back that Gary was proposing a three sum with my wife. However rather then leave them alone I joined in. Ana was still on top with Gary inside her, so I walked around the bed got undressed and kissed her passionately and gently squeezed her breast. She rolled off Gary and started sucking on my penis. She got on her knees and Gary went behind her, penetrated her, and started pounding away. I could feel him thrusting as her body moved with his motion and I could feel her reacting while sucking me. He seemed to have her in his control. However, she was having a great time. Well, so I played along until we all were done. We all got dressed and went back to the party. I kept thinking my Ana who only experienced this lifestyle once took it over the limit having three guys in a row. Two individually and then letting a third, me join in with the second guy. I was a little bit visually upset with her but again maybe it was jealousy. We soon left the party and walked to our house, and I told her how I felt. She said she was sorry I she upset me, but it all meant nothing and we agreed to go to this party to have sex with strangers. She said when she went back to the party I wasn’t there, I was with Katie. Gary came over and came on to her and she said yes and she wanted to have sex with him. He was a gentleman and performed exceeding her expectations. In fact, the evening exceeded her expectations having two other men and finishing with me. She said next time we should set some rules so there is no confusion. Not having much experience at a party like this and being alone while I was with another women she just went with evening. She did not regret it. She said a woman fantasizes about being desired. Having three guys want her in one night was extraordinary, especially with my husband joining in and finishing the experience. So, I am still not on the page of my wife having three guys in one night. I would love some perspective and or comments. Should I not be concerned with her decisions. Your thoughts are welcome

You answered your own question, there's nothing to be upset about. Your wife didn't engage in any activity that you two had agreed not to, just one more guy than you expected. Your wife is desirable to other men and has a strong interest in sex, which is a good thing. You two also played together in a reclaiming way. All sounds good.

Menopause brings on change in a woman’s life and sexual being. Menopause has allowed us to have fun without the fear of pregnancy fully aware that pregnancy isn’t the only fear we have. A personal note, I have always been well lubricated naturally during sex. Rocky has made comments how wet I would get. Oral sex would leave him with a shining wet face, a thing we would laugh about. Never thought about any pain on insertion. I never had problems alone or with a toy except a wet spot on the bed. My body is changing, not my desires. I noticed my own lubrication has changed. It hasn’t been a major problem just a change I figure goes along with hot flashes. I recently experienced some pain from the dryness on penetration that alleviated during sex which caused concern. I am thinking about lubricants and gels. Any advice? I know about KY but being honest how do you use it?

Do single guys really think that writing on their profile that they are a dominant bull is going to get them lots of responses? It almost seems like maybe they watch to much porn thinking every woman out there that likes sex is looking for guys to dominate them and all the wives in couples must have some limp dick loser for a husband that has no idea how to please them. For us at least as soon as a guy writes anything about being a dom he is quickly taken off the list as a possible extra. It is a huge turn off for her. She knows how to please a man and does need to be told or pushed to do anything. There is nothing special or sexy about a man that can dominate a woman. It is actually pretty lame. She prefers givers over takers. We have on all of our profiles no interest at all in dom men, but yet they always message anyways thinking they will be the exception. When we tell them not interested at all in dom men they usually say something like I don’t have to play that way. Well that’s nice, but she is not into men that want to play that way. She can and does do better.

GF loves a good gangbang but these are treats. It's not something we do regularly but can arrange a few times per year.

Insecure and needing constant consoling do not translate well to swinging! Don’t know what to tell you. Good luck.

I did not understand the theory of house parties at first. I was stuck on the theory that we had to find another couple and swap with that couple. At an early house party, I had sex with one woman, my wife had sex with her husband.After that encounter, I was eating coffee cake in the living room, checked on my wife who was simultaneously having sex with four or five guys. A friend next to me said, leave her alone, she’s having fun. After processing this (I was more impressed than mad), after awhile I realized house parties gave us the chance to explore our own options. At a later party, I had a threesome with two women that was extensive and pleasant. You have to accept that you are free agents and attractive women are hotly pursued. If you can’t, stick to a different format. It took me a long time to figure this out.

But you were gone, fucking another hot chick with your wife's blessing, and she had another offer. Then when you found her, you got to fuck her with another guy. I wish I had such horrible problems!

I agree. I like your wife, BTW. She's a keeper!

ROCKlandCpl, thank you for sharing your story and experiences. One thing I'd like to mention is the fact that, culturally, we seem to have accepted the predictable changes that happen with women as they age, and modern medicine has appropriately responded to their needs. Unfortunately, "male menopause", as it has been labeled, is a real thing, too, but gets far less attention. Yes, erectile disfunction (ED) medicines (e.g., sildenafil, tadalafil, vardenafil, etc.) are quite prevalent today. However, they are either not effective, or of limited effect, for many men whose problems are more related to declining levels of testosterone rather than diminished blood flow. And sexual side-effects of low testosterone are only the tip of the iceberg. Low testosterone negatively effects everything from bone density and muscle mass to cognitive function (i.e., memory, spatial abilities, mathematical reasoning, so on) to diminished heart health, sexual function and satisfaction, and diminished mood. Testosterone in males naturally declines with age. The problem is medical science really doesn't have a firm understanding of how much of a decline in testosterone is considered normal versus abnormal? One reliable study says that anywhere from 20-40% of "older men" (those aged 65 and older) have abnormally low testosterone levels, a condition described as hypogonadism. Note there are approximately 13 million "older men" in the US, so hypogonadism is something that effects anywhere from 2.6 to 5.2 million men. It's a serious health concern. And with an aging population, the concern is only going to grow. But, medical science is conflicted on this subject. Why? Unfortunately, testosterone therapy is not risk-free. While there are many benefits to testosterone therapy, there are many potential negative side-effects, some quite severe and include increased risk for prostate cancer, blood clots, and can worsen conditions like sleep apnea. These potential side-effects are severe enough the Endocrine Society generally recommends against prescribing testosterone to men aged 65 and older with low testosterone concentrations. One of there reasons for this recommendation is because common testing methodology for low testosterone is notoriously unreliable and often results in otherwise healthy men being prescribed testosterone, while others with genuine hypogonadism go untreated. If possible symptoms of male menopause are a concern, the best recommendation is to work with a Board Certified medical doctor who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of health concerns for aging men. If you do not have access to that level of care, start a conversation with your regular family doctor.

You will spend more at a bar in one night hoping to find someone than it costs to join one of the websites. Once again, by joining it shows that you are much more "serious" about swinging. People spend hundreds...thousands of dollars on hobbies...golf, off roading, biking, etc, but for some reason they want to find other people to have sex with (which seems like a MUCH funner hobby to have) but don't want to spend a few dollars to join. I'm an IT guy and I hate paying for anything on the internet, but I didn't mind paying to find other couples to play with. With couples especially, you get what you pay for

Looking for other couples on CL (which, as pointed out, hasn't allowed meet up posts in years) is like buying gold and rare gems at a swap meet...whatever you get is probably not real and not worth the time to find. If you want to catch fish, first try fishing where you already know the fish are: Stick to websites where swinger are (see 'please visit our sponsors' at the top of the page). While you will still run across fakes and flakes there (especially if they are 'free' members, which is why it is important to actually join whatever site has the most members close to you), at least you know that most of the people are serious about swinging.

Yes unfortunately it is all to common! Guys just using their wife to try and get some for themselves when she is never actually on board and doesn’t know anything about it in the first place. Forget about pieces of crap like this guy. We can usually weed them out very quickly at this point. If the wife isn’t actually aware of it then they are not swingers. He is just a cheater and they don’t deserve to be part of this lifestyle.

You did the right thing. I don’t know what CC is, but join SLS, SDC or another national platform. There are plenty of swingers where it is obvious ( from certifications) that both spouses are on board. You can also have your wife talk to the other wife (“voice verify”) before you meet. This can be faked, but what can you do. You will not have a relaxing swing session unless all parties consent. You don’t want cheaters or coerced people.

We met a terrific couple this weekend. We had an easy four way match. Forgot about the last couple entirely. Their loss. I don't mind if I or we get rejected. It's happened a lot in our lifestyle career. I (we) just don't need to find out who does not like who and why. It's hurtful. Just think about it if you do this.

There is a huge difference between being a brute and being honest. It's not sugar coating to practice a modicum of tact.

I'll admit to being a sensitive Snowflake. But why do you have to point out the weak link and make one out of four people feel that they are the reason this foursome will not continue? Why not say we are all not a match and leave it at that. Honesty sounds nice but not at expense of unnecessarily hurting feelings. We are careful not to pin the tail on the donkey.

I appreciate your honesty. But just because you can take rejection well doesn't mean the vast majority can. Why not be caring in this situation and think of others? If they are thick skinned like you, then they would probably ask why, and then I would agree to give them the honest reasons. If they take it personal... well they shouldn't have asked. But at least you gave them an option. My husband would probably agree with you, but I tend to be more caring of others feelings.

You mention this board, and it has continually surprised me that people here are as polite and helpful as can be. Give the average person anonymity and controversy, and they become savages. Credit the folks here. This attitude of non-civility is cultivated today in our society, and without getting political, just look at the way the press behaves these days!! That's why we love this board and the contributors to it.