Leaderboard

I've said it before and I probably will again. Our understanding is that we both know that neither of us will ever intentionally hurt the other. With that in mind when things go sideways , we figure out where we went off course and fix it. It doesn't seem as though anyone went out of their way to cause injury. Sex when sober and clearly saying that you only change course after private discussion would have avoided this . If you feel the need you can have a series of code phrases of gestures that allow you two to communicate some basic information and requests with witnesses being none the wiser. EastinWest may also be correct about what the wife was doing.Lack of clarity can be a bitch.

Agree that asking to change rules in front of others while playing is only looking for trouble! Getting the rule’s figured out before and after with each other and sticking by them will make less of a chance of hurt feelings. Honestly though swinging isn’t always going to end up with equal experiences for both people in a couple. Knowing that and being okay with the fact that maybe this time one of you will experience more this round is a good way to approach it. It can be incredibly exciting seeing your partner please and be pleased by someone else and at the end of the day they are still committed to you and love you. In fact you being okay with their sexual freedom probably will just make them be even more committed and in love with you. Another thing to keep in mind is your physical issues have nothing to do with her! It is your problem to deal with and try to fix. All she can do is understand and support. You not wanting her to be able to have fun, because you can’t is something that can’t make either of you feel good. She is committed to you. Reward her by letting her have fun when you can’t and your relationship together will be rewarded. As for your ed have you had your heart checked out? Ed is often caused by plugged up arteries and can be a sign of bad flow. Eating less or no meat helps this big time, but I know most do not like that solution. My dick has never been harder longer then since I quit eating meat 3 and a half years ago, but that was just one of the perks. Regardless take care of your health and put some thought into what you put into your body.

One, as others have said, if you're having ED problems, do NOT drink alcohol. Follow the pilot's rule of thumb; don't drink the day of playing nor the day before playing. Two, if you're getting treatment for ED, that's great. Independent of playing with others, if you're still having difficulty with your wife, keep your urologist in the loop. There are different alternatives for ED treatment. Also, exercise...get your heart healthy. It will help. Even just walking a couple of miles a day can make a difference. It's not that hard. Just put some shoes on and walk. 40 minutes is 2 miles. Easy. You can track it with a pedometer app on your phone. On the playing, my read of it isn't that rules changed in midstream. Maybe I'm missing something. The rule is you don't have sex unless you both have sex, right? Ok, so she asked and you said yes. To me the implication is that you're planning on having sex and you let your wife have sex because of that. From her perspective, that would be my take. So, I don't think your wife made a mistake or did anything wrong. You might consider soft swap only for a while until your ED problems are rectified, and you feel more confident going into a given situation that you will be able to get and maintain an erection. This problem, even for people without ED, is not at all uncommon in newbie swingers. The first time my wife and I played was soft swap. Mr. Happy decided to do pushups...up..down..up..down...up...down. Couldn't get him to stay up, despite the woman I was playing with being very attractive, and very good. Also; there's no problem with you having rules. That's perfectly normal and expected. Over time in the lifestyle, you will find your rules will fall by the wayside and devolve down to one or two that won't go away (one likely being condoms are a must). My wife and I had a bunch of rules at the beginning. They're almost all gone now. Less rules makes it easier to relax and have fun. Don't drop rules until you're ready, but understand rules will go away.

This is an activity which involves human bodies. They don't always perform exactly the way we'd like to, and 4-way matches are not as widespread as we might all wish. Mistakes frequently come about from bending the rules on the spot, but I'm not 100% sure what mistake she made. What if the situation were reversed and you started having sex and then the other male couldn't perform? Would your wife let you finish and be happy you enjoyed? She asked for permission, you gave it, and you didn't veto any of what was going on. Your reaction was understandable, but also, being "disappointed with myself" for what? Your wife didn't have a bad experience. Everything is basically fine. This will happen again on both sides and now you've run into it and know you didn't enjoy.

The submissive I work with is sort of a "switch". We have a dom/sub relationship in which I am always in the dom role, but she also likes to dominate and "milk" men. We reconcile this by me occasionally sending her "hunting" at hotel bars, etc. One time she found a suitable partner in Manhattan, and it turned out he was an armpit guy. Very normal, professional, and she jacked his soul out through his cock, but he just had a need to stuff his nose in her armpits and practically snort it like cocaine. Surprised the hell out of her.

Advice. Alcohol and impotence go together. You say you were drunk which makes it even worse. I wouldn’t want to have sex with a drunk. Not only was your dick not work, your brain wasn’t working either. You told your wife to take a break because you couldn’t function, she agreed. What would you like to know?

Yeah seeing my wife give and receive pleasure has been great and like I said the sex afterwards when the other couples have left has been awesome. I never thought of it as me stopping her from having fun. We made the rules together and we knew my ED might've been a problem so we thought of it as a way to avoid me feeling pressure from not performing for the other wife. Definitely a rule to change or review. It's more of the asking in front of the other couple I didn't like that's all. Thankfully my ED is just low testosterone and the testosterone gel I'm using has made a difference in just a couple of weeks. Thanks for your thoughts

She has said that she was asking if she could have sex and because I answered yes she assumed that I wanted to have sex too. I can see her point of view and it's a mistake we could all make. I want to avoid misunderstandings like this in the future if that's even possible.

I agree with this very much, but when I read OP's post, it's really not clear to me if the wife believed she was changing the rules. Was her thought process "he *will* also have sex with her, too, because that's how this works" and he simply didn't communicate that this wasn't going to work?

Just my take on this….one simple rule all beginners should follow is never under any circumstances should either person ever challenge their rules in the middle of play. The rules are there to stop each other from hurting your spouse. There probably was a reason they were to only have mutual sex, it might be his justification for making work. You should only ask if you can do something other than what’s been already discussed after this round of play for the next time. In my opinion it’s rude and very disrespectful to your spouse to approach any changes in the middle of play. This is when your the most vulnerable…..It is very easy to put someone in an uncomfortable situation, where they feel like the buzzkill saying no. She definitely shouldn’t have asked him in the middle of play and especially if he was under the influence of anything……My opinion, she overstepped her boundaries and he directly got hurt. NO RULE CHANGES IN THE MIDDLE OF PLAYING

From a recent post: Too many people buy into the BBC myth, or the black man dom/cuckold thing. My though on those stats is that the black guy/white woman marriages are shallow and done to impress people: the black guy showing off that he can get a white woman, and the white woman showing that she's edgy. With a white guy/black woman it's a true relationship and love. The only thing I see in that is that neither one is out to impress and don't give a shit what other people think.

We just painted over our faces (used a color and drew a happy face on it). It doesn't really matter HOW you do it, most people won't say "look at how bad they hid their faces!". The goal is to just have the privacy of not having your faces in the picture.

Music. Definitely. I sometimes find even silence distracting, but music is really nice to have in the background. No heavy metal or rock; just ambient sounds. Enigma is good humpin' music.

Silence is golden! But if I had to choose, it would be music.

Early on a gangbang was one of my biggest fantasies. I think mostly due to poor execution, it ended up being one of those things I wished I'd left on my fantasy list as the reality just didn't stack up. It was simply a matter of after doing all the work to set things up (I did everything myself) they payoff wasn't there. If I were to be able to do it over again, I'd have someone else plan everything and have it so that I could just show up and be the center of attention. Instead it ended up feeling like I not only did all the planning work but that when it came down to the actual GB it was less about all these guys pleasing me and more about me having to please all these guys. I have shared my thoughts and advice on Gangbangs previously in these threads: You'll find some great advice and thoughts of others in those, as well.

Hmm......GB's are not my thing. In fact, watching them on film turns my stomach. However, a mixed crowd orgy sounds divine!

For me - too many men would sort of spoil the fun... And watching men lined up like they're waiting their turn for space mountain is a little weird... Mrs Spoomonkey would like to have a MMMF, but any more than that would be almost unmanageable... I guess it works for movies, but not really for us...