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The question of what act is the most intimate took me to thinking about our recent vacation with friends who are all in the lifestyle. Our vacation was at a very popular resort that was neither lifestyle nor nudity centered, just a resort that people go to relax. Other than the group we were with we kept our secret arrangements to ourselves. I was totally intimate with each of the men and one of the women, spending a night alone with each, including a night alone with my own husband. On each of those nights I had intimate relationship, loving and affectionate and completely different. The sexual acts were similar with each man yet no two nights were the same. The intimacy you have is dependent on the partner you are with, each partner finding their own way of sharing. My intimacy with a partner cannot be duplicated by others as the interaction and feelings between partners vary. The way you touch, hug, kiss or have sex is intimate to the person you are with. To that point the intimacy I had with the woman I spent a night with is no less from the intimacy I had with the men yet obviously the sex was different. I can’t answer for the others, for me the least intimate nights were the ones where I was with two others, both a man and woman or two men. Those nights were very sexual, I just would never label them intimate. Now for what I am thinking is my strangest takeaway the most intimate night was the least sexual one, it was with the person I have the most sexual and intimate person in my life, my husband. I will repeat, Intimacy is not an act, it’s a closeness between people sharing affection and feelings. It’s a connection mentally as well as physically. I have learned over the years to allow myself the intimacy I enjoy with others without demanding my partner to have the equal commitment. My husband understands my intimate feelings for others, without him feeling jealousy. What I love is appreciation of my happiness and enjoyment I get from the connections I can make with what I call lovers.

This reinforced a feeling I experienced where I spent a full night with someone with Rocky’s knowledge. Sex is one thing, bonding with a sex partner is much deeper.

This post has me thinking if I have ever been intimate with anyone but Alan. Your points make sense to me that sexual acts are not intimate acts. Your vacation with friends are a novel idea and interesting possibility that I need to discuss. I wonder how we would feel spending total nights with a different partner every night. Part of vacations is the change of scenery intimacy Alan and I get, a recharging as we call it. We don’t normally have sex without the other present or involved. Your trip is interesting, I just don’t know if our little group would agree.

Spot on. Sex is an act, mostly physical…..but much more enjoyable when there is some level of connection beyond the strict physical act. Many in the LS will develop very close friendships, even some closer relationships and with each there is a level of intimacy that would be particular and defined by each individual. As such it would not and should not affect or diminish any level of intimacy with anyone else.

My husband gets tons of sex, I generally fuck him pretty good while catching him up on all my latest naughty sexual proclivities. Hearing about my slutty adventures gets him hard as a rock, and I'd hate to waste that. We haven't divorced so I can't answer that part.

Ultimately in your case it will have to come down to what YOU can discern from scripture., not what someone else has discerned. For your own peace of mind please do what research seems proper. A good concordance and linguistic guide will help. One of the problems is that all we have is a translation and more often than not a translation of a translation. Translators, even the good ones are limited by the words available in their own tongue and their Knowledge of the language that they are translating. They are also affected by their own cultural biases, even when they try not to be. A simple not sex related example of a pretty basic text would be one we are all familiar with. " Thou shalt not kill." Simple yes?? Not so much. I have seen people use it as biblical justification for being a vegetarian. Problem with that is that one must still kill the plants involved. A translation closer to the original would be "Thou shalt commit no murder." That one got messed up with the best of intentions. The translator understood what he wanted to say. It just is not clear in the translation. The translator only had to go to a copy of the Jewish Scripture , which has been faithfully preserved word for word for thousands of years inside of essentially one tradition and culture. It is also a pretty much accepted meaning. Switching to your question things have been meddled with for thousands of year and hundreds of cultures to reach us. If you concern is to discern the will of God on this topic, as viewed from the Christian Scriptures, a thorough scholastic deep dive is required. If you are just interested is my and others opinions, then you get what you pay for. We have decided that there is not a problem with the acts themselves. There may be problems with the mindset and reasons that we and others have for doing them. Basically any reason that devalues our marriage or other people is wrong. That opinion though, in terms of your concern, is worth what it cost.

If you need to question you belief system regardless of what it is then maybe you have the wrong belief system for you.

We are vaxxed as part of vaccination protocol. Also Covid and Flu vaxxed. Maybe stupid vax should be developed because we always go bareback. Anyone say Cum Bucket.

Can’t really be helpful due to us being agnostic, but I do believe in following through with the things I do believe in! Although I was not brought up with religion I was brought up with values and knowledge of how to treat people how I want to be treated in all aspects of life. Don’t do to others what you would not want done to you. I do not want others to steal from me so I do not steal from others. I do not want the person I dedicated my life to cheating on me emotionally or physically so I do not cheat on them. I treat everyone I meet in life regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation or social standing with the same respect that I want to be treated with in return. I guess what my point is that I have a way and belief system that I live my life by and if I find an excuse to go against that I am really just living a lie! That doesn’t work for me so I don’t. That is not to say that I know anything about what the bible says is right or wrong, because I don’t. I do know however way to many people that do claim to have a religion and most defiantly do not practice what they preach in regards to many things.

Regarding swinging, that sums it up nicely.

Nicely put @Shore2Please. If intimacy was the same with everyone then swinging wouldn't exist, In the words of Carl Jung: "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."

In my Catholic schooling we were taught that our conscience is a God-installed guide to what is right and wrong. But beware, if you ignore it, it can be worn down and no longer work. When I started having sex with the man who would become my husband while maintaining my relationship with my ex-fiancé (they both knew), it immediately felt absolutely right. Like, shared by two men was what I was supposed to be. What ultimately felt wrong was my jealousy of wanting them to be monogamous with me. It was hard, but when I got over my jealousy, life was better. For them certainly, but also for me. In retrospect, my sin wasn't the premarital sex and adultery, it was the jealousy and not opening.

Last time I attended Sunday Service with a friend, I looked around and saw people who couldn't even refrain from destroying their health by eating way too much.

I have read these posts and I want to throw my towel in the ring. I go to a Baptist church but don't consider myself overly religious. I am not going to criticize what anyone here has posted, just tell you what our pastor told the congregation 2 weeks ago in his message. Our pastor said marriage is one man and one woman and unmarried people are to refrain from any forms of sex till marriage! Now, all I could do is look around our congregation and wondered how many followed what he preached. It sounds good, but I truly doubt that many people do that. Like I said, preacher said this, but I can't believe that people have the willpower to follow thru. My opinion, people can find anything in the bible to back their agenda.

Ancient thread here, but I really do love this topic. I've been involved in polyamory where people aimed to have equal love in relationships, but the woman shared between the 3 of us was married to one of the guys. I don't admire polyamory like I once did, after more than a decade of dating in a large poly community in a big city. I still think allowing my partner to have 1 on 1 sex is great though. I also think that if the guy is good at sex, and she see's him multiple times, it makes sense that some bonding would occur. Can romantic love be stopped from forming? I do think that it can be stifled by various rules. The best rules aren't just "no romantic love". Saying that without best practices in place is silly, but I see that all the time in the hotwifing and cuckolding world. New couples fly with no rules about how frequently to communicate with or hookup with a new guy. I think a little bit of feelings is probably natural, but people don't need to share in detail. They can appreciate their sex partner in a platonic love. To me, romance is about the TYPE of actions and behaviors, and not just about feelings (or ideas that run through people's minds). There's not too many places online to be able to discuss this without people that feel very strongly about polyamory, or sport fucking, steam rolling the conversation, or giving super short blunt answers.

Newtothis; WELCOME! While I can't claim to be evangelical per se, my wife and I are most emphatically Christian. Of course, God calls us to evangelize regardless of how we label ourselves, and we do. For the record; we attend both an Anglican church and a Baptist church. Getting into swinging and reconciling that with a Christian life was something that was challenging for us. We didn't want to approach it as the sort of thing where we tried to ram it through, and twist and contort the Gospel to meet our idea of what we needed it to be to support swinging. We wanted to approach it with truth, honesty, and openness. We concur with jamesok; adultery is cheating. It's an interesting word. Work through that in the context of the Bible. Read the Gospel about this. What we found in our own understanding was that adultery is the act of one spouse bespoiling themselves by having relations outside of marriage without consent of the spouse. The penalties for this are the same for either the husband or the wife; death (Leviticus 20:10). Jesus removed that as a punishment, though the penalty remained. So it would seem to be a grave sin. But is swinging adultery? Is it cheating? Is it bespoiling? That's for you to reconcile within yourself. For us, it came to this simple truth; there is no victim. If there is no victim, where is the harm? If there is no harm, where is the sin? My wife and I choose to have sex with other people. They come away from it happier. We come away from it happier. Our lives have been more fulfilled by having an open marriage. We are closer, more loving, better communicating, and more trusting. Nothing has come from swinging that in any way has been a negative. We were ready to swing because we had a great marriage to begin with, and because of being able to find answers mostly on this forum. For those who are not ready, it can cause damage and that would result in a victim; themselves. But, dating someone monogamously can cause harm to ourselves. Obviously we are not cheating because we both consent to it. But are we bespoiling the marriage? If it generates such happiness and positive impacts, how can that be the case? Are we bespoiling our bodies? When a man cums inside my wife, is he tainting her by leaving behind his semen? Define 'taint'. My wife can not get pregnant, so no child is being created within her that is not mine. She enjoys the act, as do I. So, how is it bespoiling her? Likewise for me. This is your journey. Don't force yourself to reconcile the concept of swinging with the Bible. Answer the questions, yes. Contort the Bible and yourself to fit this paradigm? No. Prayer, communication, and reflection will guide you.

I've been asking this a lot lately, he started swapping with very good friends three years ago and it has been fantastic due to a strong connection developed over ten years and we are extremely compatible sexually with each others spouses. I like it rough and Adam likes it rough, Julie likes it slow and passionate and my husband likes it slow and passionate. Then to top it off Julie and I have developed a pretty strong Sapphic game with each other. So we've always had fun, they were selling their house at the beginning of March and their new house couldn't close till mid April so we told them to take our guest room instead of getting an apartment for two months. They moved in but then the quarantine hit and PA shutdown real estate as a non essential business, by the time it could close the owners had lost their jobs and couldn't get their own mortgage thru so they backed out. So now they need to find a new place, but we've been swapping regularly cause we all know we are safe living in the same house. And its gotten much deeper emotionally. I think we probably qualify as Poly now but we haven't defined it.

So I've always had the higher libido, even in my twenties but I was an exotic dancer so I was surrounded by sex 8 to 10 hours a day, and the mind wants what you feed it. My big change when I hit my 30s was more in what I wanted to do sexually started to evolve. In my twenties I was all about Male/Female vaginal sex, I sucked cock but not a lot, and I did zero anal. In my thirties I realized I loved sucking dick, and in the right circumstances I love anal. I also got less uptight about societal norms and started being open about my bisexuality and openly put women on my dance card.

The attorney that wrote the wills, etc. for our family told us flat out that one does not usually want to divide things equally among your children. One may already be out of college and working, another not having even started. One may have special needs. It makes lots of sense among the adults in our family as well, Clair is our stay-at-home mom so we each give her 20% of our total earnings. One of us may need some extra loving, time off, or attention from time-to-time, so we provide that as well. Equitable instead of equal.

I Make love when we meet I Love what he does when we are together I Love what we do together I Love the anticipation of meeting I Love pleasing and being pleased I Love the snuggling, kissing and playing. BUT I ONLY LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!!

The common wisdom is that men want sex a lot more than women. The reality is that women have both a greater capacity for sex and (especially as we collectively entered our thirties) a greater desire for sex. I found the more I get, the more I want. Opening up to my Lesbian side made that even more true.

I don't think a woman (or "wife") will "bond with her bull and leave her husband"! It is like saying a woman will bond with her dildo (the "bull") and leave her husband. A woman bonds with a nice, caring, and loving person (can be a man) and might leave her husband for that. We have to distinguish a cuckold arrangement where there is a bull whose purpose is to dominate the "wife" and humiliate the husband, and an open relationship, where a wife or woman voluntarily meets a man (not a "bull" and with honest communication with husband), in which case, it is possible to bond with him and leave her husband. I think Couplers' experience is more of an open relationship among the parties involved that led to her poly family. Imho.

I agree, so long as the couple goes into it with both agreeing that it is what they want to do and one isn't dragging a reluctant partner into it. In our poly family there is plenty of opportunity for conflict that has nothing to do with sex. (Actually, the sex is a thing that helps smooth out the disagreements, and not that the two fighting suddenly become lovey dovey and make love. It's that we have others to turn to that give us solace, love, a dose of reason, and an orgasm to better the mood. Then all is forgotten.) We are fortunate that we all have the right temperament to deal with it and love one another enough to compromise, and therefore, have thrived as a family and individually. When it all started and it was just my husband, my boyfriend and me, I was concerned that there would be times when I wouldn't give hubby enough intimate attention, so I was always sensitive to whenever he wanted to pull my pants down. Now it's the opposite: with three women and two men in the family, the guys can't keep up so we women share a boyfriend. We are all sensitive to the others sexual needs.

My wife sees other men perhaps three to six times a month. Plenty of time for the two of us. The things that cause divorce when the woman are a hotwife is the exact same things that cause a divorce when the woman is monogamous and chaste: One (or both) of the partners is dishonest or behaves maliciously. Poor communications. Substance abuse. Domestic violence. etc. If the couple has good communications and are honest and kind to each other, divorce usually doesn't happen. It makes no difference if the couple is monogamous or not.

"No prejudice against anyone's preferences" Are you kidding?? You should "pre judge" those who engage in reckless activities such as employing hookers, bi/gay anal, strangulation, scat, IV drug users. That's how you keep your wife and you safe and healthy. I've heard time after time that "in the lifestyle, we shouldn't judge". I think that's a bunch of crap! We wouldn't engage in a random, unprotected gang bang and we wouldn't play with someone who did. Are we judging the receptacle? You bet. We wouldn't engage in sex with a guy who wanted to butt fuck both of us. Are we judging him?? You bet! All human decisions are based on judgements of some kind. Why shouldn't we judge the people being considered for the most intimate activities and decisions we make?

After seeing a couple that I know to have HIV come to a party and almost seduce some of the couples there, I will never go without a condom. Even if me and the couple have played before. No no no. If you're not going to cover it up, then yes I will avoid you like the plague.