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A newbie couple contacted us on SLS about meeting to discuss the LifeStyle. We told them we aren’t meeting people right now due to Omicron, but we sent them the following. We actually got most of this from reading the Forums here, so don’t give us too much credit for coming up with it. We’d suggest the same for you … read everything you can in whatever you think are the relevant areas, e.g. “Curious About Swinging?” Hope this all proves useful! Core principles you should consider … you’ll find swingers pretty universally live by these: If one partner says “no”or “stop”, you both said “no” or “stop”. Never “take one for the team”. Don’t exceed agreed-upon boundaries in the heat of the moment. Move no faster than the speed of the slower person. Never meet someone else without your partner’s knowledge and permission. “red flags” to look for when meeting another couple in person: One partner talks down to the other. One partner talks badly about the other to you. They always seem to sit an armslength away, never touching each other. One of them looks pissed off just to be there. The other couple never looks at or touches one another. One partner speaks for the other. They bring up past stories of jealousy and say "but we're past that now". They initiate new rules "on the spot". One of them has to get drunk before the fun can begin. He says my wife wants to do this, but you never hear from the wife. They are married, but not to each other. They can't take no for an answer. They are not on the same page. You catch them in a lot of lies. Too many rules - especially rules intended to control their partner sexually. They have stories of horric dramas that have happened to them in the past. If he tells you that he's only doing this for her so she can be with other girls. The wife has to get "approval" from her husband to do anything.

Many of these are also good red flags when hiring a home improvement contractor. Ask my attorney how I know.

Make sure that your relationship is rock solid. 100% in regards to love, trust and communication. Then set your rules and limits...they can always be changed later as you find them unnecessary or in need of fine tuning. NEVER violate your rules and limits. If you are with another person/couple and one of you wants to change a rule, DON'T. Rules and limits should only be changed when it is just the two of you talking, outside of a sexual situation. Once you have the rules in place, then you can start to think about finding another person/couple. There are two types of swingers: what we refer to as quality and quantity. You also need to decide what camp you are in. Quality (for lack of a better term) is more of a friends with benefits situation. Friends that you get together with and do things that may or may not involve sex and nudity. We call it 'couples dating' and it usually involves a 'connection' between all involved. Quantity (for lack of a better term) is usually one-and-done...you are not looking for more than playing once (or a few times) and then moving on to the next person/couple. There is nothing wrong with either camp, just something to be aware of and choosing a side when you start. Then it's just the effort of finding a match. If you are looking for quantity, try a swingers club. Quantity is MUCH harder. Finding a three or four way match is HARD, but when it does happen, it can be great. Just realize that it is going to take some effort on your part and don't take it personally when you find the perfect person/couple but they don't feel the same way. They are doing you a favor by letting you know that you aren't the couple for them. Move on to the next prospect. One other rule that we recommend: Both guys can talk/text/email, both girls can talk/text/email, but anything that includes cross guy/girl conversation should include everyone or no one. That way there can never be any misunderstandings as to what was said or intended. One final note about finding quality people/couples (if that is what you choose to look for): when you do find a person/couple that everyone seems interested in, DON'T WASTE TIME with endless emails/texts/whatever. We like to get together for drinks or dinner with everyone knowing in advance that nothing else will be happening other than dinner or drinks. You will lean more in five minutes in person than you will ever learn via email/texts/phone calls/whatever. It will save a bunch of time and wasted effort. Sometimes the person/couple that looks perfect on paper or on line just isn't in person. It's nobodies 'fault', it just happens. Once again, it will save everyone time and effort. Now get to talking and then get started!

Remember there is only one first. Every woman I know remembers her first boyfriend, first kiss, first sexual touch and then the most remembered first time. Too bad we didn’t have the knowledge then that we have now. Most of our firsts just happened without much planning. Now we are older and can plan what we want to do and we can think before jumping into things. Love, emotion or infatuation are not factors in swinging. The two of you should be in control of what you want to do and with who you want to do it with. Don’t rush into anything or with anyone. We had planned many scenarios of what we wanted to happen and then the what abouts. We agreed to what both wanted knowing not everything goes to plan. We knew we wanted to meet a bisexual woman which was my fantasy, it was our primary want. The hardest part was finding people who were experienced non-hardcore lifestylers, an oxymoron. We posted on a lifestyle site with our wants and were prepared for a deluge of guys hitting on us. We waited all these years without outside of marriage no reason to rush. We were tempted to rush in the excitement of our fantasy yet held back. Covid gave us an out with people, an easy excuse to delay without putting people off. Looks and physical appearance were criteria for our first. We had to agree that anyone we would answer met a list we made. Thinking back both of us were more concerned physically with the female and attitude with the males. We think we met the perfect couple who met our criteria and we still stand my our choice. What sold me was the connection and communication was set up by me and the wife. She told me her background and sold me on sincerity of not pushing. Nobody can predict an outcome or reaction for that first meeting, take your time, talk, then talk, then do more talking. Your spouse should be as willing as you to act out on the wants. Be careful of scammers, only your gut can tell you no, not a good match.

Welcome. I hope you find this site helpful. (Great post by NC_Seniors above.) Pun intended? Or something I haven't heard about? 😉

What intimate acts do I reserve just for me and my partner? Paying bills.

Not me. One of the (few) conditions I had for having my wife playing was that it would supplement and not substitute for the sex we have. She has held me to that. The other two conditions were that everyone knew what the situation was: who she's playing with and I meet them; and no married men unless the wife knew and was good with it.

4-way chemistry is hard for everyone. It doesn't matter that much if you're overweight. It's hard to make chemistry flow evenly in all 4 directions no matter who you are. As for us, as we've matured we've come to appreciate good three-way chemistry. A nice single male who we like and get along with is all we need, and the chemistry is much simpler.

Depends on the woman. For Lora and me, if we cum before the guy, we enjoy continuing and can start working on the next orgasm. When Clair orgasms before the man, she lets him continue but lies there placid. She has great control, however, and can usually orgasm simultaneously with a man. Clair can go multiple times during a session and cum, but needs recovery time between her Os.

While my wife has not use a strap-on, she has used a double dildo. I think this is a little less intimidating to her. It also allows both women to be filled. The best way to play is both on their back in a scissor position. The men can pump it for them.

The first time M. and one of our close friends used the strap-on with each other they were both amazed about the feeling of power they got, how much the giver enjoyed it. Our friend said "Now I see why you guys like it back here, watching is awesome". M. has worn out or broken several. LOL.

yes and yes and by the way... yes. I, Mr looking4 would love to watch my wife with another woman and a strap-on. As a matter of a fact we bought a feeldoe and can't wait to use it. Here's a description of it. No links cause I don't want to get accused of selling stuff. LOL. The Feeldoe Double dildo combines the excitement of strap-on sex and the pleasures of mutual penetration without the hassles of a harness. Offering more control and now it VIBRATES! Harnessless Silicone Strap-On. This 100% silicone double penetration toy is a patented wonder.

Mrs. Ekies has spent time with a lady friend of ours with the classic double ended 15" dildo and the Feeldoe. For me...hot in ways I cannot describe...for her...hot in ways she cannot describe (her words). With the Feeldoe she was on her back and our lady friend was on top in the classic missionary position. Mrs. Ekies had her knees pulled back and was telling our friend to fuck her hard and make her cum. In the end they tossed the Feeldoe aside and 69'd to the finish. HOT, HOT, HOT! Whew, I need a cold shower...

One of our most fun times was a DP with my husband and a woman with a strap-on. I've never "strapped it on" (it's not my thing as I'd rather go down and use my tongue and a dildo), but yeah, it's fun. I just got a double dildo I'm dying to use with someone! The first woman I was with years ago had one, but it's been quite awhile since I've shared that. As for my husband, he's not so into the "just watching" thing (not that it isn't turn-on and excellent foreplay for him).

Why is this just a question for the guys? It's a woman like me you need to be asking. Well?

Would I like it - YES Has she done this - YES Was it hot - HELL YES!!! Always was one of her fantasies and she went out and bought a special harness where she can take care of her female partner while I can take her from behind. She also has one of those double vibrating dildos that has a dual clit stimulator. Talk about getting hot. Mr D.