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This doesn't get better with only time. It might be a good idea to step back from playing temporarily until you can sort this out with her. There's a misunderstanding here, and swinging right now is only going to make it worse.

My first MFM was many years ago, with a monogamish couple who were social friends. I’d been playing with the woman for about a year. She and I had casually discussed the possibility of a threesome that included her husband; it was something she said they’d discussed, though notionally rather than with specific intentionality — and for sure not specifically with me in mind. A few months later we were at a sporting event and their accommodation for the night fell through. I hadn’t checked into my hotel yet, but had reserved a room with twin queen beds. I told them they could stay with me. When we got to the room there was just a single king bed. Well, it was big enough to share, but I wasn’t expecting anything sexual would happen. It had been a hot and humid day and everyone needed a shower. I went first and came out of the bathroom in my light cotton bathrobe. She went next and emerged in a nightie that was briefer than I would have expected. (She and I had always undressed — not dressed — for bed and when we’d sufficiently exhausted ourselves and we slept together it was nude. 😂 ) Her husband was last to bathe. While he was in the shower she and I started kissing. The possibility there might be sex now occurred to me. I was literally trembling. I’d long fantasized about being in an MFM but the opportunity had never before presented itself. "Relax. Everything is going to be fine," she said to me. I recall that despite her assurance my heart was still beating like a triphammer. He was wearing pajamas, tops and bottoms. We got into bed, my sometime lover in the middle between us. Before I could turn out the light, she said to her husband "This isn’t how we sleep" and started pulling her nightie over her head. He started getting back out of his PJs and I was even more quickly literally disrobed. And then the sex commenced. She rolled to face her husband and started kissing him while I watched and fondled her pussy from behind. Then she turned toward me, pushed me onto my back, moved down between my thighs and started sucking my cock. Her ass was up in the air. Her husband got behind her and while I was mostly focused on enjoying the blowjob I was receiving I did notice was holding both sides of her waist, so I assumed he was now fucking her. (She later told me that first round he was doing her anally, something she and I had up till then never done.) After he came we switched places. While she sucked him back erect I fucked her pussy until I came. We turned out the lights and went to sleep for a while, but I awakened aroused in the middle of the night and climbed on her for another round. "He’s taking me again," she whispered to her husband in the darkness. While I fucked her he fondled my balls. (I thought it was her, reaching down over my ass. But the next day when I commented on that to her she laughed and said it was her husband who’d been playing with my balls in the darkness while I was fucking her.) When I was done he took another round with her and then we finally got a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. She and I continued our FWB relationship for almost a decade while their marriage had some ups and downs — our several mutual friends agreed he didn’t treat her very well — until the birth of their first child. I’ve always believed (and still do) that adding children to a troubled marriage was a recipe for disaster. But in this case he went through a remarkable transformation and became much kinder and more supportive in their marriage. I really enjoyed that first threesome and three-ways have remained at the top of my list of favored recreational sexual activities. I solicited it with them as a couple on two other occasions, but they were never up for it. And she was such an enjoyable partner that I wasn’t that disappointed.

I wish, she says she doesn’t know how to make it better all she can do is feel guilty for the time being over what happened. I have fought every feeling to be toxic and break her down so she would understand how it feel but it’s not in my nature or character no matter how much it bothers me. It’s ultimately being left up to me to deal with the consequences and rebuild my own ego as she seems incapable of understanding what she can do on her part to help. we are taking a break if we even go back to it. I cannot trust her any longer

She needs to sharpen up and take responsibility for her actions. This heat of the moment excuse only goes so far. I agree with the swinging break suggestions.

Did you tell her how you feel? If you did What does she say? Our experience is limited in this area but I think commutation is key. I don't think you are overreacting, it should have been a wonderful experience for both. If she did not realize she did something it bothers you is better if you tell her so next time you both enjoy the experience

If you think only swinger sites have people who ghost, you would be surprised the ghosting that goes on with other alternative sex and lifestyle groups. Honey joined a girls group and was faked by an older guy.

Thanks, we try to see all sides. Take your feelings out of this (I know, it's hard to do, but just set them aside for a moment). Try just taking him at his word for a moment. He says he isn't bothered with you getting to play and him not playing. Can't you just accept that he's telling you the truth? Maybe, as trust and communication increases, you might feel different and not mind him playing...and he still might not be interested in doing it with anyone else, or maybe he will. It doesn't matter TODAY what might or might not happen in the future. Don't over-analyze this, just accept it and enjoy the moment. The only real question here is are YOU enjoying what you are doing or are you only doing it for him? In the immortal words of Homer Simpson: Ummmm, cake!

Never say never...you never know what you might be missing.

The first time…… There have been many versions of MFM since the first time. Like starting out as a middle aged married couple exploring the fun of same room swinging with other couples where one time the wife of the other couple decided not to play but to watch her husband and I pleasure my wife. The night starting with drinks, dinner and flirting leading to fun times in the bedroom where my wife was the centre of attention. We slowly undressed her with lots of groping and caressing along the way. Then it was her turn to undress us guys. Along the way sucking and stroking each cock as it was uncovered. We were alternating with playing with her sensitive nipples and wet pussy as she was sucking our cocks. We then laid her on the bed, I spread her legs wide for the other guy to get a good look at her waxed pussy and then invited him to fuck her missionary style while I caressed her all over, focusing on her nipples. She was loving it. Us guys changed places only this time doggy style so she could suck on his hard cock. It was all horny fun to be able to watch her being pleasured and the way she was responding back like a greedy girl. She came many times either while being fucked or orally. Us guys held out for quite a while but when the other guy came in her pussy, I couldn’t help but cum all over her lovely tits while she was stroking me. That long term marriage came to an end but have since explored more MFM fun with other couples as a single man. Many of those couples trying MFM for the first time. The most memorable MFM for me was with a fun couple where the lady loved DP. They were in town on holidays and in a coffee shop and we started chatting, in which the banter got hotter by the minute. They invited me to their hotel room and within a short time we were naked and the lady being pleasured all over. She wanted to ride me so I laid on my back and had my cock in her pussy quick smart and she was fucking me beautifully. Before I knew it, her partner slid his cock in her arse. She was loving it. The sensation of another cock sliding against mine while inside her pussy was unbelievable and the excitement of it all made it hard not to cum immediately. The fun went on and on for hours and we covered her inside and out with cum. That first time DP was very memorable.

For years my husband did stay hard or hard enough to not withdraw. My first swap lover stayed hard after a very long sensual first sex act. I have thought many times of that first time, my first time having sex with a new friend we met on a cruise, the first time having sex outside of marriage. I don’t refer to that first time as having sex, we made love. I gave my body to him and he was great. We did everything lovers would do. I was very receptive to enjoying and I was brought to heights many times before he ejaculated in me. I was about to roll over to catch my breath when he stopped me, still in me, holding me close and then slowly started again. I will never forget.

Am I the only one vaguely horrified by this thread?

Good Evening Everyone, as many of you are aware I have already told the story of how we had our initial threesome. Well since then life has been a little different. We started to look at couples and we found a good couple on a website and we met up but after the wife and I played with each other the other gent apparently had a charlie horse with his wife due to lack of potassium and couldn't get hard so that night ended in disappointment. We tried again with the threesome and this time it was highly successful, my friend was able to get and stay hard and we were able to do stuff with the wife through out the night.... My issue came after. You see before this successful threesome attempt back on the second one my wife voiced her frustration with my friend because she wanted to fuck him because of his much larger dick and due to the fact our sex has been lacking (Some health issues and the work schedule of a healthcare worker) what compounded the issue was that at the end of the threesome my wife spent 10+ minutes being fucked like crazy by my buddy but when he tapped out and I got on, she was asking me within minutes if I was done, If I had come, about 3 times before I just pulled out feeling unwanted. While the experience was fun, in hindsight that comment she made is still eating at me and the fact that I am being rushed to finish while my buddy had her in what she says the most uncomfortable position ever but even when he stopped for several seconds she never even asked if he was done. Left me feeling uneasy with myself and personally bothered. Am I overreacting?