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Missus Enhancer has lost around 30 pounds in the last few years from us changing over to a vegetarian diet, less drinking and exercise! Her breasts also went down in size. Doesn’t bother her at all, because being healthier trumps the size of boobs any day.

My husband wants to repair our relationship. That's why we're still in counseling, why he comes home everyday and why we are still communicating. He is not asking that we bring the person he cheated on me with into the picture, he is wanting me to grow as a person and explore my sexuality. We have started talking about what turns us on and our kinks. I know there's a lot we need to work on before we start down this path. I greatly appreciate all of you insight. One of my worries is that his patience will run out and he'll slip up again. I have a lot of insecurities about myself. Like why am I not good enough, what could I have done better, why didn't I see this before and change something. I have really bad social anxiety and it's extremely hard for me to just go up and talk to people. He wants me to be more confident in myself. I know what I just said doesn't relate to this topic but I feel that it's not helping us to become stronger.

Sounds like you two are a perfect match. How is your relationship otherwise? There are so many posters here struggling, seeking advice on "opening up our marriage." If you both are in agreement at the beginning of your relationship (as hubby, my boyfriend, and I were) the path is much easier and full of fun.

(Rolls eyes). Wow….who knew. yeah there really isnt any one or group of items labels etc that you can trust……or should ever trust….unless you want to experience so shocking and embarrassing moments. It will come out….sometimes in conversations. But in reality joining different adult sites, attending meet and greets as well as attending swinger events (house parties, clubs etc will broaden and provide more access to those in the lifestyle. our experience on vacation might give you second thoughts about assuming. The last weekend at our hotel while on vacation had several dozen couples flood the halls, bar and restaurant. All were wearing (on Saturday) T-shirts that read….”Life is a lot better when you’re swinging together”. We thought wow talk about advertising yourself. We talked about this while waiting for our dinner order. There are many nudist, lifestyle accepted communities, clubs, groups etc in Florida. We were wowed to say the least. Most were mid forties looking and up but a few younger looking couples here and there. We were on vacation together and were only interested in our own company, and although we have slowed down a bit if we were interest what a huge group of like minded people to socialize with. While enjoying our appetizers and a second round of cocktails a friendly group at the table next to us engaged us in conversation….a couple of the ladies started talking to the Queen and addressed me as well a few moments later. Just friendly conversation until on of the ladies asked us point blank….”So are you swingers too?” And it caught us off guard for a moment…”We are all here, our group for this event”. “It is an annual thing here every year”. Their group was from South Carolina and Georgia…”where are you all from?”. New Hampshire, we state. “You have a lot of swing groups up that way?” About to answer them…….”My husband and I started with ballroom dancing for fun. Then we tried contra dancing and salsa but fell in love with swing dancing right away. We just love it” one of the ladies just gushed over this. We must have looked a little off cause the asked us then if we were there for the swing contest. We said no but it sounded real interesting. It might have been more interesting if we had responded to who we thought they were. can’t assume a thing.

My completely vanilla brother in law wears a black rubber wedding ring. He is a carpenter and says he has seen metal rings get caught on machinery. We also have a vanilla cruise planned, our first ever cruise, and are also open to the idea of connecting with other swingers. We plan to go the "pineapple" route. My wife has a pineapple dress (about half the pineapples are upside down), and we will debate whether she will wear her "hotwife" necklace, or possibly something more low-key like her pineapple earrings. Either way, our plan is to put out signs, and we expect other swingers will also put out signs and be receptive to ours.

As we age, healthy is the foundation of sexy. Radiating a positive self-image and outlook on life --health, conversation, grooming--all of that is far more attractive than any particular body part or size. Stay healthy, stay fit, plenty of rest, rational diet, minimal to zero alcohol,...

1. Is there a way to spot swingers and, if so, how? Unless they are trying to make it obvious, there isn't a 'secret handshake'. The problem has always been the same thing...a secret sign never stays secret for long. Remember when a rainbow meant that you just liked rainbows and not that you were part of or supported the LGBTQ community? I went to a Christian high school and one year we had a window sticker with a rainbow about the school name (because of the story of Noah and the rainbow being God's promise not to flood the Earth again). These days, that same sticker would have a totally different meaning. Pineapples can just mean they like pineapples, especially for a tropical cruise. Black rings mean nothing...Prince Henry wears a black ring...it is a more sophisticated 'fit bit' that is a ring instead of a band. The best way to 'spot' a swinger, is to find swingers planning on going on the same cruise before you leave via other websites as Fundamental Law mentioned. 2. Once we have determined that a couple are swingers, how do we start the conversation? If you are sure they are swingers (or even if they are not), the best way to start a conversation is to say 'hi'. 3. Is there a way that we can make ourselves visible to other couples that might be in the same boat as us? Maybe try wearing a shirt that says 'swinger' on it. There is no subtle way that only other swingers will be able to spot.

Yes, at this point, giving into what he wants is a sure recipe for disaster. Is he actually asking you to consider playing with the person he was/is cheating with? Even with us being swingers, we have to say that's just crazy. CHEATING IS NOT SWINGING, it is the opposite of swinging. Unfortunately, the choices are on his side right now. He needs to decide if he wants to try and repair your relationship or leave you (since it sounds like your only choice: staying or leaving, has already been made). If he decides to stay, then the two of you need to try and work together to repair the damage HE caused. This will take time and a great deal of effort. If you try to pursue swinging at this time, your relationship is doomed. You will be sending the message that he can do whatever he wants, without repercussions, until he finds something he considers 'better' than you. YOU deserve better than that. Swinging will not fix your relationship, it will just help end it. Don't do this.

It is all fun. My wife has been meeting men alone for years and hasn’t left me for anyone. It doesn’t bother me if she goes to a movie, a play, a dinner or to bed with a friend. I never asked her where she was going for most of the time she was meeting men who were mostly married men looking for their own fun. My big disappointment was not knowing she had threesomes because I would have enjoyed seeing her that first time with a woman. I still don’t consider her bisexual, the sex she had with another woman was for the fun of sex. Since we have been talking about our extramarital sex and sharing I have watched her with other women. Still it’s just fun.

Rednurse...sent you a PM a couple of days ago as well. Not sure you have seen it. Short answer, no. You mentioned you had already embarked on counseling together. As you are likely learning, you (plural) came to the crisis together, and you must emerge from it together. It's more than your actions and his actions, it's about how you see your (plural, shared) future. It's more than "seeing things from his point of view"; it's wanting to share a shared vision.

You have received lots of good feedback so far. A couple of observations. 1. You identified a serious issue in your relationship--emotional distance--that led to a serious threat to your marriage. You understand that his affair was a symptom of a deeper problem. That takes insight. 2. You care enough about your marriage to have chosen counseling together. That takes a great deal of maturity and even more courage. 3. You have come here asking about non-monogamy, presumably as a way to "balance" his infidelity. That approach to the lifestyle and swinging is doomed to failure and will almost certainly doom your marriage, Your 'faked hanging' is a common expression of emotional pain so severe that death seems like a reasonable alternative. This is why a "jealous rage" culminates in suicide as often as it does homicide. You were terrified of abandonment, and even more terrified that you were being abandoned precisely because you had starved him of affection and (intellectual) stimulation, and even more terrified that you had permanently harmed him by your emotional distance. There is hope, We know a couple--we met them on an LS cruise--that was in a similar situation. She was starved of affection and emotional connection, he carried enormous guilt, their marriage was literally dissolving before their eyes. He got it. He changed his life to focus on her and on them. They are now among the happiest people we are proud to call friends. They ended up truly happy--and found their way to the LS. But that was a by-product of re-imagining their relationship.

I'm not going to say "this isn't for you", but "this isn't for you right now". There's so much hurt in this post, and so many unanswered questions - like why your husband is asking for this and what you think it will solve. If you were swinging happily and any of these things happened, the advice from the responsible people here would be "it's time to take a break and focus on yourselves as a couple". Focus on yourselves as a couple. Build on that. This is 100% not a curative for mistrust, anxiety, or depression.

The issue isn't really one of swinging, it could be any undertaking that requires commitment and sacrifice from both of you. You could be posting on sailorsboard.com asking if buying a sailboat would be good for your relationship; it may or it may not. But both of you need to know what the other is thinking: how much to spend, how big a boat, a day-sailer or something to spend overnights? Maybe you should rent first. Same with opening up your sex lives. And if there are too many rules (more than one each) you're not ready. Neither of you can get upset or mad because your husband kissed her or you let some guy go into your bum. Finally, not all marriages are worth continuing. I don't understand all the couples who are proud that they put up with decades of misery in a loveless, sexless marriage, like their running a marathon. Think it all through.

Swingers MUST have an abundance of love, trust, and honesty to be successful. You are currently lacking seemingly all three. Cheating is NEVER swinging. Swinging is something that a couple does together (no matter if it is swinging as a couple, hot wife, cuck, open marriage, etc), in the open, with love and full knowledge of what is going on. Cheating is done alone, in the dark, and filled with lies and deceit. Cheating is the exact opposite of swinging. Swinging will make a rock solid, great relationship even better, but it does it by working as a magnifying glass. If there are ANY cracks or flaws it will magnify them, making them bigger and much easier to see. It WILL destroy a relationship that is already having problems. You are nowhere near ready to even be thinking about swinging. It will not solve your problems, just accelerate them. You need to be working on saving your relationship, if that is what you want to do. You may think that swinging will help 'save' your relationship, but it is just giving him a license to keep cheating on you. We wish you the best, and please know that we are here to listen and try and help as you go through this, but we cannot suggest you get into swinging at this time, or any time soon.

You two are talking and in counseling, so that's a start. Would some form of the lifestyle be good for you? No one knows at this point, including you folks. My suggestion would be just to talk about it. Each of you saying not what you want, but how you could be happy for the other to enjoy some sexual freedoms. If each of you can't easily say that you would like to see the other with some else, having a wonderful time screwing, then forget it for now. If on the other hand, you guys end up turned on, in bed talking more about it.... continue to talk. Talk about what you both would like to do, MFM, FFM, full swap. Then continue to let it sink in for at least a couple of months. Good luck and keep us updated.

My current GF has been curious about swinging and nonmonogamy in general, and not found anyone she could be open about it with. When we started talking, and she found that instead of the idea bothering me, I was an enthusiastic supporter, she was able to talk about some fantasies that she's never been able to say out loud before. I don't think she really believed that it was okay with me. The first time she came to me after a hot date, she was so excited to shot me her creampie, and she came almost instantly when I pushed into her. I think that afternoon, she was finally able to relax and trust that I like her, even when she's leaking another guy's cum. She's still at the early stages of the lifestyle, and I"m encouraging her to take small steps so that she's comfortable at each new experience. But so far, it's been a helluva ride. To think that several guys let this one get away... well, it certainly works out to my benefit. As to sloppy seconds (or thirds, or fifths, or whatever), the hotter and slippery-er (yes, that's a word now) she is, the better. Also, the more turned on she is the better. She gets SO turned on showing off for me, that the sex can't be anything but amazing.

So much has changed since I asked this question almost three years ago. At the time I was turned off by my own cum and kept away from any sloppy seconds from our friends. Just like never thinking I would ever swing, I never thought another man’s cum would be an issue. Now we are swinging and part of swinging is other men are swinging with us. We primarily swing with one couple and have had some parties with several couples. Being we are not using condoms there is definitely going to be cum in all women involved. I do enjoy watching the women play and lick the cum that will be there. We were with four couples and when we switched partners none of the other guys hesitated and I just went for it. As others mentioned it was very slippery and no different than me just going back in after my own cum being there. Another way things changed,, I have given oral while my own cum was dripping out and recently someone else’s cum.

I don’t think he was looking to choke me, make me gag or vomit, I think he wasn’t thinking about anything but cumming. He wasn’t that type of guy. He had apologized for it after and the laugh might have been a way of laughing off his quickness. My gag reflex took over as it was a first for me. For men who use a mouth to facefu.. and you wondering what satisfaction she gets, sex is one of those things that is hard to explain what excites one person and not another. Is exciting your partner a fetish? Do you get excited giving oral to your GF? I can tell you I can get a little rough on a guy’s face when I’m excited. A good nose is a horrible thing to waste.

A lot of guys (especially younger) are into this gagging and vomiting stuff and my GF is more than happy to oblige. My best friend has an extremely strong fetish for this type of rough facefucking. I like it when my GF blows me and deep throats my dick but I'm not into the extremes of it like him and other guys. He knows the tricks on how to position her and make her puke like pumping with the head of it in her throat or stuffing his cock all the way down her throat and then popping it out. The first time she puked she ran off to the bathroom to do it but he wanted her to do it on his cock as the sensation turns him on. So now my GF will actually take a facefucking to where she vomits and keep going. What I don't understand is how she gets any enjoyment out of it. I know vomiting and irrumatio is a real fetish but I don't understand the sexual gratification you get from it (particularly the woman). I've asked her numerous times and she usually says something like "it's just fun to do." I think her submissive sexual nature and into being sexually dominated and humiliated plays into it on a psychological pleasure level but on a physical level I don't understand how there could be enjoyment. Although when I've asked her about that she has said that during sex the physical things feel different. Like if she was to have her hair pulled, slapped across the face, vomit, etc in a normal setting it would be painful or uncomfortable but in a sexual situation it is not. Personally I'm not into that kind of stuff as I don't find vomit sexy and I don't feel like placing towels down everywhere and cleaning up but I do have to admit it is extremely hot to watch her do it with other guys.

We attend parties with many people. This doesn’t mean everyone plays with everyone. With no agenda I never know who I’ll be with.

Well, Shore2Please, you've heard a couple of different perspectives on female bi play. What you've heard rings true to me (Mr. CoupleInMD79), even though some of it may sound contradictory. There does seem to be a fair amount of girl-girl play in the lifestyle. The Mrs. was not oriented that way at all before we started playing, but she has had a few experiments and seems to enjoy equitable F-F fooling around above the belt, and is OK with receiving below the belt. Some people would say that makes her a "pillow princess"! But she will not allow her swinger-site profiles to show her as bi-anything, because she doesn't want people to get their expectations up for F-F play. I think if you make it clear that you are good with receiving oral, but uncomfortable with performing oral on the woman, then the woman can make her own decision about whether she wants to play that way. If she feels that it's an unfair scenario, she can pass on it with no harm and no foul. I do encourage you to keep an open mind, however. I hope you will allow for the possibility that, one night, you may be in the mood to go down there and try it for yourself! My Mrs. has done that on very rare occasions, where she has felt really comfortable with the woman and the situation. She doesn't feel like she quite knows how to do it right, but I think she is kinda proud of herself for trying it!

Me too. My husband loves when I give him a bj and I love hearing that sexy little growl, he lets out when I take his whole cock in my mouth and suck and swallow at the same time, until I make him come in my mouth. I always swallow like a good wife. But, one of my biggest turn-offs is the thought of gagging and vomiting during a bj. Which is why I don't want to go down on some other man.

If a man is in my mouth when he ejaculates, I have no problem swallowing. Guys like it when a woman swallows their cum, especially if you make a big deal of it and roll it around in your mouth beforehand. Although I almost always suck a man's penis as foreplay, I much prefer for a man to leave his sperm in my vagina. It goes back to my Catholic school days when sex ed was mostly about biology and baby making, rather than sex. That's why my fetish are guys' testicles and sperm living inside me for several day. More than one man's sperm, even better.