Leaderboard

There are many threads lurking in the background that are very deep in content. I would be interested in hearing what thread, or threads have helped or added insight for you in the Lifestyle. This post was prompted by Fundamentallaws essay. (Which we actually have bound in our library.)

The core issue might be "managing expectations". When the initial encounter is via LS site or at an LS gathering, the expectations are around sex--Team Calgary's eloquent post speaks to this point. On the other hand, we have LS friends where the ongoing basis of our durable relationship is distant from that physical contact. They remain friends because of shared attitudes and perspectives and values--in this sense the expectations did not need to be managed, the relationship simply evolved. In the LS, then, evolving to the "friend zone" is neither unusual nor is it a sign of failure. Starting and staying "in the friend zone" is quite separate from the expectation, and therein lies the concern. We'll end with an invitation to a fun 3-part thought-experiment... 1. Imagine those in this conversation (and others who are commonly in (y)our threads) are instantaneously transported to a very nice cocktail party or reception. We are all recognizable to each other (perhaps there are magic 'name bubbles' above our heads). Who are you eager to meet, what (topics of) conversation would you look forward to having, what other couples do you think would gravitate over and join in? 2. Imagine those in this conversation (and others who are commonly in (y)our threads) are instantaneously transported to a family oriented nude beach or resort. Purely G-rated, other than no camouflage by clothes. Yes, there is a pool or beach so that you can cool off. Once again, we are all recognizable to each other. Does the fact that we are nude change any of the "who do you want to meet, what do you want to chat about, who is likely to join in?" 3. Imagine those in this conversation (and others who are commonly in (y)our threads are instantaneously transported to a private house party at the home of one of those couples. The host and hostess greet you at the door, give you the quick tour of the house including the play areas, the hot tub, the basement with the sex swing and Sybian, and then bring you back to the living room/kitchen area where all the others are. Yes, those name bubbles are still there for instant non-awkward recognition. Who do you want to meet, what do you want to chat about, who is likely to join in? Here, we'll add one more question--is your focus on the organ behind the eyes or the ones between the thighs?

"Thanks for the gracious invitation. We respectfully decline. Good luck on your journey." No explanation is needed or should be expected.

Well as another ethnic group member...I am American Indian...My husband and I or not really seeking any particular race..just human beings..haha. We do have a black male that we share threesomes with and he is a very good friend as well as lover and so are the white males we share with.. it's not their color it's their personalities and the fact that the sexual chemistry between myself and them is awesome! LOL I have had a few responses to ads from white wives that want to get together with us because their hubby thinks it would be "cool" to be with an Indian woman...sigh... needless to say we turn them down. I don't care to be the Indian notch on their bedposts.

Unfortunately, yes.. most interracial couples or those seeking interracial pics, affairs, etc. are seeking the black man with white woman thing. In reality it does mean both. I think that the BM/WF is more prevalent because it is something that is sought out more. It is also more widely accepted by black society, whereas when a WM hooks up with a BF black society sees that as taking one of their own and they don't tend to like that. However, as always that is my personal view of life and not gospel. I've seen it from both ends. As, Cyber said, everyone has their preferences so in this case I have to go to the same response I gave when the topic of looks came up.. everyone looks for what turns them on. If it doesn't turn you on, then you shouldn't' have to settle for it. Keep looking for what turns you on, there are others out there who are looking for the same thing.

There is a couple. We have played with them and shared vanilla adventures as well. Everyone appeared to enjoy both. We still exchange birthday and holiday greetings and keep up on health and other things. We share books and discuss our very divergent political views in a mutually satisfying way. We have common religious beliefs, marital histories. Play time has disappeared without comment. Why? We haven't a clue. The nature of our conversations and visits would make a "friends, but not like that" or a "we are stepping back" comment understandable and would cause no offense. They are still good company and having a history just makes it better. Clarity, on this one thing though, is sadly lacking. My vote goes towards anything which acknowledges the good parts and places a clear " no thanks in this one area" on the table. Explanations, if any, would depend on the mechanics of our relationship.

We read it when we were just starting out and found it helpful. We will still refer to it on occasion. I am interested in hearing about other topics and threads that the readers here have found useful. The project is to build a compilation of readers favorite threads.

njbm, you raise a fair point above. Here is our take on this and it is predicated on the response of our esteemed colleague, FL. We agree fully with their response given this; what the is context of the LS? What separates it from joining a book club, bowling league, etc. The answer of course if sex. Sex sets the context in the LS and everything is illuminated by it in this environment.

In our poly family, Lora is black but we others are white. Lora's ex-husband is black, and we've played with them as a couple before Lora left and joined our family. His dick wasn't any larger than Red's or hubby's. Like most things, the BBC exists but not as the norm.

I assume that this is something that your wife wants to do, fucking someone else of her choosing is almost certainly a "yes!", having you watch may not be, especially at first. Usually guys have their regrets and bad feelings after they orgasm. My suggestion is that while you're watching don't jerk off, that will give you the post-orgasm blues. Wait until they are totally done then make love to your wife. The re-bonding with your wife, taking her back, will make it feel good. Just my feelings from having watched my wife, although the same applies if she plays alone. Love her when she gets back; it's like a celebration.

Do you think it is easier and more respectful to say no to this couples entreaties altogether and not offer them a chance at friendship without benefits?

Are your wife sharing thoughts something that your wife is 100% with. Have you even discussed it with her? Unless you are both on the same page about you sharing her then there is a good chance your insecurity may bubble to the surface. Sometimes, thoughts and fantasies are best kept just as thoughts and fantasies.

Insecure and needing constant consoling do not translate well to swinging! Don’t know what to tell you. Good luck.

I remember having feelings of shame and guilt and it took me several weeks to get over it. Imagine the mixture of shock and guilt I felt waking up the next morning on the other guy's bed, instead of my partner's (we were in a twin bed suite). His constant reassurance that it was ok made me move on. The experience changed me though and made me more assertive sexually.