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We have met many women who were straight and had bi curiousity My thought that there are lesbians who suppressed those feelings to blend into the accepted norm. Gay couples, male or female, are happily more accepted now with people loving others regardless of gender.

Interesting. In 25 years of swinging we have encountered a few gay male couples who swing but never a lesbian couple. But since a big part of swinging is about pushing boundaries and trying new things then why not? Q: did the lesbian couple play with the husbands at your AirBnB?

Trying to give thought to this, two people in love marry whether in the traditional heterosexual sense or in the very now excepted same sex way. A homosexual, male or female, finds an attraction to one sex for a loving relationship and does not preclude getting pleasure from the other sex. The difference between be bisexual and being homosexual and being able to have sex with the other sex is interesting. Unlike Ms. McCray it doesn’t sound that these women have “gone straight”, they are just enjoying a freedom to be sexual.

We just returned from a very interesting vacation with the first friends we met after moving to a new city. They asked us if we would be interested in joining them with three others in sharing an AirBnB in Florida. The house was near a beach, something we love, and had its own pool, a truly luxury house. They only knew one of the couples who knew the others we were sharing the home with. Big surprise, one of the couples at the house were two women who are married, a lesbian couple. At first I didn’t know why they were joining a group like ours or did they not know. I questioned one of the other men what their story was and I was assured they were married and knew exactly what the others were there for and it wasn’t only for the beach and sun. I always thought lesbians are turned off by men, possibly revolted by the thought of being with a man then I was enlightened. I didn’t realize most lesbians had sex with men at some time in their life and a percentage continue to enjoy men sexually. Of course women use phallic toys if not an actual man in sexual play. These two women fell in love and married just as heterosexuals do, and are not completely monogamous just like those of us posting.

My wife and I are both into her sleeping with other people. But she is not into swingers clubs. We love going to a bar or a concert but when I’m with her, the chances of someone approaching her are slim to none. She is very sexy and flirty but most people won’t go for a woman who is with her husband. Is there some signs we can use to show people we are willing to play?

Might I suggest celebrating Pi Day today by going ahead and going down on a female in your life...enjoy that pie

I do apologize If I seem ignorant or closed minded but I am fearful. I recently found out that the man I have been seeing for a year who told me up front that he was polyamorous but only looking to expand his “collective” to 1 or 2 partners outside of his wife now wants to explore swinging. I am afraid of the possibility of him giving me an STD or STI. I have never had one and do not ever want to get one. I am concerned because he and his wife want to do this and they didn’t talk to me about it or include me in possibly joining them so I could get more acclimated to the lifestyle and possibly find my place in it. I feel like this decision is not demonstrating the principles of polyamory where communication and openness are paramount. Does this “ethical”non-monogamy only extent to the primary couple? Should I not expect my feelings or comfort to be considered in the arrangement? Let me be clear the words love and girlfriend and consideration including me in a “family style”arrangement have been discussed. Our encounters were never just sexual there were emotions involved. Please help me understand.

One was very active with the men in the group, the other less. When the one was with me her wife watched and even kissed her as if giving her approval. I did not have sex with the quieter wife, I did see her play with the people she knew.

Unlike the Swinger Lifestyle polyamory and polygamist relationships are far more complicated. There are relationships, feelings, a deeper connection/friendship that can happen in the swinger LS when couples/single/solo participants become common and steady playmates. It can border a polyamorist lifestyle to some degree but the couple involved maintains a primary relationship but not necessarily exclusive relationships. Some poly relationships also include the swing lifestyle while remaining emotionally attached to primary partners. Most often polygamy does not include Swinging or partners outside their family environment. Developing a loving, connected, emotional relationship in monogamy is challenging enough. Sharing, growing together establishing a life together and goals the give and take in relationship for two compounds greatly when three….four….five or more are attempted. Certainly doable. Certainly can be very loving, supportive etc as with any monogamous relationship and like that relationship has to be equal across the three….four or more. In our experience we have both had relationships that developed with another but in the end did not become a forever relationship do to individual needs. With our additional developing female relationships one younger wanted children that I/we could not provide. Later an older relationship after two years, very close and loving…family health issues took her out of state for those family obligations. With the male relationship all was growing well and looking like a living arrangement in the near future……and circumstances beyond our control and his brought to a very sad and abrupt stop…..a sad loss. Communication and open sharing (not sexual) is a must and constant checking in with each other, sharing thoughts and concerns, needs, desires…..and the big issue, time. How to share time, time with, emotional and support time. And another big hurtle……..open. Being out as a thruple or quad etc. Because hiding it is the first step to distraction. we know personally several expanded living relationships that involve multiples. More that were called poly….but in reality only extended sex partner based that never really grew….or had a chance to. Number of “family members” the gender mix never really factored in. Nor did sexual interests/identity. What did work was the communication, emotional mix, commitment and willingness to give to each other what is needed at the moment. Again, not talking about sex. It is our belief that many “poly” relationships seem to all revolve around a third for sex. Not a committed poly relationship. As such someone is bound to be hurt, not get what they really need from a relationship…..devotion, emotional support and growth. A true three or more way relationship. And again not talking about sex. That is totally sepperate.

Relationships and sexual preferences are just as varied in the LGBQ community as the straight.

Every arrangement can vary, but it doesn't sound like you are in a 'poly' relationship to me. They are evolving as a couple - you can evolve with them or cut them loose.

Women in the lifestyle glow; shine like lights. I am always telling my wife that the LS has turned her into a human magnet; men and women can feel the confidence that she now exudes and the radiance that emanates from her. To state that it has been good for her is an understatement. FL hit on something seminal above in this thread, "vulnerability". It's the choice of showing our true selves to others and it takes confidence and strength to do so. It is our observation, that as the LS "strips" us of our inhibitions, it also replaces those inhibitions with strength, and willingness to embrace risk, and, hence, render us vulnerable, tipping the risk/reward balance heavily towards reward.

The women in our small group have so many laughs, albeit at the expense of our wonderful partners, when we are together talking. We have a new girlfriend who I thought was shy has been the most vocal and can be called raunchy as we are more open with each other. Before having this group of friends Alan and I would talk about our meetings but it so much different from the laughs we now have. It is funny how I am having fun exchanging experiences with the ladies now, it’s bringing back to my college days and the big laughs my roommate and I had comparing sexual trysts.

This is so true in our poly family. Together Clair, Lora, and I are much stronger.

Thanks! I remember her and the article she had written for The Atlantic or Harpers when de Blasio first became mayor. The only question I have is whether she had become straight or bi. My point is that a person can become bi from either from direction - starting out straight or homosexual. Lora and I started out straight, Clair as Lesbian.

There is remarkable truth here. "Feelings/concerns of being judged negatively" is, in short form, vulnerability. It's not just a matter of "getting comfortable with being vulnerable"--there is a transition to self-worthiness and positivity in many matters, sex being just one of them. Your observation mirrors ours: when we are among other LS couples, the women gravitate to each other not for protection (as seems often the case in vanilla settings) but rather find strength in themselves sharing their experiences with others. It's a different dynamic.

If it sounds like a duck…..

We may be misunderstanding this situation, but it appears to us, that you are driving this wagon, not her. Our suggestion, would be that you let her at least sit beside you upfront on the wagon. The situation you seemed to pine for is potentially a lit match in a fireworks factory; if everything, absolutely everything lines up as per expected, all good. All it would take would be one spark for this to blow up in your (and her) faces. This is not a great choice for a first activity; the combination of the lack of your experience coupled with your obvious lack of understanding of this pursuit has us questioning the wisdom of your plan. Take this in small bites my friend before you jump into the all you can eat buffet.

OK, I'll bite: How are you finding these men? Are they bringing STI test results? She's never done this before so she obviously doesn't have a network of vetted men. One strange man can quickly turn out to be erratic and dangerous, especially if they've used substances beforehand to get comfortable for something this intense. How are you planning to manage the behavior of 10-15 people of the sort of people who are likely to show up to have explicitly unprotected sex with a stranger? If she's a submissive to you as you're implying, her safety is your ethical responsibility here. How many are you overbooking to deal with flakes? My advice to you would be that if you're both serious, that you go to a club on a theme night oriented toward this type of play. You will find people who are at least somewhat familiar with each other and safe play in a staffed setting. Put aside the creampie thing for now.

I believe you. I'm not being mean here. It's just that there are outlets for fantasy fiction and niche kink discussion on this board. Most "curious" people aren't going to have much to say about getting rawdogged by 10-15 strangers in one sitting. In fact, most experienced swingers won't. This is an extreme scenario with health and safety risks involved, and may scare off serious newbies.

I think he means, "A gangbang with ten guys for a initial foray into the lifestyle? Hmmm. Good luck!"

My first MFM was many years ago, with a monogamish couple who were social friends. I’d been playing with the woman for about a year. She and I had casually discussed the possibility of a threesome that included her husband; it was something she said they’d discussed, though notionally rather than with specific intentionality — and for sure not specifically with me in mind. A few months later we were at a sporting event and their accommodation for the night fell through. I hadn’t checked into my hotel yet, but had reserved a room with twin queen beds. I told them they could stay with me. When we got to the room there was just a single king bed. Well, it was big enough to share, but I wasn’t expecting anything sexual would happen. It had been a hot and humid day and everyone needed a shower. I went first and came out of the bathroom in my light cotton bathrobe. She went next and emerged in a nightie that was briefer than I would have expected. (She and I had always undressed — not dressed — for bed and when we’d sufficiently exhausted ourselves and we slept together it was nude. 😂 ) Her husband was last to bathe. While he was in the shower she and I started kissing. The possibility there might be sex now occurred to me. I was literally trembling. I’d long fantasized about being in an MFM but the opportunity had never before presented itself. "Relax. Everything is going to be fine," she said to me. I recall that despite her assurance my heart was still beating like a triphammer. He was wearing pajamas, tops and bottoms. We got into bed, my sometime lover in the middle between us. Before I could turn out the light, she said to her husband "This isn’t how we sleep" and started pulling her nightie over her head. He started getting back out of his PJs and I was even more quickly literally disrobed. And then the sex commenced. She rolled to face her husband and started kissing him while I watched and fondled her pussy from behind. Then she turned toward me, pushed me onto my back, moved down between my thighs and started sucking my cock. Her ass was up in the air. Her husband got behind her and while I was mostly focused on enjoying the blowjob I was receiving I did notice was holding both sides of her waist, so I assumed he was now fucking her. (She later told me that first round he was doing her anally, something she and I had up till then never done.) After he came we switched places. While she sucked him back erect I fucked her pussy until I came. We turned out the lights and went to sleep for a while, but I awakened aroused in the middle of the night and climbed on her for another round. "He’s taking me again," she whispered to her husband in the darkness. While I fucked her he fondled my balls. (I thought it was her, reaching down over my ass. But the next day when I commented on that to her she laughed and said it was her husband who’d been playing with my balls in the darkness while I was fucking her.) When I was done he took another round with her and then we finally got a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. She and I continued our FWB relationship for almost a decade while their marriage had some ups and downs — our several mutual friends agreed he didn’t treat her very well — until the birth of their first child. I’ve always believed (and still do) that adding children to a troubled marriage was a recipe for disaster. But in this case he went through a remarkable transformation and became much kinder and more supportive in their marriage. I really enjoyed that first threesome and three-ways have remained at the top of my list of favored recreational sexual activities. I solicited it with them as a couple on two other occasions, but they were never up for it. And she was such an enjoyable partner that I wasn’t that disappointed.