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This is an old thread that I've never seen before, and I'm surprised how many people think that nonmonogamy must be symmetric between the couple. We certainly didn't start that way, nor end up that way. We are just one data point, but we started with me having a husband and boyfriend while they were monogamous. After several years, with my encouragement, hubby played with a number of women while boyfriend was monogamous with me and I stuck with him and hubby. Although we have now settled into a poly family with two other women (with us women having a shared, married boyfriend whose wife knows), there has been non symmetric playing along the way. There are reasons why swinging is naturally asymmetric - men have a higher sex drive (usually) but women can absorb much more sex. You never hear of a male gangbang. Men usually like to watch their wife having sex with another man more than the reverse. Women are more likely to be bi. As long as it's consensual, go for it.

I think this arrangement has become more popular. I think you see this more and more with the whole cuckold explosion. I am allowed to have sex with other women but our arrangement certainly feels more "one-sided" simply because of the volume of men my GF has. It's really not even comparable. But it doesn't bother me in the least, I actually enjoy it this way. My GF has an extremely high sex drive and likes to explore lots of different sexual things, some of which I like to be a part of and participate and others that I don't want to have anything to do with. But fortunately there is always a line of guys willing to fulfill those things for her. And I really enjoy watching, hearing the stories, seeing the pictures and videos, etc. I think it makes the sex between us better.

How do you feel about couples that "swing" where the wife is the only one that plays with other people? My wife and I have an arrangement that she can sleep with other women as long as I am there and watching, even if the other woman is married and me and the other guy watch. We have also talked about, but have not done this yet, her sleeping with another guy and I would watch/have a MFM with my wife. My wife is not comfortable with me sleeping with other women at this point, and honestly I am completely fine with that. I feel we both get A LOT of excitement out of this arrangement. Her for obvious reasons, and me because I get to watch my wife and experience my deepest fantasies! Once again we have not invited another male into our bedroom yet, but I think we both feel we would be willing to try now to see how we feel about it. I have heard arguments that this is "one-sided" and will lead to disaster for our marriage! That the only way we should proceed is if my wife is willing to allow me to fuck other women as well. I don't feel that this is one-sided though, I feel that I am very much included in the activities and my wife is doing this for me. Any thoughts?

I don’t know much about gangbangs or how they work but isn’t that just a woman having one on one with multiple men where one finishes and another jumps on not one woman with two men at the same time. From what I’ve read Gangbangs are more a man’s fantasy and not many women want it.

Inside, always inside, and in my pussy.

Hi Ray. I think you've already received some great insight, but would like to share my thoughts as well. I think "lifestyle" is the key word there. Your chosen lifestyle at any given point in time is not the same as your life. Things ebb and flow throughout people's lives, and what was super important to them at one point may not be as some future point for many different reasons. It sounds like what is more important to her is having you in her life, not leading the lifestyle she did several years ago, and even then, that was just a lifestyle at most, maybe even more a hobby. Swinger couples aren't immune from divorce. We know this first hand from what some very close swinger friends have gone through. Swinging, their hobby/lifestyle, had nothing to do with it. It had been a part of their marriage for many years. Other factors in their lives did have something to do with it, same factors that play into the lives of all married couples. There is so much more to life and marriage than sex. I think a very common misconception is that is not true for swingers, but it totally is. I don't find it odd at all that she would happily give up swinging for the sake of your relationship and never even give it a second thought.

Choose someone that you trust who she doesn't know. The thrill with some safety. Hey, we all have our kinks, swinging can satisfy them. There is a man and a woman in our group who are into BDSM stuff and their spouses definitely are not, and won't even watch. They are a perfect match for that kink and find satisfaction in each other, then - back to their spouses.

These desires can't be easily categorized. Perhaps a mix of all three. This is the obsession of not only my wife and I, but also the others in our group. That's why our group is tested and closed. We all think it feels much better and no worries about the ejaculation.

This is how the usual disaster happens. Husband wants to swing. Wife says no. Husband convinces wife to have an MFM or do something solo hoping that she will come around to letting him play later. Wife really enjoys the extra cock but still doesn't want him to play. Husband gets mad and tells wife they are done. Wife has a hissy fit. Drama. The other type is husband and wife decide to have an "open" marriage. Wife finds a boytoy by the weekend. Husband is still pulling his pud three months later. Husband wants to call it quits. Wife is in love with boytoy. Drama. Now if you are more a "hot wife" type than a swinger, sure it might work out for you. We have just seen a number of "totally fine" guys in one sided relationships who are not totally fine later, so the warning is more of a blanket statement. Maybe for you its going to be fine. Personally I think anything "unequal" is bad in marriage.