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Overcome Your Fears and Live Life Our first adventure is not over. The man sleeping next to me is not my husband, I can’t sleep from our exciting fun we are having with our hosts. A New Bisexual Swinger

ExploringOptions; Guess what? You're in a WONDERFUL place! Terrified? Excited? Jumble of nerves? Turned on? All of this can be exquisite. It's a bit like the first date you ever had in your life, the first time a young man touched you, the first time you kissed. You aren't stupid asking anything! That's one of the reasons this forum exists! My wife and I would not have gotten into swinging without this forum and its ability to answer so many questions, even questions we didn't think of and questions we couldn't quite articulate. It's true with swinging there isn't a pretense of romance. But, there's still a pretense of courtship if that makes sense. You've already been doing that with this other couple. You're finding common ground, talking, getting to know each other, seeing if there is attraction, seeing if there is compatibility. That's all part of the "vanilla dating" (what swingers call regular, non-swinging dating) too. Now, that's not to say that romance can't be felt. I remember reading a post here from a woman who talked about her first ever swinging experience. For her, it was very definitely making love, and she very much enjoyed it like that. That's a whole area of understanding. Some swingers approach it as "Hi! Let's go fuck!" and off they go and bam-bam-bam. Some approach it more akin to dating. There's no 'wrong' answer; the right answer is what works for you and your husband. There's no mold you're supposed to fit here. Be you. Swinging can feel quite awkward at first. Your whole upbringing, all of society tries very hard to teach us that monogamous relationships are the end-all-be-all, and anything else is socially criminal. We're not given the tools to understand what non-monogamy looks like, how to think of it, embrace it, feel it, understand it. As a result, it can be absolutely terrifying to approach it because it's such an unknown. You're on this journey with your husband. Keep the communication between the two of you absolutely open, and always make it a journey you're on together. Do that, and how any evening works out will always end with you and your husband in each other's arms both physically and emotionally. You're the team. I don't think you need to find someone more experienced. I think you've already found the right couple based on what you've said. Ok, they're new too. That can make things awkward, but it can also add a lot of spice. When you get together for more than just dinner and talking, there will be some point where there will be an ice breaker. I can't tell you what that ice breaker is. My wife and I had an MFM with a guy who was a bit nervous on how to move forward, so I started things off by unzipping her dress. It can be being at a club, and trading partners on a dance floor. It can be at dinner, where wife A sits with husband B on the same side of the table, and physical proximity ignites things. From what you've posted, it feels like the wife in the other couple may be the one to break the ice. But, once the ice is broken I think everyone will start moving forward. As terrified as you are, it might be you that breaks the ice. It can be as simple as you hugging the other husband, and doing it as a physically intimate hug as opposed to a hug you give a friend. You know the type of hug...where you press your breasts against him, move your hips into him. There's all sorts of ways to do this, and they're all essentially the same as how you break the ice on a vanilla date. Don't be surprised if you're still terrified after the date that gets things going physically. It took some time for my wife and I to feel like doing this was 'normal'. Not that we didn't want it to be exciting, but that we felt comfortable enough to be at ease. It's all new. This is normal. Just remember; doing this doesn't mean you love your husband less or he loves you less. Rather the opposite! You are both enjoying an incredible new experience that you couldn't be doing if you didn't love each other so much. You have probably already felt that these first few steps on this journey together has already brought you closer. Swinging, in a couple that is already in love, usually magnifies that love. Seems paradoxical but it is true. I hope you have a wonderful time tonight! Let us know how it goes!

Step 2 for us happened last night that went the way the 4 us planned without sex. We met the same ones again for a very nice dinner and more talk about sex and swinging and the reasons we want to swing again what we want to do our histories of sex and still laughed about all things stupid we did. Meeting them this time we had no intentions to have sex last night it was just to get together like any friend for a nice night out because they have a child and a babysitter that needed to get home by 11:00. With no sex planned the big question is when we would do it they still haven’t left us meaning they enjoyed being with us and we enjoyed them we weren’t strangers anymore going to meet for sex. She was the most talkative about sex the guys just laughed at two sexual women opening up with real sex talk. When she said she wants to fuck both of us we knew we had to get over whatever was hold us back they were the perfect match for us. Step 3 will be tonight at their place she will get her mom to watch their kid for the night and we won’t have any interruptions for our plans that she no longer wants to be curious about us she plans to break the barriers. Now we are excited and have to wait all day to do this being less terrified still not knowing how it will go I need her to push this for me.

No. In a regular gangbang, multiple men get off using a woman. In a female gangbang, multiple women get off using a man. So, Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

This is a great way for young swingers to start I wish we were young and exploring instead of middle aged thinking how much fun we missed. Don’t worry we all felt nervous the first time not knowing what was going to happen. How perfect that you found people you like with as much experience as you agreeing to take that first step. I so want to read that you and them hit it off and made it work. Best of luck just remember to enjoy.

It depends on the people you're playing with. We have dear friends in the lifestyle and we always play in separate rooms because it makes the other husband feel more comfortable. I'm okay with it too, because it's fun and a different experience. It has always worked for us. The downside is that you can get too comfortable. The other couple had a bad experience recently because they played separate with another couple and the guy was rough with his wife. He would never have let that happen, but not being there he couldn't stop it. So, I wouldn't do separate unless you trust the others and know that how they'll play will be fine with your spouse.

Excited and Terrified many times in my life like going skiing, on coasters, watching movies and so many other times. I was terrified watching Debbie the first time with our friend and equally excited. I was more excited the first time having sex as a teen, too excited embarrassingly, yet terrified that I knocked her up. You asked do I just spread my legs, yes. Let her please you, just enjoy. I bet you have pleased past boyfriends and your husband that way and hoping you spread your legs for those partners. I’m still excited when Debbie spreads enjoying me eating her while she screams and jerks. I bet you will forget who is between your legs if it feels good. Get your adrenaline going and take in the excitement as the terrifying thoughts melt away. Now you have to deal with the others getting over fears of swinging.

I wonder if you're not putting too much pressure on yourself. I don't mean this as a slight, but maybe you just need to lighten up. We like to look at these adventures as just that, adventures. We also try to be playful, laugh, giggle, be okay with being uncomfortable and even awkward. If you are both new to this, then all the better. Be weird, clumsy, and nervous together as a group. I might suggest that your first meet up include other activities not specifically focused on getting naked in bed. We have gone to restaurants and flirted, girls without panties, traded partners and touched each other under the table. We've been to nude beaches or private hot tubs. We've gone to clubs and partied with a lot of added sexual tension. We've been to art openings, flirted, looked at art, traded time with each others spouse, kissed each other knowing that we couldn't have sex in the studio but might later on. It is a real turn on as a married couple to be kissing two women/men in public. It was a build up, but offered an opportunity to test the waters and spark the juices. I remember one time when it was my wife, a single guy and myself (MFM) at a club. We were dancing, touching, really being sexy on the dance floor. She was kissing both of us. Guys in the crowd were like, WTF. Trying to approach her, but she would tell them she was with us. That she was going to fuck us both later. The looks on the others faces was priceless. But the point is we were having sexy fun. Enjoying ourselves. Some of these evenings ended without any 'sex' and they were still a blast. If you're kind, honest, open and respectful you really can't go wrong. Have fun...

I feel stupid asking this, it’s strange asking intimate details. All of us have dated and ended up in bed even on a first date. Guys always think they bedded a girl without thinking the other side that we wanted it too. I don’t think I am any different from all of us growing up going back to a guys place, in bed kissing then touching and somehow both of would be doing it. I usually enjoyed the kissing and foreplay leading up to what I had hoped would be great, sometimes disappointed. What I’m trying to understand is how the dynamic changes now with swinging. Sure when dating I met guys for sex, it seemed natural. Now meeting others, two people it still seems crazy. Even thinking about bi sex is strange, maybe why I keep thinking why wouldn’t I. I am putting myself into your post thinking how did all this happen. Did you just get together, undress and wait for her to play with you. I am trying to visualize myself in your space on a bed naked waiting for a woman to do things that have only been done by my husband and old dates. With guys there was a pretense of romance with an expectation of sex. Here there is no romance and it’s a woman in front of husbands. One more thing, how did you reciprocate with the wife, I’m thinking sex with the husband which is still all the words like terrifying, exciting, uneasy will be somewhat less terrifying, sex with the wife crazy different. I know I’m overthinking, the ones we already met seem normal, safe and sane, and I know she is as terrified as me. Overthinking that we should find someone more experienced because they will know. I really can’t wait to write that we did and not be terrified anymore.

Is it normal to be terrified when meeting for a first time experience? Not the first time having sex of course so why am I terrified? We chose together to meet first timers. Will they have the anxiety I’m having? I have visualized this meeting all night yet terrified. We both want to go, I just need the anxiousness to go away.

Daniela and I have the attitude that we don't care what we do with other play partners, just tell the other one of us about it. We both love to tell about our past and current experiences and hear about the other's. I never thought that I would be like this, but I am proud of my wife's sexual exploits with other men and women.

Good for you for letting him enjoy himself. Both men and women swing to get variety, whatever it is that their spouse doesn't have or can't give them. It's not a failure on your part. I can't believe that a "neat" woman like you isn't getting a lot of attention. Concentrate on finding partners that like what you are and have some fun!

Amy has swallowed my semen just one time. She wont admit to how many times she has swallowed her favorite playnmate Ken's cum but I suspect several. Lesley swallowed my semen one time and now says that she's started to swallow Kens cum. Previuosly thev used condoms.

So excited for all of you. I suggest you document the First Time so you can relive the occasion and the memory. Did it go the way you wanted or were you surprised?

Even with your spouse, you may not want to do things that you do with another partner. That's ok, every pairing finds its own groove. Over the years, in our poly family of three women and two men, each grouping has optimized its practices for the benefit of those participating. Nothing wrong with me wanting to do one thing one way when I'm with Red and Lora, while prefer doing something else another way when I'm with hubby and Clair.

A couple of weeks ago Amy and Lesley played with ejaculating dildos as foreplay to our regular swap. Lesley told me hat she had squirt some lube inside her self and she was ready. Amy said she was almost there. When I put my cock inside Lesley it felt like seconds. Ken went inside Amy and said this feels lovely. Amy replied "that's because I gave myself two squirts" . Lots of fun. Amy brought her dildo home. The next day she said "I'm ready lubricated, do you want seconds?." Gues what!

As I am wont to do, I spin the question around and ask the members and visitors here, "What is the largest female gangbang in which you have taken part?" For me, it has been those situations where Clair, Lora, and I have had both David and Red alone. The inevitable Lesbian aspect of it is what made it special, although watching a man working two other pussies then entering me was exciting. Both guys managed to cum twice, with David doing a third on occasion.

Agreed. 4 way compatibility may be more difficult, but I'm glad that was our entry. Inside every threesome is the potential for a 2 sum and 1 sum. Without having gotten your feet wet with a swap, that could be hard to process for a first experience. Our first several swaps/4 sums went without a hitch, but I definitely had things to process after our first MFM.

-That sounds like a great system--the stuff of fantasy. Most of our friends in the LS aren't very local and take a bit of advanced planning to see. Where we are located has a swinging demographic that isn't really consistent we what we (more so the wife) are interested in. We do have two couples that are pretty close to us but between the 6 month break and the new hiatus we're on, communication has been pretty limited, unfortunately...

Last night I ask Rocky if he read this about being terrified when we met others. He said I was always excited to meet, eager until we would get to the meetings. Most were fakes he reminded me and I looked relieved when we realized nothing was going to happen. Our first real meeting was with a great cpl we remain very close to. We called them and asked how I reacted when we Did It the first time. She said I was terrified and shy. I never thought of myself as shy, I might have had body issues, not 20 years old anymore. Even talking last night we relived with plenty of laughs how shy I was at first. She said I was trembling or shaking and very quiet, I wouldn’t take a towel off my waist. It was our first time doing this, the very first time letting a woman touch me. Rocky said I just closed my eyes and didn’t say a word when she used one of her toys on me, quiet for about 10 seconds and then biting my lip until I made my orgasm sounds. We were laughing again when Mrs Cpl said I pushed her head down making me bi and very quiet again. Laughing at my expense, I said I didn’t remember that. She said I still get shy when we play. No longer nervous like the first time I still get excited. I never thought of myself as shy.

Yes, but the word we choose to use is "excited" Once again, think of it as excited and not terrified. One is a thrilling experience and the other is frightening. Absolutely...as you found out. This is why we always recommend that the first meeting be for drinks or dinner with both couples knowing that playing is not on the board. It takes the pressure off and lets everyone get the chance to just get to know each other. Afterwards, both couples can then decide if there will be a second meeting where things may (or may not) happen. Definitely takes the 'terrifying' and pressure out of the equation. This is something that we have always been surprised about...we are all there because we are interested in sex, yet all too often, nobody wants to bring it up. This is one of the more 'fun' thing we enjoy about swinging...being able to openly talk about sex with others. Yet, all too often, even though we are meeting another potential couple, they steer away from talking about sex (even though we keep trying to steer things back that direction). Meetings will become easier and you will both become more comfortable as you get used to doing them. We were the same way when we started, then realized that almost everyone feels the same when they started as well. It's all part of the adventure that the two of you have undertaken. Enjoy the ride as well as the destination...

There is so much truth and insight in this simple observation. Think hard about the notion of "very much like us". It starts with shared values. While your life experiences are unique, they brought you and the other couple to sufficiently similar realizations about yourselves, that you are now at the same threshold. Perhaps. What you are really thinking about here is the role of the mentor(s). We invite you to compare your/their journey into the LS with the monomyth or, as it is more commonly known, the Hero's Journey as conceptualized by Joseph Campbell in the middle of the 20th century. One of the standard questions meeting a new couple is, "How did you get started in the LS?" This is more than curiosity, and much more than mere conversation-filler. It is both an affirmation of shared experience and a curiosity about the variations on that journey. As you read about the Hero's Journey, you will come to realize that every person/couple who has experienced the LS has taken this journey. We have lived to tell the tale, and -- like all who are posting on the thread--are serving as sort of mentors-at-a-distance. Good luck!

I left my terror feelings at the door and it followed me in. Meeting a couple that will work with your fears is what is needed. You are now on equal ground with another couple opening up to their fears. Jokes and laughing takes away the fear that every new situation brings not only sexual situations. You will always remember the first time you meet, your meeting was a success without sex, you made friends.

Relieved. I’m relieved, they are relieved. An hour before we were going to meet I got a text, can we talk? Followed by a call. She said they didn’t want to ghost us, they are having second thoughts. I burst out Thank You. I told her how terrified I was, I was still convincing myself that it would be fine. After exposing our fears she said they would still want to meet us just not for “you know”. 90 minutes later we met them at restaurant bar. Relieved. They looked better in IRL. Pictures were current. Conversation started slow with the men quiet, I tried to talk normal shit. I didn’t know how to start sex talk, when it did we tried to keep the talk low so nobody would hear us. Once we started the talk became funny and the men warmed up. It’s hard to say why we want to meet to others, I’m still asking myself. We all had sex stories to share finally leading what we would do if we did do it. Kissing, oral, condoms, we both are on the same bc. It was easy for me to admit sexual things I never told anyone, she was going head to head with her past. The guys weren’t as open they just laughed. Three drinks in I think I asked if he still wants to fuck me, she asked the same of us. Both guys said a big YES. No sex yet, we plan to meet and try this again. On the drive home I felt better and said if we met someone experienced we would like be swingers now. He asked me if would feel better that way. I was happy to know our new contact were very much like us, terrified and now relieved. We will find out if they liked us as much as we enjoyed our meet. I also know I will still be terrified if we make plans, and I am sure she will be too. Our adventure is to be continued. I’m sorry to disappoint anyone hoping for juicy graphic post.

What can go wrong if 4 terrified unsure people meet for sex? Strangers meeting for the first time with no experience to guide you is not the best idea, guidance is needed. You are on a swingers site giving you the opportunity to find a match based on your criteria, looking for a little experience could be a better entry.

Your terrified? What is wrong with you? Really, if you're not a bit nervous you're probably part of just 1% of new swingers who aren't. It is so normal and exhilarating as well. Enjoy the feeling. It's exciting, it gets blood flowing, it tells you you're embarking on something new, it's perfect...you're perfect. Yes, they will be nervous as well. Maybe they will be better at hiding it, maybe not. Maybe it will be a topic of conversation. "Nice to meet you. My god I'm nervous, you?" Our first time, we were so nervous. But we jumped right in. Took each others hand and basically never looked back. The excitement was part of the fun. One of our early meetings was just a meet and greet in a coffee shop where other patrons could definitely hear us. There we were discussing sex, swinging in the open with a couple we had never met. So crazy. So fun. Definitely gets the juices flowing. Have fun, remember you are in this together, look to each other for support and know that you can stop anytime you want.

I think it's completely normal and the other couple probably feels the exact same way. Sometimes it helps to agree there will be no sex on the first meet (subject to change), but like every other daunting task, the jitters usually vanish once the meet happens. Take a few deep breaths and go in. Remember life's biggest regrets are usually the things you didn't do.

The best way to get over any anxiety is to do it and gain experience. Notice how those who have been in the lifestyle for even a short while are very comfortable with it and look forward to their next encounter, and to go on new adventures. And then there are people with FOMO - fear of missing out.

I think that once again you have missed the point of my responce. Regardless of your opinions of our bodies, we as women have our own insecurities to get past. And just because a man says it's OK does not erase decades of programing by the entertainment and advertising empires. When it comes to women, Young is sexy and older isn't. And we remember what it was like to walk into a room and be able to pick the man or woman we wanted. It has an impact and you need to be sensitive towards that.

Thank you. Even the D guys are curious about what I have under my shirt.

Well then, you could get an entire one of my breasts in your mouth. The others like to do that. Clair has a way of moving her tongue around while pulling the whole thing in which feels nice to me.

Don' be sad for me. I used to be embarrassed/ashamed/disappointed with my small breasts, but now I am very happy that I don't have larger "jugs" to carry around. The men and women with whom I have been intimate have found my breasts to be fascinating, different, and fun as well. When I was breast feeding, I produced more milk than I expected, so that was satisfying as well.

Each is bigger than one of my entire breasts.

I don't fantasize about getting pregnant, it's just the thought of a living part of a man (or two or three) swimming around deep inside of me. (I do indeed, however, rub my hand on my abdomen when thinking about it.) And since I have intercourse regularly, this is my normal situation. Like now - I am certainly hosting the living sperm of David and Red from earlier today, and most likely still those of Frank from Thursday. The idea that Clair and Lora are too gives me a sense of satisfaction as well. It is the consequence of my Catholic school upbringing, where sex ed ("Family Health") was taught from the biological level. So when I thought of sex with a guy my mind focused on his sperm. That's also why I admire a guy's testicles over his penis. It is also why I insist (mostly, anyway) that he ejaculate in my vagina. I will suck dick, but he has to put it in my pussy to come, and he can put his penis in my bum, but only after his first ejaculation into my pussy. This thinking has made me scrupulous about birth control.

My breasts are small, but they go well with my "athletic" (scrawny) body and they have stayed firm and my nipples point in the right direction. It also does seem, however, that men are more curious about what actually is under my shirt than a woman who has 90% of her breasts exposed because they are so large. What gets my attention is a guy's testicles. That is where his manhood lies.

We never put pictures of ourselves online. My men don't seem to care about me being naked to others besides when having sex, but I enjoy being naked at spas where it is totally non-sexual (at least overtly, one never know what's going on in someone's mind). It is just so freeing for me to be nude among all sorts of naked people from children to old people, singles to families, all enjoying the sunshine, water, saunas, pools, steam rooms, and fresh air. I like seeing them and like them seeing me, all of us flaunting convention. This is all when I am in Europe, mostly in Germany and mostly on business when I get a break.

First time my husband sucked a dick he was sitting naked on the couch and I straddled him and started fucking and kissing him. His friend came out and walked right up to us hard as a rock and jokingly tried to insert his dick in between our kiss. I grabbed his dick and swallowed it. When I pulled it out I said, "sorry babe did you want some?" And I offered it, and he put the tip in his mouth then kissed me and then put it between out lips so we were each on one side of his dick. Our friend was in heaven and shot quick. Then later that night our friend and I returned the favor. No penetration but dicks were sucked. I thought it was so hot.