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Relieved. I’m relieved, they are relieved. An hour before we were going to meet I got a text, can we talk? Followed by a call. She said they didn’t want to ghost us, they are having second thoughts. I burst out Thank You. I told her how terrified I was, I was still convincing myself that it would be fine. After exposing our fears she said they would still want to meet us just not for “you know”. 90 minutes later we met them at restaurant bar. Relieved. They looked better in IRL. Pictures were current. Conversation started slow with the men quiet, I tried to talk normal shit. I didn’t know how to start sex talk, when it did we tried to keep the talk low so nobody would hear us. Once we started the talk became funny and the men warmed up. It’s hard to say why we want to meet to others, I’m still asking myself. We all had sex stories to share finally leading what we would do if we did do it. Kissing, oral, condoms, we both are on the same bc. It was easy for me to admit sexual things I never told anyone, she was going head to head with her past. The guys weren’t as open they just laughed. Three drinks in I think I asked if he still wants to fuck me, she asked the same of us. Both guys said a big YES. No sex yet, we plan to meet and try this again. On the drive home I felt better and said if we met someone experienced we would like be swingers now. He asked me if would feel better that way. I was happy to know our new contact were very much like us, terrified and now relieved. We will find out if they liked us as much as we enjoyed our meet. I also know I will still be terrified if we make plans, and I am sure she will be too. Our adventure is to be continued. I’m sorry to disappoint anyone hoping for juicy graphic post.

Keep in mind that reality TV isn't always real, Swing, however, was one of the things we used when we started down this path, but there are some episodes that end poorly, but usually because the couple didn't come in 'ready' by already having great communication and well defined rules that were followed by both people. Sounds like you are on your way. Just really keep the communication open and set your rules and limits (and stick to them). Know that rules and limits can (and probably will) be changed as you find they are no longer needed or need to be adapted. bbarnsworth already touched on them and you have responded.

Yes, but the word we choose to use is "excited" Once again, think of it as excited and not terrified. One is a thrilling experience and the other is frightening. Absolutely...as you found out. This is why we always recommend that the first meeting be for drinks or dinner with both couples knowing that playing is not on the board. It takes the pressure off and lets everyone get the chance to just get to know each other. Afterwards, both couples can then decide if there will be a second meeting where things may (or may not) happen. Definitely takes the 'terrifying' and pressure out of the equation. This is something that we have always been surprised about...we are all there because we are interested in sex, yet all too often, nobody wants to bring it up. This is one of the more 'fun' thing we enjoy about swinging...being able to openly talk about sex with others. Yet, all too often, even though we are meeting another potential couple, they steer away from talking about sex (even though we keep trying to steer things back that direction). Meetings will become easier and you will both become more comfortable as you get used to doing them. We were the same way when we started, then realized that almost everyone feels the same when they started as well. It's all part of the adventure that the two of you have undertaken. Enjoy the ride as well as the destination...

I left my terror feelings at the door and it followed me in. Meeting a couple that will work with your fears is what is needed. You are now on equal ground with another couple opening up to their fears. Jokes and laughing takes away the fear that every new situation brings not only sexual situations. You will always remember the first time you meet, your meeting was a success without sex, you made friends.

Sign up on a matching site and take your time. The red flag is rushing into doing anything before both of you are ready. We don’t have anyone to talk to which is the reason you can ask on here.

I've read of a couple here on this board that changes the name of their wifi router to infer they are swingers and what lot # they are parked in. Maybe a bit too obvious, but... what's going to happen? It's not like the morality police are going to show up.

Hahaha that's very true. Sometimes I think keeping things on the downlow is most likely slowing our experiences down. That's ok though. We definitely aren't looking for tons of couples to line up either. I appreciate the idea though. And screw the morality police hahaha.

We actually read the profile before becoming too wrapped up in the pictures. We are looking for people who mesh with our thinking/beliefs. We have also come to find out that pictures lie...both ways. Some are OLD pictures that show what a couple looked like 10+ years ago and not at all how they look now. Some pictures just don't convey the fun personality of the people pictured. That's why we read the profile, see if they sound like someone we would enjoy getting to know, and try to set up meeting them (with meeting them as the only object...play not being on the table for the first meeting). We all then get the chance to talk and see if there is a connection, then decide (after the meeting is over) if we are interested in getting together again. If all you are looking for is a one-and-done, then base things on the picture. If you are looking for more of a FWB (like we are), then you need to start with compatibility and spark and the picture(s) should be secondary. You never know what you might miss...

There is so much truth and insight in this simple observation. Think hard about the notion of "very much like us". It starts with shared values. While your life experiences are unique, they brought you and the other couple to sufficiently similar realizations about yourselves, that you are now at the same threshold. Perhaps. What you are really thinking about here is the role of the mentor(s). We invite you to compare your/their journey into the LS with the monomyth or, as it is more commonly known, the Hero's Journey as conceptualized by Joseph Campbell in the middle of the 20th century. One of the standard questions meeting a new couple is, "How did you get started in the LS?" This is more than curiosity, and much more than mere conversation-filler. It is both an affirmation of shared experience and a curiosity about the variations on that journey. As you read about the Hero's Journey, you will come to realize that every person/couple who has experienced the LS has taken this journey. We have lived to tell the tale, and -- like all who are posting on the thread--are serving as sort of mentors-at-a-distance. Good luck!

Me too. One at a time, except pussy/ bum DP can be nice if done properly.

So Im more of a train person that a GB person? But I did enjoy 2 guys doing me at the same time 🙂

Each to their own i guess

Not sure if I want to go to a club to watch others. We like the anonymity of searching on our PC

I might add that you attend some meet and greets you will stand a better chance of being invited to house parties and being known in the LS community. We have met some really great people. And as a result been invited to so really awesome parties

gokuandchichi, it sounds to me like you are on the right path. You're exploring, you're taking it slow, and you're talking about it in AND out of the bedroom. A common mistake is to not talk about the potential for swinging outside of the bedroom. If you can't talk about swinging when you're not aroused, there's probably a problem. It sounds like you don't have that problem The only very slight concern I have is that this path started with an app to help the two of you communicate better. I would encourage you to have as open and honest conversation as you can. It's important that in baring your souls to each other that there is no judgment, no sarcasm, no push back. Accept, consider, respond. Completely opening up can be scary, and requires a high level of trust. In your first outing to a swing club, I would make sure you are both very, very clear about exactly what the limits are. This would be a first time for both of you, and it's going to be a bit of a nervous time. Many couples start out with lots of rules and limitations in place. This is ok, and perfectly normal. Over time, those rules will largely fall away as you get more comfortable with having sexual relations with other people. A rule my wife and I have kept, even after 15 years of being non-monogamous, is the rule we call the "golden parachute". If either of us feels it necessary to leave for any reason, we can voice it. The other will agree, and we'll both leave without questioning the request. We'll talk it out after we leave. We've never had to use that rule, but it's nice knowing it's there. We haven't seen Swing from Playboy TV. But, in general, I would take anything you see on TV or in porn with a large grain of salt when it comes to reality. My wife and I did something similar before we got into swinging. We bought several CDs of a series called "Fuck My Wife Please", and watched them all. It was very erotic for both of us. We recognized it was likely fake, but we weren't viewing it with an eye to it being realistic. We were using it as a visual proxy to foster discussion and reaction. We haven't touched them since a few months after we actually got into swinging (probably need to get rid of them!). A suggestion; if you do go to the swinger club but don't actually play with anyone, but do have sex together...do it in a public room where people can see you. It's definitely a boundary pusher if you don't play with others on the first outing. If it's of interest, give it a try! A caution; you mentioned another couple of your acquaintance that might want to join you for swinging. Unless you know for a fact they are swingers, it usually isn't a good idea to broach the subject. There's an old saying around here; make friends out of swingers, not swingers out of friends. There's all sorts of things that can go wrong with the swingers out of friends scenario. It might feel more comfortable to do it with friends, but the risks are plenty. If you have any other questions, by all means let us know! We're happy to help!

If she isn't your wife, marry her immediately. Before we met, my wife went to strip club amateur nights with some girlfriends and danced. She said it satisfied her exhibitionist desires at the time. What sticks in my mind from what she's told me is that they all became totally naked, but my wife did the reverse of what the other girls (and they were "girls" at the time) did. The others danced topless for a while then took off their panties and flashed pussy at the end. My wife became bottomless early on and spread her lips and ass while dancing. She only removed her top and flashed her tits at the end. I wish I were there.

Daniela has had the six men in our group (including me; the seventh couple hadn't joined the group yet) in her cunt at one gathering where we were all together. But it definitely wasn't the first cum deposit for all of them. Not all of them may have even cum in her during that afternoon.

The easiest way to get started quickly is for the wife to offer sex to a guy. It usually works for the couple because most men are into knowing and/or watching their wife is playing. If your wife wants a stranger, both of you go to a bar in a high end hotel well dressed, split up with her sitting at the bar. She can talk with guys she finds attractive, offer sex to him with the disclosure that you, her husband, is there to make sure everything goes ok for her. You can add the condition, if you want, that you get to be there to watch. If she wants someone familiar and safer, just ask a friend. We started with my wife have sex with two exes (separately) who she enjoyed as sex partners. It was easy for them because they already knew each other and had good sex. It was easy for me because they had already fucked in the past so it was no big deal. We met first so it was understood all around what this was about, and wasn't her cheating. They went at it the first half dozen times without me there, then at my wife's insistence turned into MFMs with me. These were good first steps before we started full couples swaps, again at my wife's insistence.

We met some experienced swingers early in our career. Advanced our progress more than other newbies with whom we had staring contests. It’s fun to be a veteran, but we all have to walk the walk and have odd experiences to get there. Our motto was “This week’s tragedy will be next week’s comedy.” No shows, no shows by the female partner replaced by an escort, people who tried to sneak out of a restaurant without saying goodbye while we were in the bathroom, staring at other newbies for four hours in a hotel lobby, depositing a condom in a female playmate and unable to find it till she got home…we’ve seen some things.

What can go wrong if 4 terrified unsure people meet for sex? Strangers meeting for the first time with no experience to guide you is not the best idea, guidance is needed. You are on a swingers site giving you the opportunity to find a match based on your criteria, looking for a little experience could be a better entry.

Sounds like us about 10 years ago when we finally went to a club and watched others having fun not joining physically we just made friends. We watched how they were with others, he looked like he respected the women around him and was amazed how long he pleased a partner. Mike and I watched a woman nearby play with another man and a woman who looked to be in total ecstasy. That woman and I started talking and she introduced me to her husband the man I watched before. They invited us to play but we weren’t ready. Not that day they became our friends and our first. Go, watch and then decide. Baby steps works, the lifestyle will be there tomorrow or when you are ready.

You guys have taken the right steps. Go visit the club, and stick to your soft swap rule. However, if one of you goes a little further than you planned, no recriminations, just agree to do better next time. Let us know how it goes!

Vulnerability accompanies many first-time events in life. Your first sexual experience. Your first child. If you are training to be a surgeon, your first operation. If you are a senior attorney, your first case argued before the highest court. If you are a pilot, the first time your instructor gets out of the airplane and tells you to fly it alone around the airport. We manage vulnerability by specifying our intentions, creating boundaries, and accepting that no one is going to be perfect "the first time around". This goes for hitting a golf ball, or writing an essay, or picking up a brush and palette and painting a first watercolor. The first non-monogamous experience in a marriage is one of those events. Am I risking my marriage? What if we don't like it? What if we do like it? What if it goes badly? What if I can't perform? What if the other couple thinks badly of us? And so on. You are "putting yourself out there". A reflection on those other vulnerable moments that went badly--maybe you were stood up for a date, or failed a test, or lost a job, or whatever--they look different in the rear view mirror. You picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and asked what you learned from the experience. But on further reflection, you realize that those occasional vulnerable moments that went bad are swamped by all of the experiences that went really well. You enjoyed something new, you learned something about yourself, you (and those with whom you shared the experience) say "we did that!" Non-monogamy is the rule, not the exception, in marriage. Most of the time it's cheating. Here, you and your spouse have said "let's try this and see what it feels like". You have chosen to put a toe in the water together. It's consensual. That means you can lean on each other. And both of you can lean into a shared experience. The first time you drove a car, the angst was there. The first time you kissed someone romantically, the angst was there. The first time you said "I do", the angst was there. (I know. While Mrs. FL was getting hair and makeup done, I dealt with my pre-wedding jitters by going to buy a pair of athletic shoes. No, I did not wear them to the wedding. ) It's okay to have butterflies and wonder "how did we get to this point?" Just make sure you are clear with your spouse on intentions and boundaries. Then go have fun.

Ray, you commented your wife doesn't understand how giving head and having sex at the same time could be pleasurable for the woman. In talking with a number of women in the lifestyle, and seeing posts here, I can tell you I've never known a woman to NOT enjoy being "spit roasted". For my wife, this is her absolute favorite thing! She loooooves giving head while another guy is having sex with her. It most emphatically is about her and not the guys involved. MFMs generally are about the woman, not about the guys. Sure, they're having fun too, but the focus is the woman involved.

Is it possible to be in the LS without swapping? Sure, but it shouldn't be a surprise that it isn't what most other couples are seeking While we value friendship we've got an extremely busy social vanilla life and want sex to at least be a possibility of our LS relationships. It doesn't have to go there everything or even most times, but we want it to be a possibility. Speaking candidly, we want couples that are on the same page with each other that have an idea of what they want. "not sure" for us translates to "not a match".

Unhindered ejaculation and semen are our fetishes as well. That's one of the major reasons why we gave up open swinging for a closed group, to make and play in that wonderful mess.

Hmm, I suppose the wife and I have a couple. I've always had an attraction towards women's armpits. Sometimes, shaved, sometimes stubbly, sometimes with a bit of hair--sexy ones always caught my attention and has been something I've been able to indulge a bit in the LS with some play partners who were goodly enough not to stop me from taking a whiff or lick while we're in the heat of it. The wife likes to tease me about it, but has come around to understanding its just 'one of my things.' I also tend to be drawn to rimming. I've licked the asses of almost every woman I've been with in the lifestyle and virtually all of them have loved it with some very eagerly kissing me immediately after/in between. The wife and I both share a fascination with cum. She loves creampies and really enjoys, but is self conscious about, sloppy seconds, both of which I love as well. I guess my wife's big kink is probably DVP. While it's always enjoyable, especially raw, we had one single male we'd synch perfectly with and end with a 3 way orgasm/double creampie. That was the best.

LOVE the no deodorant part…love the pit smell of a beautiful woman, it’s intoxicating

I agree, I have seen this in other women when they saw my cum for their first time. First they jump because they are startled by how it squirts out, then they have to touch the cum, and last is if they are curious enough, they taste it. It's like I am not there, they are only focused on my cock and cum!

I quoted all this because I agree with all of it. From an early age, when I first learned about how babies are made, cum fascinated me/turned me on.

My wife tried to to a DVP with me and her lover. We almost succeeded, but it it didn't quite work out. There's definitely some gymnastics involved. It would have been incredibly hot if we'd been able to do it.

It would be tough to get two cocks into my wife also, although we've really never tried that *hard.* I don't think that's her fantasy either.

DVP is something I really want to experience. The feeling of another cock rubbing against my cock in a pussy must be extremely hot. I can only imagine what it must be like when he's about to cum and slides his cock deeper inside her where we can feel him pumping his cum inside her. I know I wouldn't last much longer and add my cum. Knowing the wetness of the three of us mix and run over our cocks out of her pussy must be amazing. Too sad my wife isn't wide enough for two cocks inside her. We can only have sloppy seconds.

My fetish/turn-on this week is dvp, preferably with a creampie from both men. As a man that is turned on by bisexual activities, dvp seems to be the holy grail. Two cocks rubbing together, face to face, within a hot girls pussy, so hot! Even better seeing the cum oozing from between the two cocks... amazing!

For me and my wife the most pronounced fetish is about cum. We love creampies, sloppy seconds, licking a cumfilled pussy and snowballing. For us there is such an incomparable intense, exciting, and reliefing feeling when a man fills a womans pussy. She gets an orgasm, when she feels how a man burries his cock deeper in her, starts to twitch and pumps his cum in her. Good sex has to involve creampies for us and the play with cum.

Mr loves a perfectly shaved, no stubble, no deoderint smooth armpit to lick.