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One of the keys to the success of our poly family is that the women run everything, but the men think that they do.

We don’t search for Unicorns because we have found more than a few young ladies who have joined us for fun. We don’t label them as Unicorns, we call them friends.

I am a single Black female who would very much like to meet and become involved with a White male who would be interested in me as a sexy, warm and exciting female, but instead I seem to only get replies from men who are interested in their first and possibly only "Black" encounter. I am very open to swinging and love sex, but I am lost as to where to find my soul match.

Have you ever raised a garden? One thing I keep hearing is "Well sown is half Grown." Getting results takes time and preparation. Your question reads like you want to go directly to the harvest. I believe that most of us who have been here for a bit have taken the time to properly put things in the ground. Let her know that you desire this. Wait for awhile. If the occasion arises you can allude to it without pushing. If she expresses any interest you can reassure her that you are serious about it , with no repercussions for her. Maybe you can offer that you would be willing to explore this with her, or be open to her researching it. Patience, Patience, Patience.

For me when it's just MF between two of us, we typically start with him doing oral on me (sometimes to orgasm), me doing oral on him (hardly ever to orgasm), p-in-v to mutual orgasm, then he does oral on me for a second O. The combination is the intimacy.

Yes. Perhaps, but I think she finds my situation with hubby fascinating, but can't conceive of opening up their marriage. I initiated us getting naked in front of each other, we felt one another up, she grabbed my ass, but didn't go for my pussy when I spread my legs and moved her hand in that direction. I definitely would have done it with her, I don't consider girl-girl play cheating. What kind of girl do you think I am? Joe wouldn't have me, I'd have him. 🙂 You're right, me fucking Joe seems out of the question with Shannon.

This site isn't really a hookup site, more of a discussion site. For hooking up, I'd try one of the swingers personals sites like SLS, SDC, or Swingtowns. You can set up a free profile to try them out, but once you find the one you like the best, people will take you more seriously if you spring for a paid account. Was that your main question, the best way to find a third for a threesome after you and her have already agreed to it? Just asking because it kind of reads like you are expecting the other guy to help do the convincing? If that's the case, I can about promise you that isn't going to go too well. Would you be convinced of anything if a virtual stranger is involved in doing the convincing? Probably going to have the opposite effect. Just some food for thought...

No,, we were contacted by too many men who wanted my wife. The thing was we found a Unicorn in our everyday life who was happy to fulfill a very curious wife. Goes to prove there are Unicorns if you aren’t looking.

I've heard couples on swinger podcasts that met as each being singles in the lifestyle, but it is very rare, yes. I did meet a married couple that found each other on adultfriendfinder, each of them looking for casual sex and being open to group sex.

I just recently posted about my offers, separately to both the husband and wife of a married couple, to be the unicorn for them which ever way they wanted. Apparently they were too inhibited to discuss it with each other, so it went nowhere.

We are vaxxed as part of vaccination protocol. Also Covid and Flu vaxxed. Maybe stupid vax should be developed because we always go bareback. Anyone say Cum Bucket.

Good point, I agree. Both my now wife and I were having sex with another (me) or others (my now wife) but not in a swinging situation where we saw each other doing it. I would have been interesting if we had, and I don't think it would have changed our trajectory. but such situations seem to be rare. Swinging is a couples game I believe.

You can get the HPV vaxxes up to age 45. Insurance will pay up to that age. We know people in their fifties who got them “ off label” and paid for them out of pocket.

Around the same time as our teenager 😄 We were about 40

You guys are playing smart and safe. Kudos!

Meeting primarily those who were reaching out for the first time we with some caution met without using any precautions. There are a few that did request or ask if they could use condoms, I couldn’t say yes to oral with condoms because I would gag. Condom use was the exception not the norm.

Yes we are both HPV vaxxed. and honestly all of our at-home play these days is mfm so there isn't the need to check the ladies. All our couples-swap activity is restricted to the very few times a year we attend a club or event and we do use condoms for such occasions.

Back in our days of swing clubs condoms were the rule - as they still are should we attend any event where random hookups are possible. But these days we mostly play at home with select partners, and we mostly play bareback. We require (and provide) a recent STD panel up front for potential playmates and this has served us well.

Since my post four years ago in this thread, three women we know well from swinging underwent hysterectomies due to persistent HPV infections. Despite all the hubbub against vaccines, I think getting the HPV vaccine series seems like a no brainer for swingers/ polyamorous people.

Loose and sloppy seconds excessive lube have challenged me and given the most intense orgasms. God, I love that slut, another man's wife.

We started in our late 40's more than 15 years ago so do the math. What we've found is that the dynamics have changed a bit but in some ways, we're having more fun now than when we started. For example, sex seems to be a bit slower but is also longer lasting somehow more intimate. This goes for us and with our FWBs. Parts don't respond or recover as quickly as 20 years ago but that leads to more oral, and some other loving forms of foreplay and who doesn't like that? Clubs are less a smorgasbord of possibilities than they were when we started. We're on the upper end of the age curve for Trapeze or other places we frequented nearly every weekend in our 40's plus, the noise level and the "music" are generally appalling. House parties are way more fun than they used to be. Of course, most couples at the parties are our age + or - five years. We start earlier, don't drink as much, share several partners and always go home with a smile. Understand, 55-65 doesn't look like 25-35 but swinger couples in our age bracket remain surprisingly attractive and playful. We have one rule, knowing that we'll be playing with grandparents, we're ok with that so long as they don't look like OUR grandparents. Another thing we've found that is quite interesting is the surprising number of couples in their mid-50's who want to try swinging for the 1st time. Most know exactly what they want to experience and are generally not burdened with the angst and petty jealousies of much younger new couples. What an amazing experience it is to (in my case) be the first new man in 40 years to slowly strip and fondle and make love to a woman or in Mrs Docs experience to be the first new woman in 40 years to blow a man and to have him sink deeply into her. For both couples, those experiences are priceless. Conclusion: Swinging like life in general, evolves as we age. Some things must change but if you accept and accommodate the changes sex and swinging is a blast well into advanced middle age. Mike Schmidt said when he retired from baseball that "the game tells you when it's time to go". I think its the same with swinging. We'll know when it's time to stop. Or perhaps we won't but we will notice when other couples want us to keep our clothing on.

Vasectomy for me, menopause for her. Birth control isn't the issue. STDs are the issue. So it's condoms until/unless we know a couple exceptionally well and they become "regulars."