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This is a very, very common refrain among people getting into swinging. "No one will find me attractive!" I can't tell you how many times I've heard varieties of that. So, I guess your partner is the only nut job on the planet who finds you attractive? Really? This is easy. Really! All you have to do is look your best, and let things go the way things go. If someone doesn't find you attractive, they don't find you attractive. No big deal. Move on.

The pace thing will work out better if his pace is yours. If someone decided to "Take one for the team" that is on them not you. Do not sell yourself short. On another thread I have spoken of a lady that my dear wife watched (and allowed) as I fell in love. This lady was wheel chair bound and as we were together gradually lost everything to MS. She was also smart, funny and had a kick ass attitude. It has been almost two years since her husband and I lost her. I still wake up some mornings with her on my mind. The point is that desire and attraction are in the eyes and heart of the beholder. Again, DO NOT sell yourself short.

You don’t want to participate because of your insecurities or you just don’t want to participate? Somebody found you attractive, he married you. I can tell you I don’t always love what I see in the mirror. Swinging is much more than looks or body shape. If you want to participate make sure you include a picture of both of you and let the others decide if they want to meet.

Other than your negative self assessment of your appearance, have you any other reason for doing nothing? OR Are you just fearful of not being asked? You would not be alone in that. Wallflower syndrome is what I call that. At one time I suffered from it. The fact that my lady got a fair amount of attention and I got a lot of reading done, did not help. My wife, bless her, told me"It wouldn't hurt if you put yourself out there a bit". It turns out she was correct. I still am not an extrovert by any means and that is okay. My comfort level is what it is. Being in the middle if the crowd and participating even if only in the work at a party, is far better than standing on the sidelines watching. It seems many people appreciate the quieter types. If on the other hand your question is based on your not wanting to participate for personal reasons ideological, personal or moral, I would suggest you stepping back a bit and continuing "the talk" with your partner, until and if you get it squared away.

See the Wirecutter piece here: https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/reviews/best-vibrators/

Yes, I think in part I don’t want someone to take one for the team just to be with him. By being with me. I’m very confident just also a realist. I think I don’t want to suffer the indignity of having someone not try either. No sex rather than bad sex. thsnk you for your answers. I’m super excited to join him on this journey but maybe at just a slower pace. ♥️

About 10 years ago we swapped with friends one time before we were married. We didn't even know about swinging. Six years ago my wife secret.y set up a swinging date with friends,I didn't even know that she was interested.everything went great and since we have had over 50 encounters. Each time got better as we gained experience. Last week we were swinging with a new couple, they will be visiting us again this week. We'll be teaching them. Swinging is fun. No experience necessary.

Playing as a solo male, of course the prettiest girls catch my eye first, but I'm really looking for a hot time with a hot girl, or hot couple. Looks have very little to do with how hot you are, so go simply planning on having a good time with your husband and the opportunities will come as they come.

bbarnsworth is right on this one. I would HIGHLY recommend that you attend a swingers club...not to swing, but just so you can see what the people that are there look like. Swingers look JUST LIKE everyone else...some are better looking, but some will be not as attractive, but ALL of them usually find a match. As pointed out, there was at least one person on the planet that found you attractive. If there is one, then there are going to be more. You just need some help to understand that you are fine, just the way you are and others will see that. I know that it will be hard to convince you until you actually experience it, so you need to go and actually experience it. I doubt that anyone will feel like they are 'taking one for the team' so their partner can be with your man. Most women are looking for more than just attractiveness in a partner...and so are most men in looking for a partner as well. You'll be fine, you'll do fine, and nobody will be taking one for the team. You bring more to the table than you think...

Self depreciation aside, as long as you communicate your interests and intentions up-front all should be fine. Speaking for myself (husband) I enjoy 'just watching' and have done it many times. Note that it's a bit more common for hubby to just watch, but in the Lifestyle what's good for the goose is often good for the gander.

From the article, "Some toys with rechargeable batteries automatically shut off during use. If you don’t want to risk running out of power, consider a corded toy." I don’t use a vibratior and am surprised that anyone would go that long and hard so as to need a 110 volt model.

Never asked my wife as it wasn’t a concern Neither of expected a virgin when we had sex together the first time. I read this post like many other posts and now finally after becoming official swingers I brought the topic up. I knew two boyfriends she had before me figuring she slept with both. We really never discussed who we dated years ago in our adolescence. I now opened a discussion and she answered the way I thought she would saying it’s not important to know. I offered to go first because I had to think about who I had sex with. The first was easy to remember. I had a girlfriend that was also a virgin and we explored. Ah Young Love. I figured through HS I was with 4 girls with intercourse and 2 others that stopped short. In my first year at college 3 and maybe 4 more, I had a few longer term relationships. Now her time to count. When she got to 15 we stopped. It truly doesn’t matter, only one matters, US. Now we can start a new count together.

House parties in the LS are usually full of good people, but more than once I've seen a bad apple or two sneak in, or someone gets drunk and acts poorly. One trick is to stay close to your spouse. I never let mine get more than ten feet away and out of my site unless I know and trust everyone. I only trust everyone in small hand-picked parties, generally. Don't drink much. As you know, alcohol is no friend to erections either. But drinking too much for a female can cause her to make poor decisions she'll regret later. 2s look like 10s when drunk. Don't worry too much. Treat it like a regular party and go in with no expectations. I know people who don't play at parties. We only play at parties with people we know well. Never with anyone knew. Doing that gives you an out, keeps you more relaxed and not stressed, and lowers chances you'll make a bad decision.

Between the byob swing clubs and the houseparties we have seen some seriously inebriated Lifestylers. Don't be that couple!

We make it a point to drink very lightly at parties. Our go to drink is a white wine spritzer, meaning a little wine mixed in with some sparkling water in a tall ice-filled glass. It allows for the shared experience aspect of drinking while allowing for how "light" the pour, and the pour gets lighter with each subsequent prep. https://www.thespruceeats.com/white-wine-spritzer-759850 Experienced LS folks will generally agree that as experience accumulates, people ratchet down the amount of alcohol they bring and especially how much they consume. People who attend house parties typically need little (if any) of the social lubrication aspects of alcohol. They attend to have fun. Booze tends to dull that fun, not enhance it.

Based on our experience at house parties, your handle of “rug burn” is very appropriate to describe the festivities.

Her clit. When I'm on the bottom doing 69 with her and he's in her, I like him occasionally pulling out of her and putting in my mouth. After they finish, I'll turn over and go after them individually on my knees. But yeah, I like to go into their slop.

My partner and I are new to swinging. He’s a good looking guy and I’m..not. is it ok if we look for couples and I do nothing? I want to watch but not participate. Are we going to get hate for that? aside from saying just that in our profile, are there any other words/phrases we should use?