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One of the biggest downfalls of being a Alpha male is the constant need for validation! When they don’t have that they are not happy. Could not be happier that is never an issue for me. Probably one of the reasons Missus E prefers Sigma males. As for not being able to get it up that is probably more common then not in the lifestyle. As long as it is in your head it will be a problem. I personally would never take a pill to make it happen. I would get things straightened out in my head myself, because unless there is a medical problem causing it that is where the problem is.

One follow up note, you called yourself an Alpha male, by definition Alpha males like being in complete control and are not usually good at sharing. Alpha males tend to do better in threesomes that don’t include other males. If you believe that your a strong Alpha type then straight swapping might not be good for you. In the Animal world nobody messes with the Alpha’s mate.

My biggest suggestion is to use ED medication before a romp. Rest assured that 99% of men in swinging have had erection problems.

I think what your really having a hard time processing is the fact that your wife was the driving force behind this and she didn’t even look back to see you struggling. Sounds incredibly selfish! I’m sure I’ll get slack again but I feel like if we’re her idea and your her wife, there is a lot of things she could have done, including getting you going before she jumped in and got hers! This was her idea and you were the one needing to perform. Whenever someone pushes to swing and then doesn’t make sure their spouse comes first this happens! Your struggle might be that she was being very selfish and it stuck you wrong. Good luck and talk to each other. swinging is a TEAM sport

I have to play with myself to cum in sex. Hubby on top, while I play with myself is my favorite way to cum. I don't usually cum swinging. I still enjoy it.

I would be willing to bet, a lot, that 75% or MORE of the men on this board have experienced an evening when the little soldier decided to stay home. REALLY! I hope you and your wife have had crazy sex since that evening. Maybe brought some of these fantasies into your play. Joked about your performance issues and her loud behavior (in a very loving way) when the others were reserved. RECONNECT. You said embarrassment, shame, jealousy and a drop in confidence. #'s 1&2 are on you. Those emotions are brought on my the little voice in your head and you need to ignore it. There is no good that comes from beating yourself up. As i said your lack of penile performance is usual in fact probably expected. So give yourself a break. even the ladies have. #4 Get the blue pill for your next evening. Take a low dose, like a quarter or 1/2 and enjoy the evening. Don't drink to much and don't smoke weed or take edibles. Just my 2 cents but I don't think starting with your own partners is the solution. I think that can be a future solution, but you need success. Rising to the occasion can be complicated by a lot of different mental stimuli. Much of it will still exist after you've started with your life partner and then the minute you move to your new friend. Then you lose it and add more baggage to your confidence. Work to guarantee a successful evening by using a little help because after that you'll have a lot of new information. #3 is the one emotion that deserves a bit of reflection, communication and coming to terms with. Why do you feel jealous. Exactly. Is it that you didn't get it and your lovely wife did? Is it that you are upset that she made love to another man? Is it that you felt left out? etc. Try to get to the heart. Then communicate with your wife and devise a plan to alleviate future negative feelings. S By the way, I don't think 2 couples instead of 1 is a 'big mistake'. I don't think it's responsible for your performance issues.

We had many times where one of us had a great experience and the other one had a bad experience. It’s part of swinging. You have to chalk it up to experience. You’ll appreciate the good partners better.

You're right, i do have a downfall need for validation. It's a confidence boost to know that your partner is enjoying what you're doing, I'm sure this is common throughout any swinging encounter where all playmates care about helping each other have a good time. As i stated in my initial post, the other women were quite reserved in comparison to my wife's reactions, so I'm not sure if they enjoyed my alternate activities. Even during initial flirting stages, i couldn't get a sense that they desired me, which might have contributed to my nerves and lack of confidence going in to the experience. Thanks for the input and good for thought!

Hello friend, my suggestion to you is to put yourself (you as a couple) in neutral territory. Your wife has a history with this group (a positive one) while you have a history also (a negative one). My suggestion would be for your next encounter to not involve anyone from this group; seek out a new couple and meet just the four of you; that way there is no baggage (positive or negative) for you or your wife. Good luck to you, and as everyone has stated, this situation of yours is common, frequently expected, and accepted. Treat it as such.

I just don't see how introducing blame is helpful. Op is a grown man, able to say no, say yes. There is no reason to make either party wrong in order to work through this and to come out the other side stronger as a couple and with a better understanding of what each part expects.

I use Tadalafil/Cialis even though I can still maintain good wood. I call it an effortless boner. You know, when you're pounding your girl hard, she's getting off so you can't stop but you're starting to sweat and your boner is flagging? (I just turned 62) Even a quarter of a tablet keeps the cock hard, the wind power has to come from staying in shape, but at least my cock stays hard. I have never taken a whole 20 mg tab. I think it would help you in a six way situation. Just the thought makes me hard!

I have licked her in 69 while a guy was inside her, and yes she does cum. But yeah that's not the question. It's not that she has any issues having a clit based stimulated orgasm. Just would be great to experience the PIV orgasms we see so many others having at the club.

Thanks NW, love the honesty. My wife doesn't like to play with herself. And normally doesn't cum when we swing either.

You are not the only man that enjoys the visual of a larger penis. Part of the excitement of meeting a new random man is what we call the unveiling or me undressing a man not know what we will see. Most men are average which makes sense. When an endowed man starts to grow or is fully hard when that unveiling happens I probably react in an excited way as you said the visual is enjoyable. My husband and you enjoy the visual. The visual for him and big difference for me is going down on a bigger penis. My husband enjoys the visual of me giving oral independent of size yet larger gives more to watch penetrating sex is not much different for me. I can only suggest try different positions. For me Cowgirl gives me the most control over what feels best. Maybe she can use a small vibrator while you are in her. Oral sex stimulates the clitoris which she may not be getting from your penetration. Relax and don’t try to much.

Thanks, I am not worried at all about if she enjoys another guy more. That's what lifestyle is about, variety. And for us, it's important that she is enjoying. I love to watch her and not only watch but to share. It is somehow more erotic watching her with a thicker or bigger guy. Cannot explain why, but i enjoy the visual more. And a bonus if she manages to orgasm from him. So no competition, sometimes your wife will enjoy another more than she does with you, might be once off and next time you might be the more enjoyable. My original question is curiosity and perhaps I could learn a trick which would help us have that elusive orgasm by penetration.

Forget about the size of other men it doesn’t make him better or worse. I see you mention size in other posts too where most women never mention it. Be happy she orgasmed because she is happy. If it’s only by oral with you make sure you do it for her. Don’t over try getting her off with penetration putting more pressure on both of you. If she is satisfied you will be satisfied.

If you want to watch sex a big cock adds to the show.

My SO is a small girl and the contrast of a big cock is hot. Seeing a big cock in her hand or a thick cock filling her mouth are hit to watch and fortunately she loves to play with big cocks.

We have met many random men without knowing their size and knowing that average size is exactly that, Average. Some men are smaller, others larger, most fall into that average range. Most likely I react differently when we meet a man who is much bigger, Michael says I do, even if it hardly happens.

Love when I get to join a couple who is totally open and sharing like this. So many things we can enjoy together.

We both love cum! My husband loves it when a guy fills my pussy with his cum then eats me. He also likes to suck cock and get cum in his mouth from a guy. I love licking pussy a lot and love licking my husband's cum out of another woman.

There is no way in an intimate MFM encounter on the same bed that the men will not come in contact with each other in some way. Touching arms or legs or rubbing or bumping into each other does not mean you are gay or bisexual. Relax and have fun in those close quarters! It's a part of the play.

I think what defines bi and gay is the level of desire that one holds for same sex contact. I think it is perfectly normal to engage in same sex contact in heat of the moment during swapping and still not be either bi or gay. I consider Crazed bi because he has confided a strong desire at times to be with the same sex. I call myself bi curious because there is a strong desire I have to caress/look at/kiss etc a woman's breasts and have often wondered what it would be like to give or receive oral sex with women. one day I will set out to fulfill that desire and answer that question.

Cum to Las Vegas, as we have more Bi couples per capita than either New York or San Francisco. It is not hard to find us. Just need to look. When it is in the summer months, we all wear less clothes in public.

"Do you enjoy two mouths on your cock?" is a question we usually ask before anything gets serious. Don't require a guy to be bi but he should be receptive to shared oral at least.

Not so much eating another man's cum out of her but I absolutely love creampie fucking. The feeling of slipping my cock into her hot creamy cunt is fantastic!

I am a wife of a Bisexual couple, both in the Lifestyle for 12 years, and I have always gotten off on watching two guys having sex, thank goodness that my hubby is as emotionally secure as I am, and we share guys for a good MMF, as long as I can either watch or join in.. We both believe that all humans are innately Bisexual and that it is society that judges and keeps others insecure in their own sexuality. Being both Nudists and in a very Open Marriage, there are no rules. By the way, if other women say they don't like seeing two men together, they are LYING!

LMAO...the exact same thing happened to me during a foursome. I honestly thought it was my wife, but much later after we talked about it we realized it was the husband and not my wife at all. I thought it was kinda weird as I wish he had just said something. I mean for me it is not that big a deal. We do have a pair of playmates where there is contact between all four of us. Honestly, I don't spend a lot of time looking for it, but I am into it if it happens. It can be situation dependent.

Hey, nothing says I love you like the post coital wet washrag toss

Probably. Nobody likes to have to use a towel!

For me it doesn't matter whose cum it is, as long as we are playing with some pussy. Seems to be that way with the other couples we've fucked with, even guys playing with the others dick, doing oral or anal is all alright so long as it is part of doing the girls. Hard to explain, but the opposite is that two guys never do things just by themselves and never do anything like kiss, a big turn-off. But when the other guy is just a cock in the mix with women, even if two guys are working it, it's good. Still, it only happens with some couples and even then only about one times out of ten.

Just recently we began friendships with two other couples. We eventually discovered that one couple were veteran swingers of 4 years and the other couple recently had their first couple of experiences, which includedbeing with our mutual couple friends. My wife and i have been talking about getting into the life style for about 2 years so this presented an opportunity. My wife has always been the driving force behind swinging, i was never against it, but also wasn't hunting for it. I just wanted my wife to have a good time and for us to share this experience together. We had a mild buildup with our friends, mostly flirting, but nothing of a soft swap nature, but we still managed to come to an arrangement to have a six way orgy as our first time swinging experience. In retrospect, probably not the best idea for a first time. We all got a hotel together, one big play room and individual rooms for couples to retire to at the end of the night (thank God we did that). My wife ended up having a great time, primarily with the male veteran of the group. I, in the other hand, was unable to RISE to the occasion. My wife is a very vocal, active lover, so i of course heard her audible enjoyment, but the other 2 females of the group are more quiet and passive in their participation, so i had a hard time knowing if they enjoyed the alternative sex acts i was performing throughout the night. This lack of positive reinforcement only added to my performance anxiety, leading to me eventually spending more time on the "bench" than participating. This was a big problem for me as a dominant alpha male (i know, get over myself). Unbeknownst to me at the time, all the guys had a hard time getting UP. The veteran even had difficult times - my wife was barely penatrated, but still had a great time. At the end of the night, my wife's experience was categorized by butterflies, excitement, and euphoria. Mine was categorized by embarrassment, shame, jealousy, and a complete drop in confidence. A few days After the experience, the group had a talk about what we thought went well and what we would like to improve moving forward. Wife and i discussed maybe next time just a good old fashioned 4 way would be better (no duh lol). The veteran male was very kind sharing his own experiences with performance failures and the women didn't make our lack of erections a big deal, so it helped, but I'm still in a slump. I'm having trouble sorting and processing my feelings about the whole thing. My wife has been patient and reassuring, but is starting to get frustrated at my negatively and misplaced jealousy of the veteran. I'm creating a self fulfilling prophecy of future performance failure. So far the recommendations have been "don't think about it, mantra positive thoughts only". Easier said than done. In the future we'll try starting with our life partners to get us UP, then transition to playmates. THE BIGGEST ISSUE i think is that my wife and i are on very different wavelengths - she is excited and ready to go again, i am afraid and jealous that she is having such a positive and I'm not. Yes i know i should be happy that she's excited and having a good time, which i am, but it's not changing my resentment. It's been about 6 days since the experience and i feel like I'm pulling away from my wife, but i can't narrow down the root of my problem. I do want to try again bc i don't want to make permanent decisions on the lifestyle based on my first, negative experience, but I'm very nervous that next time will be a repeat and my wife will be highly pleased by the veteran male, and I'll be left in the dust again. Any similar experiences or advice would be appreciated.