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This is an interesting and sobering thread. There are only two people who understand a marriage and its dynamics--the people in the marriage. They and the marriage are continuously shaped by events both internal and external to the marriage. Over time, there is a tendency to take for granted the wonderful parts of a marriage and to focus on the problems. Eventually, that situation inverts: long married-couples seem to be happiest in their 60s and 70s and have chosen to forget the rougher patches. One of the more useful questions to ask is "how did I fall in love with this person, and why am I still in love with this person?" No one stays the same and marriage is about growing together. Opinions change, perceptions change, physical appearances change, fitness changes, health changes,... Our perception/perspective/opinion is that what brings and keeps two people together are two general categories. First, they share several values. Not behaviors (particular religion, political affiliation, work, hobbies) that derive from those values, rather the values themselves--things like honesty, trustworthiness, honoring people as individuals. When something goes amiss in our relationship, we ask ourselves whether we have respected our shared values. The other thing that keeps people together is the balance between shared identity and individualism. Older couples often have two amusing but important characteristics. They start to look like each other--maybe they both have on a blue top and khaki pants. Or the same style eyewear. This sort of mirroring is a symbol of a deep bond. Yet they also gently bicker about superficial things. All of this is about being "stronger together" but still being able to honor the other as an individual. Sex styles and expressions of sexuality can be interpreted in these frameworks. Yes, the OP is in an awkward position personally and maritally. Yes, it is key to understand why his spouse is seeing things as she is seeing them; understanding her experienced reality right now has led to the posting and so on. We would only gently remind that managing through rough patches is part of all long-term relationships, and if two people genuinely care about and for each other, a solution can always be found.

Hello I’m after other peoples thoughts on a topic I have, me and my wife are happily married for 7 years both in our 30s and have great sex together. Now while we have sex we have a bit of fantasy type dirty talk and it’s great now it gets saucy and she says she would fuck someone else and she would even go bareback with them, now some my think I’m crazy but that thought drives my dick wild! Now the other bit of this is when we don’t get in that sexy moment it never gets mentioned, and I honestly think she wouldn’t do it. A little part of me thinks what if she did and how hot it would be seen her do it, now from others experience do you think that it’s just the heat of the moment talk or is it something she does secretly have on her mind?

I can relate here, especially age combined with a vasectomy. The plumbing all works but getting to the point of climax is definitely more deliberate than it was a few years back... Especially if condoms are used! It is incentive to stay in great shape though.

Just have to say and I realize this may be a bit off topic. I find blame to be so unproductive. The need to blame or even to find out who did what is about ego, usually. Yes, it's great to discuss a situation, determine the missteps but then move on. Relationships are SO MUCH more complex than right or wrong, blame or forgiveness. A previous post talked about love and why you fell in love with her and her with you. So, much more productive, in my pee brain, to focus on the bigger picture, focus on love, on the relationship. Relationships are hard and no one should enter a marriage or long term commitment with any expectation that there will never be slip ups or mistakes. In fact, we should expect them. For us, what's important is how we communicate and listen after the fact. Openly, honestly, lovingly and with forgiveness, knowing we are committed to working it out, setting aside our egos because getting to the other side together is ALWAYS whats most important. This coming from a guy that's been happily married for 44 years to my high school sweetheart. And believe me, we've had our ups and downs, some right her in the LS. But, nothing has ever been so consuming to rip apart the foundation we've built. Again, my best to you both.

- Bareback does indeed amp things up significantly. For the record, I'm snipped, so there are no swimmers in my ejaculate, but I could grasp what you're saying and both the wife and I *greatly* prefer bare--much stronger connection... the wife also loves the feeling of a man cuming inside her, though creampies are on the rarer side for her in LS play. This is why the recent blow up is confusing--this isn't unchartered territory.

Everyone has their issues some are worse than others. Petra, you don't know how lucky your family is by being so supportive of one another. For a lot of us the ones that tell us they love you are the same ones that will fuck you. Keep the stories with Joe and Shannon coming, I am sure there is more to come. I hope one day America will loosen up on sex, we prefer love not war! Lol

When we started, I didn't want to text very much at all. We connect, make a date, meet up. Recently, it just seems everyone is lying. It's become apparent that you can't prescreen people who are gonna be dishonest anyway. Were going back to the old system. Minimal screening, but I can't be polite any more. If they show up and are not as advertised, we'll just get up and leave. I don't know how else to do it.

I agree 100% with this. Emails and texts are a joke if you want to know someone especially when it comes to a sexual encounter. Literally 90% of my GFs emails and texts were filled with fakes, people that have no intention on ever meeting up, people who talk a big game but have the opposite personality in person... I don't even have the patience to deal with it anymore. I always say never waste too much time with text or email on someone you haven't met yet. Keep it short and sweet until there is an in-person meeting otherwise it's just a waste of time. My GF has far more patience with the texting than I do.

CH, not enjoyable when fun recreational sex suddenly blows up in your face. I’m sorry this has happened to you and your wife. You asked for input; here’s mine: Assuming your description of the incident is accurate, your wife’s response — particularly beyond the immediate aftermath — seems out of proportion to the degree of your alleged offense. Greatly out of proportion. This suggests to me that what is troubling her is something other than, or in addition to, what she’s telling (and likely herself) is the problem. My suggestion is that the two of you do some couples counseling/therapy with a lifestyle-friendly therapist. These days they aren’t difficult to find. And if you live in a rural area far from a medium-sized or large metro area many therapists offer video sessions. (Google something like "lifestyle-friendly therapist near me". We live 20 minutes from the closest grocery store and when I did that search just now it gave me several options less than an hour away as well as others accessible via Zoom.)

ExploringOptions, welcome! You're in the right place! This is a helpful bunch of people, and we'll be happy to answer your questions. I'm glad you didn't act on the possibility of playing with that other couple before you and your husband had really talked this out. That would have been a big, big mistake! One thing you sort of naturally are already doing that is important in the swinger world; don't change rules mid-stream. I.e., know where the limits are before going into a potential play situation and stick to those limits until you've had chance to talk more. So, without even thinking of it you're already doing well To your questions; For my wife and I, we began exploring the concept of swinging some six years into our marriage. I'd been briefly involved in a triad (husband, wife, me) before meeting my wife. She'd previously noted that she couldn't accept the idea this wife had gone against her marital vows. I never thought we would get into swinging, nor did I even think about it. I was fine with that. Fast forward to being married six years and my wife mentions it would be cool to have two men massaging her (she looooves massage) at the same time. That tiny little spark started a months long discussion, with lots of time spent digging around on the net trying to find answers, and getting a lot of them here. We talked thinks over, thought of potential scenarios, re-talked over points we'd previously talked over, etc. etc. etc. We too developed the same thing you two have; looking at other people and saying "She's/He's a yes!" It's fun to do As we talked more, the "She's/He's a yes!" started becoming more real in our minds. After months of this, we finally figured we'd talked as much as we could about it, and felt nervously comfortable with the idea of trying it. We figured we'd try a few times and see how it was. If it kept on being "blah" then we'd give it up. Our first forays were set up by going to a swinger club and also signing up at swinglifestyle.com (SLS). Through the club, we soft-swapped with a couple, which was a good ice breaker for us. We had an enjoyable evening. From there we moved onto meeting up with single guys for MFMs via SLS. The first couple of times we did this, my wife had an ok time, but not great. Just kinda..."eh". But, the third time...wow! I mean WOW! My wife absolutely LOOOVED having sex with the guy and could not get enough. After we left, she said with a big grin on her face, "Ok, NOW I'm a swinger!" Having these MFMs felt a bit awkward at first. You don't grow up thinking about having sex as a threesome! But it all worked out well. We all know what to do, it's just having a third involved too The very first time, I helped undress my wife for the gentleman while he was kissing her and moving his hands over her body. Things progressed from there. Feel free to ask us anything!

Set up a profile on a swinger site. This will give you access to browse other profiles. Spending time reading profiles, maybe chatting. Just get your feet wet. You can't jump the shark if you aren't out on the water skiing (with your leather jacket on). Take your time.

I see your point. Unfortunately, what I'm saying is it never gets that far. Things, more often than not, end at dinner. She won't say it, but I'm sure for my wife this is only about half about sex. After xx years of marriage and x kids, she's wanting to know that other men still find her interesting and attractive. Wanting to fuck isn't enough. After all, most of us with penises would stab any warm, wet hole that stays still long enough to harpoon it. She's there to fuck, she just wants to know she's worth a little effort. I can't fault her for that, we all have our own motivations.

Years ago on a vacation cruise we ran into a situation like yours, meeting a good looking fit couple that we went to an island beach with. The difference was the beach was clothing optional, a thing my husband and I discussed beforehand knowing we would never see these people again. It’s funny how something that we wouldn’t do at a beach close to home we now did with a few couples we just met. If you are like me you spent days shopping before your vacation looking for that perfect bathing suit that hid what you wanted to hide and made you feel sexy. So here I was exposing my self with nothing covering up flaws to strangers. Sure none of us are perfect but in our small group no one was too bad. That night with a little too much alcohol, I’ll always blame the alcohol, we and one of our new friends decided to swap spouses. I still joke they got me drunk to convince me, I know it’s my excuse if it went wrong. I went to his cabin, she went with my husband to our cabin. Being naked to a man on a beach is not the same as him undressing you to have sex, for me it came easier. Alcohol ease? Alone with him it went easy without much thought. As many times as I have repeated this first time I’m amazed how I enjoyed the night and how I enjoy reliving it each time I tell the story. What I thought was a one time with a stranger has become a years long more than friendship. People say the first time is the hardest, I say the first time was the best of many great times.

Interesting. I wouldn't want to be slapped in the face with it, but if a guy hit my bum with his dick, that could be fun.

I am a man that regularly goes bareback in the lifestyle. I do discuss beforehand and I regulary get tested and ask for the same of my partners. It is not perfect but I do think it is reasonable when you go bare. The next question is do you risk pregnancy by not pulling out. That is even more thrilling than playing bareback. Yes, I pull out on her request.

We have been part of this practice at most every level…..but most always with those we met and knew well…..rarely on a first or chance meeting. Even more rare during themes, group, team, tag, multiple or gang activities where outside help or participants were recruited. but for our semi private group, most gatherings and parties condom less sex was customary for most pull out to cum….all dependent on the ladies desires at the time. Many times finishing inside….and having multiple partners finishing inside during a single session was fairly common and some receiving members expected it. But again not open to the public. from our experience it is more often the ladies preference. Most assuredly a couple has discussed and crossed that road together. If it is a trusted male and he has had a vasectomy he will see the most play that will end this way. my personal experiences especially with younger women I am a safe choice having been snipped….no pregnancy worries. this isn’t meant to be taken lightly. We primarily play with those we know well. We were never considered bed hoppers…..bed post notchers.

Perfect. It is the path we traveled. Started out regular swinging, but found like minded couples who also wanted to go bareback. It took a while, but we all got tested several times while remaining bareback monogamous with our spouses and only playing within the group using condoms before the all clear. If anyone wants to play outside the group, ok but let us know and leave the group. No one has. I also figure the odds of someone actually cheating is low because 1) the penalty is death, and 2) there is so much sexual variety and quantity within our group the desire to cheat is low, less than a non-swinging monogamous couple stuck with only themselves.

Do any other guys like to be the second man to have sex with a woman, I mean right after the first? We usually practice safe sex but there a few guys that we don't require it of. I love to watch my wife with a guy, then after he cums in her I love the way she feels when I take "my turn". She is so hot inside and slick. A couple of guys have told us they don't like it but we both find it very exciting. Any opinions from others?

The wonderful thing about cock it's a wonderful, wonderful thing it's skinny, it's short, it's long, it's strong and it pounce pounce pounce pounce ponce the wonderful thing about cock is..... better when there's more than one.

I've come close to eating creampies after I've cum in my lover's pussy, but always backed out at the last minute. My lover has not known about my intention as it was merely out of curiosity as to what her reaction would be and as to how my cum would taste mixed with the juices of her pussy. I have, however, had my lover dip her finger into her pussy then place it into my mouth for me to taste my cum after I've cum inside her.

I just love to eat or fuck my wife after she has been filled with a couple of loads. Her favorite is for me to cum in her while the other couple's man cums in her mouth. Then as I deep kiss my wife to share his cum, his lady eats my cum out of her pussy. Then she deep kisses and shares with my wife. Regular cum-fest. Drives my wife crazy. Only do this with people we KNOW are safe.