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I have a question for everyone. The wife and I started swinging about 3 years ago. We are not very active however, as we have only swung with one other couple about 3-4 times per year. During this time, my wife opened up to me and told me that she is not just a woman who is cool with a little girl-girl action during swinging, but she is and always has been a bisexual. I told her at the time that I was supportive and did not mind if she had sex with girls, as long as I knew about it and that the other girl knew she was a married woman. Well, this actually happened over the weekend while she was on a girl's trip to the beach. She immediately called and told me about it like she said she would. I could tell in her voice that she was upset and was very relieved when I told her it was ok. Well, a friend of mine (the male half of the couple that we swing with) told me that he does not think it is a good idea for that to be happening. He's been swinging and having threesomes for far longer than I have, and he says that, in his experience, this never ends well. I have been with my wife for 15 years and trust her completely. She even remembered the rule we had in place about letting me know about her adventures, and followed it to the T. I guess I've let him get in my head a bit, and hey, it's 2022. Her leaving me for a woman is definitely a possibility nowadays lol. I'm just looking for input and advice from those of you who have been in the community longer than we have. Thanks Side note: when she got home from her trip, she fucked me while describing the entire session she had with the other woman. Needless to say, I didn't last very long lol.

Didn’t know where to post this thought I had when I read about the fear of wife leaving for another woman she met alone. This may not pertain to all here. SEX is for Fun. We were not looking for love or romantic relationships. Think most here agree with that. We talked and talked and talked before taking that first step of just looking. We Love US. Forgive my ramble. Rocky plays guitar and sings but he’s no Dave Matthews. We will go to a concert but I will listen to Rocky for the rest of life. Rocky is extremely funny and witty yet we go to listen to many comedians who are hysterical. We both are pretty good cooks and then we go to restaurants. We still hire plumbers, electricians, gardeners and other tradesmen though we are capable to fix things. The pandemic gave us time to again talk and that led to a curiosity. I don’t consider myself Bisexual, others will say I fit a definition. That curiosity brought me to act out not change my preference. Possibly it was the rebel in me that had me go against what society says is wrong, what religion says is wrong. I can’t say if it was the openness of same sex relationships on TV and movies that made me curious. We made a decision together knowing I was taking a new step and Rocky would likely have sex with another woman. I brought up him having sex with a man that he had no interest in doing. I didn’t push him, we just talked about it. I wanted to fulfill a fantasy not find a lover. I wanted to have fun and I had fun. We had fun together with a couple and I had a number of firsts. That first time led to a first time with a friend and her husband. This was about sexual fun not anything more. I also had sex alone with my girlfriend with the husbands knowing. We did the same things alone as we did with the husbands watching. Back to the post about leaving your spouse after having sex without him being there, IT’S NOT HAPPENING.

I'm sorry you two are splitting up over this. He doesn't know what a gem you are and he's losing.

You asked, so here goes: After reading your post, I can say that you have done one thing that is genuinely a step in the right directions: Engaging in counseling. That's where the good news ends. Faking your own suicide to get attention? This is an outward sign that you are in the midst of a serious mental health crisis, one that will take a great deal of time, effort, and intensive professional intervention to help you resolve. Your husband having an affair and he feels so terribly guilty he's suggesting you become a "throuple" with another woman? And, this seems like this may be a good idea to you? Yikes. The idea that you would want to introduce outside sexual partners at this time in your lives is... beyond anything that resembles sensibility or good judgement. Being blunt, you two are exhibiting some very unhealthy thoughts and actions in the extreme. Put swinging *completely* out of your minds, ditch this forum, and turn back to your counselor with your thoughts and questions. You need the concentrated, singular, graduated, timely messaging of a licensed professional to get you through this. What you do not need is to add more clouds and haze from nameless, faceless Internet folks playing arm chair therapists, no matter how well-intentioned they may be. Good luck.

Sadly, it wasn’t the 10 minutes. It merely served as the catalyst. Think about your needs and wants now, moving forward. Time to put you first. Always welcome back Best 🌻

If your goal is to meet other swingers on a cruise, choose one that exclusively caters to swingers. Otherwise, you picked the wrong cruise. Other than simple behavior, there are no outward "signs" someone is a swinger. Black wedding bands? Pineapples? Anklets? Lol... Grasping at straws. Most men who work with their hands either do not wear a wedding band, or choose to wear a silicone ring, often made in a dark color. Pineapples are signs of hospitality in southern states and throughout the Caribbean, dating as far back as Colonial times. Anklets signify nothing, other than a woman's preference for how she likes to wear her jewelry. Meeting genuine swingers on a vanilla cruise is trying to find a needle in haystack. Just enjoy the cruise for what it is. And, next time, call a lifestyle travel company and book a cruise that better fits your needs.

Yes I did. I wasn’t much removed from being virgin myself when a new boyfriend from school walked me home and started kissing me. I’m having a mind flash of that poor guy fumbling with opening a condom and trying to get in on before he went off. I am only guessing it was the first time, it seemed like it. My memory is I just stayed still as he fumbled don’t think I touched him as he had his finger in me.

If you don’t trust your wife you have more problems, leaving you for another woman is the least. You told her she can, she did and she told you. Sounds like a keeper.

Maybe she should publish her memoirs. I wish I had journaled or kept notes on my thoughts of my firsts. My memory isn’t always clear after the fact. Rocky’s remembers things differently from the way I do. Does your wife write about feelings or physical parts? Men only guess what we are thinking not what our true feelings are. My memory of our first was internally I was fearful yet I tried to show how liberated I was. I surely hid my anxieties or tried to. If Rocky wasn’t there I think it would be different that first time. Different not better I don’t think.

Well stated

Fortunately that’s not in the cards as there is no taunting in our marriage and no jealousy. From her journal I can tell who she enjoyed and who it wasn’t as much. She even has a file of pictures of the men who contacted her. I laugh at some and wonder why she met them. She also has a deep hidden file that she shared with me of some very sexual pictures and files. The pictures don’t bother me, what does bother me is someone else has those files. There are files with other women that I would “fuck” if invited and others I wonder how she did anything with. My wife invites me to join now, not in the beginning and not that often. I’m not a MFM man which gives her full attention to her affairs.

That's hot. It's hotter though if she tells you and taunts you about it later while you two are going at it. When I finally got the courage (but not over my jealousy) to let hubby play, I would set him up with a friend or acquaintance (a control thing for me) and demand the details when he got home. (Or I got home; I liked them to fuck in our bed). Hotter still! Guys are different - many of my friends were eager to fuck my husband, but only a few of the women would let me be there.

She journals her life on a computer we share where she lets me read about her meetings. Since we are open about our life we know passwords we use, no hiding anything. I don’t journal the way she does, I just have emails she can read and has full access to this post. I once asked her why she journaled I was positive it wasn’t for me to read, it was for safety. She meets random men on a cheaters site so she would journal the who and the where she was meeting. Even her password to that site she uses is open to me. Her journal became more and more detailed bordering on pornography with some comedy with men who didn’t live up to their resume. We now play together at times and I look forward to reading her journal after those meetings.

That is the perfect attitude and the perfect prelude to entering the lifestyle. Talking to make sure you are doing it for fun not revenge or because one is pressuring. After years of just sexual play we are now enjoying a more social aspect of the lifestyle. We had steered clear of any close relationships maybe out of fear of not wanting to be involved with other’s problems.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Everyone here to one level or another seeks and enjoys the openness, the laughter, the fun, the ability to talk about most anything at all. Oh yeah. There will be sex play at one level or another. This lifestyle is very social both in and out of the bedroom. There is no one definition the lifestyle is very all-inclusive of every gender, all adult accepted sexual practices. Each and every participant chooses for themselves what they may or may not want to try, experience, watch, explore, discover etc. that covers about 90 percent of all those that participate at any level. And then the other 10 percent. For all the wrong reasons they dabble, they hope it helps, they hope it will fix things, they hope it will change things, they hope to prove something, they hope to teach someone a lesson, they are looking to be treated as they believe they deserve, they love to pass judgement on others, they love drama, they want to set up there spouse/so for some personal reason, they are there hopefully just to please their spouse/so. Again the list is endless. And for the special 65 percent who can treat sex as an adult extracurricular activity to be shared and enjoyed……well…..life is full of spice.

Don’t let others get in your head! She followed the rules you and her set up therefore she thought about what she did with the biggest worry you not approving. She is experimenting that’s it. Nobody is turning her bisexual or taking her away from you. Enjoy that she liked it.

As already pointed out, only the two of you really know each other here. Ms. Gold likes to be able to explore the occasional other woman, but she has made it crystal clear that she would never choose another woman as long as men still existed on the planet. Knowing this, I wouldn't have a problem having her do the same thing your wife did. It sounds like this was fairly spontaneous, making it kind of difficult to contact you before it happened, but she did contact you after and give you the details...I would be good with that...but every relationship is different and only you two know for sure.

There is no reason to think she is going to leave you if your marriage is strong. Doesn’t make a difference if she is with a man or a woman the sex is just another form of enjoyment. We never spoke about our other sexual fun for years and it didn’t affect our love at home. Once we were open about meeting others things didn’t change for us. She has plenty of women friends that she meets for non-sexual things and I feel the men she meets are just other friends. She said she isn’t looking for any long term relationships with the men so it is different from being with a friend. I do have long term relationships that are long distance and have never thought of leaving my wife for any of these women.

I think this is a question that only the two of you -- you and your wife -- can answer for yourselves. As with all things in a strong marriage, the key is good, open, and honest communication. What works and what is right for one couple may not be appropriate for another. Your friend has the best of intentions when he tells you these things 'never end well' -- but life rarely deals in absolutes; you need to work this through together. And of course, listening to each other is ninety-five percent of what 'good communication' should be.

I just re read your original post. What I get: The two of you met and agreed in private to play with a couple. It was a mate swap situation. You had a good time. Your husband was disturbed by your good time and was having less of a good time because of it. He eventually got up and left. You followed him. Is that a reasonable summation of the story? If it is, then the only thing that I can see that you did was to not pick up sooner on how he was doing. If my wife is enjoying someone else I expect that to be her focus. Yes she does glance over occasionally as do I. The operative word there is occasionally. Otherwise you did what I would consider reasonable. Just because he felt bad does NOT mean you cuckolded him. The fact that he has not at least somewhat comes to grips at this point means , to me, that there is more going on. Even if you had made some egregious error, I would expect a "normal" response, from just this incident alone , to be something other than divorcing. The Divorce idea may just be one of the avenues of escape that he is trying on for size. I had a similar, but not as extensive, experience. Hurt, crabby, after a weekend party. I did not know why, and my wife had done everything to perfection. Several days later I had a memory that went all the way back to high school age, that evoked strong emotion. It was however the emotional response of a 17 year old. Evidently an unresolved emotional response. Triggered by the playtime. That was the cause . The most embarrassing thing was telling my bride what it was. I think many of us carry around such minor and sometimes not so minor things from a time when we were not mature enough to adequately process them. I hope for both of your sakes that this gets straightened out.

When I was young I came across a hidden treasure that led me to rushing home from school on many days. I found my father’s or should I say parent’s VCR tapes in a box in a closet. It was the first time I saw what I saw. No plot that I remember, mostly moaning and music. Did adults do that? Stupid back stories just to get to sex. Debbie and I had our first threesome with the wife of our new friends. Throughout our play I kept thinking of that old video except now I was the lucky guy being with two women. I’m laughing now that I remember the soiled socks I buried in the laundry hamper hoping my mother would notice.

The first time we invited a woman to join us Michael said he was the luckiest man in the world. It wasn’t the first time we had a woman join us, we had been swinging before, it was the first time he was the only man in the bed. He thought he was king for a day having been the center of attention something I have been many times. He claimed a thing he never forgot was watching me and the other woman.

A member of our office staff told us that her young children stumbled upon their sex videos, which they watched. Her daughter advised her that she saw a guy’s peanut.

I’m laughing, NO! It was difficult enough knowing my mother watched those tapes. There were plenty of tapes that kept me busy after school, if there were any of them on it I would have real traumatic stories to tell a shrink. The one video that came into my head was a babysitter and a couple. A school girl uniform on the babysitter to make her look younger even if I could tell she had to be much older. How many others learned about sex and anatomy from sex tapes? Did girls watch them alone too?

When I first started my adventure in being non-monogamous I had broken up (but was still having sex with) my ex-fiance Red, while dating (and having sex with) my now husband David. David was cool with all of it: screwing Red at our place, giving him sloppy seconds, talking about how I felt, and not letting him have other women. So from the beginning David would have been OK if Red and I did it in front of him and if I asked him to participate. It was Red that had hangups and didn't want to see David and me be affectionate or intimate, he wanted me "fresh," and didn't want a threesome with David and me. The first time we had an MFM it was when we three were on vacation. The first time was a little tense for me, but we quickly found our routine - Red would take me first while David kept a slight distance and watched. There was no problem with Red and I kissing, saying "I love you," doing oral or anal or anything else. After Red came, David would start with me. Red would stay for a while, but at some point (as David or I neared orgasm) Red would leave the room. Over the years we have become a poly family with the addition of two women and whatever tension there was is gone. Red now enjoys participation by hubby or participating himself when hubby is screwing me or Clair or Lora, and none of what hubby or one of us girls does during sex bothers him. The only thing that hasn't changed is that Red likes to go first, while hubby likes to go second since he prefers watching before he cums rather than afterwards.

How about 'Not hesitant at all, loved it the first time.'

Hey everybody just wanted to say thanks for all thoughts and comments it's been strange since my last post me and my husband have spoken quite a lot lately in the end though that was not enough, he has been living with his brother but him telling me he has found his own place pretty much dashed any hope I had for saving the marriage. I had a tiny hope that we could work this out but he seems to have spent that time mainly emotionally distancing himself from me, it was strange almost like he seemed at peace with his decision to end the marriage and no there is no other woman involved for those that suspected my husband had been cheating. I just can't believe ten minutes would have changed both of our lives so dramatically I honestly feel lost while he seems at peace with his descicion. So yeah that's the update my final one I guess since we have agreed to sell the house at this point all our friends are still completely at a loss to what is going on.