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My wife and I are both in the lifestyle. And we are both physicians. The truth is, physicians judge. They are people. But this creates an unconscious bias that may lead to poor care. We go to a sex positive clinic with a colleague of ours (who we frequently play with, but by no means does a sex positive provider need to be in the lifestyle to “get it”). she opened up a clinic in our town that caters to lifestyleers and LGBTQ community. I suggest you get your care in a similar way. There are directories now on the net listing sex positive providers in your area.

What intimate acts do I reserve just for me and my partner? Paying bills.

Very interesting people as they related the reason to look into swinging. A few years back their daughter told her mother that she had sex and not wanting her daughter to make any mistakes like she did had The Talk and made an appointment for birth control. I asked if she told the daughter that she was a love child. She said she wanted to be very honest that her mother never discussed sex and that Dad was the only man she had ever been with, that they love each other and life couldn’t be better or happier after she and her sister was born. The problem was answering questions about sex without being educated or worldly, sex was not talked about when she was younger. They bought a book about things you want to know about sex. The mother and daughter learned together. I can only picture them reading and talking about sex from a book. They also watched videos on topics. Both daughters had the same education from books and videos and from what I can get from the talk we had the daughters had very open talks with their mom. The parents learned much because they wanted more for the daughters, things they never knew. Girls grew up and the parents did many new things some we never did. They experimented with acts they saw in videos and now contacted us to expand on what they learned from videos. This has to be a crazy trip for them, they are now teaching us new things too

I didn’t think it was different because it was just us two with no men involved. We were together to have fun not thinking the men wanted to enjoy. In that way it was different, one on one will always be different from group sex. The major change neither of us were looking for a penis to satisfy and it made feel how a lesbian would feel. I was completely satisfied by another woman which was totally new to me. I found a side of me I didn’t know I had.

Reminds me though of the story I told before about going on a trip with the wife of a couple in our group to do things that our mutual spouses hate: museums, concerts, plays. Yeah, there was sex too, and there wasn't a problem with any of it for anyone. I do remember getting tingles, however, when I clicked on the "CONFIRM" buttons when booking the flights, hotel, and tickets. At one point Daniela looked at some of the texts and emails between me and the other woman and was disappointed that there was no sex talk, only about arrangements and reservations. "This is supposed to be a swingers group, not a travel agency."

I was going to say "having kids," but there plenty of couples where kids are from a previous relationship, egg or sperm donation, surrogacy, or adoption. Love, sex, intimacy, marriage, commitment can each be sliced into so many characteristics that are intertwined that it makes for an interesting discussion. On one hand I know of a couple, not in the lifestyle in any way, who wanted a kid but he couldn't. So with everyone's consent, the wife slept with another guy during her fertile time for about a year until she was pregnant. The other guy was not married but in a committed relationship and his girl knew the couple as well and approved. They eventually got married. It all worked out well. On the other hand, I know of several instances where the ex and bio father of the woman's kids suddenly became interested in their kids after she found someone else and ruined or nearly ruined the new relationship.

Lifestyle or not, it's nice to have a good handyman!

I have a couple I go bareback with. He is into cleanup and she loves cum. But it took a long time with planning, STD checks, and everyone being on good terms. Respect is everything in the lifestyle

I bet all the men on here watched porn when younger and most women have watched porn with a boyfriend or husband. Pornography has a very dark side with young women being forced to do things by controlling men with horrible consequences. There are plenty of books written by famous porn stars who were made into sex slaves. Horrible! If you look up the history of porn on the internet I learned that porn was one of the “for pay” services that opened up the web to a money making business. As bad as porn history is it has been educational for many people and has led exploration of sexuality. Internet sex videos was a catalyst that led us to expand our sexual activities. We would at times watch very graphic videos that would set a mood. Many videos included several women or a man a several women a scenario I had before I was married. The one scene we watched was a woman who somewhat looked like me had a man in her mouth and woman between her legs when Alan said he wished he was there with me when I did that. I point to that exact moment when we decided to look for a unicorn.

Today you just have to FaceTime no need for pictures or proof that it’s a teen spoofing you. FaceTime just proves you are in communication with real people, it doesn’t prove they are married, or thrives or worse. Other than the internet search we have noticed telltale signs people give off.

Wife and I are both in the lifestyle, and both physicians, so this is a particularly interesting topic for us. We have organized parties routinely after December 2021 when everyone was mostly vaccinated. Before the party (our usual 10 or 12 guests) everyone is required to send me an STD panel with negative results within one week. That has kept us safe. Wife and I boyh got the smallpox vaccine but it is not a requirement for our parties, but strict physical exam and symptom screening for monkepox is necessary since we have a few bisexual gentleman that engage sex with other men (and the swinging lifestyle is high risk regardless of orientation). It takes a lot of work, a lot of prep, and lots and lots of patience. But it’s all worth it. Our parties are sweaty, steamy fun and keeps is motivated until the next.

You find out more about people by asking questions and creating an open dialogue. Talk is cheap. And it is effective. How to ensure you are talking to a "real" couple? When we were on-line (we are not any longer), we employed a variety of simple strategies and tactics to ensure we were talking to genuine people. After a certain stage of dialogue when everyone expressed interest, we asked they send us a photo of them clothed, holding a hand written note saying hello to us, dated, with a copy of a daily newspaper with the same date, and we would do the same for them. Of course, that was a while ago, when most people actually subscribed to a daily newspaper. Lol... Anyway, you get the idea. You need to establish a simple method to determine if the person/people on the other end of the line is/are genuine or fake. The earlier in the process you do it, the better. No sense wasting time on fakes. Yes, looking for sexual partners on-line has its creepy side. You do your best to avoid the creeps and keep it clean by being smart and going slow. "Trust, but verify", President Ronald Reagan famously said.

Agreed. The loving and generous thing is to encourage your wife to do those things that bring her happiness, fulfillment, and personal development, which healthy sex does. Help make it happen, watch the children while she plays. The only time activities should be discouraged are when they're potentially harmful to her.

We were told a couple we have been with as a part of a group were sexually innocent when they started swinging. If I believe the story she was a virgin when they married. Her first new man was not in front of her husband. She is now one of the wilder women we play with.

Happy that things are moving along with your meetings. Taking small steps will be comforting to them if they decide to take the big step. Being the first is fun and a responsibility in how they will proceed after your meetings. Did you listen to what they are looking for and what their expectations are? You stated they have conservative backgrounds socially, politically or sexually?

If you don't want to ruin it for them, then let it be about them and not you. "What would you like to try?" "Have you discussed this between you?" "Let us know how and when you wish to proceed." " Remember you can always say stop, if something gets uncomfortable. We will understand." Always show respect for their relationship. We remember what a great and vulnerable time just starting is. People need to proceed at their own pace and only they know what that pace is. That has to be honored. You are NOT primarily guides or teachers, just friendly, safe and encouraging.

Mrs. E's first husband was a cheap POS and her grandfather-in-law slipped her a family ring because he was embarrassed for her. It's a sore subject, so she likes to wear her engagement ring whenever she dresses up to go out somewhere nice together. We have bands but are hit-and-miss about wearing them, and never at home. I agree with the above about rings having a strong kink component. In my single days a married woman used to crash with me here and there and getting head watching the diamond while she stroked me was amazing. Same thing applies to watching Mrs. E.

My husband is not bi, but there has been some incidental contact with another man's genitals when he is in an MFM threesome with me or another women. I am not attracted to women. However, I introduced a straight married vanilla girlfriend to the lifestyle a year ago, and I ended up spending a weekend with her and a longtime bull of mine at his condo. He fucked us both all weekend, and we tag teamed him, but we also ended up eating each other.

How bisexual are you and the husbands you know? Is it oral sex only or anal intercourse with another guy? Our experience, and Mr. A is completely bisexual too, is that many husbands are ok with receiving oral sex from another man, especially when it's the a tag team from both husband and wife. As you go from that to giving a blowjob and to anal sex, the percentages decrease significantly.

I always thought the term "situationally bi" describes me well. I wouldn't date a guy and I'm not much for kissing guys, but I just get turned on by sucking cock, especially if a lady is watching

I normally label myself just as bi-oral...love sucking dick and getting sucked by another guy as a change from a woman sometimes...but that's it. Not into anal, kissing, etc....just 69'ing and on my knees...jacking off together is fun too.

I recently have actually been struggling with WHAT to call myself. I LOVE men (I'm a woman btw lol). I like women. I enjoy sex with a women but have never been able to "finish" with a woman. I NEED a man to be there to watch me and the girl go at it and then finish me off. Granted this has all evolved because when we first started this lifestyle I was kind of scared of girls. Who knows a year from now I may change my mind. lol

I guess what I was going for was more along the lines of an expanded vocabulary or additional terms (which aren't quite so awkward as "bisexual with such-and-such limitations" etc.) I know the Kinsey-scale ... (or at least, the early versions of the Kinsey Scale - I thought it was a 6-Point system) ...but even that doesn't really cover the specifics that I'm talking about. If someone says they're a 3 on a zero to eight scale... does that really explain anything short of having a sexual skew closer to fully bisexual? ((*shrug*)) And *is* there a differentiation in anyone's mind between someone who will have sex with people of either gender but will be only be in romantic relationships with one gender? ((shrug))

I like the Kinsey scale. On one end you have "straight", meaning the person ONLY has ANY sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex. So if a guy only enjoys receiving oral sex from another guy, but not giving, he still doesn’t qualify as straight. On the other end of the scale you have gay, meaning the person ONLY has ANY sexual attraction to members of the same sex. So if a lady mainly has relationships with other woman, and only enjoys men in threesome situations, nope, she doesn’t qualify as gay. The other 8 points on the scale are the various graduations of bisexuality. Smack dab in the middle would be a person who feels completely equal amounts of attraction to both genders (or some of the other often neglected genders) completely equally. According to some studies most people fall one or two points away from straight or gay. Now if only more of them would admit it and stop with this whole "I'm straight but I like to have a guy suck my dick" nonsense.

Gosh, looking over this list and the posts we have done everything most people consider too intimate. Including the use of the "L" word. We have been swinging with one couple for two years. It just isn't in me to play with a woman a hundred times and not feel something. I have hugged her and told her I love her. The word love needs to be divided into at least a dozen sub-categories in my opinion. Of course I don't love her the same as my wife, or my mom, or a nice motorcycle, or chocolate cake, or riding in a convertible, or summer vacation, or. . . . . . . you get the idea. My wife and I are 40 years old and have been together 25 of those years. The thought of reserving something just for us never crossed our minds. I suppose we have such a sense of comfort with each other that sharing something physical with someone else just isn't an issue. Either that, or we are just free-love-hippie-sluts.