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Most women desire to have additional sex partners as much as men, but are more choosy. So importantly, let her pick the guy she wants to screw. Continue your conversations by asking her who she would want to be intimate with. It may start as an abstraction, George Clooney, but will move along to men who she knows. (Don't be surprised if it's someone who you do not know.) Whoever he is, do not criticize or object. That will kill her desire, criticizing her taste in men. Also, let her begin the way she wants, whether it's MFM or the two of them alone; in a hotel, his place, or in your bed; whether she wants to talk about it or not. Let her become comfortable with the whole thing her way before moving on to what you want.

Yes it definitely sounds like she is interested. Doesn't mean she is willing to take the plunge yet but definitely seems interested if she keeps bringing it up like that. I find that some women don't want to come out and directly admit that they want a MFM because they might be thought of as slutty or it has some kind of a stigma attached to it, I think you need to keep the conversation going and let her know that you're perfectly fine with it and make her comfortable that you won't see or think any differently of her but rather find it sexy.

Living with two men, and early on me being the only woman in the house, I would say that it's about 50/50. There were many times when I was just a vessel for their mutual sexual pleasure. They love me, and I was flattered to be in that role, used that way, but sometimes it definitely was/is about them. MFMs are better one man after another. That's when I can fully enjoy myself rather than multitasking.

I like being spit roasted, but it's not my favorite. First, I enjoy licking pussy more than sucking dick. Second, when I'm on the road to orgasming (as compared to just enjoying a guy's dick moving in me for a while) I definitely do NOT want a dick in my mouth. I want to be able to breathe, scream, whatever, freely. I definitely don't want to deal with cum shooting in my mouth at that point.

Ray, you commented your wife doesn't understand how giving head and having sex at the same time could be pleasurable for the woman. In talking with a number of women in the lifestyle, and seeing posts here, I can tell you I've never known a woman to NOT enjoy being "spit roasted". For my wife, this is her absolute favorite thing! She loooooves giving head while another guy is having sex with her. It most emphatically is about her and not the guys involved. MFMs generally are about the woman, not about the guys. Sure, they're having fun too, but the focus is the woman involved.

Both Anon and Gold have given you great advice. I'd heed them, if I were you. I'd add two things: 1) Don't pressure her. Don't make a point to pester her every day, or every time you make love with her. Give her time to digest this new situation. Pressuring her is more likely than not to turn her off. 2) Understand that the process of her accepting this new dynamic is going to take some time. For my wife and I, it was over a year from the first time we discussed opening up our marriage until the moment I heard her whines as she was with another man. This will be particularly true if you have children in the house. Be patient, let her make up her own mind, decide her destiny. Even if she says, "I don't think so," now, in months or years she may have a different opinion. Good luck!

There's a number of interesting points raised here. Physical attraction is important, but so is attraction in a number of other ways. It's really what you need and want that is important. Your stated criteria might be limiting, but it might not limit your opportunities. I think that depends on where you live/play. If you're in the middle of nowhere, with the first sizable (say, over 100k) town being three hours away, your criteria may result in nothing. If you live in a major city, your criteria might yield a thousand potential matches. As with anything, it's a balance to get to what you want. I don't see anything problematic with your approach, so long as it gets you the result you want. Obviously you won't know until you try. But in anticipation of that, you and you husband can consider different scenarios, think out different questions, and go deep into you desires and fantasies. If you do thin in AND out of the bedroom, it will help you along the way to understand yourselves better before actually playing with another couple. I had no idea if I would like seeing my wife have sex with someone else. When I was ~20, I was a pretty jealous person, to the point that I was bothered by my then girlfriend seeing a male gynecologist! Over the years since then, I've learned what a negative emotion jealousy really is; it's 99% bad and 1% good. Once we got into swinging, I didn't dislike or really enjoy my wife having sex with others until our third time. That time, she couldn't get enough of the guy she was having sex with. She had an absolutely amazing time, and the delicious sounds coming from her were glorious. I found it intensely erotic, and have in the many years since then always enjoyed watching her having sex when she clearly was having a good time. I used to ponder the "why" of it. I can't figure out "why". I gave up trying to figure it out a long time ago. It's like, you're not supposed to enjoy it but ...wow! For my wife, she's ambivalent about me having sex with other women. She's happy for me that I am, and encourages it, but she doesn't get anything negative or positive from it. It could be that you will find it very arousing to see your husband having sex with another woman. You might have an emotionally negative reaction while having an intellectually positive reaction. Some couples are like that; they are happy to have their spouses have sex with someone else, but they don't want to see it. So, they play separate room. You might find you don't like it at all. It's hard to know. The same goes for your husband. If you're otherwise comfortable with the notion of swinging, I would encourage you to give it a try, but...make sure you and your husband are on the same page in that it's an experiment you are doing together. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. If it works for one and not the other, it doesn't work. You're together. It's a shared experience. It's ok if it doesn't work. Let us know how it all goes, whether you end up playing or not!

Every person, and every couple, has/have different approaches when (re)entering the dating scene (and yes, encounters are 'dates'--planned time with others). Your approach is as valid as the next. That said, " Intimacy without attraction defeats part of fantasy that we are just exploring, physical attraction doesn’t guarantee compatibility. We don’t even read profiles if the picture doesn’t strike us, we hope our picture attracts like searchers." Physical attraction might begin with appearance but for most people also includes how people present themselves, carry themselves, look after themselves. Profiles (and their photos) are a calling card, an opportunity to make a first impression. That first impression may or may not be borne out. We have met couples whose profile photos are 10 years old and bear little resemblance to current size, shape, appearance. We have also met handsome and fit couples who choose to obscure their appearance on profiles precisely because they think compatibility and interest lie begins with "who they are" and not what they look like.

Some background. Been wanting to have a MFM threesome with the wife for quite some time now. One day when I was fucking her doggy facing the mirror I saw her mouth wide open and she was bobbing her head up and down. I responded with “keep doing that it’s hot”. Her response was “ewww, that means I’d have another cock in front of me”. I told her “that’d be hot and told her I think she could handle that. She got super quiet while I finished fucking her and then came the questions and comments.You want to become swingers? My response was “no, I just want to share you with another guy and enjoy seeing you pleasured”. She responded back saying “you just want to fuck other women” and I assured her that I just wanted to see her pleasured and it was just sex.You want to watch me fuck another guy? You want me to go out and find a guy to fuck? I told her yes and no, that I wanted to watch but I also wanted to join in on the fun.She dropped it at that but teased me the rest of the day. A song came on the radio and she said “is that what you are going to play during your threesome”. Couple other times she would bend over and grind her ass on my cock.Later that night when we were going to bed she brought it up once again. This time she asked me how that would work. I said she’d have one of us fucking her while she sucks on the other. She asked me “how that’s even pleasurable to a women and that’s only good for the guys involved”. I left it alone and felt like I planted the seed at that point.Does it sound like she is actually interested? Should I keep bringing it up or just let it be?

Yeah I was struggling trying to understand that as well. Maybe I should of rephrased it and asked her what she would like to do and what would bring her pleasure?

Not only will she realize that she is in that same position, she will feel how much that turns you on!

Don't say anything about swinging or MFM, take her doggy style in front of the mirror again and watch her actions. I would be interested how she would react again.

We met many first time swingers with cold feet and never faulted anyone for backing out. I always figured that a newbie will be nervous and ask many times before starting anything they will regret. Be careful as it’s not easy to stop, the others have to know when to stop. Hesitation is normal, you are doing the right thing talking and searching together. All you can do is pray the other party has discussed it too. We have met those where the male has made the decisions with the female only going along to satisfy her partners fantasy. Your original title asks about looking at photos and profiles, we are attracted to what attracts us. Our first filled the looks department, we even ended up with a well endowed male, don’t ask why, I swear it was Alan not me that noticed, he still says I saw it first. Believe me, don’t make an issue of that, look up not down. We also met curious women, curious not bi, they don’t all explore. Again don’t pressure and don’t be pressured. You implied you are younger, again a warning not all profiles are truthful, not all photos are current. I’m not sure how many are really in the 20s-early 30s more likely you will be contacted by those over 40. Being younger is a big positive if you decide that the lifestyle is for you, unfortunately our bodies age. The men in our current circle fortunately are up to the challenge for the most part, meds might be helping. The women have different challenges which making friends going through the same changes has been helpful. I haven’t had some of symptoms even if I know I’ve had others. If you are as young as I think you have years before you will notice. You are getting some good advice by some seasoned lifestylers, I hope I can help too, feel free to PM us. No, we aren’t looking anymore, our advice is us paying forward the advice we received. Good Luck and have fun, and be safe with your information.

Well….you have stepped out on the ice had a short back and forth conversation and according to your writing she didn’t slam the door shut. The advise so far is all spot on for sure. Now where to go? First my genera list of does and don’ts. My list is not from a book, study or LS play book. It my, our experience in over 25 years in the LS. Having attended hundreds of parties, theme parties, our own MFM, MMFMM, organized gangbangs for the Queen….as well as dozens of requests from couples and single/solo ladies. We have had three of our own groups/home parties. I had a stable of reliable gentlemen for such request meaning; safe, experienced, there for the lady’s pleasure, reliable and follow the rules and activities preplanned. So, this what works: 1. Open, honest time allowed conversation (private, not pre sex, during sex, post sex, not with alcohol or drugs, not under pressure, rebuttals, trade or coercion. Just from time to time casual conversation. 2. Open, honest time allowed conversation (private, not pre sex, during sex, post sex, not with alcohol or drugs, not under pressure, rebuttals, trade or coercion. Just from time to time casual conversation. 3. Open, honest time allowed conversation (private, not pre sex, during sex, post sex, not with alcohol or drugs, not under pressure, rebuttals, trade or coercion. Just from time to time casual conversation. No not a mistake this is repeated three times, it is that important. Every thought, feeling, expectation. 4. Role play just the two of you. Surprise setups, chance encounters, drunken/drugged experiences etc do not work or end well. Usually followed by tragic results. So role play is great cause it only requires the two of you. You can experience each step/level and still keep it between you both. The only two ingredients missing is a third warm body, the unknown and fluids (if that is your path). Start with discussion, interest in role play, steps events activities, just the two of you. Share erotic literature, story, photos and videos. Time…..making time….get used to making time for sex play, playful sex for you both together. Add in toys…..there are a dozen of every type of toy to select from. We personally know of more couples that tarted thinking they wanted a threesome, MFM or FMF but discovered they were very satisfied with just the two of them and their toy chest. Let your imagination run wild. 5. The real deal. Where to find that special someone. DO NOT pick a friend, relative, coworker, stranger at a bar/vacation or even an escort (although slightly better, but still an unknown/potentially dangerous adventure). Do join and attend swinger gatherings/parties/clubs, get social and comfortable talking with others that attend. You only stay as a couple, your there to meet, talk, listen, listen, listen to others talk openly. You will meet single and legit solo males (couples who play separately) and the hosts that can recommend. It is safe, noncommittal, get to know people but also meet someone that could be a match. Also gives a safe environment for you both to explore, watch….test the waters slowly. Settle on your rules and a usable safe word that either of you can use to step back, slow down or stop. Something that can be easily used in a phrase. 6. Always remember you leave with the one you came in with. Always honest and small comfortable steps….test the water. Swing parties are best, swing clubs with on premises play are almost as good. Never put yourselves in a position/location that you do not have 100% control. DO NOT DO THESE: 1. Not fully understand what each other wants/expects. 2. Do not assume………believe that asking for forgiveness is not an option. No surprises, ever. 3. Always be secure and in control of your situation. Safe, secure, comfortable and relaxed. 4. Never change a rule in the heat of the moment. If it was not part of the plan at the beginning it still is not. Talk later, the next day….and move on from there. 5. Enjoy each step, event, activity. You do not learn to swim by jumping in the deep end of the pool and hope for the best…..you do not test your fantasies and sexual sharing by jumping in the naked Mosh Pitt of bodies and hope for the best. 6. The best is slow step by step exploration. Open discussion. Likes dislikes desires and improvements. These are general and can be easily applied and expanded or reduced depending on what the both of you agree. if you have questions feel free to reach out. Best wishes.

She didn't say NO! but she hasn't said yes either. First, you two need to talk about this outside of a sexual situation. She needs to KNOW that you are serious and there will be no repercussions for her, then you need to start talking. If she doesn't seem interested at this point, drop it and see if she brings it back up again later.

I guess we are the odd ones. We only look at the pictures when we have already decided to meet up. For us the profile is the standard. Sapiosexual is the term that I think Fundamemtallaw once applied to were we are coming from. Once we are interested we open a few pics just so the other folks can pic us out of a crowd. Before we meet we do look at theirs for the same purpose. The meeting then decides if there is a future in it. A good deal of the time it is only a pleasant meal, which we do not consider a waste of our time or money. We think of it as networking.

Congrats on taking the step. One thing I might comment on -- when my wife and I got started and were seeking our first experience, we also wanted others who were new to the lifestyle, believing in some way this common ground would make the first encounter more of a natural progression. What we ended up with was a lot of time wasters who would get cold feet when it came time to meet. Ultimately we opened our search to more seasoned lifestylers and this led to things actually moving along and it was less awkward being able to follow their lead. It didn't go perfectly, but it was a good experience overall and let us know we enjoyed swinging and desired to keep doing it. Good luck to you

My experience is limited, but I question that.

I always swallow what I can when I can. I adore the way it feels under my churning tongue. I suppose there are two reasons why it takes me an eternity to swallow once it's in my mouth.... 1). I love to savor it as long as I can.... 2.) My husband loves to photogragh me smiling up at him from a glistening sheen... Some observations from my experiences over the years...I don't like it in my eyes... it's very, very painful. I can stand a little in my eyes, but almost always it becomes so uncomfortable that I have to squint my eyes tightly and bite my lip to endure.... fortunately my husband has good aim... and I wear glasses... so the painful instances are few and far between... so my husband is able to shoot my forehead and hair without getting much in my eyes. I wish it didn't sting so much... as a juicy bukakke is one my my most lush fantasies that I indulge. I adore having it on my chin... I love the sight of a "chin omlette" dangling to and fro. I also love wearing it on my blouse and my upper thighs. I love how tangy it is... its copper-penny aftertaste.... the stark sting of it against my taste-buds... the way it lingers on my breath for hours. I love its consistency and texture... its thick, goopy, viscosity... the way it strings between my fingers and from my teeth onto my tongue... the way it behaves in my mouth.... as if its seething and has a life of its own (indeed it does with all those little swimmers). I adore how it dissolves from my churning tongue into a silky cream that ever-so-gracefully slides down my throat.

I prefer to spit. My man loves it when I spit it back on him. He thinks its kind of kinky. I only swallow when the mood hits me right.

If the males of the couples we are with are bi, I do the swallowing. If they are not, she will finish them off by hand. She only swallows me.