I sort of understand, but can you elaborate, especially about "humiliation makes it better"? With me there is no humiliation. But knowing and/or seeing my wife fucking other guys makes me feel happy for her since I know that she enjoys it, and makes me proud because they appreciate it. It's in the same category as loaning out you special weekend car or boat (when I had one) to a friend who is grateful. I'm proud of her and showing off. The fact that I have fucked their wives too also takes any dominance out of it, although it was the same early on when Daniela was hotwifing and I wasn't playing. I met all of those guys (this was all separately) as a precondition of her playing with them, and they were actually envious of me having married her.
Explain too what goes through your mind when you see your woman fucking another guy. For me it's almost always whether Daniela's pussy feels the same to him as it does to me, and how his cock and motions feel to Daniela compared to mine.
There is one guy in our group that doesn't play while his wife is fucking. He likes to watch closely while she really goes at it. Then he immediately jumps on her after the other guy ejaculates in her pussy, kisses her, licks her, and fucks her. And unlike with the other guy(s) she just lies there motionless on her back with her legs apart as he fucks and gets off in her. I've asked her about it and she says that her husbands only wants her to be like that when she's been with another guy. Weird, but to each their own kink.