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I’ll probably get some of details wrong because it happened about 10 years ago. We read on here a post where there was a discussion of picking men up at bars so we decided it would be fun to go to a bar in a hotel in Princeton where we know many business men stay and possibly we could find a willing lonely man who wanted to have some fun. Laughing now because twice that night I was caught off guard with cash questions, confusing me with an escort. I remember the look from this one guy when I said my husband just wanted to watch, like I was a freak. We gave up and went to another bar where I approached a young man sitting at a bar who started stuttering when I offered him a blow job if my husband could watch. He told me he was in town for a meeting and he was waiting for his coworker to meet him at the bar. His coworker was a little older and more willing to have fun only he didn’t want Mike watching. Mike came over and assured him he was only watching and they can have fun with me as much as they wanted as long as they respected us. Finally in a hotel room with two guys under 30, the first guy I spoke to was a little shy, the other dropped his pants pretty quickly. 10 minutes later I was with my first MFM

I (male half) can visualize this from both perspectives. It's gotta be awkward and disappointing not being able to function, but wanting to seem cool about it (like it doesn't bother you) and keep the party going for all. Sort of burying the emotion in an effort to make everyone else comfortable when you yourself are not. I have friends who have had performance issues and have picked up on non-verbal cues (I'm somewhat of an empath) to realize the night would be best executed soft swap. On the flipside our female half has had several experiences where the other male has had ED issues and it has driven her to frustration when I've been able to perform to the extent she almost wanted to stop seeing other couples and just stick to parties. I could envision being in a situation where she is in a good place and excited and I bury my own feelings to just let her have her overdue experience to break a streak, for the greater good of the hobby. I guess this would be a variation of taking one (emotionally) for the team. I don't really have advice beyond sticking to soft swap until you get your willy under control, but I can sympathize with the emotions you need to identify and work through. Good luck

Swinging in a foursome is tricky since there are four ways for something to go wrong. Just about anyone with much swinging experience will have at least one story of when things did go wrong. It's important to not focus on the fact that something went wrong, but to see what can be learned from it for next time. With all of the emotions involved in swinging, that's a skill that needs to be learned and takes some practice. @lcmimhit the nail on the head though about how you do that - you start with a complete and total understanding that neither would intentionally do anything to hurt the other. Once you've got that baseline, then things move more into that accidental vs intentional realm, and accidents happen, and you learn from them.

It was years ago so what I remember is only from the times we told others about that time. To start we only looked to meet one guy mostly because of the thrill of picking someone up. Michael was interested in how I would play with someone telling me to not pay attention to him watching. When we found the two somewhat younger men things got interesting. The guys weren’t friends and just met at a business meeting so they were unsure of what to do nor had either one ever been in a situation like this. Michael said I was really slutty pushing the guys to do more. After they left I remember being exhausted and hugging Michael. He said I fell asleep for hours in his arms and we showered together before he told me everything I did with the guys. I know we went out for breakfast in a diner in the morning where he teased me in a loving way how I bossed the guys to do more. We met others over the years with a Michael watching and sometimes he would get involved after an initial start watching. Most of the pickups are more for my excitement not because he loves to watch it’s more he loves watching me enjoy.

It is interesting that your first MFM was with your husband not participating, only watching. Did you and your husband do anything special afterwards?

She got him back as far as revenge but not a relationship. He was a real asshole that mistreated her and I think that is why so many guys agreed to participate, I know I did. I fucked her a couple of other times and neither time was as good as that train.

Agree that asking to change rules in front of others while playing is only looking for trouble! Getting the rule’s figured out before and after with each other and sticking by them will make less of a chance of hurt feelings. Honestly though swinging isn’t always going to end up with equal experiences for both people in a couple. Knowing that and being okay with the fact that maybe this time one of you will experience more this round is a good way to approach it. It can be incredibly exciting seeing your partner please and be pleased by someone else and at the end of the day they are still committed to you and love you. In fact you being okay with their sexual freedom probably will just make them be even more committed and in love with you. Another thing to keep in mind is your physical issues have nothing to do with her! It is your problem to deal with and try to fix. All she can do is understand and support. You not wanting her to be able to have fun, because you can’t is something that can’t make either of you feel good. She is committed to you. Reward her by letting her have fun when you can’t and your relationship together will be rewarded. As for your ed have you had your heart checked out? Ed is often caused by plugged up arteries and can be a sign of bad flow. Eating less or no meat helps this big time, but I know most do not like that solution. My dick has never been harder longer then since I quit eating meat 3 and a half years ago, but that was just one of the perks. Regardless take care of your health and put some thought into what you put into your body.

One, as others have said, if you're having ED problems, do NOT drink alcohol. Follow the pilot's rule of thumb; don't drink the day of playing nor the day before playing. Two, if you're getting treatment for ED, that's great. Independent of playing with others, if you're still having difficulty with your wife, keep your urologist in the loop. There are different alternatives for ED treatment. Also, exercise...get your heart healthy. It will help. Even just walking a couple of miles a day can make a difference. It's not that hard. Just put some shoes on and walk. 40 minutes is 2 miles. Easy. You can track it with a pedometer app on your phone. On the playing, my read of it isn't that rules changed in midstream. Maybe I'm missing something. The rule is you don't have sex unless you both have sex, right? Ok, so she asked and you said yes. To me the implication is that you're planning on having sex and you let your wife have sex because of that. From her perspective, that would be my take. So, I don't think your wife made a mistake or did anything wrong. You might consider soft swap only for a while until your ED problems are rectified, and you feel more confident going into a given situation that you will be able to get and maintain an erection. This problem, even for people without ED, is not at all uncommon in newbie swingers. The first time my wife and I played was soft swap. Mr. Happy decided to do pushups...up..down..up..down...up...down. Couldn't get him to stay up, despite the woman I was playing with being very attractive, and very good. Also; there's no problem with you having rules. That's perfectly normal and expected. Over time in the lifestyle, you will find your rules will fall by the wayside and devolve down to one or two that won't go away (one likely being condoms are a must). My wife and I had a bunch of rules at the beginning. They're almost all gone now. Less rules makes it easier to relax and have fun. Don't drop rules until you're ready, but understand rules will go away.

I've said it before and I probably will again. Our understanding is that we both know that neither of us will ever intentionally hurt the other. With that in mind when things go sideways , we figure out where we went off course and fix it. It doesn't seem as though anyone went out of their way to cause injury. Sex when sober and clearly saying that you only change course after private discussion would have avoided this . If you feel the need you can have a series of code phrases of gestures that allow you two to communicate some basic information and requests with witnesses being none the wiser. EastinWest may also be correct about what the wife was doing.Lack of clarity can be a bitch.

This is an activity which involves human bodies. They don't always perform exactly the way we'd like to, and 4-way matches are not as widespread as we might all wish. Mistakes frequently come about from bending the rules on the spot, but I'm not 100% sure what mistake she made. What if the situation were reversed and you started having sex and then the other male couldn't perform? Would your wife let you finish and be happy you enjoyed? She asked for permission, you gave it, and you didn't veto any of what was going on. Your reaction was understandable, but also, being "disappointed with myself" for what? Your wife didn't have a bad experience. Everything is basically fine. This will happen again on both sides and now you've run into it and know you didn't enjoy.

I/we (hubby and I) have been on the other side of this. I got over my jealousy of David playing after two years of him allowing me to have my boyfriend. I started setting him up with my female friends and acquaintances for sex. After me saying that he was good in bed dropping the hint that was available, I was amazed at how many women took me up on the offer. It was, I assume, for the reasons above, but with me the wife in on the plan, there was no reason not to try this good looking, pleasant guy.

We meet people who we are attracted to without basing it on race, religion or nationality. We don’t have that much experience but I figure an interracial couple will not be racist giving them a big plus with us. Strange that the poster twenty years ago has a wife who doesn’t want men of her own race which gives me a clue to her personality.

Fair questions. Meeting this man alone without Michael was a choice we made together. I don’t know what I expected or how his virility would be. I thought it would be interesting, and SAFE.