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It was the same for me. For two years I had a boyfriend Red, and we played separately, then hubby David was sometimes around, then occasional MFMs. Both guys were fine sharing me and I worked hard to keep both happy. But I was too jealous for hubby to have fun with another woman. Until one day I changed. It wasn't baby steps, I snapped. A female friend complemented David to me privately in a sexual way and I made it happen. My jealousy was and still is intense, but I analogize it to a kid on a scary amusement park ride. (S)he gets off shaking and says, "Can we go again?" I'm jealous, scared, it hurts, but I crave it, I'm addicted. Like a hard, exhausting run, it makes me feel good after it happens. The biggest thing is that if you have good communications and your husband going all the way with another woman isn't feeling good for you, stop without any recriminations. Go back to what was working, you doing things that he doesn't. Things don't need to be symmetrical, it's a journey, an adventure.

Greetings @Littlephish69! Don't worry. The mixed emotions you're feeling are completely normal. Swinging is a bit of a mind-f***. To see the person you love engage in naughtiness with another can be like a 1000 volt shock to the brain, yet it's also pretty hot so if you control your emotions it's one of those feelings that "hurts so good"! Remember it's an adventure you're both going on together. You're going to the meet together and you're leaving together. Also, it's normal to discuss "rules" up front with your couple, so establish the dos and don'ts between yourselves ahead of time so you can establish them with your couple. Take baby steps if it makes you feel more comfortable. Communication is key. My wife and I have only one rule we always abide by: Nobody does anything they are uncomfortable with. Over time your comfort levels change. Swinging is about trying new things, pushing boundaries a little, having great sex and fun! Talk it over, take a few deep breaths and dive in together!

When Daniela and I started in the lifestyle, it was just her hotwifing. Not because she was jealous or anything, but because I thought my wife wanted the variety, the sexual freedom she used to have when she was single, and perhaps something she was missing with me. Plus, she gave me enough sex and sexual satisfaction that I didn't need anything else. The one way arrangement was perfectly fine with me (after a while she wanted and we had MFMs) but eventually she wanted me to play as well. The point is, if your spouse is willing to let you have whatever you're doing without reciprocity, go for it. Things will evolve, most likely to you actually wanting your husband to do more. Enjoy the moments as they come.

From a open discussion with LS friends on Friday night. Everyone at the table have been in the LS for eight or more years and have been quite active and have explored and experienced various activities and fantasies that interested them. The common thread was the women present ( several wives, girlfriends and three single ladies) had all experienced and enjoyed having at the least two men (MFM) to several at a time (or throughout the evening at a party). It didn’t take long into this conversation for it to turn into a ladies only animated conversation of their experiences and accomplishments with only their husbands/boyfriends asked to chime in verification/confirmation of the event, act or result of the experience. Hands down all of us males had enjoyed whatever happened in the shared stories. It was awesome to sit and listen to these women sharing their adventures, thoughts and results of their experiences and there was quite a bit of excited chatter and teasing…..lots of loud shouts and laughter. I was glad due to our number and time of the evening we were seated at the back corner of the dining area well away from the few dinners still present. I am sure there were a few servers who got an ear full. One noticeable revelation from observing all this was the common result of these experiences for the women. All revealed in one way or another the personality…..confidence…..level of comfort the all experienced as a result of their sexual sharing and experiences in the LS. Echoed by their spouses (those present). 1. Ability now to discuss openly anything with their SO. 2. Discuss, ask for what ever they had an interest in, desire, openly on any topic as well as sexually. 3. All openly discussed that sexually in their private lives prior to the lifestyle they rarely if ever initiated any activity with their SO only were reactive to initiation by their SO. And NEVER asked for or discussed their personal desires, needs or fantasies. (the single ladies present agreed they felt the same with any partner they might have. Including the husbands and boyfriends of other women that they shared) 4. Their personal sexual/sensual lives in their relationship have become broadened and deeper, a much closer intimacy (not just sexual) then before. Far more satisfying. It was not just a fun evening out together as a group (sex was not part of this evening at all, just social gathering) but so enlightening. Sitting having coffee this morning it occurred to me that all this, generally, is probably true to some level to anyone who is involved at some level in the LS. Dependent of course on what level or type of involvement in an alternative Lifestyle they are in. I also thought that there are common takeaways: 1. Situational shyness, intimidation, lack of confidence, appearance concerns and feelings/concern of being judged negatively. 2. That last part “feelings/concern of being judged negatively” is they largest shared issue that women have. From the time they are self aware 6, 7, 8 years old and on…..they are told, threatened, educated etc that their sex is private, not to be displayed shared discussed experienced and in many cases told any negative experiences are their fault….not being a good girl. 3. The confidence, personal strength, emotional discovery over growth and feeling at peace with themselves. Acceptance of who they are. 4. Sexual preferences and desires. Even with in their group a funny but eye opening discussion…and truth concerning size, preferred size and what/how it all relates. It really isn’t what it seems. LOL everyone grows in this lifestyle to their own comfort level. But to watch these women and listen to them (including my Queen) was just hands down amazing. This group of women discussing to only their experiences but some of their not yet experienced fantasies/desires. Their emotions. Support…..no negative judgements at all. Even bragging rights and one up man ship between them. A chance to get a peak into a part of the LS not often discussed……at-least with males present.

Always remember a couple of key principles Littlfephish69; the wagon moves as fast as the slowest horse (whoever is the most conservative should dictate the pace at which things progress) and you have control over what does, and does not transpire. Take comfort in that. You will deal with all kinds of feelings in this pursuit; make a pact with your spouse around a couple of fundamentals. 1. you will always talk, even if you do not want to. always share your feelings. 2. as an adjunct to the first; your spouse is never the enemy, the situation created is.

Surprisingly, from Wikipedia: "The lesbian divorce rate is much higher than the divorce rate between men: in the same period on average 100 women and 45 men divorced per year (i.e., Lesbian divorce rate = 14%, Gay Male divorce rate = 7%). A study tracking married couples over a 10-year span found lesbian marriages were most likely to end in divorce." Also surprisingly, same source: "White wife/Black husband marriages show twice the divorce rate of White wife/White husband couples by the 10th year of marriage, whereas Black wife/White husband marriages are 44% less likely to end in divorce than White wife/White husband couples over the same period."

Trying to navigate site bear with me 🤣🙈

Alura had more influence on this site than most will ever know. All of the above is all totally true, but that was just the forward facing part of his involvement here. He was on the mod team from way back, way before me, and his counsel and approach to things runs all through how this site has always operated. Even after Laura's passing when he didn't publicly post nearly as much, he still kept in touch as a "mod emeritus" and would offer wise words about how to handle this or that situation or the overall direction of the site. A one of a kind, a full and interesting life well lived, there's really not words to do him justice.

This young Lioness has gone through some tough times in the last few years, marriage being a major effect on her personal life. Without saying too much she has moved a few times, fell on some difficult times and is doing much better now. She has the toughness of young lady with street smarts she learned early on in her life. Those who don’t know her, she is still younger than most on here and was only in her twenties when she became active. Alan and I met her and her ex and found her an extremely smart astute person who knows what she wants and can defend herself against bullies in real life and on any social postings. It’s ironic that the poster that PeterJ thinks pushed her to stop posting is no longer posting either. I just went back to that topic and saw your posts defending our friend.

I enjoyed PSU Lioness' viewpoints as well. Such a shame how lady posters (single or married) attract toxic personalities 😑

PSULioness contributed frequently, thoughtfully and candidly until April, 2021, and then stopped abruptly. (You can check out her profile.) She came back in October, 2022, commenting on a post that posed the question: "Would you sell your sex?" She received aggressive & dismissive pushback from one board member. PSULioness and I exchanged several PMs at the time, discussing the status of her marriage and the bad treatment she’d received. She hadn’t posted since. I don’t have any contact info for her other than what’s here on the board. Perhaps she still monitors the board and you could reach her through a PM.

No offence, but it doesn’t really make sense that it is okay for him to see another naked woman you are having sex with, but it isn’t okay for another man that’s wife is having sex with you can’t see you naked! Seems really one sided which in my experience is not what swinging is all about. Maybe you two just are not ready to take this past the fantasy stage quite yet and that is okay. If you both are not 100 percent on board then problems we arise. Agree with couplers as well on hiring a pro! Nothing about that would turn either of us on.

Starting out in swinging can offer thoughts of insecurity at many junctures on your journey. This is entirely normal. A key thing in swinging is communication. This is said over and over again to new couples. Absolute, completely open communication. By that I mean being able to talk through your innermost thoughts, desires, fantasies, fears, qualms, jealousies and insecurities. It's important for both of you to be able to do this with each other. Both of you, in listening, need to be non-judgmental, receptive, not sarcastic (even playfully). Being in any sense negative can prevent the walls from coming down between each other. Most couples have walls. It's 'normal' unfortunately. Doing so helps to achieve a much closer sense of intimacy with each other. Is it possible to get into swinging successfully without this? Sure, but it's a lot easier with this. Having such a deep level of communication helps to ease insecurities significantly. It's true, finding a single female willing to play with you while your husband watches is going to be difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. It's the proverbial unicorn; fabled to exist but never found. That said, couples can and do find such unicorns, but it's uncommon. There's no particular roadmap, as it were, to get you from where you are to where you want to be. It's a journey the two of you do together, and you chart your own road. You might hit some bumps along the way, but it's bumps that you take together. You're the team. One rule of thumb that's often mentioned around here; a couple should move only at the speed of the slower of the two. If your husband isn't ready for another man to see you naked, then wait on that. As mentioned in another thread regarding some questions you have, you can get sexually playful and experiment without inviting others to participate. Another idea; you can go to a swingers club, and just be a spectator. When you feel more comfortable, you can take a room for just the two of you and have sex there. When you're more comfortable, you can let others watch (but not participate). Some clubs have curtains on their rooms that you can open if you want others to watch. Some have doors that you can open, but put a rope across from the handle to the frame. This says "You can watch, but don't come in". Most (all, I've been to) have public areas where you can have sex with each other while anyone can see you. If it's just the two of you having sex, your husband might feel more comfortable with you being naked in front of others. Another idea; you can go to meet and greets and/or hotel takeovers. This is where a organizing swingers group puts together the event, and lots of swingers come to mingle. There will usually be a non-playing area where like minded individuals can talk with each other. It's a good opportunity to meet swingers in person. That even by itself can reduce some insecurity to understand swingers are really just like anyone else. Also, there's a possibility that if you go to a meet and greet/takeover, you might possibly bump into a couple where they are happy for the wife to go off and do her thing with you two. Doing these various ideas, while keeping those lines of communication wide open, can slowly bring the confidence of both of you up, as well as your closeness. From what you've posted so far, it sounds like you have a great relationship. Swinging will likely make it even closer. Another saying around here; swinging is a magnifying glass; it increases what it sees. If there's trouble in the relationship, it will magnify that. If there's strong love, it will make it even stronger. I know you're not even considering the idea of full swapping with another couple, and that's fine. It's also fine if you never do that. There's no competition here :) I just wanted to add that there are many couples that do full swap and have bisexual wives. Maybe somewhere down the road that's a possibility. It's your road :) Live it!

Was the ad offensive or did it have an attitude that you two don't really feel shown in it? I guess I don't understand what could be put in an ad that would turn someone completely against you unless it showed potential risk (saying you wanted bareback play for example) or really poor taste (no real example here). Is there a reason you want to woo this couple so badly? Why not move on to someone new who isn't going to judge you so harshly for one poor choice? If you're really set on winning this people back, I would proceed cautiously. In this situation it would be easy for you to come off as clingy or overly attached.