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Your fantasy not hers. When I see these posts I see red. My suggestion is to show your wife you can take five men first.

There is no convincing her! There is talking to her openly about your fantasy and her processing it and deciding for herself if it is something that also interests her. Good open communication on both of your parts is what it takes to explore these kind of fantasy’s together. If you don’t have that then it will just be a fantasy. Good luck.

My urologist calls Viagra Vitamin V.

All of the above could be hints...or innocent coincidence. Same with the following suggestion - just watch people and how they interact with others, swingers sort of stand out sometimes I think. We had a group of vanilla friends that would come over for pool parties. Not prudes by any stretch, but totally vanilla. They don't know we swing, and we would never even dream of flirting or crossing any lines with them since all are good friends and we don't try to make swingers out of friends. One of them started dating someone new so she became part of the circle. Eventually, they brought some friends to them but strangers to everyone else with them to one party. She was taking them around introducing them to everyone, and when she got to us, she had some really perceptive comments that honestly kind of set me back a little. It was something like - This is so and so, it's their house. They are really cool and laid back and friendly. They aren't like most couples, you won't see them all jealousy and glued to each other all night. They'll each do their own thing and mingle around with everyone on their own, then get back together to touch base and reconnect for a few minutes, then starting mingling around again." When I thought about it, she was right on point with her observations. I didn't think we stood out in any way as being different, but evidently we do. I doubt we are alone in that.

It has been so far. She enjoys showing off and I like the way she gets turned on by it. And she gets to indulge seeing another man without feeling guilty. Possibly might get us into swinging down the road idk but for now it's good.

We quit drinking 8 years ago. We enjoyed it, but felt like it was time. Health was a big factor. We are very healthy, but would then consume a beverage, sometime a lot, that was opposite of that. So, I'm not against drinking it just doesn't jive with our lifestyle. When you're sober, the world looks different, you see it differently. It takes time to adjust. Alcohol reduces inhibitions and increases acceptance of others. Once it's effects are gone, you'll see most social interactions in a different light whether that's swinging or having a 'vanilla' backyard BBQ. Over time you'll adjust, you'll learn to be more open and vulnerable without the crutch of alcohol. You may get healthier as well which can increase your self esteem etc. After 8 years I can truly say I'm happy to be alcohol free. Do I miss it? Sometimes, but the benefits always outweigh what it means to go back. You said you first visits weren't so great. Exactly our experience. Time helps. You are in some ways taking off the 'alcohol' mask and now your naked and more real in all situations. Can't hide so much and that is uncomfortable. Work to get comfortable as non-drinkers. Take time to reflect on how your interactions are, in and out of the swinging world. See what you like and do more of that. Hope that helps and makes a little sense.

Didn’t know where to post this thought I had when I read about the fear of wife leaving for another woman she met alone. This may not pertain to all here. SEX is for Fun. We were not looking for love or romantic relationships. Think most here agree with that. We talked and talked and talked before taking that first step of just looking. We Love US. Forgive my ramble. Rocky plays guitar and sings but he’s no Dave Matthews. We will go to a concert but I will listen to Rocky for the rest of life. Rocky is extremely funny and witty yet we go to listen to many comedians who are hysterical. We both are pretty good cooks and then we go to restaurants. We still hire plumbers, electricians, gardeners and other tradesmen though we are capable to fix things. The pandemic gave us time to again talk and that led to a curiosity. I don’t consider myself Bisexual, others will say I fit a definition. That curiosity brought me to act out not change my preference. Possibly it was the rebel in me that had me go against what society says is wrong, what religion says is wrong. I can’t say if it was the openness of same sex relationships on TV and movies that made me curious. We made a decision together knowing I was taking a new step and Rocky would likely have sex with another woman. I brought up him having sex with a man that he had no interest in doing. I didn’t push him, we just talked about it. I wanted to fulfill a fantasy not find a lover. I wanted to have fun and I had fun. We had fun together with a couple and I had a number of firsts. That first time led to a first time with a friend and her husband. This was about sexual fun not anything more. I also had sex alone with my girlfriend with the husbands knowing. We did the same things alone as we did with the husbands watching. Back to the post about leaving your spouse after having sex without him being there, IT’S NOT HAPPENING.

We had a little of that last weekend, too.✨

Trust, Communication. Honoring the spouse as an individual. While that may describe some vanilla couples, those values and their expression are foundational to any couple that wants to be part of the LS.

Thanks for the replies. Now that we’ve had a few more days to process our first swinging (or non-traditional) sexual experience, we have questions! All input is appreciated. 1) VIP at Trapeze Atlanta- Is it worth it? What’s the difference? 2) Any tips for sorting through the crowd to find like-minded folks? We are very new to this and in our exploratory stage. Would using an app like Tinder or similar help inside the club? 3) We are a new, unmarried couple and very much in love but also interested in having sexual adventures together. Is that unusual for this space? Have most people been married for 10+ years and are unmarried couples as desirable or less desirable as play partners? We feel very lucky to have found each other and to have the opportunity to share these “bucket list” type experiences with each other. It all seems too good to be true! *pinch, pinch* 🤣 Am I missing something here, or can we really have it all? 🍰🍫🍭🥳🤩 We are hoping to get back to Trapeze this coming Saturday for the next chapter of our adventure! If anyone else is going or has attended a Kasidie party at Trapeze before, please share.

So many answers from noon or light drinkers! I'm glad for them, but the answers feel judgy, even though their not meant to be. THIS response meant more to me! I came to swinging and drinking about the same time in life and I suspect that I may suffer from social anxiety which is really triggered by swinging. The high expectation to make a snap decision to let strangers into my space, my most intimate space, makes my heart race just typing it out. I do not think I have a dependence problem, but I have decided that I do not drink well. Part of it may be my changing metabolism: it's harder to know where my limits are, they seem to be changing all the time. But I am glad to hear that your early experience of quitting mirrors my own. I feel like my standards are changing and hopeless about ever meeting people again, without drinking. your response makes me hopeful.

Take your time and enjoy the ride. Who knows where it will end, but sometimes the trip is just as fun as the destination.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Everyone here to one level or another seeks and enjoys the openness, the laughter, the fun, the ability to talk about most anything at all. Oh yeah. There will be sex play at one level or another. This lifestyle is very social both in and out of the bedroom. There is no one definition the lifestyle is very all-inclusive of every gender, all adult accepted sexual practices. Each and every participant chooses for themselves what they may or may not want to try, experience, watch, explore, discover etc. that covers about 90 percent of all those that participate at any level. And then the other 10 percent. For all the wrong reasons they dabble, they hope it helps, they hope it will fix things, they hope it will change things, they hope to prove something, they hope to teach someone a lesson, they are looking to be treated as they believe they deserve, they love to pass judgement on others, they love drama, they want to set up there spouse/so for some personal reason, they are there hopefully just to please their spouse/so. Again the list is endless. And for the special 65 percent who can treat sex as an adult extracurricular activity to be shared and enjoyed……well…..life is full of spice.

I think it was more that we weren’t interested to go forward with that.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I assume the plant medicine was something that starts with M.

We met a couple in Cancun with black wedding rings, I asked them about it, but they didn't seem to get it.

I would have said, "What do you say?"

Great to hear you had a good first night, learned a few things along the way, and are looking forward to the next time! Thanks for sharing your experience!

We met a woman on the beach, not a nude beach, who had a Pineapple Beach Bag. Pineapples all over the bag, I said she was a swinger, Rocky said it was just a beach bag. I told her that I loved her bag, she said thank you, some people think it’s a bag for threesomes. She was alone but we let it go.

Anklet is fairly standard works well 😈

Or they wear additional such rings on the opposite 4th finger.

We both can take it or leave it when it comes to alcohol! Don’t really care what others do with it, but if someone is tanked we are not going to be playing with them. Both of us much prefer marijuana and the great effects it has on play time. Thankfully they rightfully so made it legal here in Canada four years ago and it is now much more accepted by more people. The best play sessions we have had with others is when marijuana is involved. We still play with people that don’t partake as long as they are not uptight about others that do. Nothing annoys us more then people that drink, but have a problem with pot. We know which one causes more problems in the real world everyday and it is the one that is more accepted by people of walks of life.

I genuinely appreciate your response. I am not an alcoholic and I am never over inebriated at the club or anywhere else. I generally have 2 drinks over the course of many hours that we are there, but again, when it's 3 nights per week, that's more alcohol than I want. I was trying to explain that I realize alcohol is a crutch in the lifestyle to overcome inhibitions and I would like to be comfortable without alcohol. Your response is kind ,helpful and that's what I was looking for. I do love the feeling of not drinking and the power to enjoy the lifestyle without. I will keep plugging away and see how it goes!

We do not drink….at all to play. We do not drink at all at most any lifestyle event that might include playing. But we will occasionally let our hair down and have several drinks at a social setting. Man of our long time friends are in the lifestyle and most we play with. But socially we will have drinks we prefer to be sober making clear head decisions and enjoy play time to the fullest, knowing and remembering everything we did and with whom. we do not mind if others have had drinks….but if they are tipsy or to loose we back off for that time….maybe next time.

We will not play with inebriated people. A social drink will take the edge off a new meeting, a few drinks makes everything sloppy.

Neither of us drink...not that we have a problem with others who do, I don't like the taste or feeling out of control and Ms. Gold would rather not have the calories (or take them in a different form). Occasionally we may both take a drink, but we would rather be clear headed so we can remember exactly what went on and think back to the exciting events we have participated in later on.

Three times a week? That seems busy!

You get what you pay for. My other favorite saying is “ buy for value, be prepared to pay twice.”

Mrs Doc wears bra and panties for work each day. They hit the laundry basket within 10 minutes of her walking in the door. At home, no, never!! Depending on the outfit, she will wear a bra when we go out socially but she and I both prefer a sundress (ONLY a sundress) and heels.

I am not trying to be a smart ass but please tell me where this went bad. You are using your wife and this other guy to fulfill your cuckold fantasy. Sounds like it went well for you. I used to be a long term play partner for a couple just like you. He would arrange all of these cuckold situations for me and the wife to act out. At times he would leave the two of us alone when I came to visit them in their home, other times I was invited over to their home while he was at work, and I was even allowed to spend the weekend with her once when they were on vacation but he returned home. Eventually, this created problems for the three of us. The wife and I became really good friends and I started viewing it as more of a poly dynamic than anything else. Especially since I ended up becoming one of his close friends and they started involving me in their personal affairs. However, as the relationship progressed I noticed that the husband would exert his position of power as her husband whenever he started to feel uncomfortable. He was never willing to travel to me or allow her to travel to see me alone. If I bought her sexy clothes she would not wear them for fear of disappointing him. If I invited the two of them to go to events with me he always said no and being the good wife that she was she would rarely opt to do anything unless he said yes. I put an end to the relationship because I was fully aware that the husband was using me to fulfill his cuckold fantasies but was unwilling to admit to his wife what his true intentions were. She had told me and a friend that she was no longer romantically attracted to her husband but didn't have the courage to tell him. Also, she told me that many of the men she had been with were because she wanted to be a good wife to her husband but given the choice she wouldn't have had sex with them. The whole situation became very uncomfortable and awkward for me. The point I am trying to make is one that has already been stated. Be careful what you ask for.

Welcome to Swingersboard. A very nice place where people love to help each other out with their problems, questions, and quandaries. Just give us the benefit of the doubt, please. We're the real deal, I assure you, but one thing you'll find that we don't do here is just tell people what they want to hear. You want advice, you got it. But it may not be what you want to hear. If you're okay with that, you'll get some killer advice from some long-time veterans in the lifestyle. So let me take a shot at your predicament. So yes, you're going to run into couples with women who prefer men with gigantic schlongs. You're going to just want to avoid those couples, because you're not a match with them. But whatthefuckever. Plenty of fish in the sea, and there is really, really, REALLY no reason to let that make you feel inadequate. There is always something that you will never be physically, and that goes for either gender. There will always be bigger dicks, bigger tits, tighter pussies, smoother skin, more glorious ass, tinier waist, blonder hair, bluer eyes, more washboard-y abs, on and on and on. It. Doesn't. Matter. The sooner you can get your head wrapped around that simple fact, the sooner it becomes true. For you. This is all about you feeling good about who you are and what you've got to offer. So you don't have a huge penis. Apparently, you've got some skills though: congrats on the squirting thing. Don't underestimate the power of physical chemistry, enthusiasm, and an authentic desire to please your partner. We recently had a great time with another couple and while the other husband was not as big as my husband, we had wicked chemistry. Holy fuck, this guy had me dialed IN. Dick size had NOTHING to do with it. In contrast, I've been with partners much bigger than my husband, but didn't have a really great connection with them chemically. I didn't enjoy myself nearly as much with them. Okay, sure, the big dick thing was an interesting experience, but then again...I'm not a size queen. Give me a confident, enthusiastic guy who knows how to use what he's got, and adores seeing a woman in the throes of ecstasy, and I'm all over that. The thing is, penis size is just one of the variables of getting to explore other people. It's not better or worse to be this size or that, it's just different. Hey, are you interested in anal sex? Ask how many well-hung guys get invited in the back door. You've got an advantage there. Just saying. Mr. intuition did have a hang-up about it at one time, many years ago. I'm not sure what he did to get over it, but he did. He seems to have evolved his thinking and now embraces a more humble attitude about it: he can't be everything to me. But he can be the very best of everything that he is - which is what I love about him - and he can give me everything else in the world by proxy. He doesn't make me choose between the world or him. I get to have both. I would be insane to leave a man who loves me so much!! The emotional connection and chemistry that I have with my husband are beyond words. Transcendent. No other man is even in his realm. He has no competition, and I don't care what they're packing. Yes, I've come home buzzing and high from getting my brains fucked out by some other guy (again, penis size didn't matter). Honestly, he's more turned on now by the idea of me being with bigger guys than I am. His attitude about it? These other guys are almost like extensions of him; he makes it possible for me to have this kind of pleasure because he allows it in our relationship. He recognizes that he's not competing with them; they're helping him out by giving his wife something that he can't (if that happened to be her thing). His focus is on my pleasure, because that's what brings him the most pleasure. And likewise, I just want him to have the whole world as his candy store and get as many beautiful, passionate, confident and sexy women into his bed as he can handle. Thinking of him having that intense chemistry with someone else gives me an instant lady boner. I don't know if this helps you at all, but it's a peek inside our minds at least, and how we look at and deal with "the size thing".

I don't think you will be happy swinging. I know you set out a list of things you don't want to hear, but I'm going to tell you some things I think you do need to hear. My husband is average size and we have great sex. I have had sex with guys who were larger, and some of the experiences were amazing (some not so great). It really depends on the person. I have had orgasms with other people in ways that my husband couldn't. He does not seem to be bothered by this. Swinging is just one of our many fun adventures that we share on this road of life. He gets to play with lots of girls and we play together in unimaginable ways, and that makes us happy. You will hear your girlfriend making sounds you never heard, it's not just their cocks, it's them and everything about the experience. If that isn't appealing to you, you shouldn't swing. I think swinging happily requires a long term commitment and a deep understanding that comes from years of togetherness and enduring the ups and downs of life. Unless a relationship is explicitly non-monogamous or polyamorous from the start there is so much security and communication you need to build before swinging. You don't say how long you've been committed to each other, but I really think it takes years and the intensity of living together or being married for quite some time before you can swing. Perhaps you can tell us how you and your girlfriend came to the idea of joining the swing scene? What are you or she hoping to find?