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There IS NO secret swinging sign...especially a pineapple bathing suit in Hawaii. We all need to just realize this and move on. At the same time, if you think she/they might be interested, the best thing to do is go over and say hello and see where things go from there.

If you have reservations that is common. It is to what extent you have reservations. This is one of those experiences you will never know unless you go with it. She is having the same reservations, but she is likely loving the thought of doing it with you there. It will spark your relationship. Go for it and enjoy the moment.

In my opinion this person should run from swinging ass fast as possible. if you can’t honestly look yourself in the mirror and see yourself saying OMG watching you fucking that guy was so hot I can hardly wait to see you do it again!, than run, don’t walk away. You are essentially risking your life and marriage on the possibility you might like it, in my opinion that’s a very foolish mistake. if you can honestly say your wife having sex with another man turns you on, then your probably going to be okay. Even so I would suggest that the first time be with someone who you have no ties to and be clear he is just to be used as a toy. if you get past this without issues then your probably okay to start looking for a more permanent solution. My point is a marriage shouldn’t be a reckless bet….and your first time should always be someone you can walk away from without any remorse.

We only play together. For us and for many we know, it is about our sexual connection with our spouse. We want to do things with our mate, enjoy pleasures with our mate, be intimate with our mate playing with others, look deeply into one another's eyes are we share like experiences. For us, we cannot connect in separate rooms. To each her/his own.

Here is the key to swinging success: Somebody has to make the move, it may as well be me. If you don’t initiate, nothing will happen. If you do initiate, something may happen.

I am in my 70's. I would have gone over, looked at the animal and asked her if it could swim. Any conversation requires someone to start it. Any exploring about other possibilities requires a conversation. Worst possible outcome is a boring half hour talking about her pet Pekinese at home

I am saddened by this. I hate it for the both of you. Hopefully you will both recover and over time move on to better and brighter things. He definitely needs healing. Please help him find this. Make some suggestions to friends and family discretely. There are some amazing organizations out there that deal with this. You might need some as well. Time does heal most things but even then we might need a little help. As always keep in touch, let us all know if you need anything.

True oh so true. Think positive. Sometimes I need to be reminded - thx! 🤞 They ARE TO BUSY having Fun!!!

I don’t get it. 🥱. Is she a fighter?

Too much + too fast = bad experience It's a simple formula. Stop. Regroup. Discuss why you want to swing in the first place? Decide what you hope to accomplish? Proceed slowly with people willing to help you overcome the "newbie jitters" that everyone experiences. Always remember: Sex is largely an intellectual experience played out in the physical realm. The largest sex organ is the brain. Male impotence (failure to get and maintain an erection), assuming there is no underlying medical condition, is the result of anxiety. It is a thinking problem, not a physical one. Get your head right groove and good sex will follow. Consider that group sex may not be a good fit for you? Ann and I have been in the lifestyle quite a while. Group sex has never been our thing. We've found quiet evenings with a well paired couple offers everything we need to have an enjoyable, sensual experience. More is not always better. In our case, it seldom is. Also, consider changing your expectations. We do not begin our lifestyle liaisons with visions of living out a porno flick. Our liaisons emphasize sensuality, foreplay, and slowly building up sexual tension. Sexual intercourse, per se, is not The Goal. We focus on the sensual pursuit of the ladies and find the slow build up of sexual tension provides all the stimulation we need to perform. Seldom do I, or the other male, have trouble getting and maintaining our erections (however, we are at an age where we lean on the assistance of sildenafil or other enhancers, but they are not foolproof.)

I agree, I'm trying not to judge my possible future in the lifestyle based on a single bad experience that i think is more than easily fixed. Thanks for the input!

That is a very interesting suggestion. I'll have to talk to the wife about that one. Unfortunately we live in a PAINFULLY small community, so the pool of known swingers is low, not impossible, but low. That actually leads me to a follow up question. My wife and i naively did not consider the scenario where one of us would have a positive experience and the other wouldn't and how we would address it. What do you do when couples' experiences vary so drastically?

My wife and I are both in the lifestyle. And we are both physicians. The truth is, physicians judge. They are people. But this creates an unconscious bias that may lead to poor care. We go to a sex positive clinic with a colleague of ours (who we frequently play with, but by no means does a sex positive provider need to be in the lifestyle to “get it”). she opened up a clinic in our town that caters to lifestyleers and LGBTQ community. I suggest you get your care in a similar way. There are directories now on the net listing sex positive providers in your area.

I'd be careful with that, and definitely don't get her a gift certificate.

Guess he is to busy getting it now...

I would try it both ways, so HOT!

I’m a masculine bi man, who loves hot MFM sexual fun, I don’t think there anything better than sucking a cock and sharing it with a persons wife.....so hot!

I guess I don't think about it that way. I'm really more about what she wants at the time because I'm evolved beyond just wanting to procreate like most humans but I think that visual stimulation is still primordial. What I'm saying about the evolutionary process is that it has merit. It makes sense. Why wouldn't it? Evolution has caused our bodies to do many things we don't think about. For instance our blood is thicker in the morning. The hunters hunted in the morning because that was the most opportune time. The possibility of being injured or gored was therefore greatest in the morning. Men who survived a goring because their blood was a little thicker at that time passed that gene on to their offspring. Consequently men are now more likely to have a heart attack soon after rising in the morning than at any other part of the day. On the flip side of that, those men whose blood did not thin as the day progressed were likely not to live as long nor procreate as much. I don't feel my blood getting thicker or thinner, it just happens. It's primordial.

Nah, that's giving men too much credit ("odds of procreating"). When a guy sees a woman engaging in sexual activity, he's thinking that she's already aroused and maybe he can have some pleasure too. Because he won't necessarily wait for her pussy, he'll dump his seed in her mouth, her rectum, even outside on her. That's what has happened to me when I've been the only woman with more than one guy.

If we were all wired to be gay, then mankind would have died off a long time ago

According to my wife, she has liked girls since discovering sex, like in junior high school. She wasn't out about it, but found similar girls and started licking pussy (and getting licked by girls) at the same age she started giving blow jobs. She was romantically involved with women in college. I've done the bi thing only after we started swinging, with two different guys, both sides of oral and anal. Unlike sex with other women, nothing romantic at all in it, just sort of blow the load or take the cum and that's it. Can't say I'll never do it again, but it's at the bottom of my sex priorities.

For me it didn't happen until we started swinging. We were in a MFM and I was in a 69 with Mrs OCC while she was getting fucked by the guy we were with. His cock slipped out and ended up in my mouth for a second or two. Then back in her and I started licking his balls and cock as he pumped into her. My cock almost exploded while this was going on. So afterwards I thought, I guess I am bi. Just enjoy. And I have ever since.

I was a late bloomer--very late, as I was 34. I always found women attractive, but never gave it more than a passing thought until we began in the lifestyle. A lady started dancing and flirting with me, and all of a sudden . . . CLICK! She flipped my bi-switch on. We did play a bit, but it took a long while for me to work up the nerve to go down on her. I was totally crushing on her, and intimidated by my lack of experience. When it finally happened, it was worth the wait. =)

I remember at a sleepover at a friends house about age 12, waking up to her hands in my panties. I was surprised to say the least, but I allowed her to continue. I continued to allow her the opportunity at every sleepover. Even with other girls at the sleepover she would always end up sleeping next to me. We never really talked about it. One time on a high school trip we roomed together and went further than I had ever went with a boy. Well then came college and marriage and three kids. Now as empty-nesters going south for the winter I met a neighbor lady who through a few months of laying around the pool and sunbathing together, she one day kissed me on the lips. That was it, it kissing is so intimate it put me over the edge. We now are playmates while the men watch, we have not done the full swing yet, but I feel it is coming!!

Similar age, must have been around 11 or 12. Had no idea about sex of any kind, but managed to kiss the girl across the street and found that I liked that very much. About that time, during a sleepover at one of my buddies houses, he started playing with my cock. I had no clue what was going on or what to do. It kind of became a game of "I dare you". He started by putting me in his mouth then dared me to do the same with him. I felt those familiar stirrings, but had never cum before, had no idea what it was. I remember telling him to quit because I felt like I was going to pee in his mouth, little did I know. We carried on for months, and if he hadn't moved away, who knows where my sexuality may have ended up, but after he left, girls became my #1 priority.

I don't think of it as a disease. I finally purged myself of the hangups that were pounded in me by society. Now I am free to enjoy sex with whoever I want regardless of gender. When sex is recreational the gender of the participants are not relevant. Procreation it matters.

I know what Julie wrote was not what was intended, but for me that was what happened. As a teen I knew I was attracted and interested in guys, so I came out originally as gay. It was my belief at the time that you were either gay or straight, there as no in-between. It wasn't until my early twenties that I realized I was also checking out women as well as men. I was out celebrating my 22nd birthday with friends and I met a woman who had her 24th birthday the day before mine. She and I had some common friends and apparently she was really into gay men. So I got invited to her birthday celebration that was being held tomorrow at apartment. At her party, we flirted with each other all night, and when the party ended, she asked me to stay the night. I said yes, and I fucked my first woman and ate my first pussy and absolutely loved it. I finally realized that sexuality wasn't an either/or situation and had to admit I was bi. The relationship only lasted a month, but it took me down a path to becoming a swinger.

I had a sleepover and my friend slept in my bed with me. We were cracking jokes about girls playing with themselves. When she asked if I wanted to try it, I didn't know what to say! But she just spread her legs and started rubbing herself. Her leg was crossed over mine and it turned me on. I was in shock! Her moans got to me the most, so I relaxed and began to rub myself, too. She started cumming and it made me so hot I got off. We never spoke about this afterward. Ive been interested in regaining that intimacy with a woman again ever since.

In high school, when I found that I was attracted to some girls as well as some boys. I thought the feelings would go away after I got married, but that didn't happen. I told my husband at one point, but he said it didn't bother him. Now that we're in the swinging lifestyle, I have several girlfriends, and I'm very happy about the way things have turned out!

For me it wasn't until I was 25. I had had other women approach me when I was younger. I actually stopped going to a health club when I was 21 because the trainer was all over me. When I would undress she would come over and give me compliments which at first I thought nothing of it, but when I'd go in to shower after the workout and she came in and started washing my back, that uninvited touching freaked me out. She was way too butch for me. Anyway when I was 25 my boss at the time lived close to our work. She was 35 and was divorced. After a few months on the job she asked me if I wanted to go to her home and eat our lunch in her backyard. We went to her house and sat in the backyard that was private. First thing she did was get totally naked and told me she was a nudist. She coaxed me into also getting naked which I did. One thing lead to another, by the fourth time I went to her house, we started playing and I was hooked. And as they say, the rest is history.

Hi, this is Petra. Although I didn't know it at the time, my first sign was when I went from being jealous of hubby having sex with another woman to being turned on by it. I wasn't involved with those first girls that hubby screwed, but got a thrill when he got home (or she left and I got back to my house) from hearing about what they did, tasting her when I sucked his dick, and smelling her smell on him. In my mind I justified it as maybe kinky, but still straight sex. After we became involved with Clair and started having threesomes I kept moving along what I thought was straight sex (licking his dick and her clit from underneath as hubby fucked Clair from behind), to eating his cum out of her, to just us girls sometimes.

I had fooled around a bit with boys in high school - guys that played sports knew that to hang around the locker room after others had gone home meant you wanted to play. When I went to the Naval academy, I had several boyfriends. I found that a lot of that activity was considered normal and mostly ignored. I also had many sexual relationships with girls and enjoyed both. My parents were very conservative Catholics and would have been totally shocked if they had known. I didn't tell my wife (also a Catholic girl) until after we married but to my surprise, she was very receptive and was anxious to incorporate it into our swinging. Our son is also bi and we support him totally. It has worked well for us - brought us closer as a couple.

Congratulations on multiple fronts. Your first experience, finding someone you can honest with, and being honest with yourself! Congrats! For me, I had suspicions for a long time, but didn’t even think of myself as anything other than straight because it was always women who caught my eye. I didn’t actually realize that I had a real desire to play with other men until my wife and I entered a phase of our lives where we got pretty heavily into drug use (a phase which is now many years past). Say what you will about meth, it does do some really amazing things to a person's sexuality (possible thesis topic there). That’s when the fantasies really started happening. One night while I was alone I decided to see how they translated to reality, met a guy on AOL and invited him back to my place. Yup, completely enjoyed the experience (just oral and hand), and it became a recurring part of my fantasy life. Since then I've had a few (very few really) chances to play with other guys, and though it still almost entirely women to whom I am attracted, I simply cannot deny the joy I get from playing with another guy, so there it is, I'm definitely Bi (Kinsey would feel so validated).

Mrs YZF here: I was always taller than all the other girls in my circle of friends so naturally I gravitated toward sports like volleyball and basketball. I was very good at basketball but I excelled at volleyball and early on that was the sport I went with. I was 12 and at a weekend volleyball camp at Campwood. I wound up sharing a room with a girl a couple of years older than me. She was sleeping in panties and a t-shirt, I was sleeping in full jammies. I woke up in the middle of the night and she was masturbating. She had her hand down her panties and was humping it slowly. I stared at her for a while then she looked over and saw me looking at her. I asked her what she was doing and I remember her answer. She said, "You don't know?" Well I didn't know. But it looked enjoyable. She asked me to go over to her bed and watch. It was not too long before we hand our hand down each others panties and I had my first orgasm. We experimented with eating each other that night. I was a straight up, in the closet, lipstick lesbian until my junior year in high school when I gave my first blowjob and wound up knowing I was bi then.

We were in our 40's and in the LS at the time. we were hot-tubbing with another couple (and very drunk) when the other wife started doing "dares". The girls each ate each other, played, & kissed first. Then the guys had to "taste cock" in order to get a sex reward from the wives. That changed everything for me. I had no clue that I would end up liking it, especially when my wife assists and tells me what to do. It's a huge turn-on for both of us. Crazy huh?

When I was a teen (15-16 years old)...playing baseball in tournaments throughout the southeast...and we'd have to share rooms with a team member at the hotels. One day after a game, me and my roommate came back after a hot day of playing baseball all day...he got in the shower first and when he came out and came into the room as I laid on my bed watching TV, he dropped his towel and had a semi-hard cock. That's when mine got rock hard haha I later found out a teammate was gay and decided to "room" with him on a later trip...we ended up having fun and rooming from there on out for the rest of the season!

In high school, I was part of a really progressive church that had a lot of programming for youth, so in going to a lot of youth get-togethers (sleepovers, conferences, workshops) I started to notice lesbians and bi girls and thought their relationships were very interesting... Occasionally I'd find a couple whose interactions I really liked and they'd almost become a model for something I wanted to have. I got a lot of attention from some of the lesbians at my school and youth group, which of course I liked. Later, after having some pretty decent relationships with guys I realized that I liked being with both and how different the two types of relationships could be. Now, I really like to play with couples because I get both!

I first realized when I was in the 1st grade. All through kindergarten, all of my crushes were girls. I was hopelessly into girls and didn't even realize that was "weird" until one of my teenage aunts asked me who I liked in my class. When I named a girl she said "no, who do you want to kiss?" Confused, I named another girl. She laughed and said "No silly! What boy do you want to kiss?! You're a girl! You like boys!" I was super confused so I just named a boy and from that point on, I never let anyone know I wanted to kiss girls. But then in 1st grade I developed a crush on a boy and from then on, it was pretty even between boys and girls for me. I thought I was insane and unique until I learned what a bisexual was in 9th grade lol. I didn't even know how women had sex until I was in 10th grade (and I didn't do it myself until I was 18!)

I'm not sure I am 'bi' but here is my two cents anyway... I first started to become interested in cocks, and then m/m stuff while enjoying porn during my college days. Never once did I consider liking guys in H.S. And never looked at guys and could even say one was more attractive than another. But during my single days of watching porn I started to realize I liked seeing cock and cocks cumming etc... I repressed it for years, as all good catholic macho boys should, and after big fights trying to hide the porn and thoughts from my wife, it came out, and I am very glad it did. The weight was off my shoulders, I found out she thought it was super hot, we had previously talked about swinging, but this certainly added fuel to our fire. So here we are, broke our cherry a week ago, with swinging, and my first time with a man.

I got my first clue during high school while looking through some magazines that belonged to my boyfriend. There were some girl/girl porn scenes in one and I was absolutely blindsided by how excited I got looking at them. My boyfriend didn't even know that I had seen them and I never in a million years could have told him how I felt about them. I was able to open up about my bisexual feelings to my husband when I was 18. Like Julie, I've always pointed out hot girls to him all through my marriage. I was still really shy about my feelings, though, really only able to enjoy them while we were in the middle of having sex. Well, it only took us 16!! years until we finally did something involving another woman and well, let's just say I'm no longer curious or shy about how I feel

Although there were later, more obvious signals, I think I got a clue my first lifestyle night when a wonderful woman kissed me, and it felt so natural that it didn't even occur to me until the next day that it was, in fact, a woman who had kissed me

I am certainly not looking for sympathy, nor am i avoiding any role i have played in making this a difficult post-experience. I know my wife would argue that i am taking out my frustrations on her by lashing out at her and making underhanded comments that have no basis, the tone and words i use come off as a blaming attack (even though i really don't blame her about anything, it comes across as tho i do) - these are true statements and i have since cut that shit out. I would argue that my wife's reaction to my difficulties handling this has been less than what i would hope for - getting frustrated at my constant negativity (again, i have since turned that down) and her defensiveness rather than supportiveness. We definitely DID NOT CHECK IN with each other nearly as much/at all during the experience - a newbie mistake that we knew we were supposed to do, just... didn't... i would regularly look over at her to see her having a good time - mostly because i wasn't "gainfully employed" during much of the session, but she was. She told me that at the very start of the session, when i was starting with another woman and she another man, she looked over at me and was a bit shell-shocked at the sight of me with another woman - not uncommon for a first time I'd assume. She had to re-focus her mind to continue, but i think in the end that translated to a combination of her not wanting to look over at me with another woman/ she was distracted by her own fun experience to see that i was struggling. At the end of the session when we all returned to our partners, she had no idea that i was struggling and didn't perform the entire night. She did feel incredibly bad about that and was very sympathetic- at the end we returned to our individual couples room where we had sex to reconnect and reach her to orgasm - a helpful experience. A question posed: HOW DO YOU GUYS DO YOUR CHECK INS WITH YOUR PARTNER DURING A SESSION? I am simply looking for constructive means for a way forward based on what has worked for other couples. I really want to see if this can be an enjoyable lifestyle with my wife. I do not want to rule something out just and think it's "not for me" after one instance. When i first went to college i was on the verge of quitting because i thought i couldn't "handle it". It was a new, overwhelming experience where i was completely responsible for my success or failure - the environment was new and the pressure of the classes was great. Had i not had encouragement and tips on how to successfully navigate it, i never would have gotten my degree, let alone any of my subsequent ones . Yes this is a loose connection, but the bottom line is i haven't had nearly enough experience to determine if it's not for me, or if I'm simply out of my comfort zone and still navigating how to communicate with my wife about it.