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Unless you both put your spouse's pleasure ahead of your own, your swinging is doomed. Both my wife and I go out of our way to make sure that the other is getting satisfaction out of what we do. That means one playing alone sometimes, just to make it happen. It means my wife fucking me after she has gotten plenty from a lover if I need it. Sometimes I'll go down on her sloppy cunt after I'm spent and the guy she was with hasn't left her fully satisfied. We both get tremendous satisfaction from knowing the other is sexually fulfilled beyond whatever either one of us alone can give the other.

This is one reason why we always try to meet the other couple sooner rather than later. Why waste a bunch of time emailing/texting/communicating with someone only to find out that they are not real/fakes/flakes. Even if they do show, if there's no 'spark' we're not going to be playing anyways. It's best to find out quickly and either move forward from there or move on.

In a relatively short time we have gone from my ex-wife and I being monogamous and my current wife being single and serially non-monogamous, to us being married and monogamous, to my wife becoming a hotwife and me monogamous, to being full swap, open swingers, to anything goes swapping within a closed group of married couples. Yes, things change over time.

Yes we teach as well as learn sometimes. But now I would say from the past few years more of teaching others than learning. as now a days there are more new people in the lifestyle and are amateurs. And i would also compliment some of them as they become good in it and then they become teachers. Lol

Absolutely agree with you! People grow, learn and change the way they view what works for them in many situations in life.

Our therapist said my obsession has evolved into a dangerous obsession. She encourages me to explain my deep feelings of what I am thinking when we invite men to a room, what I am thinking when we are in the room and what I am thinking doing the act. She had suggested it’s control or being controlled in my past. Michael and I have had many swinging experiences that have changed over the last few years from one to one swaps to parties to now me enjoying pleasing men orally. When we are in joint therapy Michael brings up my reactions differently from what I remember. We also discuss what makes him want to watch me please others which makes me wonder what he says in his private sessions. I always make sure he is not being hurt or emasculated by my wants.

By being respectful of the others. Not everyone having sex wants to be interrupted or wants you to join.

Just as everyone here has gotten over what other people think about us, now we're worried about chat bots. 😉

I wish, she says she doesn’t know how to make it better all she can do is feel guilty for the time being over what happened. I have fought every feeling to be toxic and break her down so she would understand how it feel but it’s not in my nature or character no matter how much it bothers me. It’s ultimately being left up to me to deal with the consequences and rebuild my own ego as she seems incapable of understanding what she can do on her part to help. we are taking a break if we even go back to it. I cannot trust her any longer

This doesn't get better with only time. It might be a good idea to step back from playing temporarily until you can sort this out with her. There's a misunderstanding here, and swinging right now is only going to make it worse.

As always, communication here is key. Your questions here are of course VERY welcome and I mean that quite sincerely! But ask her too!

Thank you I'm in knots about this You seem to understand

It's important to note that seeing her with other men was HIS fantasy so she is allowing him to get what he originally wanted. It wasn't to swap partners so there is no double standards or inequality here.

Your limits are what they currently are...make sure that both of you understand and abide by them. They may change as time passes, or they may not but either is okay. It sounds like he is getting what he wants out of this: watching you with someone else. Just because he enjoys watching you doesn't mean that you need to enjoy watching him with another woman, and that's okay. Just keep the communication open and things should work out. BTW: We agree with couplers...you never hear of somebody getting their gander cooked.

No. There is too much evidence to the contrary.

Amber, when my wife and I first got into swinging, she wasn't entirely comfortable with me having sex with other women. We did do some soft swapping, and that went ok, but we didn't do much of it. She just wasn't ready for it really. You're having an emotional reaction to a situation that logic says is selfish. Emotion <> logic. They don't speak the same language and they don't understand each other at all. Neither is right, neither is wrong. What is right is what works _for you_. I'll differ (with respect) to some who posted above; I don't ascribe it to being selfish. After a couple of years, my wife began feeling more comfortable with the concept of me playing with other women. We ventured down that path, and we've done that, but stayed mostly with MFM or her playing solo. She's had two long term boyfriends that turned out quite well for some years. I was happy to go along with how she felt, and keep our communication 100% open. She is now comfortable with me having sex with other women. She's not turned on by it, it doesn't do anything for her, but she's comfortable with it. I, on the other hand, get very turned on by her having sex with other men whether I am there or not. I prefer being there, but it's also hot for her to come home and tell me about her evening while we have sex. Getting here took time and patience. There are some here who feel an asymmetrical setup doesn't work, and is a recipe for disaster. I don't disagree with them for some couples. But, for us being asymmetrical worked out very well. We've been swingers now for 14 years. Our relationship is stronger than ever.

So you're into cuckolding in all but name. If you're both into it, that's absolutely fine. He may enjoy seeing you with another man more than he would enjoy another woman for himself. So there's no real fairness problem to address. Some folks are just wired that way.

You said it yourself twice and PeterJ confirmed it for you - For now at least, you play and your husband doesn't, since you are both good with that. Just make sure that the circumstances are what your husband enjoys: he's there (or not), he watches (or not), he participates (or not), you don't do any acts he feels are off limits, and you give him everything he wants afterwards. And don't be surprised if you change your mindset at some later time.

"Other Sports Beckon" (Amber, you’ve said you "want this to work out for us". My opinion is that if you are unable to get comfortable with your husband having sex with other women, it doesn’t seem most varieties of swinging is not going to work out for you. Hotwifing is a possibility, assuming your husband is gratified by limiting your activities to only you having sex with others.)

If you are not attracted to other women don’t do anything with them! It is that simple. I am not attracted to other guys and wouldn’t do anything with them to appease anyone. As for you not wanting him to be with other women that is fine as long as he is okay with it. Is it fair? I don’t think it is, but I am not him so that doesn’t matter. As for why you don’t want him to be with another woman no one can answer that for you. I would think it is an insecurity on your part, but I am not a therapist so there is that. Am I to understand that you are okay with him being with other guys, but not women? That has never made any sense to me. If a person is going to cheat or leave you for someone else and they are bi there is just as much of a chance of that happening with another guy as woman.

It seems to me that even among the general, vanilla population female bisexuality isn't viewed negatively. Everyone is a stranger a some point, sex is a nice way of introducing oneself. When my wife and I were first intimate, we quickly and excitedly spoke about our sexual past. I told Daniela that I didn't need to have her recite everything, it wasn't a test. I just wanted to hear her tell me about the good times she had, the fond and exciting memories. My story was fairly short and boring, I had been monogamously married for twenty years. Daniela had much more to tell.