Leaderboard

Thank you all for the advice. We appreciate your encouragement. We’ve talked about purposely going out to club or bar to chat and flirt. Hubby says it’s always excited him if he catches me unconsciously flirting with guys, wink wink. It’s been a long time either of us have been out for that purpose. Lol.

I could make a joke about his tools

Like just about everything else in life, one gets better at the different aspects of sex and enjoys it the more one does it. There's a lot to miss in life if the first time you swing (at a softball, a golf ball) and you miss, or fall the first time skiing or riding a bike, you say "That's it, I'm just giving up." Sometimes you just have to do it and make your first mistake.

Probably, these days, we average about 4 hours. We average at least once a day but those sessions are often about thirty minutes in the morning or before bed until the weekend. We both work out more now than we used to - we're not old but we're getting older and need to put more time into taking care of ourselves - that takes up time in the schedule and distracts from what used to be a minimum of two longer, athletic sessions a day. Now we mostly save that stuff for our very relaxed days. If we're not working it could easily be 7-10.

A newbie couple contacted us on SLS about meeting to discuss the LifeStyle. We told them we aren’t meeting people right now due to Omicron, but we sent them the following. We actually got most of this from reading the Forums here, so don’t give us too much credit for coming up with it. We’d suggest the same for you … read everything you can in whatever you think are the relevant areas, e.g. “Curious About Swinging?” Hope this all proves useful! Core principles you should consider … you’ll find swingers pretty universally live by these: If one partner says “no”or “stop”, you both said “no” or “stop”. Never “take one for the team”. Don’t exceed agreed-upon boundaries in the heat of the moment. Move no faster than the speed of the slower person. Never meet someone else without your partner’s knowledge and permission. “red flags” to look for when meeting another couple in person: One partner talks down to the other. One partner talks badly about the other to you. They always seem to sit an armslength away, never touching each other. One of them looks pissed off just to be there. The other couple never looks at or touches one another. One partner speaks for the other. They bring up past stories of jealousy and say "but we're past that now". They initiate new rules "on the spot". One of them has to get drunk before the fun can begin. He says my wife wants to do this, but you never hear from the wife. They are married, but not to each other. They can't take no for an answer. They are not on the same page. You catch them in a lot of lies. Too many rules - especially rules intended to control their partner sexually. They have stories of horric dramas that have happened to them in the past. If he tells you that he's only doing this for her so she can be with other girls. The wife has to get "approval" from her husband to do anything.

Lifestyle or not, it's nice to have a good handyman!

We feel you. Seedy strip clubs, bar takeovers, and other "speed dating" group events never appealed to us, either. Frankly, those kinds of social circumstances are completely antithetical to our attitudes about the lifestyle and what we want out of it. We can begin with the fact these events, by definition, require forfeiting of our right to privacy, an instant Do Not Pass Go for us. We always placed a higher value on quality over quantity. And that attitude has served us quite well over the years. True, it means we possibly--probably--missed out on some opportunities for fun. On the other hand, we've managed to avoid a lot of the problems and horror stories many swingers encounter when they just throw a bunch of mud at the wall and see what sticks. We prospected with a laser beam rather than road flares. To that end, it helped that we were very clear in what were looking for in other couples (and what we weren't.) If you don't know what you're really looking for, it's very easy to get pulled in many different directions, most of which lead you nowhere. And we were never desperate. Our sex life was exciting and rewarding enough that we never felt like we were "missing out" on anything. Yes, we looked forward to making the right lifestyle connections, but we were patient and secure in the knowledge that our time would eventually come. And it did. When it comes to any on-line lifestyle community, paid or unpaid, you have to understand that many, if not most, profiles are fakes. Rather than be disappointed by this fact, you have to simply accept it. It is reality. And "certifications" mean next to nothing. In fact, we generally saw them as negatives, not positives. To be successful with the on-line approach, you have to see it as purely a numbers game. Your job is to eliminate as many false flags and fake profiles, as quickly as possible, as you can. Rather than trying to find the needle in the haystack, makes yourselves into a magnet and let the needle come to you. What we found is that, by being incredibly clear in what we were looking for and announcing it right on our profile, we discovered there were other people looking for the same. They were just as turned off by the "speed dating" and seedy lifestyle underbelly as were we. But, there were no shortcuts. Eventually, we canceled our fully paid lifetime SLS profile. By our calculus, the number of fakes and time wasters had multiplied to the point that it was no longer worth the effort. And, by then, we had cultivated a wonderful little closed circle of lifestyle friends who gave us everything we needed, and vice versa. We've never been into notching our bedposts, always looking for the next conquests. Good sex begins largely as an intellectual exercise, anyway, so finding people we genuinely liked and were attracted to provided us with many hours of enjoyable playtime and care-free sexual experimentation. Hope our story was helpful to you. And good luck.

Thank you all for your friendly comments - they all make sense and they’re helping us understand the problems with scheduling a 2-on-2. In our case, lifestyle clubs and other LS places just aren’t the wife’s bag. So we understand that our hunt will be inefficient - we just wish it wasn’t THIS inefficient. Oh well. Stay safe everyone.

I’ve said it before, but if you want a swinging experience, go to Desire or Hedo or go on a lifestyle cruise. Much more efficient to meet people in person.

I think alot of husbands are gung ho, ask their wives, get shot down, end of story.

Recent exchange on swingtown: we think you’re hot. thanks we are hoping for a threesome I’ve done many threesomes, have you? no. We are new to all this and would like to try having one. have you been to any LS parties. not yet. Not sure about that. Really want a threesome well the best is to meet some time and talk. Make sure everyone is comfortable and discuss limitations, likes and no go activities. oh sure we understand. Really excited. What kind of things like rules yes, limitations for you and her. Best to know before anything starts. Will this be soft or full swing event. ????? involve penetration or just manual or oral play all of it we are open. Just want threesome. well I am not bi but not shy. ok and I do not participate in anal. ok i am clean, clipped and snipped ?? circumcised and vasectomy. Tested and clean you are a guy. yes husband here. no. I just want two women. yeah. Don’t we all. You only asked for a threesome. just women np. Good luck supposedly late 40s couple. Husband calls all th shots. Wanted to meet solo to check things out then involve his wife. The vibe wasn’t right so I had a little fun. Lol

Ok, I do not consider myself Bi but maybe I am. Here's why: I find it extremely HOT to give a girl oral while another guy is doing her. Also like giving oral after he does her. No creampie eating. Just licking her out after good hard fucking or while he's fucking her. I also like to kiss her after she has sucked me and him off. I find a penis very attractive when it's handled by a woman. But in no way do I find being solo with a man attractive at all. I can't even think about anal giving or receiving with another guy, even with a woman present. But I have thought about licking his cock while he is doing her. Just to taste her on him...I have had a long long time ago a gay encounter and I'm 100% sure I'm not gay. I love woman and pleasing a woman or another couple. I'm not arrogant about it, it's just what turns me on. So what am I?? Help!!!

This is a very hot topic, we started in MMF with me not doing anything with the other guy, but now I will always do oral on him. That's as far as I will go though, we both love it and haven't found a guy that objects.

Agreed. I am also in the same class. I love to give my wife oral while other guy does her. I try to maintain some distance. For example, I would suck the upper part of her pussy while other guy fucks her in the lower part. Our position also helps. I lie down on my back and she goes doggy style with her pussy on my face. No guy has even objected us doing this. But I notice that some guys just do their business and reduce contact as much as they could. But some make it a point to touch my face and mouth with their dicks. They would even insert their dicks my mouth for a quick second when they take it out of the pussy.

Mark you hit it on the head - I am totally straight - BUT- when it comes to a MFM -to me it is all is OK - no anal penetration but I'll play with the other person as the opportunity or position allows. It's not gay - it's group sex for pleasure for all.

I think you are just EXTREMELY comfortable with your sexuality. I like the term situationally heteroflexible. By the way, what you described doing sounds freaking hot!

I think it's a little bit of both. You have just described very accurately my husband. He calls himself bi-curious, I call him bi. But the fact he is that he sort of likes a dick when there is a female connection with it but he wouldn't be 1:1 with a man or kiss a man. Nor could he carry a relationship with a man. Sexuality is a sliding scale and not a on/off switch. He is not straight, he is not gay... he's not even quite bi. Somewhere just to the left of straight but to the right of bi lay my husband. And it sounds like you as well are about in there. People like labels, although here is a great example of a sexuality not fitting a label. He calls it bi-curious.