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Good communication is not something we had, I got caught. Communication consisted of fighting and arguments that was leading to almost separation and worse. Her revenge was joining an affairs site meeting married men for sex and extra relationships. Marriage therapy and individual therapy helped us get through some horrible times. Time and understanding let us work through those times where we agreed to be honest with our meetings. My affairs were more a fact of travel and situation, hers were seek out and move on.

I came across this story yesterday: https://www.yahoo.com/news/ga-elementary-school-principal-pe-183901987.html Fortunately, no kids involved, but what I found interesting was: "Simmons [the woman] claims Charles’ wife set up their sexual encounters and would watch as the pair had sex. She denied having sexual relations at the school. The attendance clerk in the front office confirmed to investigators that she had seen a text message from Charles’ wife asking Simmons if she wanted to have sex with her husband. Charles’ wife also spoke with investigators and claimed Simmons manipulated her into allowing her to have sex with her husband in exchange for helping them with their careers. She also stated that she would watch and record sexual encounters between Simmons and Charles." Clearly this wasn't conducted appropriately, but I feel some affirmation that I'm not the only wife who wanted her husband to have sex with another woman, took the initiative, and wanted to watch. I wonder if there was any play between the wife and Simmons? None of our interactions, whether it lead to sex or was just a few dates between David and me and her, resulted in bad feelings. Actually, we are still on good terms with those we are still in touch with, including their husbands, who know about our past relationships.

Kisspeptin is a peptide that appears to be effective in the treatment of hypoactive sexual desire disorder in both men and women. Here are links to both peer-reviewed studies published in the last several months. Men https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2800937 and concludes "Taken together, our data suggest that pharmacological use of kisspeptin-based therapeutics may offer the first safe and much-needed clinical strategy for men with HSDD and low sexual desire more broadly." Women https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2797718 and concludes "In summary, these data suggest that kisspeptin administration deactivates regions that are hyperactivated in women with HSDD, as well as activating additional key sexual brain regions, thereby enhancing sexual brain processing. Furthermore, kisspeptin enhances limbic brain activity that correlates with reduced sexual aversion and alters the processing of male facial attractiveness. Collectively, these findings provide key behavioral and functional relevance for kisspeptin’s enhancement of brain activity on viewing erotic stimuli and male faces and, importantly, lays the foundations for clinical applications for kisspeptin in patients with psychosexual disorders." So far, no adverse effects have been identified. Read the papers. Our take is that this might be a first-in-class effective libido enhancer. If it proves out in clinical trials, it will be a blockbuster drug--and will likely change the way we approach sexual function and dysfunction for a long time. The potential impact on the lifestyle community seems pretty high.

Davidia, The question was has it done damage to your relationship. The answers have been directed to that question. Your point that it can, is worth mentioning, and the referral you gave is to the point. I do think any of us who have had no damage, would also argue the point that maturity, proper preparation and proper mindset are the reasons that is so. The cautions are given here over and over, that while good for some the LS still does bear the onus of real danger to those who enter for the wrong reasons or lack a sound relationship in the first place.

I am guilty of liaisons with several business associates. Traveling for a good portion of my life I have many lonely nights in strange hotel beds. Pen in an inkwell or as my father said dipstick in an engine, or shitting where you eat, I shied away from anything more than a business dinner or after work drink when one client became a little forward with our dinner banter that led to a first time stray. That first time has led to us planning my trips based on her availability. I am aware this is not swinging, it was outright cheating that led to other travel liaisons, some with other associates, some with women who I met along the way. Inevitably my wife caught on that led to home problems, marital counseling and ultimately an open marriage. For quite sometime she had her affairs and I had mine until we decided to include me in her play with others.

Many of the most enjoyable things we can do entail some degree of risk. But these folks were playing with fire in a number of ways, but primarily two: Playing with work colleagues, and particularly where one is the supervisor of the other. Second, there appears to be good evidence that despite the principal’s denial, she and her employee/partner at least once did have sex on school property. All I can say is that passion tends to make us think and act like idiots. (My observation is that longtime lifestyle veterans are better at not engaging in socially risky sex.) Yes, in retrospect it was stupid beyond belief for the principal to bring in others in the organization to check out whether her FWB had bugged her office. From outside the situation you have to ask yourself how she could have thought this action could possibly have ended up any way other than in disaster. But in my own work life this happened to a colleague about 20 years ago, a bit after I’d left the company to take another position. Ours was the U.S. branch of a premium global transportation products company. There were about 1,300 employees in the headquarters office, so it had a rigid organizational structure, where there wasn’t a lot of flexibility. My colleague, who had been well-known for her extramarital activities prior to her divorce, had engaged in a sexual relationship with the woman who was her secretary. My colleague was pretty cute, so it’s not like she’d be hard-pressed to find sexual partners, Hooking up with the woman who worked most closely under her was quite stupid. Even more stupid was leaving a folder on the desktop of her company computer containing explicit photos of her sexually engaged with her secretary, where an IT guy servicing that company computer could easily find it. He attempted to extort sexual favors from her. Now, she was fucked, but not in a good way. She turned the IT guy in to HR. He got fired. But then she was forced to resign as well. I don’t know what became of her secretary, but that woman’s life around the office couldn’t have been good after that. (For sure she had the whip hand though. Based on other things I saw happen at the company during my tenure, if she would agree to leave quietly I’m sure the company would have been willing to cut her a check for several hundred thousand dollars to sign a release and an NDA, plus great recommendations.) At least no one in the debacle at my former company wound up in a salacious report on the local TV news broadcast. My former colleague landed on her feet, getting a better job in a different business than the one she lost. We are Facebook friends and more than 20 years later she appears to be flourishing. I doubt it will go so smoothly for the folks from Petra;s post. None of them are likely to be able to move across the country and find employment in a major entertainment talent management company.

One of the major reasons we are careful about play near home is because Mrs. E works in a field where she gets a ton of exposure to 19-year-old males. She already gets slipped a couple of raunchy notes a year, all hell would break loose if there were rumors that a spitroast was on the table. It just ain't wise. There was also the one time a colleague got very aggressive at the supermarket. We couldn't be sure but there was an implication that he had reason to think she was open to it, which prompted us to stop posting fun pictures on certain sites for a while.

This is really an issue of boundaries. In an earlier time, there was an aphorism about not "Dipping one's pen in company ink", meaning that workplace liaisons were fraught and should be avoided. This from a time that pens actually required inkwells for writing... As earlier commenters have noted, putting adults in close proximity has a non-zero probability of sexual attraction. It doesn't happen everywhere all of the time, but it will inevitably happen somewhere some of the time. At least these liaisons did not involve students. Consenting adults can do what they want...but...not wherever they want. It ought to be clear to everyone that workplace behaviors are visible and scrutinized. The particulars here--exposure of the liaison followed an accusation of workplace 'spying'--should be sufficient to reinforce the wisdom of the aphorism mentioned above.