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Our first MFM was our first Lifestyle experience. We were only dating and still in our 20s. We started going to nude beaches together, and we visited one while on vacation on Sanibel Island, Florida (that nude beach was not an officially designated nude beach and apparently no longer exists). We set up not far from a single male with a mop of shaggy blond hair, six-pack abs and bulgy shoulders and biceps. After a short while we engaged him in conversation. He was local and we were tourists so mostly we picked his brain about local spots to eat and drink etc. Soon after that we stood up to go down to the water and I invited him to come with us. The three of us stood together in the waist-deep surf talking. I sensed my wife (then girlfriend) was attracted to him and I started to formulate an idea that this could possibly lead to our first-ever threesome. Although we were nudists we had never even discussed swinging or threesomes before, I made the bold move to ask him to join us for drinks after the beach. I braced myself for a shocked reaction from my wife but didn't get one. She was actually keen on the idea. Drinks turned to dinner and again I sensed it was time for another bold move. Without any pregame discussion whatsoever I asked if everyone was interested in coming back to our hotel room. He agreed but my wife was stonefaced and silent. As we got up to leave she pulled me aside, put her face right up to mine and asked "Are we really doing this"? My reply was "We don't have to do anything we're not comfortable with". With that the three of us went to our hotel room together. Gory details aside, the night was a success. We enjoyed a long, hot passionate threesome and in the morning I checked in with my wife and she was in great spirits. No weird feelings of regret or jealousy - just a shared feeling of bliss and togetherness. After we returned from vacation we made the decision to visit a swing club together and the rest is history 😀

Seems to me a lot of work for nothing, unless you like the hunt and proselytizing for the lifestyle.

Let her know that she is in control and can make the decisions for both of you in all respects - who, where, when, how often, whether you're there or not, whether and how you participate. Make her comfortable with what it is she decides. Tell her that you will support her whatever she decides, don't criticize, and tell her that you are grateful to be the one taken along on her adventures. Worked for me.

If you can not talk about it with each other in a normal conversation then maybe it is best left as a fantasy! Without good communication the lifestyle just doesn’t work.

People’s fantasy lives can be, and very often are, very different from what they want in their "real" sexual lives. That’s why the advice from members of this board is pretty consistently to have this conversation at the breakfast table over coffee rather than in bed while in a sexual setting. In my own erotic life one particular example of this stands out. A decades-long FWB entertained wild fantasies during sex, some of which she refused to even share with me. But she encouraged me to suggest non-conventional sexual scenarios to her while we were having sex. One I suggested was to have a close male friend of mine join us for an MFM that would include DP and her being spit-roasted. This was something I would have been more than happy to have done, so later, in a non-sexual setting, I brought it up. She was absolutely firm that she did not want to do this. But during subsequent sex sessions she enjoyed playing with that fantasy. (As an addendum, when she was in med school she had a MFF fuck-lick session with a married couple who were close friends of hers. In retrospect she was neutral about the experience, not at all sorry she’d done it, but not eager for a repeat.)

Why is it that the number of different sexual partners is important rather than sexual activity overall? Why is a woman who has infrequent vanilla sex with ten different men over a ten year period considered more experienced, slutty or whatever compared to a woman who marries a guy and over the same ten years has sex with her husband twice a day every day and does every act imaginable?

For us the smells and tastes of sex are powerful, primal and intoxicating!

1. Everything is different with a different partner, some things subtly, others wildly different. 2. My wife and I talk about everything. That's how we got started in swinging, talking about what we liked about our past partners - I had few, she had many. I realized how much she liked the variety, so I let her play,

I just recently posted about my offers, separately to both the husband and wife of a married couple, to be the unicorn for them which ever way they wanted. Apparently they were too inhibited to discuss it with each other, so it went nowhere.

We don’t search for Unicorns because we have found more than a few young ladies who have joined us for fun. We don’t label them as Unicorns, we call them friends.

It was clear to me that Shannon has drawn a hard line between sexual freedom/exploration and marriage. My distinct impression was that she wanted to play with me but was unsure, but definitely didn't want her husband to have fun with me. She said that she wished that Joe was more experienced and had more experiences, but now that he is locked down in marriage that isn't going to happen. It is her view of life and marriage; what is perfectly ok before isn't afterwards. My understanding from what she told me was that she viewed her wild past as ok, but not to be talked about, even with Joe. And she viewed the boys/men she had her fun with as unsuitable for a long term/marriage relationship. Those guys were unworthy sluts. Contradictory and I don't agree with it, but I can sort of see it as the parallel to how men think of those type of women. I made it very clear that I was open to anything that she wanted for her, Joe, or them together (even just us doing the Lezzie thing together in front of Joe) but it was turned down. I didn't think of it until afterwards, but I was willing to be that elusive unicorn, but was left unwanted.

Shannon did show up with Joe. This is a summary of the sexual highlights of the time we spent together since that’s the interest of those on the Swingersboard. There’s plenty of other topics we talked about, but those are more suited for travel, skiing, sailing, culinary, entertainment discussion boards, so I am leaving all of that out as well as the conference topics. Apologies in advance because I wrote this on the plane home, and decided to post it now instead of editing over the weekend. Saturday The hotel is a resort destination in itself, having a fitness center, heated pools, hot tubs, sauna, tennis, golf. Shannon didn’t bring a bathing suit, so we went shopping together. She found one she liked, I had her hand it to me, and while she wandered around the store, I paid for it. She was surprised and grateful; I was making a seductive move. When we were later all in the hotel pool, Shannon said that she had to use the lady’s room and I went with her. As we approached the stalls to go in, I pulled down a shoulder strap on my one-piece bathing suit to expose a breast as I had done for her husband last time. She didn’t avert her eyes, just continued talking. It was a thrill for me. (The reason I usually wear a one-piece bathing suit is because my hip bones will often hold the bottom of a two-piece away from my abdomen and under certain circumstances someone can look down at my pubes. Same problem with most tops, my small tits make it easy to look down at my nipples.) Joe drinks a little, and Shannon drinks a little more. I don’t drink but have learned to sip a little and sometimes make it disappear in other ways. After a while Shannon and I went off alone and spoke of many things. As we talked more and as Shannon got slightly inebriated, more relaxed, I asked about Joe, how they met, how long they had been together. Shannon told me about themselves, which was consistent with what Joe had told me. The topic turned to sex more generally and she said that she was both lucky and unlucky to have married Joe – he is a great husband, good provider, and she looked forward to having children with him. But she missed her wild earlier days starting in high school and continuing up until Joe and a little thereafter. In all, she said that she had numerous boyfriends and encounters, thirty-some different guys. (This is about twice the number of guys that Joe said she told him.) She also said that she had a few threesomes - “both kinds.” She said that she had sometimes slept with a man “just to get him out of my system.” She also told me she did the “girl-girl” thing. Not that she seeks it out but if another girl wanted it or if a guy wanted to watch, it was fun. She laughed and said she had licked way more pussy than Joe. I said cunnilingus is a woman’s art. Shannon said that her best times were after she moved out of an apartment that she shared with her boyfriend at the time and into a house with some other girls. They had a group of friends some of whom would visit, have sex, spend the night. Shannon said she liked to pick and choose among the guys. Sunday After brunch, we got back to the hotel. Shannon went to my room where she had left her bathing suit, while Joe went to their room. Following my lead, she got naked. Shannon is attractive, fit, cute blonde with youth on her side, like 27. The only odd thing is her breasts, they are not large, but slender cylinders and hang down without touching. Her nipples at the end that are as wide as the rest of her breasts. It isn’t noticeable when she’s wearing some support. She saw me looking, said, “I got strange tits,” and asked if I would like “to touch.” I didn’t hesitate and said, “Yes.” I cupped her one nipple at the end with my right hand and put my left hand nearly around her other breast, gently lifting and squeezing. After a minute, she retreated. I then said, “I have a strange cunt.” Shannon said no, that it’s like a flower. I guess you could maybe find a flower like that. To reciprocate, I asked if she wanted to explore. She didn’t say anything, but sort of clinically played with my tits, my abs, and my protruding hip bones. She reached around and grabbed my ass. I tightened my glutes, and she kept feeling and squeezing. I opened my thigh gap more to unfold my labia and expose my clit, and moved her hand down a little, but she didn’t take me up on my silent offer. Sunday evening after the opening conference session, Shannon called me while I was in my room. She asked about a cream that we had talked about and me having a tube of it with me that she could have. She asked if it would be ok if she sent Joe down to get it. “OK, sure.” I had only a robe on when he knocked. I opened the door then opened the robe. He moved his hands over me, we kissed deeply with his one hand on my tits and one in my pussy. After those two minutes (the only time we were alone that weekend) I handed him the cream, told him to leave and fuck Shannon for me. I was left wondering whether Shannon was very trusting of me, naïve, or was playing an interesting game. Monday In the late afternoon, Shannon had a few drinks while I had rum and Coke with no rum. That’s why I always went to get the drinks. She said that Joe has been talking about me a lot, and she thinks that he’s infatuated with me. I apologized if I had done anything wrong, but Shannon said no, it’s ok, it’s livened things up for them and that she has talked about me to him “positively” (implying sexually) as well. She said that Joe hasn’t had nowhere near the same extent of sexual experiences that she has had (just a few long-term girlfriends), and she thinks it is a good way of dealing with it. Shannon gets around to asking about my husband and family. I tell her part of the truth about David and the two children, the ones I bore, and leave out the rest. After what Shannon told me about her past, it was easy for me to tell her what I had told Joe – that I have only had sex with five men in my life, one being my husband. I told her I am sort of like your husband in the numbers game, but added that my husbands and boyfriends had lots of experience before we met so I’ve done just about everything. In my case, I said two men were before I married David but two were after - with hubby’s encouragement and approval. She was astounded. I didn’t disclose anything further. Shannon gently inquired further about the arrangement that I had with hubby. I didn’t dance around the topic and used the word “fuck,” telling her truthfully that I fucked two other guys before I got married and fucked two other men since then, which she could talk to my husband about it if she wanted. I left out the part that I am in a poly relationship, still regularly fucking two of those men in addition to my husband, and having Lesbian sex with two women. Later when the three of us were together, Shannon left the pool to get us more drinks while Joe and I were left at the side watching her walk away. “Nice ass,” I said. His hands were on the ledge and one of mine was too, but the other hand I slid down the front of his bathing suit as I watched Shannon walk toward the bar. He was full, but not hard. I asked him if he might cum. He said, “Maybe,” so I let go and said to save it and started feeling his balls. Individually. I have a testicle fetish and his pleased me. Tuesday Time was running short, so I skipped sessions in the late morning and early afternoon to spend more time with Shannon. She opened up again during lunch after a few drinks. Once again I tried to be seductive and see what the possibilities are by flattering her and Joe. How attractive and wonderful he is, and how attractive she is and lucky to get him. She repeated that finding good marriage material is a tradeoff with other things. She wished that they had some of the experiences that she had with previous men who weren’t marriage material. She wished he was a more experienced and adventurous lover. I took the opportunity and offered to be a safe answer to her wishes. You and Joe can do anything you want with me. Or have me do whatever you want. I would consider it an honor. “Wow, oh wow,” she said. Shannon was flattered but somewhat upset with my offer. While she wished that Joe could be more like her, me, and my husband; in that they had had fun while they were single “But we are married now. I have moved past that.” Quelle horreur! It was interesting when calling my family back home. David asked if I was having fun. Clair taunted me for trying and “getting neither dick nor pussy.” Lora said I should have just done it last trip when I was alone with Joe and could have been at it with him again now. Red said he loves me. Wednesday Joe, Shannon, and I met at the breakfast buffet (with an omelet chef, high class!) before the start of the final, morning session. I was a bit nervous about what Shannon’s demeanor would be (having told her the previous evening that I would be a sexual toy for them and wanted to fuck her husband), but she was extremely nice to me, sat next to me and briefly held my hand. Our flights were around the same time, so I offered them a ride to the airport since they had taken an Uber in while I had a rental car. At the airport as we parted, Shannon kissed me on the cheek while whispering in my ear that she wished she had met me sooner.

The reason it took me a couple of years before I was comfortable with hubby playing was just that - I was afraid that he would like someone better and leave me, and even if he didn't it made me jealous. In reality it increased his appreciation of and love for me and built my confidence. And brought out my Lesbian side.

Actually, it was my wife that asked me that question. My response was, "well...." and I had to think about it and start counting on my fingers. I didn't ask her because it didn't matter to me. Still doesn't. S

One of the keys to the success of our poly family is that the women run everything, but the men think that they do.