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People here write about the need, want, or desire for "reclaiming" sex, the physical thing, after swapping partners. Daniela and I do that, but we also enjoy engaging in a post analysis conversation about what we've done, what we saw the our spouse do, and our feelings about it. It's a mental form of reclaiming. Our talk has never been a "I hated seeing you do that" or "it really bothered me that", it's always an exploration of how we felt, the joy, the pride, the admiration, even the envy (me jealous of how she can enjoy and satisfy multiple partners while I struggle to get it up a second time). It makes me feel so great when I bring up how she had such a good time with a guy, an intensity of orgasm she usually doesn't have with me. She kisses me, thanks me for letting her have the experience, and tell me that she loves me so much. It is like getting naked in front of each other, taking those observations and feeling, rolling them around in our minds between us.

Thank you for your reply. Its helping me so much to be able to work through stuff with people who understand. But neutral! It started initially with us wanting ff fun. It's naturally changed over the weeks. Hubby not pushing anything..he's happy to watch. Turn on for us both. He asked the questions, which I'm glad about, in case the scenario came up. Want no grey areas. Two things in my head. Why is the thought of him giving feeling like it is when him receiving doesn't affect me? And how do you process the feeling of jealously, fear, excitement and being turned on all at the same time?!! I want and need to learn how to seperate emotions from it. The unknown is always scary. X

I, as in Stephanie, had a very interesting weekend experience that caused me to learn so much about myself. Fox and I went on a date with a fun and sexy couple that we met on one of our websites. The date started out as usual, getting to know each other, a bit of verbal flirting and moved into us getting a hotel room. I won’t go into much detail other than it wasn't a terrible experience between me and the guy but it wasn't as much as I would have liked for it to have been. He was a great guy, just a bit to gentle for me. I kept looking over at Fox and the woman and I was experiencing a bit of jealousy, not because he was with her but because they were having such a good time and I wasn’t. The man wasn’t terrible by any means, he was just not providing what I was into. Looking back afterwards, I feel that I should have spoken up and said something, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to ruin Fox’ fun with the woman. But I did learn a few very important lessons with this experience. The most important revelation from this experience is I don’t want a man who tends to be submissive. I am submissive by nature and if you are not going to take control of the situation and fuck them then I don’t want to be part of the experience. I have Fox to make love to me, I just want to be hard core fucked when we are playing, but again, I did not express my desires so here I was in a situation that I wasn’t enjoying. Secondly, I feel as if I would have had a much better time if I would have had a connection with the couple before jumping in bed with them. I might have had a completely different experience with the couple and enjoyed his passive nature if I had known them longer than a hot minute. Armed with these new revelations I now have some things to ensure before I sleep with a couple; 1. Is the man going to be more dominate, take control over the situation and fuck me? Ensure that this expectation is established from the onset of our flirting, and 2. Do I have a connection with the couple that encourages me to be more open and forthcoming about my needs and desires. I am learning that when I am in these situations, I will automatically default to what is comfortable to me and that is go along with other’s want instead of expressing my needs. Fox is very observant and realized what was happening and provided an out for me which was greatly appreciated. It is my responsibility to be in control of my experience, but that is much easier said that done when I am in these situations and Fox is having such a great time. With that said, I am human, and I have emotions that I can’t control at times and I must feel comfortable with expressing those when I do feel them to Fox because he is my protector. I know that this lifestyle is not easy and I am personally navigating the obstacles that arise from it, and I legitimately try to practice what I preach to my clients, but when shit happens I am also honest and open so that others can learn from our journey as well. You are not in this alone, we all make mistakes.

About your worries Normal enough. There is always some risk with anything new. Choosing a new grocery store, or doctor, first dates, first day at a new job. Can / will something go sideways? Eventually, probably yes. How big of a deal will it be? It is most likely that will be entirely up to the two of you. For the most part though the things that go awry are little things that blindside one./ How you agree to approach such things makes all the difference. Our rule is that we both appreciate that neither of us will ever do anything intentionally to hurt the other. That rule turns any "bad" experience into a learning experience and therefore a growth experience. Yes there is the rare, occasional thing we hear of in the LS, that to anyone would qualify as an unmitigated disaster from which there is no recovery. Those are mostly either very predictable because people are not thinking ahead, are not well balanced , or truly know each other from the start. Others are the stuff of myth and fable.

This is we intend to do.. just as we discuss anything that may come up already. I've read and heard how good this part is too. Only time will tell. I'm probably overthinkung everything!

Thank you. Initially we were both wanting just ff as I'm bi. I wanted him to watch me and he wanted to watch. Join in with me if he wanted. It's progressed to us both wanting to do more. We're mutually ok with me with the mr too. His questions were more about what happens if scenario. Its about him too and I want to give him the same gift he's given me..but the thought of him giving feels very different to him receiving which I'm fine with. The human brain is so complicated! I have no reason for jealousy..its a wasted emotion and unfounded..nonetheless its there along with fear excitement and being turned on all at the same Time!

Thank you. He is definitely following my lead. We communicate well..always have. Having fear, jealousy (which I know is a wasted and unfounded emotion, nonetheless is there) excitement and being turned on in my head at the same time is hard to process and understand! The other thing is figuring out why the thought of him giving feels uncomfortable but him receiving doesn't bother me! This may change of course!

Thank you for your reply. You're right about it being a mind f**k! I'm fine most of the time. Happy with what we have discussed and decided together. We talk constantly and actually email each other as it seems to help open up conversations easier..then we discuss face to face. We have always communicated well and I feel this is a really good start. Hubby thinks about stuff and then talks about it. I tend to talk and figure stuff out during conversations. We listen to each other too..which sounds obvious, but not everyone does! We have and established some rules mainly definite no's. These get added to if needed. We have been chatting to a couple for a few weeks and conversations are very easy and free flowing. They have also reassured me/us when needed too. Not pushy at all. I mainly talk to Mrs. Hubby is happy for me to do the messaging etc. And this makes me feel more secure. We include the guys and fill them in on messages they may not have seen. It started off initially with the intent her and I playing..now it's somehow organically changed! My hubby is the more confident one. This may change on the day 🤣🤣 He's happy to just watch and join in with me..thats what he wants most. I want him to get as much out of this as I am. We are a unit..its about both of us. He asked the questions about her in case it gravitated that way. So we have no grey areas. My insecurities I think are definitely in my head..past doesn't help. But this is now! This is a chance for something amazing and fun and help us to grow together and be our authentic self..together with no judgement. It feels really special..what a gift! My hubby is not pushing anything. Hes following my lead. He's happy just to watch.. but is that selfish of me if he wants to play with her too? Her giving doesnt affect me at all..why does him giving feel different? Confused! We do have safe words. One to stop a particular activity..second one to totally stop! The main thing I'm struggling with is figuring out in my head how I can feel jealous, scared, excited and turned on all at the SAME time!!!! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ when you are a naturally emotional person it's difficult to separate.. but I want to learn..and know I have to! We are definitely not rushing anything. Having this forum to speak to people who understand is helping so much.. many thank to everyone. X 😊