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That’s not how it works. The lifestyle entails your wife’s consent and participation. It is about ethical non-monogamy. You are proposing cheating and most people who understand the lifestyle will not want to participate.

Thanks Both for your replies. We have spoken and he says he understands so let's hope we carry on Happy swinging x

Have you tried talking to him about this yet? He might not realize that he is doing this, and might not realize how it's making you feel. If nothing else, it sounds like you two could use some quality time talking about your rules and limits. Also realize that just because he seems to be attracted to women that are 'different', from you, it could also just be that they are different from you which is why he is attracted to them...not that he likes or prefers women like that. Remember, even experienced, long term swingers can still benefit from checking in with each other.

Good for you for letting him enjoy himself. Both men and women swing to get variety, whatever it is that their spouse doesn't have or can't give them. It's not a failure on your part. I can't believe that a "neat" woman like you isn't getting a lot of attention. Concentrate on finding partners that like what you are and have some fun!

Jazzy Joe - please go to Adult Friend Finder and see if you can find someone else to cheat with. Then, when your wife finds out and divorces your ass, don't whine about it.

We didn’t. Took a meeting, then a date, on the third meeting WOW.

Yeah it was okay lol. We could not have a found a more fun married couple to do this together. The first time we met them we were four dazed and confused souls knowing what we wanted and yes we were all terrified try to see how we could do it. Instead of rushing into things they suggested a date where we could get to know and we did get to know two people that will be friends we will want to see over and over. Our laughs, sense of humor, take on like are so alike. We said that their profile picture caught our attention while we were being advised that compatibility is more important. The second time we met we looked at people not bodies. I thanked her her Friday for helping with my fears, she answered she has to get over her own fears too. The real important thing was she told me that she may say Stop and would respect my Stop. Then she did her impression of I get to grab’em by the pussy. I laughed and said just don’t be that jerk. We all laughed at the impression. I laughed and said I’ll let her because all women will let you. She lived up to her word with so many laughs and jokes last night. Her grabbing by the pussy led me to say I’d grab hers and so it started. When do I get my tee?

Sounds like things ended up going okay (lol). Welcome to the club and I'm sure that you will be receiving your "swingers" T shirts in the mail soon. Can't wait to hear the entire story...

So excited for all of you. I suggest you document the First Time so you can relive the occasion and the memory. Did it go the way you wanted or were you surprised?

Overcome Your Fears and Live Life Our first adventure is not over. The man sleeping next to me is not my husband, I can’t sleep from our exciting fun we are having with our hosts. A New Bisexual Swinger

This is a great way for young swingers to start I wish we were young and exploring instead of middle aged thinking how much fun we missed. Don’t worry we all felt nervous the first time not knowing what was going to happen. How perfect that you found people you like with as much experience as you agreeing to take that first step. I so want to read that you and them hit it off and made it work. Best of luck just remember to enjoy.

ExploringOptions; Guess what? You're in a WONDERFUL place! Terrified? Excited? Jumble of nerves? Turned on? All of this can be exquisite. It's a bit like the first date you ever had in your life, the first time a young man touched you, the first time you kissed. You aren't stupid asking anything! That's one of the reasons this forum exists! My wife and I would not have gotten into swinging without this forum and its ability to answer so many questions, even questions we didn't think of and questions we couldn't quite articulate. It's true with swinging there isn't a pretense of romance. But, there's still a pretense of courtship if that makes sense. You've already been doing that with this other couple. You're finding common ground, talking, getting to know each other, seeing if there is attraction, seeing if there is compatibility. That's all part of the "vanilla dating" (what swingers call regular, non-swinging dating) too. Now, that's not to say that romance can't be felt. I remember reading a post here from a woman who talked about her first ever swinging experience. For her, it was very definitely making love, and she very much enjoyed it like that. That's a whole area of understanding. Some swingers approach it as "Hi! Let's go fuck!" and off they go and bam-bam-bam. Some approach it more akin to dating. There's no 'wrong' answer; the right answer is what works for you and your husband. There's no mold you're supposed to fit here. Be you. Swinging can feel quite awkward at first. Your whole upbringing, all of society tries very hard to teach us that monogamous relationships are the end-all-be-all, and anything else is socially criminal. We're not given the tools to understand what non-monogamy looks like, how to think of it, embrace it, feel it, understand it. As a result, it can be absolutely terrifying to approach it because it's such an unknown. You're on this journey with your husband. Keep the communication between the two of you absolutely open, and always make it a journey you're on together. Do that, and how any evening works out will always end with you and your husband in each other's arms both physically and emotionally. You're the team. I don't think you need to find someone more experienced. I think you've already found the right couple based on what you've said. Ok, they're new too. That can make things awkward, but it can also add a lot of spice. When you get together for more than just dinner and talking, there will be some point where there will be an ice breaker. I can't tell you what that ice breaker is. My wife and I had an MFM with a guy who was a bit nervous on how to move forward, so I started things off by unzipping her dress. It can be being at a club, and trading partners on a dance floor. It can be at dinner, where wife A sits with husband B on the same side of the table, and physical proximity ignites things. From what you've posted, it feels like the wife in the other couple may be the one to break the ice. But, once the ice is broken I think everyone will start moving forward. As terrified as you are, it might be you that breaks the ice. It can be as simple as you hugging the other husband, and doing it as a physically intimate hug as opposed to a hug you give a friend. You know the type of hug...where you press your breasts against him, move your hips into him. There's all sorts of ways to do this, and they're all essentially the same as how you break the ice on a vanilla date. Don't be surprised if you're still terrified after the date that gets things going physically. It took some time for my wife and I to feel like doing this was 'normal'. Not that we didn't want it to be exciting, but that we felt comfortable enough to be at ease. It's all new. This is normal. Just remember; doing this doesn't mean you love your husband less or he loves you less. Rather the opposite! You are both enjoying an incredible new experience that you couldn't be doing if you didn't love each other so much. You have probably already felt that these first few steps on this journey together has already brought you closer. Swinging, in a couple that is already in love, usually magnifies that love. Seems paradoxical but it is true. I hope you have a wonderful time tonight! Let us know how it goes!

Excited and Terrified many times in my life like going skiing, on coasters, watching movies and so many other times. I was terrified watching Debbie the first time with our friend and equally excited. I was more excited the first time having sex as a teen, too excited embarrassingly, yet terrified that I knocked her up. You asked do I just spread my legs, yes. Let her please you, just enjoy. I bet you have pleased past boyfriends and your husband that way and hoping you spread your legs for those partners. I’m still excited when Debbie spreads enjoying me eating her while she screams and jerks. I bet you will forget who is between your legs if it feels good. Get your adrenaline going and take in the excitement as the terrifying thoughts melt away. Now you have to deal with the others getting over fears of swinging.

That's one of the many discussions that we're having. Probably all typical stuff for newbies but we're navigating things and would love to have friends that we can learn from. Thanks!

A couple of years back I reported very few encounters. We've been swinging for almost 6 years so we've added a few to the list. I now have seven girls on my list. I just added anew girl last Friday and I'm looking forward to more sex with her. The most satisfying swinging sex I have had was on a Hall Pass, 4 times with the same girl. My low number of partners is possibly due to having played with one girls over 50 times. My wife has played over 50 times with the same guy and can count about five in total.

Your post is giving me hope that real compatible people exist on line. You did everything that others say you should do, meet, get to know the others as they really are with no sexual expectation before making the plan to go forward. Your introduction to swinging is the loveliest one you can ask for, playful, funny with the ending and beginning you all were seeking. Wear you t shirt proudly.

I agree with everything that njbm said, with one minor exception. The degree of participation may vary, but clear consent is imperative. My belief is that women are as inherently non-monogamous as men and interested in having sex with other partners. So if you want to begin the lifestyle adventure, it must be by mutual agreement and you must make it about her. Discuss her sexual past without criticizing anything; explore her fantasies, again without judgment. Most importantly, let her know that you will help her have sexual fun without you asking for anything in return except seeing her happy. The steps may be small and the journey long. Don't pressure her into anything and enjoy the adventure. If you do it right, eventually (perhaps after years) your wife will ask you to join in. P. S. It took two years of my husband letting me have a boyfriend before I decided that I wanted him to play as well.

In that the Life Style is all about communication and full consent anyone interested will most likely want to speak with your wife. That she is on board and is comfortable with you joining others.

What njbm said!!!

We generally do not swing on the first meeting. One of us may have noticed something amiss and we would like time to discuss. So we usually meet for a vanilla dinner at a restaurant. An exception is on swinger cruises or resorts. But we usually met on an excursion or a trip or somewhere first.

Only once. We have otherwise been slow to become acquainted and get to the sex part.

Daniela always dresses conservatively. She says that men are like boys and like unwrapping their presents.

We've never posted any pictures online. Although I can understand the thrill, since we now swing I don't think it would measure up to what I do now - watch my wife naked in front of other men and women and having sex with them. One thing that my wife has told me about and I wish I had been there, is when she was still in her teens, she and her female friends danced naked on amateur night at a strip club. Of all the things she did before we met, that one sticks in my mind as a fantasy. So perhaps consider doing that.

Step 2 for us happened last night that went the way the 4 us planned without sex. We met the same ones again for a very nice dinner and more talk about sex and swinging and the reasons we want to swing again what we want to do our histories of sex and still laughed about all things stupid we did. Meeting them this time we had no intentions to have sex last night it was just to get together like any friend for a nice night out because they have a child and a babysitter that needed to get home by 11:00. With no sex planned the big question is when we would do it they still haven’t left us meaning they enjoyed being with us and we enjoyed them we weren’t strangers anymore going to meet for sex. She was the most talkative about sex the guys just laughed at two sexual women opening up with real sex talk. When she said she wants to fuck both of us we knew we had to get over whatever was hold us back they were the perfect match for us. Step 3 will be tonight at their place she will get her mom to watch their kid for the night and we won’t have any interruptions for our plans that she no longer wants to be curious about us she plans to break the barriers. Now we are excited and have to wait all day to do this being less terrified still not knowing how it will go I need her to push this for me.

Sure did met an experienced couple for a drink brought them home and next thing we knew after a little naked hot hot tubing. He was fucking the wife and his wife was suck me. Then again we have never done anything half way. The hard part was getting them to go home and lets us reconnect afterword. This was long ago and we enjoyed it and learned a lesson. Anytime we are with a couple that wanted us to be their first we always get a hotel room and let them have the room for the night after the deed is done.

I wonder if you're not putting too much pressure on yourself. I don't mean this as a slight, but maybe you just need to lighten up. We like to look at these adventures as just that, adventures. We also try to be playful, laugh, giggle, be okay with being uncomfortable and even awkward. If you are both new to this, then all the better. Be weird, clumsy, and nervous together as a group. I might suggest that your first meet up include other activities not specifically focused on getting naked in bed. We have gone to restaurants and flirted, girls without panties, traded partners and touched each other under the table. We've been to nude beaches or private hot tubs. We've gone to clubs and partied with a lot of added sexual tension. We've been to art openings, flirted, looked at art, traded time with each others spouse, kissed each other knowing that we couldn't have sex in the studio but might later on. It is a real turn on as a married couple to be kissing two women/men in public. It was a build up, but offered an opportunity to test the waters and spark the juices. I remember one time when it was my wife, a single guy and myself (MFM) at a club. We were dancing, touching, really being sexy on the dance floor. She was kissing both of us. Guys in the crowd were like, WTF. Trying to approach her, but she would tell them she was with us. That she was going to fuck us both later. The looks on the others faces was priceless. But the point is we were having sexy fun. Enjoying ourselves. Some of these evenings ended without any 'sex' and they were still a blast. If you're kind, honest, open and respectful you really can't go wrong. Have fun...

Hello out there. I stumbled across this site and figured what the hell. I am a late 50 something, decent shape but could lose a few pounds. 5'9 or so, 190lbs and working for less. I am married, happy, but not entirely satisfied. She is not interested in anything extra-curricular. I on the other hand would like to meet a local couple who are looking to invite someone to their bed. I'm interested in her and him. Naughty discreet fun is the name of the game. If you would like to meet and talk, let me know. Have fun out there.