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My wife has had a cowboy rodeo in front of me while I played with a dud. And vice verse. We didn’t have a minute of discord about it. It’s not about the wife stopping her swing episode to rescue her husband. This guy has deeper issues.

Only you will ever know for sure, and even then, you probably won't know for sure. To be a successful swinger, you need a relationship that has an excess abundance of love, trust and communication. Swinging is a magnifying glass for relationships, which is why most couples who are successful are couples that have been together for awhile. If you have a great relationship, it will make it even better, but it will show in full detail any cracks or faults in that relationship and can destroy it as well. Swinging is like sprinkles on the top of an ice cream sundae...hardly even missed if they are not there, but they add just a bit more when they are. It is also something that you two are doing together as a team and never without the others full knowledge and consent. Ask yourself why you are thinking about doing this. If you are just doing it because 'he' wants to or you are doing it thinking this way he won't cheat on you, then don't do it. Unless you are also interested in swinging, for whatever reason, it probably won't work. If you can't separate sex and love, then you probably want to stay away. Swingers are only a very small percent of the population, but understand that having sex does not mean you love that person and loving someone doesn't mean that you have sex only with them. THe creator of this board (who has now stepped down but still comes around occasionally) wrote a book: The Swingers Manual by JustAskJulie. There is also The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton. Those two books should get you started with the info you need to make a decision. Also, search is your friend. Take your time as this isn't a decision that the two of you should rush into...and he should be willing to be patient while you decide. We, also, will be here to answer your questions as they arise. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Sorry to hear the outcome is not positive for you! It does sound like there is a lot more going on here then what the swinging caused. I will say this though as someone who has went through this before. Divorce is not the end of the world. In fact it is one of the best things that ever happened to me. You now have a chance at a new beginning and the journey may just lead to something way better then what you had. Take care of yourself and good luck on your future wherever it might lead you.

I guess I've been remiss in not following this thread, but I'm very sorry for what you're dealing with here. I tend to agree with the posters who are suggesting that there is something else going on for him. Perhaps he felt uncomfortable with something else in the marriage, even simply a mid-life crisis type of situation, and thought swinging would patch it up, but instead amplified the problems. I don't think this is really about you.

Sorry to hear this For what's it worth, from the very beginning I have thought there was some deeper issue here. There are plenty of "swinging didn't work out well" stories here, but this one just always seemed to have some hidden layers that no one knows except him, and he may even be repressing them and not fully understand it himself. A relationship can run seemingly ok on simple inertia for a long time even with a huge problem lurking under the surface. But when that stressor comes, the problem is let loose. Usually it's money issues, family conflict, etc. In this case it was swinging. Whatever the trigger was really doesn't matter, what does matter is there was such a deep underlying problem. That is what needs to be worked on. Once something like that is set free, just removing the trigger doesn't mean the problem goes back in its box. Wishing you all the best in this difficult time.

I’m newly married, this isn’t my first marriage. My husband and I have been thinking about going into this lifestyle, but I’m worried that once I come home he may never be enough and vice versa? Is this a common feeling? Am I ready? Are we ready? Well I know he is, but am I?

I just re read your original post. What I get: The two of you met and agreed in private to play with a couple. It was a mate swap situation. You had a good time. Your husband was disturbed by your good time and was having less of a good time because of it. He eventually got up and left. You followed him. Is that a reasonable summation of the story? If it is, then the only thing that I can see that you did was to not pick up sooner on how he was doing. If my wife is enjoying someone else I expect that to be her focus. Yes she does glance over occasionally as do I. The operative word there is occasionally. Otherwise you did what I would consider reasonable. Just because he felt bad does NOT mean you cuckolded him. The fact that he has not at least somewhat comes to grips at this point means , to me, that there is more going on. Even if you had made some egregious error, I would expect a "normal" response, from just this incident alone , to be something other than divorcing. The Divorce idea may just be one of the avenues of escape that he is trying on for size. I had a similar, but not as extensive, experience. Hurt, crabby, after a weekend party. I did not know why, and my wife had done everything to perfection. Several days later I had a memory that went all the way back to high school age, that evoked strong emotion. It was however the emotional response of a 17 year old. Evidently an unresolved emotional response. Triggered by the playtime. That was the cause . The most embarrassing thing was telling my bride what it was. I think many of us carry around such minor and sometimes not so minor things from a time when we were not mature enough to adequately process them. I hope for both of your sakes that this gets straightened out.

It's interesting that you view these as two separate activities.

An unfortunate ending. Contrary to some others, I will not dismiss or rationalize away the adverse role swinging played. Most relationships are not built for the introduction of outside sexual partners. That doesn't make them bad or weak relationships, or inherently flawed. Research shows monogamy is still overwhelmingly the relationship ideal. Did your relationship have some issues? I have no doubt it did. And that would make it just like every other relationship, because ALL relationships have issues. Relationships are delicate things; they exist through a careful balancing act. They can ebb and flow with a certain amount of stress and still stay intact. But, when we introduce too much stress... relationships can fall apart. We have only to look at the large spike in the rate of divorce during the pandemic to see how this played out in real time. At this stage, I suggest... no, I strongly encourage you to stay in counseling. You will have your own demons to wrestle with and having access to a counselor will prove to be an asset. Best of luck. PS "Everybody" isn't blaming you. That is only your perception. I'm sure you haven't conducted a poll 😉

Fear of being naked is a learned fear. As a child nudity was natural into my early teens when my older sister became uncomfortable. At that point a lower wrap became the after shower norm.

Returning to the theme of the original post (nudity and comfort with same), it remains surprising and disappointing that simple nudity persists as a point of contention and discussion. While there are settings in which fashion is celebrated, and there are settings in which textile separation makes sense, there are plenty of settings where fewer textiles is a reasonable and logical choice. The fact that having--or seeing--an unclothed body should make anyone uncomfortable speaks volumes about our cultural constructs and our perceptions of what it means to be human.

We reconnected with a couple we introduced to the board and their friends. Alan and I initially only met with one cpl at a time, parties were not our scene. We also didn’t build relationships with people, more of a few meeting then move on. We didn’t want any possibilities of attachment or others personal problems. The downside we gave up on some terrific times. Times change and our attitude changed we have become good friends with a cpl close to us. Yes we went to the Proving Ground in the Highlands. There is a good vibe, pretty, on the water and just over the bridge from Sandy Hook. I am pretty sure our profile says New Jersey and I see locations on other profiles. I normally look at profiles out of curiosity not for searching for hook ups. We mainly met those who are new to the lifestyle not long timers. We didn’t and don’t search here for hookups, searching is part of our fun. Now we are becoming more open to new friends. Lol. Yes.

Let’s make a date to meet one day at the shore. It’s almost impossible to find someone even when you know the person. We normally a flag, not ours, as a starting point to give directions. We stay clear of flags of a previous president. We sometimes see people in a an area that have Giants flags or a Bi flag. We should DM the next time we have plans. Looks like today will be a great day, enjoy 😎

Sounds like sex will happen. We have only gone to lakes that are nudist and camps that nudists run. Plenty of families with volleyball and tube races. I’m sure that there are LGB peeps. Who cares. Biggest problem we had was mosquitoes. We find a lot of people are natural and we are the different ones fully shaved. Liquor may or may not be allowed I know plenty of beer wine and weed.

It’s Saturday morning and New Jersey is predicting a beautiful beach day. Gunnisons parking fills up early and we will be there for breakfast on the beach. We are four couples with at least two umbrellas, one a rainbow umbrella the other blue. We try to sit close to the water if possible about 100 yards in. Just guessing we don’t measure. If you want to join us, I am blonde 5’2”, my husband is thin and 5’9 short hair. I will be wearing a beautiful new green two piece which you won’t see if we are on the beach. If you have never been here, it’s clothing optional, most are nude. No sex on the beach or anywhere else, no liquor and no taking pictures of others. Bring plenty of lotion, it’s going to be very sunny. We are planning drinks after the beach and possibly more. If you are interested the men are straight, the women bi. The beach is very LBGTQ friendly, again no sex. Hope to meet you.

I can understand the first time hesitation that goes away in a short time. I quickly understood that nudity is natural not sexual. Go to a nude beach everyone is nude including old, young, thin, fat, pretty and not so pretty bodies and nobody cares. The more you go the less the nudity is an issue. At home nudity is just a normal thing.

Over the past couple of decades there have been numerous lengthy threads on probably every question you’ve had regarding swinging. Time spent browsing will be well rewarded, though you’ll find that often there are divergent opinions on almost every subject. You’ll need to be able to discern what’s (from your perspective) wheat and what’s chaff. Your concern as someone seriously contemplating becoming involved in the lifestyle for the potential negative impact of swinging on the durability of your marriage is understandable and not uncommon. (When my first wife and I investigated becoming swingers in the 1970s, the way too common "wisdom" was that swinging was the relationship equivalent of driving drunk at 120 mph on bad tires. That, plus being consumed with post-grad professional education and the logistical challenges in the pre-internet age, dissuaded us from taking the plunge. To my lasting sadness; I’m confident we’d have done just fine.) If you follow the advice you’ll find in historic threads and from current active members, to constantly communicate with one another and move no faster than either of you is comfortable, you will maximize the likelihood of having positive swinging experiences that enhance rather than harm your relationship with one another.