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The fundamental key to a relationship is vulnerable, open and honest communication. Both parties need to be able to share, warts and all, and be received. Too many couples cannot do this without introducing sex with others. If you are unable to live together, I question being able to have sex with others. Before you engage in that, you need to settle your marriage one way or the other. That is more important than what a client of mine trmed "sport fucking". Just don't think you are there yet.

I read posts like this and wonder if you clean your pc after posting or are your hands too sticky.

I would try to find a poly positive couples therapist and make sure your relationship is strong. Swinging make things more complex not less.

From all the research my wife and I have done I'd strongly suggest working on solidifying your relationship first. There's so much involved and invested in a sound and secure relationship before introducing another dimension into your already rocky situation. It's interesting that you've watched her give another guy a BJ. Was that while you were married? You may have found it "hot," but what were the circumstances surrounding it?

I hope that each of you get to spend the holidays with someone you love. Family. Friends. Or the other person that you have sex with. Its all good to me!!

I understand y’all’s concerns and advice. Would it matter if we were divorced? Like if we were just bf/gf? Therapist is scheduled.

I could see swinging as a gasoline can for a couple that has relationship problems. Ditto on the therapist.

We've been wanting to get a pair of those wireless vibrating panties for me to wear to the club and for him to control. Can't help but think how much fun that would be if I were out on the dancefloor with someone else and he gave me a jolt. Then the thought crossed our mind, that that would make one HELL of a theme night. And we wondered, are all those panties on the same frequency? If we had a club full of ladies wearing them and one man turned on his remote, would all the women suddenly be turned on? Seriously, I do wonder if anyone has tried this at a club....

I don't think the point is to say all men are bi. Just that many more seem to get aroused by gay or bi porn than admit it.

We've done both and had success both ways. I will say that when it comes to swinging with another couple I think strangers are probably better. But that's just based on our own personal experiences. If it's something like bringing in another person like a guy for a MFM or a few guys to just fuck my GF then I have to say we've had a lot of success with friends and that would be my preference (although strangers are fun too!). We've had far more problems with couples we know than with guys we know. Part of it is probably because you need to find a couple that is committed to it and even experienced with it and not just a couple you know. With guys it's pretty simple - whether you know them or not they just want to fuck and have fun so there have always been less complications for us.

So an update on the subject, I had a conversation with my wife about this to gauge how she felt, she did admit it’s something she would like to do I asked about the how’s and when’s etc.. she says that what she says in her fantasies is how she would a actually do it so a stranger and if I also would allow it she would like it with no condom so she can enjoy the experience raw, again I’m open to this no problem even bareback. we will just now have to look at setting up properly when we can.

The talk she says is more along the lines of going to a club or a sex shop and just fucking in there with someone random she says it’s the thrill of it and also the dirty sex, as she says to have that experience it would only have to be without a condom on, bare sex the only way, would you happy let her do it?

This is a very common beginner question. We had the same debate for a long time. I thought that it would be best to try with strangers who can be easily kept at a distance and scrubbed out of your life, she felt more comfortable finding someone we knew. I was wary of drama. I think most people here will tell you that converting vanilla friends is a high-risk activity, and single males in the lifestyle also have an unfortunate reputation, in part because they're often just desperate vanilla males who are single for a reason. People make it weird, gossip, catch feelings, etc. They may or may not have the skills to be cool about it if you can't easily cut them off after. In our case, we ended up having our first experience with a couple we knew personally, long-time friends of hers and somewhat removed from our life, who turned out to already be familiar with swinging. It was very good luck.

For us it was friends and it worked out great. I had my doubts when my wife talked me into having sex with good friends thinking it was her having the hits for our friend then I thought heck yeah I get to fuck her girlfriend. We have played with strangers that is exciting also but it was friends that got us started.

I respectfully disagree with that thought. Go in with the mindset that if it doesn't work for one or both of you, talk about it, see what adjustments can be made, try again. If you two decide it just isn't for you, stop and continue life without any blame either way. It's like anything else in life, it's not necessary going to be perfect the first time. This is an adventure, a journey you two will be taking together.

We have a pair of those and they are fun! Probably the most fun we had with them was at a wedding reception/dance. It was fun to see her try not to visibly react when she was mingling and talking to people and I would turn them on or off from across the room. There were a lot of meaningful looks exchanged between us that night and she very much enjoyed the drive home too which led to a great session when we pulled in the driveway. The answer to your question seems to be yes, some at least are on the same frequency. We bought our's at a toy store. When we were checking out, the guy that was waiting on us put batteries in the unit and turned it on so we could see that it worked before buying it. When he did that, the girl working the counter with him sort of jumped and then smiled and told us "that turned mine on too and I wasn't expecting it." They only carried one brand and since she worked there stands to reason she had purchased the same one's we did. Different brands may not have the same frequency but don't know for sure. That was several years ago too so they may have solved that problem since then. Great idea for a theme night but could be dangerous to someone's health if the frequencies are the same. "Why do you keep turning it off when I told you not to? I was almost there!!"

We actually tried it... At work! It was hot as hell to sneak close to her desk and hit the switch without her seeing me. The look on her flushed face by the end of the day was priceless! Spoomonkey